


right on the target, wide of the mark

by SmileHoney



Series: dropped my sword (knocked on your door) [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang (Avatar) Is Not The Avatar, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassin Zuko, Assassination Attempt(s), Assassination Plot(s), Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Canonical Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Gore, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Miscommunication, Moon Spirit Sokka (Avatar), Mutual Pining, Northern Water Tribe, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Panic Attacks, Past Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Past Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Period-Typical Homophobia, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Sokka Finds Out About Zuko’s Scar, Violence, War Ended Early, Zhao (Avatar) Is An Asshole, but barely lol, moon spirit sokka minus white hair that is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 106,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29403936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileHoney/pseuds/SmileHoney
Summary: “I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered as he brought his swords up. “I have to do this.”Zuko closed his eyes as tears slipped down his face, turned his head to the side, and brought his swords down towards Sokka’s neck.or,Zuko is sent to assassinate the spirit-touched Prince Sokka of the Northern Water Tribe, twenty years after the end of the Great War. It seems like any other mission at first, except for the fact that as they get closer, he realizes there’s more to Sokka than meets the eye. And he begins to think that maybe some orders… aren’t worth following.
Relationships: Aang & Katara & Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Aang/Katara (Avatar), Bato/Hakoda (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Sokka
Series: dropped my sword (knocked on your door) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175567
Comments: 356
Kudos: 218
Collections: Zukka Big Bang





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe it, but we're here! It's time! I'm so incredibly excited for you all to read this fic, you have no clue...
> 
> I just want to give a huge thank you to Sam, who was literally the most amazing beta I could have ever asked for. She helped make this story so so much better than it would have been otherwise, and also provided me so much encouragement, love, and support that a lot of times kept me from just giving up. Please please check her out [@twigbender on tumblr](https://twigbender.tumblr.com/) and [theknightlybisexual on ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theknightlybisexual).
> 
> And also a massive MASSIVE thank you to my artist, [disabledzuko on ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/disabledzuko/pseuds/disabledzuko), who is so so *so* talented and an absolute delight to work with. I'm so incredibly grateful to have gotten to work with them on this project, and I am ecstatic to share what they made with you, because it's beautiful. Please please check out their fics, because they're an amazing writer as well as an artist.
> 
> Before we get started, just a few things to know about this fic.  
> 1\. Sokka has been blessed by Tui, but he does not have white hair or anything like that. Just his canon appearance, but with long hair :)  
> 2\. They're aged up- Sokka is 19/20, Zuko is 20, Katara 18, and Aang is 16  
> 3\. Aang isn't the Avatar in this fic, and as such was able to escape the Southern Air Temple with the other airbending kids.  
> 4\. The war ended about 20 years early
> 
> The title is from Poison Arrow by ABC
> 
> I'm going to be posting everyday for the next 9 days so... keep an eye out ;)

He crept out of his room carefully, his quiet footsteps the only sound in the hallway. No one else roamed the halls except for him and the few guards making their rounds, but he remembered their rotations from his first night in the palace and was easily able to avoid them. It was strange, he thought as he slunk from alcove to alcove and shadow to shadow, to see the palace this quiet. It was always bustling with servants, diplomats, generals, guards, instructors, and whoever else might have business in the palace that day. But at this hour, everyone was locked away in their rooms for the night.

It should have been slightly eerie in the quiet cold, with the only light coming from the bright beams of light cast by the moon hanging high in the sky, but instead, he couldn’t help but find peace in it. Because as much as he hated to admit it, this was all second nature to him; keeping his footsteps light, moving swiftly amongst the shadows, the feel of the mask on his face and the black fabric covering his skin... He hadn’t done anything like this in months, since he first arrived, but it came easily to him, and he was soothed by the whisper of fabric as he moved. It helped him focus on his task, his surroundings, and the feel of his swords on his back, and soon enough he lost himself in continuing to keep his breathing steady and his emotions firmly locked away. 

He pointedly ignored his shaking hands and racing heart, the only sign that this was anything other than a normal job.

When he reached the landing of the staircase leading up to Sokka’s floor, he froze at the sight of an elaborate tapestry hung on the wall. He knew he was an open target where he was, in the middle of the most heavily patrolled part of the palace, but he couldn’t stop staring at the shining blue, white, black, and silver thread work that depicted Tui and La, swimming around each other peacefully. 

As he stared, memories rose to the surface, unwelcome and unwanted; a soft kiss pressed to his cheek, a warm hand clutched in his own, soft grass under his palms. 

He stood there for far too long, lost in memories until the voice of a guard floating down the hall snapped him out of it, and he ran up the stairs to hide in a small closet he remembered discovering those many months ago. Inside the dark alcove, he ripped his mask off of his face and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, _hard_ , until spots appeared. 

And as they slowly vanished from sight, he willed the memories away with them. 

He steadied his breathing, and with one final deep breath he put his mask back on, slipped out the door, and began to walk. 

For all of his hard work to shove down those memories, every step that brought him closer to Sokka seemed to bring up another one, an unwanted hindrance burning behind his eyes. 

Light kisses. Gentle caresses. Bright blue eyes. Legs dangling over the ocean, the spirits dancing in the sky up above. A warm body pressed up against his side. Flashes of a bright smile. Soft brown hair. A bubbly laugh in his ear. Memory after memory, one after another. 

With every step he took, he was reminded of what he’d had, of what could have been. 

He reached the split at the end of the hallway, and without even having to think about it, his feet carried him along the familiar path until they stopped in front of his door. After a tense moment, his gloved left hand curled into a tight fist while his right reached out, and he pulled the door open.

With a deep exhale, he stepped into the room.

The bed was in the middle of the wall across from the door, and he walked over to gaze down at Sokka’s sleeping figure. He was curled up on his left side, face smushed against the pillow ungracefully, though it still managed to be as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. His hair was down, and it fell across his mouth so that every time he breathed, the tips of it fluttered. 

He looked every inch the spirit he was blessed by like this, and Zuko couldn’t help but see the beauty in the morbidity of it all; the beautiful spirit, slain by the hand of a demon.

His hand reached out, aching to brush his hair behind his ears as he had done so many times before, but he stopped it at the last minute and brought it up to the swords across his back instead. They were quiet as they were unsheathed, not that it _mattered_ \- Sokka was a deep sleeper, after all- and the light of the moon reflected off the twin blades to cast a bright shadow across his face.

Time seemed to still as he looked down at Sokka’s face; the one he had tried so hard not to fall for but had lured him in anyways, that was so achingly beautiful with his blue eyes and the dusting of freckles across sharp cheekbones, that he had spent hours gazing upon, that he could spend the _rest of his life_ gazing upon. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes, looking at the boy he loved and knowing what he had to do.

“I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered as he brought his swords up. “I have to do this.”

Zuko closed his eyes as tears slipped down his face, turned his head to the side, and brought his swords down towards Sokka’s neck.


	2. the wanted man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Renegade by Styx.
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. The Chain by Fleetwood Mac  
> 2\. Renegade by Styx
> 
> Happy reading :)

-Six Months Earlier-

Zuko slipped out of the window of the apartment, swords returned to the sheath on his back and his mask tied firmly around his face. He crouched on the roof and looked up and down the dark, empty street below him to check for any late night meanderers, but there was no one. Other than a few creaking signs and banners, the street was empty and still. He rose to his feet gracefully, took in a deep breath of the cool night air, and on the exhale, took a running start to begin jumping from roof to roof, picking his way across Caldera City as nothing more than a black clad blur. He continued on until he made it to the entrance to the ancient catacombs running beneath the city, a hidden brick door set into the side of some unsuspecting citizen’s apothecary, and he disappeared behind it after one last glance to make sure he was alone.

He moved through the dark and dusty tunnels quickly, his only guiding light the flickering torches that dotted the walls periodically, not that he really needed the light- the tunnels were as familiar to him as the feeling of his swords in his hands. Eventually the torches got brighter and more frequent as he entered a minimal antechamber, where the only other sign that he was now under the palace was the ornate gold dragon carved into the doorframe and the two Yuyan Archers standing guard outside the door. They nodded at him as he approached, and as he pushed the heavy door open, he slipped off his mask and held it loosely in one hand. 

The room was blindingly bright after the darkness of the night and tunnels, and he blinked against the sudden light as he stepped through the doorway. The room that he had entered was a well kept secret that hardly anyone, even palace staff, knew about, because it was home to the training and weapons room for the elite group of assassins that served the Fire Lord. Half of the room served as a dojo, which was little more than a wide open space with a lightly padded floor and blank walls. The other half of the room was distinguished by a long wall that was covered from top to bottom with a wide assortment of weapons, as well as several low tables surrounded by cushions where they could sit to take care of weapons and injuries.

Zuko was surprised to see that despite how late it was, the room was still bustling with activity.

In the part of the room that functioned as their dojo, June- a fierce woman who specialized in poisons- was taking on several Yuyan archers, who also served his father as assassins and his private guard. They were doing their best to land a hit on her, but in the short time he was watching, June had knocked two of them flat onto their backs, so he imagined she was winning. Proving him right, she flipped one of her opponents over her shoulder and slammed their back into the ground; as she stood up she saw Zuko watching her, and gave him a quick wink before turning her attention back to the fight. 

At one of the low lying tables that ran along the side of the room, the men that formed the Rough Rhinos, the elite group of weapons specialists that handled some of his father’s bigger targets- were attending to their weapons as they laughed and shouted at each other boisterously. Their leader, Mongke, gave him a lazy two finger salute when he caught sight of him walking further into the room, and Zuko returned it with a polite tilt of his head before turning to the other side of the room where Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee had gathered. 

Out of all of the groups in the room, they were the most subdued; Ty Lee was holding herself in a handstand, Mai was sharpening the vast array of knives spread before her, and Azula was sitting on the ground moving through a cycle of stretches. They were talking quietly, but as he approached their conversation cut off in favor of watching him closely, clearly sizing him up. 

Azula’s mouth curled into an amused smile at the sight of him, and her eyes glinted as she greeted airly, “You look like shit.”

“I don’t doubt it,” he responded blandly. It was true- his muscles ached, his body felt heavy, he could feel dirt covering him, and he knew that there was blood on his clothes. Still, he laid down on the floor next to her, ignoring the way his sheathed swords dug into his back uncomfortably and finally relaxed, letting his body sink into the ground. “My target put up a bit of a fight. Nothing I couldn’t handle,” he added quickly, already knowing Azula would be nagging him about getting heard or seen, “but enough that I’m tired. And dirty.”

She snorted and went back to stretching, leaning over her left leg. “Well, at least you  _ got _ to go on a mission, unlike some of us. We’ve been stuck at the palace for weeks, while you were galavanting around the nation.” 

To anyone else it would sound like she was unbothered, maybe a little disinterested at the most, but Zuko could hear the underlying venom that betrayed her frustration and jealousy. 

Mai hummed in agreement, betraying her own annoyance as she ran a kunai across her whetstone, and Zuko turned his head towards her. The sure movements of her hands accompanied by the sound that rang out when the knife passed over the dark stone were entrancing, and he found that his eyes were beginning to slip shut as he watched her work, aided by the heavy exhaustion from the past few weeks sinking in.

“I hate this. I thought being one of their stupid elite assassins was supposed to be exciting, but instead it’s just more bureaucracy,” Mai said glumly, drawing a noise of assent from the other two girls.

From where she still held her handstand, Ty Lee sighed, “I know. No offense, but I thought working for your dad would be  _ way _ different. Most of the time, we’re just kept in the palace and babysat by the archers while we wait for orders.”

Azula blew a hard puff of air out of her nose. “Oh, don’t worry about offending. I’m just as angry to be this idle as well. Think of all we could be doing if they’d just let us out of this  _ Agni _ forsaken room! We are the most elite warriors the Fire Nation has ever seen, and yet they keep us on leashes like we’re tiger-monkeys. My talents are being wasted trapped in here, drowning in Zuko and Mai’s angst.” 

Mai huffed and rolled her eyes, but didn’t say anything.

Zuko gave up on sleep as Azula finished her tirade and groaned while he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. “Come on, Azula. We just need to be patient. If Father doesn’t have anything for us, then we just have to stay here and wait.”

Azula snorted again and leaned forward into a new stretch. “Easy for you to say, getting to go on missions all the time recently. Which I don’t understand, really, because I am  _ clearly  _ the better assassin out of the two of us. Besides, since when have you ever done what Father wants, Zuzu?” 

Her eyes moved pointedly across his face to the scar covering his left eye, and he scowled. 

It wasn’t unusual for her to imply that he didn’t deserve his missions because she was better than him and was father’s favorite, or for her to bring up what had happened all those years ago when he’d gotten his scar. After all, everything was a competition when it came to the two of them. And he knew that it was only being emboldened by the fact that she was jealous that he’d had three missions in a row, then been gone for a week at a political summit on behalf of his father, and then had immediately been given two missions when he got back... All the while, she hadn’t gotten anything. 

Considering all of this, he knew that she was just trying to get under her skin and that a reaction was exactly what she wanted, and therefore exactly what he shouldn’t give her. But as tired as he was, it was all too easy to give into the rage simmering in his veins.

Before he could stop himself, he snapped, “That was a long time ago, Azula. Besides-”

Before he could finish, the doors leading to the palace swung open, and two more Yuyan Archers walked in, imposing in their heavy armor and red makeup as they walked towards their little cluster. They all stood as they approached, Ty Lee coming down from her handstand looking perfectly poised as if she hadn’t just been upside down for Agni knows how long, and the archers bowed low when they reached them.

“Excuse us, Your Majesties. Lady Ty Lee, Lady Mai,” one greeted.

When they straightened up, the other said to him, “Prince Zuko, Commander Zhao requests your presence in his office.”

Although the warrior spoke quietly, his words seemed to echo around the training room and everyone fell silent, turning to look at them with curiosity. 

Zuko swallowed, and, against his better wishes, his palms started to grow sweaty and his body tensed as he processed the archer’s words, mind racing. It was unusual to be called to speak to Zhao alone, particularly after a mission. On the rare occasion that it did happen, it usually meant something was wrong and that person was to be punished, and if it wasn’t that, then it was for a mission that was high stakes and therefore incredibly secretive. Other than that, orders were given as a group, even if their missions were to be separate. When they got back, Zhao either came to them himself or they reported to the Yuyan Archers, who then reported to him.

“What about the rest of us? What are we supposed to do?” Ty Lee asked, eyes wide as she looked between Zuko and the archers.

“Someone will come for you soon enough, my lady. He specifically requested only Prince Zuko.”

Zuko glanced around at the three girls and gave a small shrug, pretending he wasn’t as nervous as he was. Ty Lee was visibly anxious, bouncing on her toes and fiddling with the end of her long braid. Mai’s face was as passively bored as always, but she quirked her eyebrow at his glance, the only sign she shared his confusion. Azula’s expression was blank, but he could see the hard glitter in his sister’s eyes that showed she was deep in thought- probably imagining what he might’ve done wrong to deserve a meeting with Zhao.

“Of course. Please, take me to him. We don’t want to keep him waiting,” he said with fake calm, pushing past them to begin heading towards the entrance to the main palace.

As they walked through the narrow hall that led up to the palace, he tried to think about what possible reason his handler could have for wanting to speak to him alone. As far as he was aware, he hadn’t done anything wrong- all of his last few missions had been successfully completed. He’d done them quickly, second only to Azula. He hadn’t been seen by anyone, he hadn’t been discovered, and he hadn’t complained, even when he’d had to travel through the sewers to complete a mission a few weeks ago. For over seven years, he had devoted himself to being the best he could be, and he had followed every rule Zhao and his father set out. There was no obvious reason that he might be punished. And his father would never trust him with a mission important enough to garner private orders. He always picked Azula for such tasks.

So then  _ why _ was he being summoned to Zhao’s office?

He tried to calm himself by thinking that even if he had done something, his punishment likely wouldn’t be too bad. After all, Zhao wouldn’t dare harm the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation, would he? 

Zuko resisted the urge to snort and bring his hand up to his scar, ever conscious of the two men leading him to his office. Zhao might have been in charge of giving them their orders and running their training, but even he got orders from the Fire Lord, who hadn’t hesitated to hurt his son before. Zhao, then, had every right to do the same- his father would probably find some sick joy in it, really. 

His musings were cut short by their arrival at the grand set of double doors that led to Zhao’s office, guarded by two more archers.

“He’s waiting,” the one on the right said gruffly without meeting Zuko’s eyes.

Zuko lifted his chin and made a halfhearted effort to brush off the dirt caking his clothes, then pushed the door open and walked in. 

Zhao’s office was dark, much like the rest of the palace, and the only light came from the torches hung around the room. It was as opulent and over the top as the man himself, with plush carpet a shade of red so deep it looked, appropriately, like blood. Objects from his various military victories and his own time as an assassin filled his walls and shelves- necklaces, artwork, gold... whatever he chose to take from the places he’d been and the people he’d hurt. With just a brief and rather disgusted glance around, Zuko spotted a Water Tribe pelt, a Kyoshi Warrior’s fan, a Fire Nation hair piece, and even an Air Nomad’s necklace. 

The room was dominated by a massive mahogany desk, a map of the world hanging on the wall behind it with a tiny scorch mark on every place where someone had died at the hands of a Fire Nation assassin. He knew without needing to look that there were hundreds of thousands on every continent- the grimm legacy of his ancestors and now himself. 

Zhao stood behind the desk, staring at the map with his hands clasped loosely behind his back, the sharp lines of his uniform robes and mantle a stark contrast to Zuko’s own rumpled appearance. 

“Prince Zuko. How kind of you to join me,” he greeted without turning. 

Zuko’s hands formed the shape of a flame and he bowed deeply, despite Zhao’s gaze being elsewhere- the man had a knack for knowing when someone didn’t show him the proper amount of respect, even if he wasn’t looking. 

“Commander Zhao. I am honored to be called to see you.”

The man waved a hand and gestured to one of the chairs opposite his own. “Please, sit. Be comfortable. You must be tired after just returning from your mission. Would you like any tea? Anything to eat?” 

Zuko sat gingerly, staring at him. “No, thank you,” he said, the tension lining his body making the words stiff and awkward. 

Zhao must’ve heard it, because he laughed heartily. “Prince Zuko, please, relax! You’re not in trouble if that’s what you were thinking.”

Relief flooded his body, but he focused on controlling his breathing before he responded so that Zhao wouldn’t hear it in voice ( _ never show weakness _ \- that was the first rule, and showing that he had been terrified by the prospect of being in trouble would definitely be seen as a sign of weakness). “Why am I here then, if not that?”

Zhao hummed, gaze still fixated on the map. “Was your mission successful?”

“Of course, sir. The target has been taken care of.”

“And no one saw or heard anything?”

“No, sir.”

“Very good,” he praised, a tint of amusement in his voice. He was silent for a moment, but when he spoke again his voice was serious. “This organization has been my entire life, you know. I was recruited to join it as a child. I was nothing more than an orphan, unwanted and unable to control the fire in my veins, but they still took me in and gave me purpose- I’m sure you understand that.”

Zuko remembered never being given a chance until he was brought to Zhao with his swords in his hands, and nodded. “I believe I do, Commander Zhao. I’m always grateful that you did the same for me, and I’m honored to do this work.”

“You saying that reminds me that I once thought being a member of such an elite group of assassins, serving our country from the shadows, would be my greatest accomplishment. When I was handed the position of commander and being this project’s handler, I was ecstatic. I was in charge of protecting our great nation, determining who needs to be… _silenced_ , shall we say, to keep everything running smoothly.” He turned to Zuko finally, a wicked smile splitting his face, making him appear every inch the cruel man he was, and it sent a small shiver down Zuko’s back. “It was your grandfather who appointed me, actually. I wasn’t much older than you when I took over, but it was everything I’d worked for, and once again I thought it would be my greatest accomplishment. It couldn’t possibly get better than this position.” 

Zuko didn’t really know what to say, unsure as to why Zhao was rambling on like this about seemingly nothing. He didn’t seem to care that Zuko had nothing to say though, and instead walked around the desk until he was behind his chair. He placed a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the dirt and blood, and squeezed tightly. 

“But I was wrong. I have trained some of the most brutal assassins in history. I have killed more than I can remember. I have toppled regimes, destroyed organizations, and brought leaders to their knees without them even knowing it was me. And yet  _ you _ are my greatest accomplishment, Prince Zuko.”

In his lap, Zuko’s hands began to heat up, quiet rage bubbling beneath his skin at the touch and mind racing at his words. He swallowed deeply to stop the trembling threatening to take over his body. “I am flattered, Commander. But what about my sister? She’s quite accomplished herself… I’d say much more so than I.”

Zhao laughed, and with a final squeeze, let go of his shoulders to return to his seat. He leaned back comfortably, hands interlaced in front of him, and studied Zuko with dark eyes that glittered like obsidian in the dim light. 

Zuko couldn’t help but compare him to a wolf shark, a heartless predator seeking out fresh blood. 

“Ah yes… Princess Azula.” He shrugged. “There’s no doubt she’s talented. She always has been, even as a baby. She’s efficient, quick, cold, calculating… But she’s ruthless. She gets too excited, too caught in the thrill of the kill. She can be reckless. But you…  _ You _ are precise. You work twice as hard, kill just as much, and no one suspects the person under the mask is the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation.” He laughed suddenly, a sound that seemed out of place in his dark office. “You remind me of myself, actually.”

Zuko could think of at least five reasons off the top of his head that wasn’t true, but he humored Zhao nonetheless. “What do you mean?” 

“When the Fire Lord brought you and your sister to me, you were nothing. Your sister was a firebending prodigy, of course, but you… you barely had a spark inside you. But over time, with my care and mentorship, you went from nothing to something magnificent. I truly believe that you are perhaps the best assassin the Fire Nation has ever seen. The Blue Spirit is a  _ legend _ . A ghost story, if you will, told across the world to scare children into misbehaving,” Zhao finished triumphantly.

Zuko shifted uncomfortably at his words. He wasn’t technically wrong, at least in terms of him being nothing before all of this. It was why his father had always been so disappointed in him and why, in a last ditch attempt to see if he could be even the slightest bit redeemable, he’d brought him to Master Piandao, a renowned swordsman. He’d been young- only eight years old- but he’d finally seen a glimmer of pride in his father’s eyes, so he’d thrown himself into it in order to try and cling onto that feeling of joy that came from thinking he’d impressed him.

When he was twelve, after his mother had died, his father had brought him and Azula to Zhao and asked him to begin their training. Zhao personally had overseen his training, since he too wielded dual blades, though he favored daishō over dao. Really, he owed Zhao everything- he suspected that had he not managed to train him so well, his father would have gotten rid of him a long time ago.

But to hear Zhao speak so frankly of what he had done in his eight years as an assassin seemed wrong, somehow- even though he knew he was good, he never spoke of it to anyone; it didn’t do well in their line of work to get a big head. That’s how mistakes happened, after all, is what he told himself.

_ (Perhaps, if he was a more honest person, he would admit that he didn’t really like being an assassin and that was why he was uncomfortable. Perhaps he’d admit there was a part of him that was ashamed of what he did- what he had just done not even half an hour ago- and knew it wasn’t right to keep doing it. Or maybe he’d admit that there was still a rebellious thirteen year old inside of him that thought what his father did was awful.) _

He halted that train of thought and shoved his doubts down- doubting Ozai had only ever brought him pain before, and he refused to pay the price of disobedience again. Besides, he wasn’t an assassin because he thought killing people was fun. He was an assassin because he had a duty to protect his nation from enemies, to serve his father, to repay Zhao for all the time he spent training him, and to honor a long line of his ancestors who had all been a member of the same guild he was in. 

“Thank you, Commander, I appreciate your praise. But may I ask why you called me here? I assume it wasn’t just to compliment me,” he asked finally, unable to prevent a hint of bitterness from creeping into his voice. In part because of what Zhao had said, but also because he just wanted to know why he was here, and Zhao was stuck beating around the bush and telling him stories.

Zhao laughed again, making Zuko grit his teeth so that he didn’t throw himself across the table and attack him. 

“You’d be correct. I know you just got back, but I have a mission for you and you alone. None of the others may know about it.”

Zuko looked at him sharply, not quite sure he was hearing him right. Private missions like this were rare, and whenever there was a target important enough to warrant this level of secrecy, his father had Zhao give it Azula over anyone else. That they’d entrust this to Zuko was… Well, it was an honor, and he supposed he should be excited since it had to mean that he had proved himself worthy to his father. 

“Were all of these past missions a test?” he asked, suddenly piecing it all together with the thought.

Zhao grinned again. “In a way. There was never really any doubt, but we had to make sure that you had the tact, skill, and dedication to pull it off, and that we were making the right choice in selecting you to go. I’m delighted that you passed with flying covers because this mission requires the sort of precision only you are capable of providing. This is of the utmost importance to both myself and the Fire Lord. I just have to ask, face to face, if you’re sure we can trust you, Prince Zuko.”

“What’s the mission?” he asked in lieu of an answer. At Zhao’s pressing gaze, he rolled his eyes and snapped, impatient and tired, “All this talk about how magnificent I am and how I’m the best you have, and yet you still won’t give me my orders? I’m not that same thirteen year old that I once was. Just tell me what you need, Commander. I’m tired and my patience is running thin.”

He raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by Zuko’s rant, but focused his piercing gaze on him nonetheless. “It’s quite simple, really. I need the Blue Spirit to kill Prince Sokka of the Northern Water Tribe.”

Zuko’s temper quelled immediately at the words and he fell back in his chair, shocked. He had heard of Prince Sokka, of course- he was royalty, just like himself, so it would be strange if he hadn’t, but he had never met him or his sister, Katara. The war had severed the other nations’ connections with the Fire Nation, and though it had ended nearly two decades ago with the return of the Avatar- an airbender named Dinh- none of the nations were particularly inclined to renew the close relationships that had once existed with them. As such international relationships were hostile at worst and hesitant at best, and the Northern Water Tribe was no exception. 

The treaty that had been drafted at the end of the war called for steep reparations, both financial and territorial, and when their own national costs were added into it, the Fire Nation was unable to keep up. Fifteen years later, they had still owed the world a large portion of what they were due, and the consequences of their inability to follow through and pay their debt was rippling out, sending the other nations into economic, social, and political turmoil. In order to help the world recover and prevent further damage, the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe had reached out three years ago and offered to aid them- they would provide a portion of the funds the Fire Nation needed, and they in turn would send it to the Southern Water Tribe, Earth Kingdom, and to the remaining Air Nomads, while continuing to pay the North and their own debts.

While the Northern Water Tribe had of course been hurt by the war, his great grandfather and grandfather had mostly concentrated their forces on the Air Nation, Earth Kingdom and the Southern Water Tribe. As such, it had a greater ability to provide financial aid. His father, in his firm stance that the reparations had been too steep a punishment, hadn’t hesitated to agree to their offer. So while the Northern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation weren’t hostile, they certainly weren’t strong allies either… Except for the fact that now his father wanted him to assassinate the prince.

“What?” he asked dumbly, mind racing.

“Your mission is simple. You leave Caldera City in a few days to go to the North on a diplomatic mission, as a show of our appreciation to celebrate the one year anniversary of finishing the reparation negotiations. After all, their financial aid was instrumental in helping us pay off the war. So, you will go visit their capital city. Get close to the prince. Befriend him. Make him trust you. And when the time is right, strike him  _ down _ .”

Zuko had killed high ranking officials before, of course. Nobility, advisors, generals… But a prince? There was a trickle of doubt in his mind, and he mused out loud, “But… why? Won’t assassinating a prince-” he caught himself before his questioning went too far, but it was already too late. 

Zhao’s face was twisted with anger as he leaned forward threateningly. “You know better than to ask that type of question, Prince Zuko. If I want something done-  _ if the Fire Lord wants something done _ \- it is simply your job to oblige. No questions asked. You are the weapon we wield, and  _ nothing _ more.”

He bowed his head in apology, fire itching under his skin as he fought off his anger. “Of course. I apologize, Commander. It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” Zhao picked up a scroll from his desk and held it out to him. “Here is your dossier and itinerary.” Zuko grabbed it, but he held on as he finished, “There is much riding on this mission. Should you fail or should anything go wrong, the punishment will be… steep.” 

There was a sharp gleam in the commander’s eyes that Zuko recognized for the threat it was- death, and not the peaceful type- and he swallowed.

“Don’t let me down.” Zhao let go of the scroll with a shove, pushing Zuko back a step.

He righted himself and bowed once more as he said, “It will be done, Commander Zhao.”

“Excellent. You set sail in two days time. And remember, Prince Zuko. No one can know.”

He left the office in a daze, hurrying through the palace to his room, only to push his door open and see a figure lounging on his bed. 

“Hey, Mai,” he sighed.

“Hey, Zuko,” his friend drawled back, sitting up. “How was our babysitter?”

He groaned, setting down the scroll on his desk. “Oh, he was delightful. He gave me his life story, told me I’m his greatest accomplishment, complimented me on my wonderful assassination skills… The usual.”

As he spoke, he set about cleaning himself up, starting by unbuckling his sheath. He rolled his shoulders to stretch them out after wearing it for what was now nearly six hours, and dropped it on the desk against the wall alongside his mask and gloves. He then went to the washbasin in the corner of the room to wipe the dirt and blood off of his face, peeling off his dirty shirt as he went and chucking it into the hamper next to it.

“Sounds fun. I’m so jealous,” she said, watching him with boredom.

He huffed out a laugh, dried his face off, and turned to look at her as he added, “He also gave me another mission, clearly. I leave again in two days.”

“Two days? You had all those missions a few weeks ago, you just got back from that summit in Fire Fountain City,  _ and  _ you had this one tonight,” she pointed out, looking up from the itinerary with a furrowed brow. “They’re going to run you into the ground.”

“Apparently those were all part of a test, which I passed... Which means now I’m going on a diplomatic mission to a disclosed location.”

She arched one of her eyebrows, humming, and he saw her eyes dart over to the scroll. “Who’s your target?”

He paused; he told Mai everything, usually- where he was going, what he was doing, who he was targeting- but this time, Zhao’s cold eyes and his threat flashed in his mind. He just shrugged nonchalantly. “He said I couldn’t tell anyone.”

“How interesting. It sounds like it should be exciting then.” Her dry tone betrayed her concern, and he went to sit next to her, pressing his shoulder into hers. They both knew what not being able to disclose a target meant- higher profile, higher danger, and higher stakes- and she gripped his hand tightly, dark eyes searching his. “Be careful, okay?”

He nodded. “Of course. I always am, you know that.” She didn’t say anything, and he sighed. “I'll be fine, Mai. It’s just another mission. Besides, Zhao asked me himself. You know I can’t let him down, considering how much I owe him.”

They both knew he didn’t mean it, but neither acknowledged it. She just kissed his cheek softly, slid her hand out of his, and left him alone with his thoughts and a dossier to study.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based the reparations agreement between the Northern Water Tribe and Fire Nation off of the Dawes Plan, in which the US helped Germany pay their war debts after World War 1. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying so far!! <3


	3. the bone of contention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from Hypocrates by MARINA
> 
> Suggested listening:
> 
> 1\. Cold As Ice by Foreigner  
> 2\. Hyprocrates by MARINA

They were eating dinner, the whole family, when his dad cleared his throat and broke the news suddenly. Sokka was so startled by it that he froze, a spoonful of sea prune stew halfway up to his mouth as he wondered if he’d heard his dad right.

He wasn’t completely convinced he did, because there wasn’t any build up to it- instead, his dad simply announced to the family, “We’re going to be hosting Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation,” while bringing his own spoon up to his mouth. As if it was normal. As if he didn’t just say the one thing that changed everything, that could stump Sokka, that could make him seriously question his sanity.

He glanced around the table to see how the rest of his family was faring; Katara, Aang, and Gran Gran were just as shell-shocked as he was, while Bato had stopped eating as well, but didn’t look surprised. 

Deciding he _wasn’t_ crazy if the majority of the table was confused, he asked, voice coming out high and strained in his shock, “I’m sorry, what?”

Hakoda looked up from his bowl and flicked his eyes around the table. Catching Bato’s pointed look, he set his spoon down and sat up straighter. “Crown Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation will be coming to stay with us. I’ve been communicating with Fire Lord Ozai for the past few months about it, as he asked if his son could stay here. He was hoping for a sort of cultural exchange between our nations to take place, as a thank you for the way we helped them finish paying off their debts to the other nations. After careful deliberation, I have agreed. He’ll be arriving in two days, and as he is closest to Sokka’s age, I have planned for you to be his guide.”

Sokka’s heart stopped, and his mouth went dry. 

Two days. He was just hearing about this now, and the prince would be here in two days? And  _ he _ would be the prince’s guide? His father had to be kidding, he thought to himself, because he couldn’t expect them to go along with this after everything the Fire Nation had done, right? 

This had to be some sort of joke, some sort of prank to get back at him for some stupid thing he had done and forgotten about. He knew he did that sometimes, what with how some of his more crazy ideas could get away from him, and in his excitement he sometimes forgot what he said or did. He had always thought it made him a better prince, though, since it was how he’d come up with the solutions to lots of different problems, and he thought his dad appreciated it as well. But it had to be the only explanation, because if it wasn’t, then it had to be some sort of cruel and unusual punishment.

“Dad, you have to be kidding,” Katara said finally, incredulous.

“What? You can’t be serious,” Sokka objected at the same time.

“No, Katara, Sokka, I’m absolutely not.” Sokka shared a glance with his sister, his panic mirrored on her face, and their father frowned. “I think this will be a good thing! We’ll be building a relationship with the Fire Nation after so many years of tension  _ and _ you two will get to interact with royalty your own age instead of the older diplomats you’re used to. Plus, you’ll get to share everything you love about our home while learning about a new culture. It will make you stronger leaders.”

Aang, who had been sitting in quiet contemplation, raised a finger and said, “Well, I for one think it’s a great idea!”

“Aang!” Sokka and Katara groaned together in betrayal, and the airbender shrunk back in his seat at their matching glares.

“Thank you, Aang. At least _ someone _ agrees.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know this must be startling to hear, and I’m sorry for not bringing it up sooner, considering everything. That’s on me, I realized that. And I know it won’t be easy, but I have a lot of hope that this will be a good thing for both of our nations, and for international relationships as a whole.”

“I think we’re just a little bit shocked, son,” Gran Gran interjected, placing her hand on his. “This is big news. There hasn’t been a visitor from the Fire Nation since-”

“Since before the war started,” Katara interrupted, standing up from the table and stalking out of the room with a furious glare upon her face. Before the door slammed behind her she called out, “I can’t believe you, Dad!”

Hakoda looked at Sokka helplessly while Bato reached out and grasped his husband’s hand.

“Dad… It’s the _ Fire Nation _ ,” Sokka implored, desperately trying to make him understand why this was madness.

He just nodded, though. “I know that, Sokka. I am very aware of everything that the Fire Nation has done and how they’ve hurt our family. But we helped them pay reparations, and now they’re just trying to show their thanks through this cultural exchange. It could be a good thing, Sokka.”

Sokka sighed and set his spoon down with a mournful look towards the stew that it seemed he wouldn’t be finishing. 

“Look, Dad. I know you want peace- so do I. But it’s one thing to make a reparations agreement, because that money didn’t go to the Fire Nation- it went to our sister tribe and the other nations, to help  _ them. _ This is on a whole nother level, though, because it’s… This is actually,  _ tangibly _ , the Fire Nation. What about the fact that the Great War, which they started, almost destroyed everything, and nearly twenty years later the world is still in disrepair. Or how about the fact that mom died because of Fire Nation soldiers? And you’re welcoming one of them into our home? You expect me to show this prince around Agna Qel’a and share everything about it with him, show him everything I love, everything that’s special to us? How long will he even be here?”

“Sokka, please. I know you miss your mother. I do too.” He looked at Bato with a sad smile and squeezed the hand that was still holding his own. “We both do.” 

Sokka felt a pang of guilt at his words. He knew his dad would never stop being angry with the men who hadn’t accepted that the war had ended, and when Sokka’s mom had been on a trip to the Earth Kingdom for a diplomatic summit, had killed her to make a statement. He knew that his dad would never stop missing the woman who had been his other half, just as much as Bato was. It was just… hard to believe his dad would welcome the Fire Nation so openly.

“But,” his dad continued pointedly, “at the end of the day, Prince Zuko and Fire Lord Ozai didn’t have anything to do with it. Yes, they were their citizens, however they didn’t give the order. At the time, Azulon was the Fire Lord, and he reached out to me to apologize and send his condolences when it happened. He knew what happened to her, he recognized the wrong they had done, and those men were punished appropriately. Beyond that, Prince Zuko and his father didn’t start the war, their forefathers did, and they have been important heralders of peace in recent years.”

Sokka knew all that was true, but it did nothing to quell his anger or soothe his feelings of betrayal. “What, so you want me to just forget about mom and the war and to… To act like nothing’s wrong?”

“I’m not asking you to forgive and forget. You know better than anyone that we have to recognize the atrocities that have occurred in the past. But, while we remember, we also have to move forward. Every new generation has a chance at recognizing the wrongs that were done, spreading that knowledge, and promoting a change to the way things are run. Right now, that’s your job, son. As such, he will be here as long as he needs to be in order to establish a better relationship with the Fire Nation, and I expect you to be, at the very least, civil.”

“But Dad-”

“Sokka, your father has worked incredibly hard to make this a good experience for everyone. All he asks is that you give the prince a chance. You don’t have to be best friends- no one is asking that. We’re just asking that you try to harbor some sort of political alliance that will aid you both as you become the leaders of your nations later on,” Bato interjected evenly.

“I just don’t see why-” he started again.

“Enough,” his father barked in the voice usually reserved for the particularly stubborn politicians they had to work with. “You will welcome Prince Zuko, you will be his guide for as long as he is here, and you will at the very least attempt to be kind to him.” Sokka opened his mouth again, but his father held up his free hand and cut him off. “That’s an order, Prince Sokka. From your chief.”

Sokka huffed and stood to give his father an exaggerated bow and a venomous, “Fine. As you wish,  _ your majesty _ .”

He lifted his chin, turned on his heel, and went to find his sister. As he walked away, he heard his father sigh and the thump of his forehead connecting with the table, then he whispered brokenly, “I’m just trying to do the right thing, Bato.”

“I know, sweetheart. They’ll come around,” Bato whispered back, the last thing that he heard before the door slammed behind him.

While his feet traced the familiar path to his destination, he let his mind race, tossing around thoughts quickly as he processed what he’d just learned. He understood some of his father’s points, like welcoming royalty from the other nations to try to solidify relationships and promote peace. He felt bad for causing his dad so much grief when it was actually a fairly good idea, and he knew he was only doing what he thought was right. He took his job as chief seriously and only wanted what was best for everyone, so he’d never make a decision that would bring harm to their home.

But he just couldn’t understand why his dad was acting like the Fire Nation was blameless, or why this prince had to come live with them for an indefinite amount of time to do that. Why couldn't it be a week-long trip? Or even just pen pals? And really… Why did it have to be the  _ Fire Nation _ ? After everything, why did they just get to waltz into Sokka’s home and expect him to be nice?

He shook his head in frustration as he pushed open the door leading to their mother’s garden on the roof of the palace. The moon hung bright in the sky, Tui lighting up the night and guiding his way to the center of the garden where he knew he’d find his sister.

Sure enough, as he approached the center, he could hear the soft sounds of water being bent. As he came around the corner, he saw Katara on the bench with a stream of water from the fountain weaving between her fingers and passing from hand to hand in an entrancing pattern. She looked up at the sound of his footsteps, and with a subtle hand motion returned the water to the fountain a few feet away.

“Hey,” she greeted softly scooting over so he could sit next to her.

“Hey,” he responded, voice tired and weary. 

“So…” she studied his face carefully. “Seems like your conversation with him went well?”

He released a long breath. “Yeah, no. You missed the best part- we don’t know how long Prince Jerkface is staying.”

“What? Why not?”

Sokka shrugged, looking out across the garden as he leaned forward to place his elbows on his knees. “Dad said that it’s our responsibility as the younger generation to bring about peace, and the way we do that is by letting him stay here as long as it takes to heal the relationship between our two nations. And apparently, it’s my job as his ‘cultural guide’ to facilitate that.”

Katara shook her head. “You know I love Dad, but I don’t know where he gets these ideas sometimes. There’s just… The Fire Nation took so much from us- from the  _ world _ \- and he thinks that bringing one prince here is going to fix that? That it’s going to change what they did?”

“I don’t know. I don’t like it either, but Dad gave me an order.”

She turned to him, surprised. “He ordered you? He never does that.”

“Oh yeah. Did the whole ‘I’m the chief and you have to do what I say, Prince Sokka!’” He imitated his dad, puffing out his chest and bringing up a hand to point off into the distance.

His sister giggled, then let her head droop onto his shoulder. It was quiet for a while, both of them looking off over the wall of the city to where the stars glittered and the sky met the sea. 

“I wish Mom were here to tell us what to do,” she confessed softly, a hand drifting up to the necklace tied around her neck. It was their mother’s betrothal necklace, and their dad had given it to Katara after she died so that she had something to remember her by. “I miss her, and it feels like Dad is forgetting about what happened.”

He thought of the sad smile his dad had shared with Bato and sighed again. “I know, Katara. I miss her too. But you know that’s not true, right? He and Bato loved her so much, and they miss her every day. No one will ever be able to replace her, and they’ll never forget what happened. And as for what she’d say…” He glanced at the fountain, where the ice sculpture of Kya glittered under Tui’s light. “This is exactly the sort of thing that she would love. She honestly might have come up with it herself.”

“You’re right, I know you are. It just…” She trailed off with a sigh, gazing at her statue as well. “I can’t help but blame the Fire Nation for what happened. This prince… Those are his people. His family’s people. Whatever they do, it’s reflected back on him, the same way it is here. I just know I’m going to look at him and think of Mom and I can’t… I can’t do that, Sokka.”

“And that’s okay, Katara. It’s going to be painful, there’s no avoiding that fact. I really don’t want him here, either. But… let’s face it. If he does anything wrong, steps one toe out of line, you’ll be the first to make him wish he had never set foot in our home.”

Katara gave a small and only slightly maniacal grin. “That’s true. I just wish Dad could try to understand why we’re so upset.”

“I think he does, he just-” 

He was cut off by approaching footsteps, and they both looked up to see Aang coming towards them.

“Hi. Sorry, am I interrupting?” he asked with a small smile.

Katara shook her head, reaching out a hand to grab Aang’s and pull him down onto the bench next to her. “No love, of course not.”

“Good. I know you were upset, so I just wanted to come and talk to you guys about it.”

Sokka gazed at Aang curiously, trying to figure out how his best friend felt about it, considering his own personal history with the Fire Nation. 

Aang had been living with them for four years, ever since he and the other airbending kids had been found frozen in the ice a few miles outside the city. They’d been there for a hundred years, since they fled from the Southern Air Temple after the Fire Nation attacked it in order to try and make it to the Northern Water Tribe to take refuge. They’d nearly made it, except they got caught in a storm that sent them crashing into the ocean and froze them in ice. 

A second storm had unearthed the iceberg they were trapped in, and they’d shown up in front of the palace one day, confused and frightened, only to find that the war had ended and it had been a hundred years. Since then the other airbenders had spread out across the world, but Aang and Appa, his flying bison, had stayed in Agna Qel’a with them (Sokka was sure it was in no small part due to the fact that he and Katara were dating, but he wasn’t complaining). 

Having been friends for four years, he knew Aang like the back of his hand, and could always get a read on him. In this moment, though, he couldn’t tell  _ what _ he was thinking or feeling in regards to what his dad had revealed.

“What about you?” he asked. “How do you feel about it?”

The airbender didn’t even seem phased by the question and his voice was certain when he answered, “I think it’s a good idea.”

“What?” Katara asked, looking at him in surprise. “You do? What about…” 

He smiled at her slightly, a knowing look in his eyes. “I think it’s a good idea. I miss the Air Nomads everyday, and I’ll never forget that all that remains of my people are a handful of airbenders and Appa, or that it’s because of the Fire Nation’s attack. But your dad made a good point when he was talking to Sokka- we have a chance right now to learn from the past and improve the world through a relationship with Prince Zuko that’s built on peace and love. That can’t happen, though, if we go into it thinking he’s inherently evil; we have to treat him like he’s  _ worth _ giving a chance.”

Sokka looked at his hands thoughtfully for a moment, tossing Aang’s words around his head alongside his dad’s. He didn’t want to be the bigger person. It seemed like their tribe always had to be the bigger person where the Fire Nation was concerned. But...this was potentially greater than him. He knew Aang and his dad were right, and that it was his duty as a leader to at least give the prince a chance. He still wasn’t happy, but he would do his duty and be his guide. 

“Alright,” he said finally, looking at Aang. “I’ll give him a chance, but I don’t plan on being his best friend or anything.”

Katara sighed, and leaned back into Aang’s side. “Okay. I’ll give Prince Zuko a chance too, then.”

He smiled widely. “That’s all I’m asking. And that’s all your dad is asking.”

◇◈◇

Two days later, Sokka found himself waking up early in the morning to begin getting ready. After a warm bath, he pulled his hair back into his usual wolf’s tail, a thin braid on either side of it. Each had a mix of round lapis beads and bone beads in the shape of a crescent moon, representing the blessing the Moon Spirit had bestowed on him as a baby, woven throughout. He returned his baleen choker to his neck and put in his earrings, which matched the beads in his hair, before dressing himself in the elaborate outfit that had been specially prepared for the prince’s arrival. 

It was almost as if he was getting ready for a normal day, he thought as he pulled on his base layers- a tight fitting, dark blue long sleeve shirt that came down to the second knuckle on his thumb, pointer, and middle fingers on each hand, a light blue tunic that ended mid thigh and belted at his waist, and dark blue trousers. The garments were the same as what he usually wore, though they were made of much finer wool than his more casual ones, and the edge above the white trimming on the tunic was decorated with silver thread illustrating an elaborate moon and wave pattern.

He shoved his feet into his favorite pair of worn brown mukluks and wrapped his forearms in the delicate white ribbon that had been laid out. They weren’t as sturdy as what he’d usually wear on a hunt, but he reminded himself that this outfit was all for show. It was meant to impress and show wealth and status, and nothing did that more than the final piece of his ensemble.

His parka was a beast of an outer garment, woven out of thick wool, leather, and fur. The bulk of it had been dyed a bright blue to highlight the turquoise of his eyes and a long train fell down behind it. In the front, it came to a point at his knees and another belt cinched it at his waist. Thick bands of white fur lined the sleeves and the skirt, while a swirling trim of dark blue, white, and silver thread followed it closely and echoed the pattern on his tunic. A thick white fur capelet was the final piece, thrown over his shoulders and pinned together by a medallion inscribed with two koi swirling around each other to honor the spirits. 

He gazed at himself in the mirror and sighed, picking up the jar of face paint on the table to don the mark of wisdom he’d earned as a teenager. Decked out in rich fabrics as he was, he certainly looked like… Well, he looked like the son of the Chief, the heir to the chiefdom, the prince who had been blessed by Tui as a baby. 

He cast one last forlorn look at his reflection, then went to meet his family in the foyer.

His dad, Bato, Aang, and Gran Gran were already waiting, and they turned when he began to descend the stairs. Gran Gran clasped her hands together, a wide smile spread across her face. 

“Oh, Sokka! You look so handsome!” she exclaimed, pulling him into a hug.

He laughed softly. “Thank you, Gran Gran. You look very beautiful, as well.”

Her parka was a light purple with an intricate panel of blue, purple, and white beadwork running across the chest and a line of fur wrapping around her waist. Much like his, it was similar to what she wore on the daily, though it was made of much finer materials and embroidered with silver and white thread that sparkled as she moved. Her hair was pulled back into an elaborate braid, traditional hair loops falling down alongside her face to join it at the nape of her neck.

He turned to his dad and Bato, who both looked pleased to see him. Bato was decked out in his full armor, marking him as the leader of their tribe’s warriors. Long sleeves emerged from under his dark tunic, while sturdy gauntlets covered his forearms. His wolf’s helmet was tucked under his arm, his hair tied up into a warrior’s bun, and he wore his betrothal necklace at the hollow of his throat proudly. 

His dad, on the other hand, was in a decadent blue parka covered in fine silver embroidery that created a swirling pattern across his chest. A thick fur capelet with fox tails hanging down from it was slung across his shoulders, and in addition to his own betrothal necklace, a bone and lapis necklace with the Northern Water Tribe’s symbol carved into it rested on top of the fur. He held himself tall and proud, and he looked every inch the powerful chief that he was.

“You look great, son. Thank you for doing this,” he murmured as he pulled his son into a hug.

“I’m still not happy about it, Dad, don’t get me wrong. But…” he took a deep breath and made eye contact with Bato as he pulled away. “I’ll try. For you two, and for the tribe.”

Bato smiled and pulled him into his own hug. “That’s all either of us could ask for, Sokka.”

Aang was practically bouncing as he turned to greet him, flinging himself at him. “I’m so excited Sokka, this is going to be so great.”

Not for the first time, Sokka wished he had Aang’s seemingly unwavering optimism. “I hope so.”

“Also, you look great! They wanted to get me fancy robes too, but I asked if I could just wear my own instead.”

Sokka nodded thoughtfully and clapped Aang on his shoulder. “Honestly, I didn’t expect anything less from you.”

It was true- at every formal event he had ever attended since coming out of the ice, Aang had been clad in the very same robes he was wearing now- a loose pair of yellow trousers with a matching asymmetric tunic, a red sash tied around his waist and an orange cape around his neck alongside his traditional airbender beads. He wore the robes and his arrow tattoos proudly, and it made Sokka’s heart warm to see him so happy, even with the prince’s impending arrival.

Aang opened his mouth to speak, but his jaw suddenly went slack as his gaze caught on something behind Sokka. He turned, already knowing he’d see his sister coming down the stairs. He was about to tease Aang for being so obviously in love with her (not that he could be blamed, three years into their relationship), but he stopped when he saw her- he had every right to be speechless, because his sister was radiating beauty. 

Katara’s long brown hair fell in gentle waves down her back, and she had chosen to braid the hair loops that framed her face. Her fur lined parka was a rich blue, darker than either Sokka’s or their father’s, and fell to the middle of her shins in the front while a train trailed behind her. A capelet covered in geometrical beadwork hung around her neck and peeking out from under her parka was a light blue dress that swished as she walked, embroidered with elaborate threadwork in the same pattern. Their mother’s necklace gleamed at her throat, and the mark of bravery adorned her forehead. 

“Wow,” Aang whispered, stepping forwards to offer his hand as she approached the last few steps and kissing her softly on the cheek. 

She gave him a soft smile that made Sokka grimace internally- because  _ oogie _ \- before turning to the rest of her family. “Sorry for keeping you all waiting. My hair was giving me some trouble.”

Hakoda stepped forward and hugged her just as he had Sokka with a little sniffle. “That’s okay, sweetie. You look beautiful., and I am so proud of you both.”

“Thank you, Dad. Now, should we be going? We don’t want to be late.” 

She said it calmly, but Sokka could see the hard glint in her eyes showing just how upset she still was.

Hakoda nodded and discreetly wiped away the tears in the corner of his eyes. “Yes, you’re right. Come on, everyone. Let’s make our way down to the docks.”

Their little group headed to the canoe waiting in the canal, and once they were all ready and seated, the benders at the front and rear began manipulating the water around them to move them along. 

Katara leaned close to Sokka and whispered, “You look like a snob.”

He snorted and made a show of giving her a once over. “You look like a priss.”

“I feel like one,” she joked, tugging at the neck of her capelet exaggeratedly.

He laughed, rolling his eyes at her antics. “Really though, you look beautiful. This dress is amazing. It makes you look all... Princess-y.”

Her answering smile was warm and soft. “If you must know, I asked them to base it off of what Mom wore at her wedding. It was the only way to make it easier.”

He knocked her knee with his own. “It’s amazing. I’m sure Dad, Bato, and Gran Gran love it.”

She was silent, and Sokka just wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they sat quietly for a while, simply watching the city as they passed by it. People were already walking down to the docks and they stopped to wave as their canoe passed them. 

“What do you think he’ll think of Agna Qel’a?” Sokka asked distractedly.

“Well, if he has any sense at all, he’ll love it as much as we do,” Katara sighed. “If he doesn’t, he’s an idiot.”

“I’m sure he will!” Aang responded happily, seemingly not aware of his girlfriend’s annoyance (or just pretending it wasn’t there, which Sokka thought was the more likely). “The city is great, and everyone is so nice and welcoming. Plus, Sokka’s the best person to guide him around. He knows it better than anyone. He won’t be able to help but love it with Sokka guiding him around and teaching him everything.”

Sokka reminded himself that he had promised to at least give the prince a chance before he groaned out loud.

Once they took their position at the top of the stairs that led from the docks to the first level of the city, Sokka passed the time waiting by looking around at his city. It was a bright and beautiful day, the sun highlighting all the best features of Agna Qel’a and making it glitter. The sky was a pristine light blue, the ocean was a beautiful dark blue, and the air was cool without being uncomfortable- as long as one had the proper clothing for the cold (a small part of him vindictively hoped the prince didn’t so that he’d freeze the moment he got off his boat, not that he’d ever say it out loud). 

The citizens had gone all out decorating and, in a stark contrast from the usual blue, white, and purple dotting the city, there was red, orange, and black all over the place. Fire Nation flags and banners hung from the windows of buildings, lanterns criss-crossed the air above the streets, and vibrant fire lilies crafted out of parchment lined the walkway. People were crowding the streets and the path up to where he and his family were standing and even as he watched, more were coming by canoe and on foot.

He had expected to be waiting there for a long time, but it was just a few minutes before the beating of drums from the top of the gate started up and the waterbending soldiers began pulling the great ice walls apart to create a wide opening. 

A Fire Nation ship- smaller than what he’d been expecting- slowly passed through the opening, out of place amongst the snow and ice with it’s black steel hull and red and gold trim. 

His people cheered as it smoothly sailed into the space that had been cleared for it.

He begged it one last time to go back to the Fire Nation and take its prince away.

The gangplank lowered despite his pleas, and Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation stepped onto the icy docks of the Northern Water Tribe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you tomorrow :)


	4. so much to prove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Giving you a very nice hug and platonic kiss on the forehead if that's something you're interested in :)
> 
> Chapter title is from Trouble by Cage the Elephant
> 
> Recommended listening  
> 1\. Call It What You Want by Foster the People  
> 2\. Trouble by Cage the Elephant

Zuko had done some reading on the Northern Water Tribe before he left- there was what was in the dossier, of course, but he’d also gone to the archives in the palace so that he had some clue what he was rushing into. In the end though, no amount of reading or studying could have prepared him for the sprawling city before him; to say he was shocked by it was an understatement.

He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d been expecting to see when he got to the Northern Water Tribe- perhaps a large village at least or a small city at most, or even something more similar to the Fire Nation, where the metal and stone buildings were cramped together within the confines of the caldera. A place where the arrival of royalty or cultural ambassadors was a solemn occasion, with palanquins and rows of citizens all pressing their foreheads to the ground as they bowed alongside the full might of the army, dressed in sharp, gleaming armor. 

What he saw as his ship passed through the wall and docked was none of that.

Instead, the city was elaborate and sprawling, built into the edge of a glacier. It was built on top of several tiers, getting taller as it stretched back. On the highest level of the city the palace was visible, a grand pale-blue ice tower that reached high into the sky. The shimmering buildings of ice, the snow-covered streets, and the sparkling blue water that wove its way through the city in the maze-like canal system were unlike anything he’d ever seen. The air was crisp and cool, and he was glad to have the thick set of robes that the royal tailors had made him- although it was perhaps cooler than they had expected, because he could still feel it biting against his skin. He was grateful, suddenly, that his uncle had always made a point to tell him to remember his breathing, and with a deep inhale and exhale, he was able to cocoon himself in a bubble of warmth.

Perhaps most shocking, though, was the fact that the people were cheering and waving their banners while a drumbeat played freely, and the royal family was waiting for him at the top of the stairs.

As he and his two personal guards made their way down the gangplank, the crowd’s cheering turned to roaring. The banners, streamers, and flags began waving even more earnestly and someone had managed to spread confetti around so that as they passed, clouds of small red, orange, and yellow paper fluttered down around them. 

Zuko plastered on the best smile that he could, despite his confusion at the spectacle, and moved quickly towards the line of people ahead of him, taking stock of them as he did. 

There was an older woman, two men who appeared to be his father’s age, a boy and girl about his age- Prince Sokka and Princess Katara, he assumed- and a bald teenage boy with bright blue tattoos (Zuko startled at the sight- he’d recognize an airbender anywhere, but he hadn’t realized one lived in the Northern Water Tribe- last he’d heard, they had all left, spreading out across the world. He swallowed deeply, familiar guilt swirling in his gut). 

He noticed the brunette prince looking him up and down appraisingly, an unreadable look on his face, and as he approached them, he did the same right back, taking in long dark brown hair laced with blue and white beads- much like the elder two men’s- and pulled back into a tight ponytail. His eyes were a shade of blue so bright they seemed to glow like the turquoise of the water around Ember Island, and his ears were adorned with numerous blue and white hoops and studs. Even with the blank expression on his face, Zuko could tell he likely had a beautiful smile just from the soft bow of his lips and curves of his face. 

He couldn’t help but think that he was, objectively, quite a beautiful person. 

As Zuko reached the top of the stairs, the shorter of the older two men stepped forward, and he tore his gaze away from the prince to bow to him. In return, the man stuck his hand out and clasped Zuko’s in a traditional Water Tribe greeting.

“Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, it brings me immense joy to welcome you to Agna Qel’a. I’m Chief Hakoda,” he greeted, with warmth in every word.

“Chief Hakoda, thank you so much for hosting me, and on behalf of my father and my nation, thank you for the aid you so generously offered us through the reparations agreement. I’m so honored to be the first Fire Nation guest the North has welcomed since the start of the Great War, and I look forward to learning all I can during my stay.” He gestured to the guards at his back. “These are my escorts, Rozo and Chara, who will be returning to the Fire Nation tomorrow.” 

He nodded to the two of them politely. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all. And please, call me Hakoda.” The man waved his hand, and stepped aside to introduce the rest of the party. “Let me introduce you to the rest of my family. This is Lieutenant Bato, my second in command as well as my partner. Although he primarily teaches self defense and leads our hunting expeditions, he is also the leader of the military and captain of the guard.” 

“It is a pleasure to host you, Prince Zuko. If there is anything you need at all, feel free to come to me,” he greeted. 

He blanked slightly at the revelation of Bato’s position- with the leader of the military and guards so near, he’d have to be extra careful not to let his cover slip. Though, if he was offering his help… Zuko realized that if he could get Bato to trust him, he might be able to learn more about the palace and about Sokka, so maybe it wasn’t as daunting as it first appeared. With a pleasant smile, he accepted his offer.

“Thank you, Lieutenant, you’re very kind. I’d appreciate that.” 

_ (He did wonder idly what was meant by partner, but then he saw the necklaces around their necks and the fond smile the two men shared, and- oh. Partner. As in married. Unbidden, he thought of an Earth Kingdom boy with a charming smile and shaggy black hair, and he made a mental note to investigate their marriage laws. For educational reasons, of course.) _

Hakoda moved down to the elderly woman, who smiled widely. “This is my mother, Kanna. She is the spiritual leader of our tribe, director of our school, and the best storyteller our tribe has to offer. She’ll be in charge of teaching you about Northern Water Tribe spirituality.”

When she spoke, her voice was soft and kind and her face was spread in a wide grin. “Welcome to our home, Prince Zuko. I look forward to sharing our knowledge with you.” 

He knew that much like in the Fire Nation, elders were honored figures in the Northern Water Tribe- they were leaders, teachers, historians, and they were the heart and soul of the nation. Impressing her would be vital to his successful completion of his mission; if she and the other elders trusted him, the rest of the tribe's people would follow- and so might Sokka. He softened his face into a kind smile and, as if he were back home, bowed deeply to her as a sign of respect. “Thank you, Kanna. I’m honored.”

“And this is my daughter, Princess Katara,” the chief gestured to the young woman standing next to Kanna.

“I can introduce myself, Dad,” the young woman before him interrupted, voice cool and collected, though she didn’t bother to hide her piercing gaze, clearly sizing him up. It was full of mistrust, and her blue eyes were dark like the ocean during a storm. With her jaw set firmly, her back held straight, and her chin lifted defiantly, she looked eerily similar to his sister- he knew just from her expression she’d be the hardest person to get to trust him. “I am Princess Katara the Brave, Daughter of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe, a master waterbender, a healer, an instructor, an advisor… I think you get the point.”

Kanna’s lips twitched in a small smile, Sokka was clearly holding back his laughter, and Zuko saw Hakoda bristle with a hard glint in his eyes. 

Politely, with a steady voice, he bowed deeply to her as well, hoping maybe the show of respect would soften her slightly. “It’s an honor to meet such an accomplished bender and leader, Princess Katara. I am thrilled to be welcomed into your beautiful city.”

She gave a short, unimpressed laugh at his words and Hakoda glared at her before turning to Sokka. With both of their attention finally on him, Sokka stood up taller, tilting his head to the side and fixing Zuko with a steady gaze- it wasn’t necessarily a glare like Katara had given him, but he could tell that the prince held no warm feelings towards him. 

“Prince Zuko, I’d like to introduce you to my eldest, Prince Sokka. He’ll be your guide during your visit and will be there to help attend to any of your needs.”

“Hello, Prince Sokka. Thank you for agreeing to be my guide during my stay,” he said with another deep bow. 

The prince looked unimpressed, still sizing him up, but he seemed to remember they had an audience and cleared his throat. With a raised eyebrow he responded flatly, “Prince Zuko. What an honor to welcome you to my home.”

Hakoda winced and opened his mouth to speak, but Zuko beat him to it, with a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you, Prince Sokka. I look forward to learning what you have to share with me during my stay and getting to know you, and your home, better.”

Sokka huffed. “Of course. There’s plenty for you to learn.”

“I can’t wait,” he said, making his voice overly kind just to see what Sokka would do. 

He had to smother a grin when he saw a vein in his forehead pop out.

Hakoda cleared his throat uncomfortably, and turned to the airbender. “And finally, this is Aang.”

“Hi!” he greeted cheerfully. He bowed to him first, hands at his side and hinging at the waist- a traditional Air Nomad greeting. “I’m an airbender, clearly. Hakoda and his family were kind enough to let me stay here after the other airbenders and I emerged from the ice. I know it can be hard to adjust to life here, so if you need any help I’d be happy to help you out!”

Zuko blinked in shock. He had never met anyone who rivaled Ty Lee in terms of her unabashed optimism and bubbly personality, but here was Aang, smiling at him widely despite the role his family had played in the history of his people. Out of all the people he’d been introduced to so far, he’d expected Aang to be the least welcoming, but… Instead, he freely offered him a genuine smile, as well as his help. His smile was infectious and Zuko couldn’t stop his grin, nor the apology that tumbled from his lips. 

“Of course, Aang. I would love that. I’ve heard of your miraculous journey, and I’d just like to say that it’s an honor to meet you. I would also like to formally apologize for the role my forefathers played in the war, and for the attack on the Air Nomads.”

Aang’s answering smile was soft and grateful. “Thank you, Prince Zuko. Your words mean more than you could know. Please, consider me a friend.”

He nodded gratefully- it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea, especially since it appeared he lived with them in the palace and likely knew the layout of it, and the city, well. He hated himself for the thought- Aang had suffered at the hands of the Fire Nation before, and now Zuko was going to use him to make another suffer. It put a bad taste in his mouth, but he reminded himself he had a mission to complete, and every mission had a price.

He was yanked from his thoughts when Hakoda clapped his hands together. “Well, now that introductions are done, we should get you up to the palace. I’m sure you’ve had a long journey.”

There was a grand canoe residing in the canal a short distance away, and they moved towards it as a group. Zuko and Sokka were seated next to each other, Bato and Hakoda on the bench in front of them, Aang and Katara on the one behind them, while Kanna was in the very back, telling his guards about the things they were passing. 

“So, Prince Zuko, tonight we’ll be having a feast in your honor with some of the best Water Tribe food there is along with music, performances, dancing, storytelling… It’s simply a night to give you a brief introduction to our culture, and then you and Sokka will go more in depth later,” Hakoda began as they drifted under bridges and past city streets. “You’ll have about an hour following our arrival at the palace to prepare before we send someone up to guide you to the kiva. Also, I was hoping perhaps- and feel free to refuse, of course- if you might showcase some firebending?”

Zuko blinked in surprise. In all of his preparation for learning about the Water Tribe and his mission, he had forgotten he was supposed to return the favor and teach them about some Fire Nation traditions. “Of course. I’d be happy to. I’m afraid I’m not as good as others, such as my sister, but perhaps I can whip something up.” 

Sokka shot him a look that was distinctly unimpressed. “Most people here have never seen firebending up close. I’m sure you’ll be just fine.”

“Of course. I didn’t mean…”

Sokka waved his hand absently before crossing his arms and turning his face away, looking stubbornly at the passing buildings. Zuko grit his jaw and shifted, cursing Zhao to Agni and back. He had known this mission wouldn’t be easy- the commander had mentioned the need for patience and tact, after all, but he hadn’t expected the glint in Sokka’s eyes or the unwavering distaste for him and the challenge it was no doubt going to pose. 

He sighed and looked away too, thinking.

He wasn’t the most social of people, even on a good day- something to do with being raised as an assassin since he was a child and preferring to stick to the shadows, he supposed. The only friends he’d ever had were also assassins and really, Ty Lee did all of the small talk for them, rambling on for hours at a time. He could get by talking politics for a while and usually he could read people and respond to what they were feeling, but with Sokka… He didn’t quite know what he was thinking, or what he should say to try and get the prince to tolerate him. 

He wondered, briefly, what Azula would do, then shivered. She’d manipulate and twist them, use everyone’s weaknesses against them until she got bored, then she’d finish the mission in what was now doubt a cruel manner. 

Yeah, he definitely wouldn’t be doing that- one, because it was much more her style than it was his, and two, because he was supposed to be discreet on this mission, and he didn’t think that qualified very well. Maybe, he thought, he should just be his awkward self- maybe Sokka would respond to his embarrassment better than him trying so hard to be perfect, and he’d be able to get closer to him that way.

Luckily, they reached the palace before the air could become more tense than it already was, and Zuko was shown to his room. He lit a small fire in the fireplace, allowing the warmth to wash over him so he could stop using his firebending for a while and preserve his strength, and spent the hour exploring his room and unpacking.

It was a nice space without being opulent like the Fire Nation rooms he was used to- instead of thick carpet, dark wood, steel, and gold, it was a simple room, with a large wooden bed centered on the far wall and covered in thick furs and quilts, a plush fur rug spread under it. On the wall hung various woven tapestries depicting different scenes, such as a polar bear dog bounding across the snow and a canoe of men hunting a whale. A wooden armoire sat in the left corner by the door, a few candles cast a happy glow around the room, and a window looking out over the city provided more natural light. A door to the bathroom was off to the right, and when he peered through it he saw a sunken bathtub, a sink, and a toilet. 

The hour passed quickly as he unpacked his things, careful to leave his swords and mask hidden at the bottom of his trunk, and before long he changed into his more formal robes, embroidered with fine gold thread and small red and black beads, and threw his thick cloak over his shoulders. When he walked out of his door, his own guards had been joined by two of the palace’s guardsmen, and the group made their way to the kiva that was a short distance from the palace.

It was a giant pit sunk deep into the ground, with many low lying tables covered in plates and bowls of food lining the edges. In the center of the kiva was an open area with a large vat of boiling water on one end, on top of which a large slab of meat was cooking. The other end was wide open aside for two basins of water, whose purpose he honestly wasn’t quite sure of. In the open areas, people were clustered in groups, and the sounds of laughter and discussions filled the air. As his guards led him past all of it to the one area where there was only one table, at which the chieftain’s family sat, he heard the discussions turn to whispers as everyone took notice of him. 

Hakoda stood as he approached and reached out his hand to grab his forearm in greeting. “Prince Zuko! I hope you found your room to your liking.”

He gave a small bow of his head in return. “Yes, I did. Thank you, Hakoda. It’ll be perfect.”

“Wonderful, I’m glad to hear it. Please, as you’re our guest, I’d be honored if you sat next to me,” he said with a gesture to the spot next to him. 

Zuko nodded, taking stock of the table. Bato was on the left side of Hakoda, and Aang and Katara were next to him, heads leaned close together. Kanna was at the right end of the table, and next to her (and by virtue Zuko), was Sokka. He had a bored look on his face, pointedly looking elsewhere.

Zuko grimaced internally, but remembered what would happen if he failed this mission. 

He sat down with the polite smile he had mastered after so many years of politics and assassinations. “Of course.”

“Wonderful! You and Sokka can begin getting to know each other right away then.”

Zuko repeated the same polite smile, but the prince next to him scoffed. Hakoda’s right eye twitched.

So clearly, the man was knowledgeable about the distaste his children were harboring for him. It made him wonder, idly, why Katara and Sokka hated him so much. He knew many were angry at the Fire Nation for the war, justifiably so. The effects of it were still being felt across the nations and would be felt for a long time. Zuko had experienced that anger and mistrust first hand, but this… wasn’t really anything like that. It was more personal, it seemed, as if Zuko himself was responsible for the war, or perhaps some unknown tragedy that had befallen the royal family. 

He briefly entertained the idea of finding out the reason for their loathing and smoothing it over, but Zuko chided himself for it. He wasn’t _ actually _ here to fix their nation’s relationship- he was just here to eliminate someone his father thought posed a threat. If Katara and Sokka hated him, then it didn’t matter. He just had to get close enough to Sokka to take him out.

A drum beat started not long after he sat down, and everyone fell silent as Hakoda stood, regal in his deep blue robes, and held up his arms.

“Good evening all! Tonight we celebrate the arrival of Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, our honored guest who’ll be staying with us. For the first time in over a hundred years, we have opened our walls and our home to a member of the Fire Nation. I ask the spirits that we all go into this journey with open minds and open hearts, an eagerness to share our culture, and a willingness to learn of that which is different from our own, and I hope we can welcome an era of healing to follow one of hurt. May the spirits Tui and La bless us all.”

The crowd echoed his words, a thousand voices joining in the air to praise the spirits. 

“Now,” Hakoda finished, “please enjoy your meal. We will begin the celebration after dinner.”

He sat down, and joyful chatter filled the air. People began going up to the roast with plates, cutting off pieces with the bone daggers placed around it. Hakoda noticed him watching and sighed.

“Sokka, why don’t you tell Prince Zuko about the roast?”

He looked at Zuko carefully and breathed out heavily, before nodding slightly. “So, that’s a lion whale. The men went out hunting a few days ago and found it. They killed it using the traditional bone spears that you’ll see some of the men carrying, which I’ll teach you about later, and brought it back here. We skinned it, taking its hide for things such as clothing, boots, and weapon sheaths. We used some of the meat for the roast, while the other portion was frozen for our winter stock, and we’ll use the bones for jewelry, weapons, tools, art... whatever we need, really. Using every part of it in this way allows us to honor its spirit and sacrifice.”

The prince seemed bored as he was explaining, keeping his eyes fixed on the roast, his head propped up on his hand, and his voice monotone. Zuko nodded along anyways, surprised to realize he was actually very interested by what Sokka had to say despite his lack of enthusiasm. 

“Oh wow, that’s amazing,” he said, trying to come across as genuinely as possible. “I don’t think we have anything like that in the Fire Nation. I mean, meals are important to us and a key way we honor tradition and family, but we don’t use the hides and bones as extensively.”

The prince’s face shut down even more, which Zuko hadn’t realized was actually possible, and he rolled his eyes. “Why am I not surprised?” His eyes slid over to the roast, and he stood up as he said shortly, “Come on. It’s our turn.”

Zuko rolled his eyes too, put off by his attitude, but followed him anyway. They picked out their slabs of meat, Hakoda helping Zuko serve himself (even though he knew he could slice the entire thing in about three seconds with his swords). The meal passed quickly, with Hakoda, Aang, Bato, and Kanna effortlessly pulling him into a long conversation that covered everything from more detailed descriptions of their roles in the tribe to him describing what, exactly, a turtleduck was; all the while Sokka and Katara sat in silence, glaring down at their plates. It was frustrating, of course, but he figured starting to get to know the people close to them wouldn’t hurt- if anything it might help for them to see him interacting with their family in such an innocent, lighthearted manner.

Once everyone had finished their meals, Hakoda stood once more. “Now, we celebrate! Master Katara, Master Pakku, if you and your students would honor us with a display of bending?”

Katara stood immediately, along with an old man a few tables down from theirs and about twenty more people of all different ages. They gathered in the clear area of the kiva, and as warriors along the edge of the kiva hit out a steady drumbeat they all shifted forwards, drawing water out of the basins, and began moving through forms in time with the music. They quickly picked up speed though, moving into a fast paced dance as the water swirled around them in a mesmerizing display. Zuko was entranced- he had never seen anything like the freedom with which they moved other than when he was using his swords, and it was beautiful to see that fluidity used for something other than death. They finished their display with each bender holding a stream of water in a spiral around themselves, and the crowd burst into applause- Zuko clapping right alongside them.

As the benders returned the water to the basins and returned to their seats, Hakoda rose once more and looked down towards him. “Thank you, Masters. Before we move onto the next thing, we have a very special performance by Prince Zuko, who has been so kind as to agree to show us a display of firebending.”

Zuko made his way to the center of the kiva and paused as he took in everyone’s gaze upon him, hand reaching for the clasp of his cloak. A small bubble of anxiety rose up inside him- the way it did anytime he had to firebend- as he looked around the room at everyone’s inquiring gaze, and his father’s voice echoed in his head, telling him he was a failure.

He reminded himself that this wasn’t a competition like it was in the Fire Nation- he was just trying to get closer to the royal family. 

His hand undid the clasp, and his cloak fell to the ground.

With a deep breath, Zuko began to weave through one of the more advanced katas he knew, which was a little more like a dance than many of the others were. It wasn’t as smooth as the waterbenders movements had been, he knew, but the moves came naturally nonetheless, and with each form a powerful burst of fire exploded out of his hands or feet. He let himself relax into it, channeling his breathing, and as he continued on the fire warmed his veins and settled his mind. Before he knew it he was finished, bringing his hands down in front of him with a deep exhale and bowing to the chief’s table. 

He picked up his discarded robe then returned to his seat amongst thunderous applause, and noticed as he settled back down that Sokka was regarding him carefully, a strange look in his eyes. That same hardness was there, but it was accompanied by something else, something that even Zuko- who had to know how to read people’s emotions and body language in order to be successful on missions- didn’t know what to make of. When he saw Zuko had noticed, though, his harsh glare returned and he turned away.

“That was amazing, hotman,” Aang said, leaning forward to look down the table.

He laughed slightly at the outdated slang, but responded gratefully, “Thanks, Aang.”

“It really was. Thank you very much for humoring me,” Hakoda agreed.

The conversation moved on quickly, and after a few more performances by various singers, dancers, and musicians, Hakoda announced that the dancing could begin. Aang eagerly bounced up, grabbed Katara’s hand, and led her down to the kiva. 

They began circling each other, then moved into an elaborate pattern of ducking, weaving, and flipping around each other, Aang using his airbending to give them both little boosts. Zuko watched curiously, noticing the easy synchronicity with which they moved, the freedom with which they laughed, the joy with which they smiled at each other.

There was a quiet chuckle to his left, and Zuko turned his head to see Sokka watching them as well with a fond smile and his chin resting in his hand, apparently unbothered by the fact that he was still sitting here while his sister and Aang danced. 

Some small part of his brain couldn’t help but notice that his earlier thoughts about Sokka’s smile were right- it was small and quite subtle, but it still managed to soften his face. For some reason, Zuko couldn’t look away.

At least, until Sokka’s eyes flickered to his and saw him staring, and that smile slipped into the same disinterested gaze from earlier. “Do you need something, Prince Zuko?” he asked, emotionless.

“Um, no,” he stammered, cursing himself as he did- he was an elite assassin for Agni’s sake. He should be able to observe without being caught, or at least have an excuse at the ready for if he did, but here he had nothing but his own awkwardness. “I was just… Princess Katara and Aang are very talented dancers. It’s beautiful, as if they share some sort of unspoken bond.”

He hummed, gaze flickering back to them. “Yes, it is. It’s one of the best parts of any celebration, getting to watch them dance together. And I’m sure the bond you speak of has something to do with the fact that they’ve been dating for so long, though they seemed to share it even when they were just friends.”

“They’re together?” Zuko asked, not sure why he was so surprised, considering the familiarity with which they moved around each other.

Sokka looked at Zuko with a single eyebrow raised, something that made him feel distinctly as if he felt that he was mud of the sole of his boot, as if not knowing about their relationship personally offended him, as if breathing the same air as him was insulting. “Yes.”

“Oh. I didn’t reali-” He began, just for Sokka to cut him off. He didn’t show any indication that he’d known Zuko was talking.

“Aang got here four years ago with the other airbenders. They hit it off pretty much immediately, so Aang chose to stay here while the other airbenders spread out across the nations. But they didn’t start dating until about three years ago. Aang’s only sixteen, but I’m sure they’ll end up getting married later on. Either way, he’s basically my little brother.”

“Huh,” Zuko grunted, gaze returning to watch them dance. “Do you not join-”

Sokka cut him off again, turning in his seat to face him head on with a piercing gaze. “Listen,  _ Prince Jerkbender _ . Let me make some things clear. I don’t like you, I don’t like your nation, I don’t want to be your friend, and I  _ really _ don’t want you in my city at all. That being said, I have a duty to my tribe, so I’m still going to teach you. But if you think it’s going to be a walk in the tundra you have another thing coming. Got it?”

Zuko nodded mutely, taken aback by the fire in his eyes, the sudden shift in his mood, and because, despite being a dangerous highly trained assassin with years of training under his belt, he was intimidated. He lived with his father and sister and had been trained by Zhao- he knew how to tell when the steel in someone’s voice was real and when it was false bravado, and Sokka definitely meant what he was saying. 

“I understand.”

“Good.” Without another word, he got up and stalked across the room, disappearing into the crowd of people. 

Zuko sat numbly for a minute, just tossing Sokka’s words around in his head, until Aang came up to him and pulled him onto the dance floor to join him- Katara nowhere in sight.

As Aang spoke to him over the sound of the music, he tried to push what had happened to the back of his mind, but it was difficult; however hard he thought this was going to be before, it was going to be ten times harder.

◇◈◇

At the end of the night, after all the dancing had ended and people were heading back to their homes, Hakoda placed his hand on Zuko’s shoulder to stop him from leaving. “May I speak with you briefly, Prince Zuko?”

“Of course, Chief.”

They walked over to a bridge a couple hundred feet away from the palace and stopped to look out over the city. From here, they could see across the layers of the city and the wall, all the way to the purple line where the sky met the sea, illuminated by the bright moonlight. 

“Did you have a pleasant evening?”

“Yes sir, I did,” he said genuinely, recognizing that this was his chance to get close to the chief. “The food was delicious, and the waterbending performance by Master Pakku and Princess Katara was stunning. I’ve never had the privilege to see waterbending before, so I really enjoyed it.”

He smiled, looking away from Zuko to the view before them and leaning his elbows onto the rail of the bridge. “Good, I’m glad to hear it.”

He fell silent, but Zuko could tell the chief had more to say, so he copied his position and let him choose his words. After a while he sighed and said tiredly, “I’m sorry for the behavior of my children, Prince Zuko.”

It wasn’t what he’d been expecting, but he smiled nonetheless. “It’s okay, really. And please, call me Zuko. It’s only right if I’m calling you Hakoda.”

“Zuko,” he agreed with a smile, then another heavy sigh. “I know it can’t be easy, coming here with a daunting task after so many years of hurt and hatred, and to have the people you’re supposed to work with show nothing but animosity towards you. You must forgive them, though. My children… Something happened when they were young, and I’m afraid they never fully healed. You, unfortunately, are a representation of that event. I hope they’ll ease up eventually because they really are quite wonderful and kind people- for instance, Sokka was the mastermind behind the reparations plan that was agreed upon last year, and Katara is one of the greatest benders our tribe has, in addition to being truly invaluable when it comes to negotiating trade agreements and the likes.”

“I didn’t know Prince Sokka was behind the agreement,” he said, interest peaked by the revelation. If Sokka planned the reparation agreement, then why-

His musings were cut short by Hakoda chuckling. “Yes, he has quite the mind, I’m sure you’ll discover. I hope you can see, then, why I ask that you just give them time, and don’t take it too personally if they’re not the most polite, or welcoming.”

Zuko nodded, wondering once again what had happened to make them hate him- although now it seemed it was actually the Fire Nation they hated, and that he was simply the object of their loathing. “Of course. I have time. I’m sure we’ll work past it.” 

They had to- his life depended on it, really.

“Thank you, Zuko. I want you to know, I truly am happy that you’re here. I feel that only good things can come from this.”

Zuko’s gut churned at his words, and his answering smile was shaky.

◇◈◇

That night after everyone had gone to bed, he donned the black clothing he wore on missions, slipped his mask over his face, left his swords buried at the bottom of his trunk, and wandered the halls of the palace to familiarize himself with the layout and the guard rotations. 

He kept to the shadows of the palace, staying out of the light to avoid the guards circling the palace regularly in groups of two. As he moved upstairs to the higher levels the guard got heavier, and he realized the royal family’s bedrooms must be on the upper floors, while guests were roomed in bedrooms such as his own on the lower floors. 

Even then, however, the guard was much lighter than he was used to in the Fire Nation, with their presence being heavier outside around the entrances and on the roof- clearly, they weren’t expecting an attack to come from within. 

He couldn’t help but find that foolish.

As he crept around, he found his mind returning to what Hakoda had said to him after the banquet. It was clear he had tremendous hope for the future that Zuko’s visit would create, and that he was a kind chief with a clear love for his children and people. He only wanted what was best for everyone and genuinely thought a good relationship with the Fire Nation was the way to act in everyone’s best interest. 

But his father didn’t share that enthusiasm; instead, he had Zhao send an assassin- had sent  _ Zuko _ \- to the North to kill their prince. Which he still didn’t understand- if anything, he found himself more confused by it after learning he’d been behind the reparations plan. Sokka was annoying and rude, of course, but that was hardly any reason to have him assassinated, so there must be something else. Either way, his father had his reasons, and Zuko had his orders. 

Instead of musing on it any longer, he tried to imagine if an assassin killed him- despite his father’s disdain for him, he was still too valuable to lose as both a prince and assassin. If he were killed, fire would rain down upon those that dared to take the life of the Fire Nation Prince. If Azula was killed… Well, what his father did for him would look like child's play compared to what would happen if his golden child was assassinated. 

But Hakoda… Well, Hakoda’s love for his children was clear, even to Zuko. He knew, should the Northern Water Tribe ever find out who was responsible for the death of their beloved prince, there would be grave consequences. 

As he slunk through the shadows, he prayed to Agni his father knew what he was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MVP Aang is all I have to say :")


	5. no holds barred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter.... Not entirely sure why that happened but... Enjoy <3
> 
> Title from buttercup by Hippocampus
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. buttercup by Hippocampus  
> 2\. Dead to Me by Kali Uchis

When Sokka woke up in the morning, he sighed as he remembered that today was his first day as Zuko’s guide. He laid in his bed for a few minutes, arm thrown over his eyes, as his mind raced around thoughts about the prince. Somehow, he was everything Sokka expected and nothing he could have imagined, all at once. 

When he had approached them, tall and imposing with his black robes, flame shaped headpiece, burning golden eyes, and sharp features, he looked exactly like what Sokka would expect the Fire Prince to look like. His expression had been collected and pleasant, clearly one mastered during long nights of entertaining diplomats, and Sokka hated him.

But then at dinner, he’d effortlessly kept up a steady conversation with Aang, Gran Gran, and his dads, swapping stories about the Fire Nation and Northern Water Tribes. He’d been kind and attentive, smiling and laughing at his dad’s stupid jokes or offering up his own little anecdotes. He’d been the exact opposite of what Sokka had imagined he’d be.

And then there was the dark and shiny pink scar on his face, which encircled his left eye and stretched over his ear before it disappeared into his hair. It was a curious mark, one that he couldn’t possibly begin to imagine how Zuko got, especially since it looked like a burn- maybe a training accident or something, he mused. Except when Zuko firebent, it wasn’t the type of harsh and violent flames that would leave that sort of mark. Instead, he had seemed to dance with it in the same way that Katara or Aang did with their own elements, with ease and familiarity, and suddenly Sokka didn’t know what to make of it.

He really hadn’t meant to insult him so blatantly, it had just come out when he began asking him… whatever it was he was asking, because he looked at him and saw faceless Fire Nation soldiers and his mother.

He had felt the slightest bit of remorse as he was doing it, remembering that he was just a young prince, the same age as he was, trying his best to be polite and respectful so as not to aggravate the unsteady relationship between their nations. But once it was done and he stalked off, he was glad he did it- he didn’t like him and didn’t want to, and now that Zuko knew it he wouldn’t expect anything more from him.

He’d ended storming off to his mother’s garden again, craving the comfort that it provided, and spent a long time just sitting there, lost in thought. 

Eventually Katara, and later Aang, found him and they sat on the small bench together once again, looking across the city in silence. 

Aang was the first to break the silence, saying softly, “Zuko seems nice.”

Katara shrugged. “It’s all so… Diplomatic. It seems so forced, as if he’s walking on eggshells or is terrified of offending us. I get a bad feeling about it.”

He nodded his agreement, and Aang sighed. “Maybe, but he’s had a long day of travelling. And I’m sure he’s just intimidated to be here with such a big job in a place he’s never been, with people he’s never met.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he murmured. “I still look at him and see Mom, though.”

“Just a chance,” Aang reminded them softly, but he placed a comforting hand on Sokka’s shoulder that he knew meant his best friend understood how he felt.

Now, laying in bed, Aang’s words came back to him-  _ give him a chance _ . He groaned, knowing that he had to take his advice, put his feelings aside, and get up. With one last deep breath, he reminded himself why he was doing this- for his father, for his people, for a peaceful future- and got ready for the day. 

After breakfast, Sokka found Zuko waiting for him by the front doors of the palace and he snorted at the sight of him; half his long hair fell down his back, while the other half was pulled back into a bun, and he was wearing a thick Fire Nation tunic, pants, and the thin boots he’d arrived in. They were better suited to traipsing around cobblestone streets rather than ice bridges and snow covered pathways, and Sokka knew he would be slipping and sliding across the ice in no time at all, and freezing not long after that. 

He decided promptly that first things first, before starting their history lessons- which Sokka figured was the best thing to start off their lessons with since it would take the longest amount of time- they’d be getting him a new pair of boots. As much as he didn’t like the prince, no one deserved to have frost bitten toes. 

The prince didn’t bat an eye at his snort and instead greeted politely, “Good morning, Prince Sokka.”

He ignored it and raised his eyebrow at him. “Why are you waiting by the door?”

“I didn’t want to keep you waiting,” he justified with a small shrug. 

Sokka, frustratingly, couldn’t find anything wrong with that reasoning. “Hm. Well, let’s go. We have a big day ahead of us,” he lied as he pushed the door open. 

“What do you have planned?” The prince fell easily in place beside Sokka, despite the fact that Sokka was several inches taller than him and had a long stride. He quickened his pace.

“You need new boots. After that, we’ll begin with the long and fascinating history of the Northern Water Tribe.”

“What’s wrong with my boots?” Zuko’s voice was indignant, and Sokka couldn’t help but think he sounded like a squawking puffin-owl. 

He led the way quickly, weaving amongst the buildings and people without explaining where they were going. “They’re too thin and have absolutely no traction. Your feet will be freezing in no time at all and I don’t want to deal with you slipping in the snow.”

“I’m not going to be slipping,” he muttered under his breath. 

Sokka smirked, spotting a patch of ice ahead of him. He stepped around it neatly, but Zuko didn’t notice- he stepped right on it and promptly slipped, arms pinwheeling behind him. He glared as Sokka burst out laughing, and righted himself to straighten out his tunic petulantly.

“Fine. Perhaps you have a point, Prince Sokka.”

Yeah,  _ no _ . That was going to have to change, immediately. 

“Sokka,” he corrected curtly.

“What?”

“If we’re going to be forced into spending time together, you might as well just call me by my first name and drop the title.”

“Oh. Of course. Sokka.”

They continued walking, Zuko being much more careful of where he stepped, though he was still looking around in fascination as they walked through open streets and across bridges. They soon reached their destination, a small shop that sold sturdy hunting boots- his personal favorite, since they sold him his own that he was wearing currently- armor, and parkas. 

They walked in and the owner Danrok, a hunter and artisan his dad’s age, looked up and smiled. “Prince Sokka!” he greeted, clasping his arm happily. “What can I do for you?”

Sokka pointed at Zuko over his shoulder. “Our guest needs a new pair of mukluks.”

Danrok sized Zuko up, who stopped looking around at all the armor and weapons around the shop to wave uncomfortably, and his brow furrowed. “They sent you to the North wearing  _ those _ ? Those are way too thin and they have no traction whatsoever. You’ll be slipping and sliding all over the place, and that’s if you don’t freeze first.”

“That’s exactly what I said!” he said triumphantly, looking back at Zuko to smirk. The prince just rolled his eyes, though it lacked any actual annoyance.

“Alright. I’ll see what I scrounge up for you, Prince Zuko. Any particular requests?”

Zuko shrugged. “Not really.”

Sokka studied him, standing awkwardly in his black tunic and dark maroon pants, and decided to spare him just this once. “Do you have anything black? Or really dark brown?”

Danrok nodded. “Give me a moment.” Then he disappeared, ducking behind a fur that hung in the doorway, leaving the two princes alone.

“Are you warm?” Sokka asked after a few tense moments, startling Zuko out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Are you warm? Temperature wise? Do you need gloves or a parka or anything?”

“Like… Right now?” His forehead was wrinkled in confusion and Sokka wanted to laugh at the sight, but he didn’t. 

He sighed and shifted his weight to the other foot impatiently. “No jerkbender, outside. Are you warm enough when we’re outside?”

Zuko was silent then said carefully, “Firebenders can regulate their body temperature, but it takes a lot of energy, especially when we’re really cold. It might be better if I had a parka? Just in case?”

“You can?” Sokka, despite himself, was fascinated. Aang could do something similar, though he bent the actual air around him. Since Zuko couldn’t airbend, his curiosity peaked. As the prince began speaking, he went over to where some of the parkas were folded up on a table and began ruffling through them.

“Um, yeah. It’s not very common. My unc- Someone taught me when I was younger. It’s through my breathing? Since the fire comes from within, I just breathe and… Yeah.”

Sokka hummed and was going to respond, curious about the technique behind it, but suddenly a parka caught his eyes from where it was hidden under several others. It was a simple caribou pelt dyed a shade of blue so dark it looked black, with white and darker grey fur details. It had a soft fur lining inside it, allowing it to be warm without being too thick or awkward to wear, and he pulled it out of the stack. 

“Put this on,” he barked, tossing it his way.

Zuko caught it easily and held it up, examining it before he shrugged it on and stood by the mirror, looking at himself. A small smile broke across his face. “I like it. It’s comfortable and the liner is thick enough that I think it’ll keep me from having to use my bending all the time, so...” he trailed off, arms flapping at his side a little bit.

Sokka nodded, examining him. With the parka on, he looked a little less intimidating and the genuine smile on his face was a surprisingly nice change from the one he’d been forcing since he arrived. “Good,” he said shortly, put off by his own thoughts. “We’ll get it then.”

Danrok emerged with a pair of dark brown boots as he said it and grinned when he saw the parka. “Perfect! It’ll be good for you to have that since the days can get cold here without warning. Anyways, I found these. They should be okay, right?”

Zuko approached and tugged off his boot to slide the other one on. “Oh. Oh, these are nice.”

Danrok beamed in pride, chest puffing out and crossing his arms over his chest. “I’d hope so, I made that pair. Even hunted the pesky buffalo-deer myself.”

Sokka couldn’t help but grin at the sight of the prince of the Fire Nation decked out in traditional Water Tribe clothing, a far cry from the heavy robes he’d arrived in yesterday. “These are great, Danrok. Thank you.”

“Of course, Prince Sokka. You know I’m always happy to help.”

Zuko looked up as Sokka turned to go, pausing. “What about payment?”

Sokka laughed lightly at the question and was about to give a snide retort, but Danrok beat him to it and explained, “In our tribe, you usually make your first real pair of mukluks and parka yourself as a young kid. Since you’re here as a guest, I’m giving them to you. I do have one request though, Prince Zuko.”

“Oh- of course, what is it?”

“Come by one day when Prince Sokka isn’t running you into the ground and let me show you how it’s done?”

“I- Yes. I’d enjoy that. Thank you,” Zuko stuttered, cheeks flushed.

“Alright. I look forward to seeing you then. See you around, Prince Sokka! May the Moon Spirit bless you always.”

“Thank you, Danrok,” he waved as he walked out the door backwards. “See you around!”

Zuko stumbled out of the shop after him, old boots clutched in his hands. “What does that mean?”

“What does  _ what _ mean?” he asked absently as he thought for a moment about where to go now. They could go back to the palace to do their lesson, but he didn’t really want to backtrack. He decided they could go to the library, figuring it was a two for one since he’d get to see one of the best buildings in Agna Qel’a, as well as start learning about their culture.

“What Danrok said, about the Moon Spirit blessing you. You didn’t return it, so I just wondered if it meant something special to royalty, or...”

Sokka glared at him. The saying was specific to him and referenced how Tui had saved him when he was a baby, an event that was sacred to his family and tribe. Hearing Zuko ask about it… It made anger roil in his gut, hot and sudden, and he snapped, “It’s none of your business. Leave it alone.”

Zuko stepped back slightly at his outburst. “Oh. Of course. I was just curious, I didn’t mean to-”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just a farewell.” He sighed deeply, collecting himself. “Just… Follow me, and don’t ask me about it any more.”

They started walking, and Zuko asked quietly, “So… What now?”

“We’re going to the library for our first lesson on the history of the tribe.”

“Oh. Great. I love history,” Zuko responded dryly enough that Sokka couldn’t tell if it was sarcasm or not.

“It’s actually quite an interesting subject,” he snapped in the end as he turned around and began walking away, leaving Zuko to chase after him once again. 

◇◈◇

“Alright, I’m exhausted,” Sokka groaned, leaning his forehead against the table they had claimed as theirs. 

He had started at the very beginning, with the ancient waterbenders who had lived in the tropics rather than the frozen poles of the world, and he wasn’t surprised to find that he quickly grew tired of reading scroll after scroll, page after page. He was set on getting through it though, so he kept going. 

Now, hours later, his brain was numb, there was an intense pressure building behind his eyes, his stomach was rumbling, and his body ached from sitting on the floor for so long.

Zuko was silent, and Sokka looked up to find him asleep with his scarred cheek smushed up against the open scroll in front of him. He rolled his eyes, immediately angered by the sight. Here he was, taking time out of his day to teach him, and he fell asleep. With decisive movements, his hands came up and a split second later, the prince of the Fire Nation was on the ground, spluttering in shock.

“Did you just… push me over?”

He had the audacity to sound insulted, and Sokka rolled his eyes in frustration. With an edge to his voice he snapped, “It’s what you deserve, falling asleep in the middle of a lesson. How is this cultural exchange or whatever supposed to work if you can’t even stay awake long enough to learn basic history?”

Zuko frowned and looked sheepish. “I’m sorry, Sokka, I didn’t mean to. I had a hard time-”

Not wanting to hear his empty excuses, Sokka got to his feet and interrupted him. “It’s getting late. We should get lunch or something, and we can resume after. We’ve barely even scratched the surface.”

Zuko got to his feet too, a slightly dejected frown on his face that made Sokka grin vindictively. He knew it wasn’t very nice, but… He was going out of his way to teach Zuko about the Northern Water Tribe. The least the prince could do was stay awake and feign interest.

They walked in silence out of the library- a grand building near the heart of the city that was easily identified by its sweeping archways held up by elaborately carved columns- and onto the wide boulevard that housed other significant buildings, such as one of the largest healing huts in the city and the school. It was a beautiful day, and the combination of blue skies and the sun hanging up the sky lit up the city, making the snow and ice shimmer.

Next to him, Zuko said carefully, “The city is beautiful. I’ve never seen anything quite like it before.”

Sokka grinned, unable to stop himself. “Isn’t it? It’s all made with waterbending, of course, but… It’s still amazing.”

“Doesn’t making buildings out of ice make it colder, though?”

He chuckled at the question, though he couldn’t really blame Zuko for being confused. It was a common misconception shared by other dignitaries who came to the city, and something he’d explained countless times before. He loved explaining it, actually- loved throwing himself into the science and the fine details of how it all worked- and so he answered quickly, “No, it actually makes it warmer since ice has lower thermal conductivity than a lot of other materials. Basically, it’s able to trap the warmth inside for longer, as long as the windows are sealed tightly. And then when we’re inside, our body heat is like a furnace, and warms it up even more, creating a cycle. Anything else would be ineffective during the harsher winter storms because materials like wood or steel have higher temperatures of conductivity- they conduct heat at a much faster rate, so the cold air outside would sap up all the warmth from inside and then it would just be cold inside. Ice is just the most practical”

Zuko nodded, even though he still had a tinge of confusion in the wrinkle of his brow. He didn’t ask anything else, though, and they fell into an awkward silence until they reached the market. They had passed through earlier, but they had been moving quickly, so Sokka paused to let Zuko take in the large square that was populated by vendors selling everything from food to tools to clothes. It was full of color, conversation, laughter, and people rushing around in every direction, lugging their purchases along with them. 

“Wow,” Zuko murmured, looking around with wide eyes. 

“Yeah. So, what do you want to eat?”

“Uh… Whatever you get? I mean, I’m here to learn about the Northern Water Tribe, so…”

“Well, the staple food for both water tribes, North and South, is sea prunes- they’re sort of like fire kumquats I think, but aquatic- so obviously we’ll get some of those. And then we can get some seal jerky, another staple food, and the halibut is always good, too. You’ll probably learn how to prepare it at some point, actually.”

“Okay. Whatever you think is best,” Zuko agreed amicably with a shrug.

His lack of enthusiasm was off putting, but Sokka sighed and just led them through the market and picked everything out before heading to a bench on the side of the canal to eat. 

“I guess I should ask if there’s anything you want to learn about specifically,” he brought up as he began eating. He didn’t really want to, but he figured the least he could was extend an olive branch- after all, his dad and Bato had asked him to at least be kind. As far as he was concerned, accommodating Zuko’s interests was enough to do that.

Silence for a long moment, then a quiet, “Um…” he looked as if he was going to say something, but at the last second he shrugged and looked away. “No. Not particularly. Whatever you choose is fine by me.”

Sokka rolled his eyes in annoyance. Once again he was going out of his way to teach Zuko about his nation, and he couldn’t even think of any questions or topics he was fascinated in. He fumed in silence and turned back to his meal. 

If Zuko didn’t want to pick something, fine. He’d pick the most boring, dreary topics that he could. He’d make a point to emphasize how they and their allies had been impacted by the war. He’d drag them around the city without taking any of the shortcuts so that he had to walk further. Whatever he could do to make Zuko’s lessons miserable, he would. 

When they went back to the library, he launched into a long explanation of how after the ancient waterbenders migrated to the north to create their own independent colonies, battles waged between the colonies that ultimately led to their unification and the establishment of Agna Qel’a. It was a long story with lots of names, dates, and complicated politics, and he noticed Zuko quickly growing bored, tired, and impatient. 

Sokka had to stifle a smug smile.

◇◈◇

Exactly two weeks after Zuko arrived in Agna Qel’a, Sokka placed a thick pile of books and scrolls on the table in front of the prince and announced, “We’re talking about the war today.”

Having spent every single one of the past fourteen days in the library, they’d quickly progressed through the history of the Water Tribes, and had covered nearly everything. After that first day they’d moved on to the actual unification process of the separate colonies that created Agna Qel’a, and the development of the hereditary chiefdom that was still in place. They went over the civil disputes that led to the secession of those who went on to form the Southern Water Tribe, had walked through the long years of battles and later development of treaties between the sister tribes, and they’d spent the past few days diving into what the Northern Water Tribe looked like at its height of power and its decline during Avatar Kuruk’s battles with dark spirits.

They’d gone through everything in painstaking detail, which meant that now they had finally reached the time to talk about the Great War. 

Zuko looked startled by the stack and he looked to Sokka with wide eyes. “Already?” he asked, apparently surprised more by the fact that they were already at the war than the size of the stack. 

Sokka hummed in affirmation, settling into his seat across from Zuko and pulling out one of the books. “Yes. Remember what we talked about yesterday?”

He nodded and began to summarize yesterday’s lesson, well used to the schedule Sokka kept by now. “While Avatar Kyoshi aided the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation with their own wars and conflicts, the Northern Water Tribe retreated from international politics in order to recover from the economic, political, spiritual, and social upheaval caused by Avatar Kuruk’s battles with dark spirits.”

Sokka had to hand it to Zuko, because it turned out that after that first day he was actually a good student, with a knack for remembering exactly what they had talked about (even if he sounded like he was reciting something from the heavy textbooks used in the Fire Nation). He was still frustrating and annoying, but… He at least wasn’t doing too terribly in their lessons.

“Right. So, that retreat allowed the North to reconstruct, and by about one-fifty BG, the issues that plagued the tribe before- poverty, political unrest, and spiritual disconnect to name a few- had given way to a long period of peace and prosperity. One of the most important outcomes of this time, though, was that the tribe refound its spirituality and experienced a massive explosion of art, music, bending… It’s when most of the current architecture in the city was established too, actually. This library, for example, was just one of the cultural hubs to come out of it.

Anyways, the tribe was slowly able to reenter international politics, reaching out to the other nations to rekindle their alliances, resume trade, and reclaim its status as an open port city. By the time Avatar Kyoshi died in eighty-two BG, the Northern Water Tribe had recovered fully, even surpassing where they were prior to the destruction of the city, and people from all over the world passed through the city. And then, after nearly a century of international peace-”

“The Fire Nation attacked the Air Nomads,” Zuko interrupted, his expression stony and voice tight.

“Yes,” Sokka responded shortly. “And then the Fire Nation attacked.”

They sat in silence for a tense moment, Sokka studying Zuko and Zuko looking firmly down at the table, before it became clear that he wasn’t going to speak anymore. He sighed and continued, unrolling a scroll that showed an illustration of waterbenders raising a great wall of ice from the ocean.

“As soon as my great grandfather- Chief Nukilik- and the council received the news of the Air Nomad genocide, they planned to offer aid to refugees of the war in the Earth Kingdom, which was next to be targeted by the Fire Army. But then Fire Lord Sozin declared war on the Water Tribes, and in order to protect the city and our people, the wall was constructed. Once again, any contact with the outside world was halted, including with our sister tribe, which was raided and attacked by the Fire Nation until it was nearly destroyed. Our tribe was left alone, but it was only a matter of time. For fifteen years, my great grandfather woke up every morning, expecting to see the Fire Navy at the wall. And one day, it happened.” 

He unrolled another scroll, this one showing the view from the palace that morning- a massive armada of the heavy steel ships that belonged to the Fire Navy visible beyond the wall, stretching out into the distance, soot falling from the sky. He saw Zuko swallow thickly, and when he reached out to pull it closer to himself his hand was trembling slightly.

“He woke up in the morning and there they were; hundreds of ships, as far as the eye could see, filling the air with soot. They were prepared for this though, and thousands of warriors readied themselves to take on the Fire Navy, on foot and from the canoes and fishing vessels.”

“They didn’t fight though,” Zuko said, looking up at him, gold eyes searching his blue. “I mean, the Fire Navy couldn’t navigate the terrain, so they turned and left. It was the one time when that happened, the entire war.”

Sokka stared at him in disbelief, disgust and sorrow swirling in his gut as he asked icily, “Is that what you were taught?” 

Zuko shifted uncomfortably, and said quietly, “Yes, it was. I’m beginning to suspect that wasn’t the case, though.”

He barked out a sharp laugh and turned to the stack of books to grab three of them. He flipped each one open pointedly, and set them down in front of Zuko so that he could see the images filling the pages- each one an illustration of Fire Nation soldiers and Water Tribe warriors locked in battle with swords and spears, fire and water, canoes and warships- before turning the pages to reveal even more. He showed him picture after picture, each one countering what Zuko had apparently been taught, and Sokka watched the blood drain from his face.

“They did battle. The Fire Nation didn’t turn and run, like they apparently claim to have. They went up to the tundra, expecting to be able to drop down into the city from above, only to find warriors waiting for them. A vicious battle broke out, both on the sea and on land, that lasted all day. Eventually they did turn and run, but it wasn’t just because they were too overcome by the cold and the strength of the waterbenders under the moon. It was because hundreds of their soldiers had died, including their commander. We weren’t much luckier, though- over two hundred warriors died that day. My great grandfather was one of them,” he finished thickly, gut churning.

Zuko looked up slowly, his face wrinkled in sorrow. “Sokka, I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”

“Don’t,” he cut him off, angry at Zuko for his ignorance, at the people who lied about what happened that day, angry at the Fire Nation for starting the war at all.

Zuko levelled him with an earnest gaze at the interruption, his golden eyes burning with a sudden ferocity, and he couldn’t help but think this was the image of the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation that he’d had in his mind all his life.

“Sokka, please, I know you don’t like me or want to be friends. And that’s fine- I don’t need you to. But I do need you to know that I am deeply saddened to learn what happened and how many people died that day- including your great grandfather. I’m horrified that Fire Lord Sozin and everyone since has pretended otherwise. And I need you to know that I’m sorry my forefathers committed such atrocities during the war. I know that no amount of reparations or apologies could make up for those lives that were lost during the war, but I’m sorry.”

Sokka stared at him, surprised by the passion in his voice, the fire in his eyes, the determination with which he spoke, and the fact that what he said actually… Made him feel a bit better. It wasn’t like it magically fixed everything, of course, but hearing him apologize and say that the Fire Nation was wrong… It soothed something inside him, just a little bit, and quelled his previous anger. 

Or at least, quelled it enough that he was able to dip his head in gratitude, clear his throat, and say, “Thank you. I appreciate that. But apologies don’t fix everything.” He launched back into the tribe’s following actions- Zuko listening attentively all the while.

After that day, their days continued on much like that for several weeks. In the mornings they’d eat with the rest of the family, then he’d find Zuko waiting by the front door and they’d go do whatever task Sokka could come up with for that day. 

It took just a few more days to finish up the history, ending at the reparations agreement, and then they were finally able to move onto some of the significant holidays, medicinal practices, and their hunting patterns. Winter was quickly approaching, after all, which meant the caribou would be migrating and they’d go hunting soon, so Sokka found himself spending more time explaining what animals they hunted and the techniques they used. They also wandered around the city a lot, Sokka explaining the intricacies of building out of ice and water and Zuko listening on in confusion.

Of course, not everyday was spent together. Sometimes, Sokka had to attend to his duties as prince- like fishing, attending meetings with his father, handling trade shipments… whatever his father and people needed him to do. On those days, Zuko would go out with Aang, with whom he had quickly become close friends with, and explore the city, or he’d go with Gran Gran to learn about the spirits and how the Northern Water Tribe honored them (though never about what had happened when Sokka was a baby- that was kept close to his chest, and he didn’t quite want Zuko to know about that yet). If neither of them were available, he’d disappear after breakfast and come back a few minutes before dinner, clad in the boots and parka that they had gotten him and flushed from the cold. Those days were his favorites, by far; minimal Zuko, minimal annoyance.

That being said, Sokka was startled to realize that his resolve to hate him was breaking down slowly, and that Zuko really wasn’t… _ that _ bad. He had his moments, of course, and Sokka still found himself snapping at him or looking away uncomfortably when he realized he’d let his guard down and as a result they had been laughing or talking freely with each other. 

But for the most part, Zuko was frustratingly nice and polite to everyone he met, if a little bit awkward. He was respectful and outgoing, with a biting sense of humor and a wicked intelligence about him. He’d pretend to be annoyed or bored by what Sokka was teaching him, but he could see Zuko listened to him speak aptly, reading the scrolls curiously, and sometimes he asked questions so good they actually managed to stump Sokka. Whenever that happened, he’d have to drag his feet and ask Katara so that he could give him the answer the next day, much to his chagrin. 

In return, Zuko shared information about the Fire Nation, and they spent hours comparing their laws, governments, food, festivals… whatever was relevant to what they were talking about. Sokka was reluctant to admit he found it interesting, but Zuko seemed fascinated to learn about the Northern Water Tribe- so fascinated even he himself seemed surprised by it- that he let himself show it every once in a while, and it made their lessons almost  _ fun _ .

Sokka was sure it would be easy- so, so easy- to be his friend, but there was still that lingering hatred, and looking at the prince was often accompanied by the memory of his mother and the war. 

And so he stuck to his anger, clinging to it as if it was the last piece of driftwood left in the ocean during a storm, the only thing keeping him from drowning. 

◇◈◇

He wasn’t expecting the knock on his door that came a little over a month after Zuko’s arrival, but he supposed he should’ve. With all the time he’d been spending with Zuko, he hadn’t spent much time with his family beyond meals, the occasional meeting, and when he and Katara would sneak out to the rooftop garden to talk about what he and Zuko did that day. He knew she was using him to spy on him without talking to him herself, but he supposed that’s just what little sisters did and it was nice to spend time with her anyways, so he didn’t mind too much. 

Either way, when he opened his door to see his dad and Bato, he beamed. 

“Hey Dad! Bato!”

“Hey son,” his dad gave him a tight hug, and Bato reached out to ruffle his hair, which he had let out of its wolf tail a few moments ago. 

“What’s up?”

Bato leaned against his desk and his father copied him as he said, “We just wanted to talk to you about how it’s going with Prince Zuko.”

Sokka shrugged, sitting on his bed. “It’s fine. He’s a good learner and he seems to be interested enough in what we’ve been doing.”

“He talks very highly of you,” Bato responded with a smug smile. “He says you’re a great teacher, and are doing a really good job showing him around the city. It sounds like you’re going really in depth on things, and he appreciates it a lot.” 

“Really?” 

Surprise crept into his voice, and he smiled slightly- not necessarily because of Zuko’s compliments, but more so because of the pride in Bato’s voice.

“Are you surprised?” his dad inquired with a slight tilt of his head. 

“Uh, well, I just…” he sighed and looked away, twisting his hands in his lap. He didn’t want to disappoint his dad by telling him the truth that he wasn’t really getting along with their guest, especially not after Bato just sounded so proud, but he knew he couldn’t lie. 

“It’s okay son, you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you, or be disappointed,” Hakoda comforted, as if reading Sokka’s mind.

The words tumbled out of his mouth at his reassurance. “It’s been hard to become friends with him. I mean, we’re getting along fine. He’s a good student and he’s invested, even in some of the more boring stuff. He’s also shared some interesting information with me about the Fire Nation. It’s just that… When I look at him, I still see Mom.”

Hakoda frowned and came over to sit next to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “Oh, Sokka. I’m sorry. I know it’s hard, but you’re trying and that’s all I could ever ask. That’s all any father could ask.”

“Thanks, Dad. I was worried you’d be disappointed.”

“No, son, I could never be disappointed in you.”

Sokka’s racing heart calmed and he smiled, leaning into his father’s embrace

Bato snapped his fingers, suddenly looking very excited. “I just had an idea. Do you remember how poorly you and Hahn got along when you were younger?”

Sokak grimaced at the thought of Hahn, a warrior who was his age. They had always clashed over stupid things, particularly when Sokka was finally allowed to go hunting. Hahn had ridiculed him for being older than all the other warriors were when they went on their first hunt, while he had been jealous that his peer had already gotten to do all of those things and was now in charge of teaching him how to use hunting spears. They continuously clashed over little things, and it wasn’t until they actually went hunting together- 

“Oh,” he realized. “You want me to take Zuko hunting now, don’t you?”

Bato nodded, a twinkle in his eye, and his Dad squeezed his shoulder in excitement. “That’s perfect, Bato! I knew I married you for a reason.”

“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just for my brilliant ideas, but thank you, dear.”

“ _ Gross. _ Can you please not flirt in front of me?” he groaned exaggeratedly, throwing a teasing wink his dad’s way. 

Bato sighed, but rolled his eyes fondly. “Anyways, before you hurl, yes. I think it’s a good idea. You’ve already been teaching him about the weapons and techniques we use, but you’ve been doing it from a scroll. Why not get out there and do it yourselves? Besides, he’s here to learn about our culture and there’s no better way than for him to actually experience the part of it that’s quintessential to everything we do himself. Some men spotted a herd of caribou beginning their migration, so it’ll be a successful hunt if you go soon, too.”

Sokka nodded and sat up straighter- it wasn’t a bad idea, and Bato was right; he had been doing all the work to prepare Zuko for a hunt anyways, so they might as well go soon. “Yeah, I can do that. We could go the day after tomorrow, that way I have one more day to prepare Zuko, and leave as the sun rises so that we make it out to the tundra by mid morning?” he asked, looking to his dad for approval.

“Yes, of course,” he agreed easily. “As for your hunting team-”

His face fell at his father’s words, though he’d known they were coming. Every time he went out, he was accompanied by the normal team of three other hunters, plus an entourage of half a dozen guards. He understood his father’s desire to keep him safe, but… it got a little annoying sometimes to be trailed by so many people. And, if he was honest, sometimes it made him feel as though he  _ really _ didn’t fit in with the other hunters in the tribe- they never needed a guard to follow them, it was just  _ spirit blessed Prince Sokka _ who did.

“Can I just bring Aang and Katara?” he tried to negotiate. “I know you worry about me getting hurt and upsetting the spirits, but with Zuko there’ll be three skilled benders who can keep me safe. Not that I think I need it, really- I’ve been hunting hundreds and hundreds of times, and I can handle myself out there. I learned from the best, after all. ”

His dad sighed. “I don’t like it, Sokka, you know that. If you were to get hurt… It’s not just that you’re spirit blessed, it’s the fact that-”

“I know that I’m the prince and all, but you don’t have to coddle me. I’m an adult, I did my ice-dodging, and I’ve been a man in the eyes of the tribe for years. Why can’t I take a normal team?”

“Sokka-” his dad began, but now that he had started ranting he couldn't stop, and he spoke right over him.

“Look, we’ve been through this Dad, I don’t know why we have to keep having this conversation. Every other person in the tribe, no matter how their role or position, gets to go out and hunt in groups of four- you yourself have gone out with less than that before.” Bato placed a hand on his shoulder in warning, but he shrugged it off. “Everyone gets to go out alone, except me, and sometimes it just feels like it’s just another thing to set me aside from the rest of the tribe.”

“Sokka, please-”

Desperately, he interrupted his dad again, “I know you worry Dad, but I’m  _ good. _ I can handle whatever danger is thrown my way, whether it’s a storm or cracking ice or charging caribou. Just because I’m the prince and the spirits blessed me doesn’t change the fact that I’m a hunter. Please, I just want to go out and have a normal hunting trip, where I’m treated the same as any other warrior. And, even if something were to happen, which it _ won’t _ , Zuko, Aang, and Katara would be there to protect me.”

“Sokka,” he interrupted. Sokka went to object again, but his words died off when he saw that there were tears glinting in his dad’s eyes. He took a deep, shaky breath, and Bato moved from Sokka’s side to his husband’s to place a comforting hand on his arm. “It’s not that you’re the prince or that you’re spirit blessed- it’s never really been that at all. It’s just that… If something were to happen to you, it would be like what happened with her all over again. I can’t have that happen to you too, son. I can’t let you get hurt, or… Or worse, like what happened with Kya.”

“Oh,” he murmured softly. He had never even thought of it that way, but he supposed it made sense. All his life, he’d been coddled and protected. He’d always thought it was his dad worrying more about losing the heir to the throne and angering the spirits- he’d never stopped to consider how it could be the second time his father lost someone without being by their side. “I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t-”

“I know you’re capable, son. You’re right, you  _ are _ good- I’ve seen you in action out there. But you and your sister are the most important people in my life, and I can’t help but worry or do all I can to keep you safe. It’s kind of my job as a father, you know.”

“I know. I’m sorry I pushed it so hard, I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“It’s okay, Sokka. You’re right too, though, and I myself hadn’t considered your feelings in the matter. As such, I will allow you to take Aang and Katara with you, but I ask that you take Hahn and Korlak too, since Aang won’t hunt and this is Zuko’s first time on the tundra.”

He beamed, throwing himself at his dad to hug him. “Thank you, Dad.”

He wasn’t one hundred percent happy- he and Hahn still didn’t really get along, after all- but his dad made a good point about Aang and Zuko. At least with Katara and Korlak, another hunter his age, accompanying them, it wouldn’t be too unbearable to have both Hahn  _ and _ Zuko there. 

“And one more thing, if you’ll humor your old man and go down to the Spirit Oasis and ask the spirits to keep you safe?”

Sokka nodded easily. “Of course. I’ll go to the Oasis tomorrow evening, and we’ll go in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, taking AP Chemistry in high school: this might come in handy someday  
> me, three years later using what i learned to write about thermal conductivity in a zukka fanfic: not what i meant but okay
> 
> Anyways see you tomorrow for some of mine and my beta's favorite scenes/chapters ;)


	6. reach out a hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to one of my favorite sections of this fic.... I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I do
> 
> Warning for this chapter, there is the description of an animal's death. It's not very long and it isn't too graphic, but if that's something you'd rather skip over, I suggest stopping at Sokka's line "Let's start moving then" and starting again at "Sokka breathed out another sigh of relief."
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. Colors by Black Pumas (simply for the vibes)  
> 2\. Send Me On My Way by Rusted Root (chapter title from here. Also yes I was picturing Ice Age while I wrote this chapter. I'm not sorry. It's one of my favorite movies ever)

The early morning sun hung low in the rapidly paling blue sky, washing the snow in soft oranges and yellows that made it seem to be glowing as they made their way across the empty tundra. Their six shadows stretched out in long distorted lines to the west, and the air was crisp and fresh, cold enough that they could see their breath hanging in the air. 

It was, by all means, beautiful.

But Zuko quickly decided, as he trudged through the snow with heavy feet, that beautiful Northern mornings set aside, he was not enjoying hunting so far; he might even go so far as to say he hated it. 

Which was a little bit ridiculous, really. He was one of the youngest master swordsmen the Fire Nation had ever seen, earning the title before his tenth birthday, and a master of four different styles of martial arts. He was a halfway decent firebender, an acrobat, a chameleon capable of blending into any crowd, and he knew his way around every poison and weapon imaginable. He was an important member of the Fire Nation’s elite squad of assassins entailed, and yet… He didn’t enjoy hunting, or at least the part of hunting that entailed walking across the tundra for an unknown amount of time.

If he had to sum it all up, he’d say it was stemming from primarily four things. 

For one, even with his parka, the chill in the air was cutting this early and since the sun wasn’t high enough to give him the strength he usually drew from it, his breath of fire was weak, and so he was cold down to his very bones. 

Second of all, he hadn’t slept much the night before- although the days were slowly beginning to get shorter, the sun still went down much later and rose much earlier than he was used to in the tropical climate in the Fire Nation. Since he awoke and slept with the sun as all firebenders did, he’d been running permanently behind on sleep ever since he arrived, and waking up so early this morning was definitely  _ not _ helping his deep set exhaustion.

Third, the two hunters who were accompanying them, Hahn and Korlak, clearly didn’t like him. Well, actually, it was just Hahn who didn’t like him. Korlak, much like Aang, was slightly younger than them, and greeted Zuko with a chipper smile and an immediate hug before launching into a long ramble about how impressed he’d been by his firebending at the welcome banquet. Hahn, however, hadn’t shared the enthusiasm. Instead, when they were introduced and Zuko had stuck out his hand to shake, he had just sneered, rolled his eyes, and turned away muttering something clearly distasteful under his breath, if Bato’s sharp reprimand had been anything to go by. 

And fourth was the fact that somehow Sokka was managing to be chipper and energetic despite the early hour, whistling loudly in a way that set his exhausted mind on edge as he tried to not snap at him.

“Sokka, can you  _ shut up _ ?” he groaned finally, frustration getting the best of him. “It is way too early for you to be whistling  _ that _ loudly.”

Katara whipped around, glaring at him with sharp blue eyes. “Hey. I get that you’re tired or whatever, but how about you show some respect?”

“It’s fine, Katara,” Sokka said, though his smile didn’t dip.

Zuko didn’t quite share his amusement however- the gleam in her eyes was a little too similar to Azula’s for his taste, and he cowered against his will. 

She looked at her brother with a raised eyebrow for a moment before she sighed and looked away, apparently seeing something in his face that Zuko couldn’t, and she didn’t say anything else. Sokka didn’t say anything either, though he did stop whistling, and they continued on in tense silence. 

What was probably an hour later, they stopped to rest for a moment, the group spreading out slightly. The sun was much higher by now and rising quickly, so Zuko was finally feeling more awake, warmer, and decidedly stupid for snapping at Sokka. Here he was, supposed to be getting him to like him, and instead he yelled at him for something as harmless as whistling… He had to roll his eyes at his own stupidity. Sokka was leaning against a snow covered boulder a short distance away, and making up his mind, he approached him. 

He simply looked up as Zuko came closer, face impassive, so he said carefully, “I’m sorry for snapping. I’m usually an early riser, since firebenders rise with the sun and all, but it’s hard here with the sun staying up so late and rising early. It makes it hard to fall asleep, so I guess I’m just tired. I shouldn’t have snapped, though.”

Sokka shrugged nonchalantly, though Zuko could see the surprise in his eyes at the apology and had to pat himself on the back for it. 

“It’s fine, I get it. Waking up early isn’t my favorite thing ever either, but I like hunting so it balances out.”

He tilted his head slightly. “I suppose that makes sense… Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“You just did,” Sokka pointed out with a raised eyebrow, popping a dried sea prune into his mouth. “But yeah, go ahead.”

“I know this might sound stupid, but why do we have to wake up so early? This is the animals’ home isn’t it? Don’t they just…” He flapped his hand awkwardly, not sure how to phrase what he was trying to ask- after all, morbidly speaking, the only things he was used to hunting were people. “...Hang around?”

“No,” Sokka laughed, though it wasn’t unkind despite how stupid Zuko knew it sounded, and he seemed to understand what he meant. “The animals we want to hunt- the buffalo-deer, caribou, and other large animals like that- are migratory creatures. They have their territories they prefer to go to, of course, but it’s never a guarantee they’ll be there. And we have to wake up so early because they’re mostly active in the early mornings to avoid predators like polar dogs and ox-wolf. They’re also active at dusk, but darkness and storms can set in quickly up here at that time of day, so the morning is the safer option.”

“Huh. That’s actually… That makes sense,” he agreed awkwardly, turning his head to the side when he heard a peal of laughter from Aang. 

He and Katara were playing in the snow (really, Aang was trying to use airbending to send snow Katara’s way, but the waterbending master was using all her best tricks to cover him in snow, and he was clearly losing), while Korlak cheered Katara on. Hahn was sitting further away sharpening his own spear with a deep scowl, and he and Sokka watched them all in silence for a long moment.

“Well. Let’s keep moving,” Sokka said finally, hefting his spear and securing his boomerang across his back as he pushed away from the boulder. “We’re at the edge of the hunting territory, but the best hunting is going to be further into the tundra.”

Zuko nodded and they started walking, Sokka in the lead and Zuko walking along behind him, lost in thought about how the interaction they’d just had proved that Sokka had been easing up on him lately. He wouldn’t dare say that they were close, but if he was asked, he would say that the prince was at least warming up to him ever so slightly. More concerning, though, was the fact that Zuko was doing the same. He hated to admit it, but he actually… Sort of  _ liked _ Sokka. 

He could tell from their interactions, watching him with his family and his people, and talking to Aang, Kanna, and his dads about him that there was more to him than met the eye. He could tell that down below all the sarcasm and anger he wrapped around himself when they were together, there was someone kind and compassionate and charming, who liked to tell jokes and get into trouble, who cared deeply for his people and his family, who was someone that Zuko could easily imagine being friends with. 

It was a dangerous thought, especially considering his orders, and he’d found himself musing on what it meant on more than one occasion; what it meant that he still couldn’t understand  _ why _ he was here to assassinate him, but could imagine being friends with Sokka. 

What it meant that a part of him  _ wanted _ to be friends with him.

He was pulled from his thoughts when Hahn and Korlak, who had been trailing behind them, came up to Sokka and started speaking to him in hushed whispers. He saw Sokka nod and look off towards the distance, so he turned his gaze the same way, but he couldn’t see anything; it was just an endless expanse of white snow, muddled and blurry in his bad eye. He tried turning his head further so that his right eye was taking more in, and huffed out a sigh of frustration when he saw it was still just a blank landscape.

Sokka turned to the rest of them. “Hahn and Korlak spotted a herd of caribou heading south. We can approach from the southwest and cut them off.”

Everyone nodded and they began walking yet again, but he still couldn’t see what they were heading towards, so he jogged to catch up to Sokka. 

He eyed him carefully again and asked, “What is it?”

“I don’t…” He cleared his throat, the anxiety at being vulnerable and having to ask for help making it hard to get the words out. “Can you see them?”

“The caribou?” Zuko nodded once, cheeks burning. “Yeah, they’re off to the left. Right there.” He pointed off into the distance, his arm disappearing beyond the reaches of Zuko’s limited field of view. 

His face twitched, but he began to turn so that his right eye was fully looking towards where Sokka was pointing, much further to the left than Zuko had originally thought. It had been a long time since his left eye had posed an issue, but it seemed he’d have to rise and overcome this obstacle. He paused- he could hear Zhao’s voice in his head reminding him to never let anyone know he was so vulnerable on the left, because of how easily it could be used as a way to take advantage of him. He shook himself, remembering where he was. Despite Sokka expressing a clear distaste for him, he had never done anything to suggest he wished him harm- he had taken him out to get better clothes for the cold weather so that he wouldn’t freeze, for Agni’s sake. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he stopped walking and turned his body fully to the left. 

Sokka paused too, and Zuko saw his eyes flicker over to the left side of his face with an expression that Zuko knew meant he had connected the dots. He didn’t say anything about it though, and instead brought his hand up again to point into the distance “They’re in a cluster directly ahead. They’re small, but you can see them moving. Little brown dots against the snow.”

Zuko’s right eye strained until finally,  _ finally, _ he saw movement and located the herd. Sokka was right- they were barely visible, little more than brown dots moving slowly along the tundra. “Oh,” he breathed.

Sokka grinned. “You found them?”

He nodded. 

“Good! So we’re going to keep heading towards them, but try to stay below their line so that we can come up like this.” His hand, which had previously been pointing, came up to make a gentle curving motion, demonstrating the angle at which they’d approach.

“Oh, okay. That makes sense now. Thanks.”

Sokka nodded, a glimmer of approval in his eyes. “Good. Come on. Let’s catch up.” Sokka seemed to carefully choose to walk on his right side, but neither of them mentioned it until he finally asked tentatively, “I don’t mean to pressure you or pry or anything, but can you… Can you see out of your left eye?”

Zuko’s pulse jumped. Suddenly, he was thirteen, alone and scared, waking up in a room that looked all wrong, realizing he couldn’t see out of his left eye. He was thirteen and learning how to walk again, how to regain his balance, how to adjust to having the left side of his world be dark and blurry. 

“No,” he said shortly, voice strained.

“Then I assume you can’t hear as well out of that side either?”

“No. I can’t.”

Sokka hummed. “All right. If it’s okay with you, I can cover your left side when we get close in case one of the caribou decides to charge. They probably won’t, but it’s better to avoid you getting hurt out here if we can- even if we do have a healer on our side.”

Zuko forced a smile out, though his mind was reeling. He didn’t really need Sokka’s help, of course- everyone who had ever known about his limited sight and hearing had mocked him and called him weak, so he had worked ten times harder to cover it up and keep anyone besides his family and Zhao from knowing. But now, seven years later, hearing someone (besides Uncle, but that was a path Zuko didn’t need to go down right now) take the knowledge in stride and not twist it or mock him for it was a foreign feeling. His heart was racing as though it was an antelope-jack in his chest, hammering against his ribs, and his hands were sweaty in his thick mittens.

“Uh, thank you,” he finally got the words out, voice breaking as he did. “I’d appreciate it.”

His companion simply tipped his head in acknowledgment.

◇◈◇

It was a slow process to get close to the caribou- although they were big, slow moving creatures, they had excellent hearing, Sokka explained to Zuko. They couldn’t just rush up to them, otherwise they would scare them off, so instead they moved forward as silently as possible in small increments. When they were finally just a short distance away, Korlak held up a hand and made a gesture, and suddenly Aang and Katara were peeling off towards the left while Hahn and himself crept off towards the right. Sokka crouched down behind a boulder right in front of them and gestured for Zuko to join him. 

“So the way this works is we’ll approach from here. Only Katara will approach from the west since Aang doesn’t hunt. He’s just here to make sure we honor tradition and our spiritual beliefs about hunting- that includes no bending. We only use the tools we make ourselves. Hahn will approach from the north, and Korlak will approach from the east. If you want to charge, go for it, otherwise stay back. Caribou are docile, but when they get scared it can be dangerous. If you see the chance to strike, either take it or let someone else.” Sokka caught his eyes in a serious look, blue eyes dark with adrenaline. “You got that?”

Zuko wanted to scoff- he had taken on skilled assassins, had defeated the most talented of the Yuyan Archers, had bested Master Piandao by the time he was nine. He was no stranger to a fight, and really, how different could a caribou be from a person? He simply nodded instead, and whispered back, “Yeah. Got it.”

Sokka gave a solemn nod back. “Alright. Let's start moving then.”

After they crept out from behind the boulder, it all passed by in a blur. He could see Korlak approaching from the right, could feel the weight of a wooden grip of a weapon- different from his swords but somehow still familiar- in his hand, could hear the quiet crunches of snow under Sokka’s feet, could see Katara rushing forward and striking out at one of them suddenly, long braid swinging as she did. 

The herd startled and started sprinting, and Zuko dodged and leapt around them in familiar movements, muscle memory from hours of brutal training for twelve years kicking in. Finally, there was just one caribou left, surrounded by the five of them. They struck out with their spears, trying to wound the great creature whenever possible. It was bucking as it tried to get away from the strikes coming towards it, but as it kicked up suddenly, Sokka darted forward and drove his spear into its chest, hard. 

Zuko knew that was the killing blow, even without seeing everyone lower their spears and step back as it collapsed to the ground. Sokka knelt down, taking the caribou’s great head in his lap, brushing his hand down across its snout with a gentle touch. Finally, Zuko recognized the dull glaze of life leaving its eyes, and it fell still.

The sight made his heart ache in an unfamiliar way, and he tried not to think about what it could possibly mean.

Sokka let out a deep breath and looked up to the sky with closed eyes for a moment, then stood and stepped back. Aang had come up while his eyes had been closed and nodded his approval. “Everything was done properly. We will honor this great animal’s spirit back in Agna Qel’a.”

Sokka breathed out a sigh of relief, and Hahn and Korlak both slapped him on the shoulders. 

Zuko felt strangely vindicated when Sokka grimaced at Hahn’s touch.

“Good job, Prince Sokka,” Korlak complimented, smiling. “An honorable kill. Your father will be proud.”

Hahn nodded through the jealousy clear on his face. “Indeed. This’ll be a fine pelt for you to keep.”

Sokka dipped his head in respect. “Thank you. You all did an amazing job too, that was a good hunt. I’m sure the Chief will want to honor you both with a dinner at the palace.” He turned to Zuko, a contemplative look on his face. “And of course, congratulations to our esteemed guest. You did well, Zuko.”

“Yeah, you’re amazing, Prince Zuko,” Korlak agreed, a wide grin on his boyish face.

“Well, he’s no Water Tribe hunter, but for a newbie and an outsider… Not bad,” Hahn said, the words looking like they physically pained him to say, the scowl that had been present since this morning still adorning his face. 

Zuko was beginning to suspect he just looked like that all the time, even when he was happy- a sharp contrast to Korlak, who he imagined always smiled like that, even when he was upset.

“Thank you. I appreciate your compliments. It was an honor to hunt by your side,” he said with a graceful smile across his face- the one reserved for uncomfortably formal events with Fire Nation nobility that he knew Hahn would hate. Sure enough, he sneered ever so slightly. 

Katara, clearly done with the niceties, interrupted to ask, “So, Sokka. How do you want to get it back? Ice block, or bury it and come back later?”

He looked at the sky, in which the sun now hung high, several hours passing since they first departed this morning. “It’s getting late to do a burial. Let’s use an ice block, just so we can get back quicker and Dad can worry less.”

She nodded and the waterbending master raised her arms, moving them in a series of fluid motions that made the snow beneath the caribou turn to ice. Grimacing under the weight, she lifted the ice block above the ground ever so slightly and shifted it over so that it rested upon the snow it was once a part of. 

“Katara will bring the caribou back on the ice block,” Sokka clarified, catching Zuko watching closely. “Usually we would bury it and come back later with a team of polar dogs and other hunters, but it’s getting late to do that, since it takes a lot of work and ceremony.”

“Oh. I see.” After a moment he added, “You did a good job.”

Sokka smiled. “Thanks. You were good too. Almost like a natural. I’ve never seen anyone besides the best warriors move like that.”

Zuko’s pulse raced, wondering if Sokka was catching on to the fact that he was hiding something, and he cleared his throat. “Yeah, I uh- I’m trained in a few different martial arts styles to help with my firebending, and I’m a master swordsman, so…” 

Sokka’s eyes lit up. “You are? What type?”

He lied quickly. “Broadswords, katanas, jian…. I dabble a lot. I wasn’t very good at firebending when I was young, so my father sent me to a master.” 

He blushed at the admission- he hadn’t told anyone that before, and he was shocked to find that he didn’t even think twice before telling Sokka something so private for the second time that morning. Once again, he was struck by how dangerous that was.

Much like earlier, though, Sokka didn’t mock him, but smiled with excitement. “Will you spar with me sometime? Please? I mean, I’m not very good since I’ve never trained with a master, but one of my friends, Suki, is a Kyoshi Warrior and she taught me how. No one here spars with me because swords aren’t commonly used in the Water Tribes, but…”

Zuko smiled slightly at his contagious enthusiasm. He had been sneaking out during the days where he wasn’t with Sokka or Aang to run through katas and practice his forms, but it wasn’t quite the same without an opponent. Even if he couldn’t use his dual swords in order to keep anyone from connecting the dots between him and the Blue Spirit once his mission was complete, it did sound nice to spar with someone again. “Yeah, sure. We can call it part of our cultural exchange.”

Sokka’s face flickered for just a second, and Zuko would have thought he imagined it if it weren’t for the flat tone in his voice as opposed to the bright excitement of a few seconds ago. “Oh. Yeah, of course. That makes sense.”

He nodded awkwardly, not knowing how to explain Sokka’s dramatic mood change. He gestured to everyone else, who was clustered around the ice block waiting for them. “Should we…”

“Oh. Right. Yes. Okay everyone, let’s go.”

The group took off, the ice block behind them. As they walked, Hahn and Korlak were finally talking to Zuko, for the first time all day, regaling him with stories about previous hunts. Occasionally Sokka would chime in, but for the most part it was just the two warriors going back and forth about incredible feats of strength or funny things that had happened to Sokka and other warriors.

Aang was back with Katara and as they approached a tall rock structure, he called out, “Katara’s getting tired. Can we rest here?”

Sokka nodded quickly, rushing over to make sure his sister was okay. She was clearly fatigued, something Zuko recognized well from his own experiences over exerting himself bending for long periods of time. She’d be fine in a while, but in the meantime Zuko decided to walk over to Aang, sitting in the snow with his back to the rocks and looking out at the tundra intently, clearly focused on something in the distance. He settled down next to him, and without looking away Aang greeted, “Hey hotman!”

He chuckled at the nickname- in the past month they had gotten pretty close, and despite the slang being long outdated, he found he didn’t mind. Instead, it was just a nice reminder of their friendship. Because… that’s what they had, he’d realized. It had started out as just trying to learn what he knew about Sokka and Agna Qel’a, but now, he’d honestly say that Aang was probably the best friend he’d ever really had. There was of course Mai and Ty Lee, but they had originally been his sister’s friends, and he supposed there had been Jet, but their fleeting relationship had quickly turned away from friendship and into something more intimate. So really, Aang was the first real friend Zuko had ever made himself, and he found the thought made him happier then it maybe should have. 

“Hey,” he responded, quickly finding what Aang was fixated upon. There, just a short distance away, was a cluster of small round critters covered in thick brown fur. They were probably no bigger than his hand, but they were chasing each other around in the snow ferociously and letting out faint squeaks. He snorted at the sight and mumbled, “What  _ are _ those things?”

“Oh, those are lemmings. They’re pretty funny.” They watched for a while longer, when suddenly there was a flurry of movement, and the squeaking became even louder. “And now they’re fighting. Anyways,” he turned to Zuko now, ignoring the fighting rodents, and complemented cheerfully, “You were really good out there, Zuko!”

“Thanks, buddy.” He paused, then had a thought as he looked over at him and asked, “Is it okay if I ask you something?”

Aang nodded, a knowing gleam in his eyes. “Of course.”

“Why do you come on these hunting trips when the entire basis of your nation is the value of all life?” He was genuinely curious- the Air Nomads were known to be pacifists who honored all life and didn’t partake in hunting, and so Zuko had been shocked that morning when he revealed he was coming with them. He hadn’t had a chance to ask him before now, though.

“You know, when I first got here, I didn’t want anything to do with these hunting trips since it went against everything I was raised to believe in. But Kanna really helped me understand it; she explained the role of the spirits in all of it and how every part of the animals they hunt are treasured, respected, and used to its fullest extent. This allows them to honor the animal's sacrifice and make sure that its life wasn’t taken in vain. I really respected that, so I asked Bato to bring me along on one so that I could see it myself. Since then, I’ve gone on most of the hunting trips with Sokka and Katara. I’m still vegetarian and I’ll never hunt myself, but I can make sure that all the proper practices are used and that their spirits are honored. This way, I combine the beliefs of my nation alongside those of my new home. Also, it’s good to have someone available to make sure everyone’s safe- like a guard of some kind!”

Zuko thought about Aang’s words, and couldn’t help the pang of sorrow that shot through him. Here he was sitting next to his friend, who was speaking about the value of all life, and not only was he the great grandson of the man who had attacked his home and was the reason there were only a few airbenders left in the world, but he was also an assassin with the blood of hundreds on his hands. 

It was the sort of cruel irony that would only fall upon him. 

“I see.” He looked behind him to see Katara and Sokka leaning close together, speaking quietly. Sokka’s eyes flicked over to him, widening when he saw him already looking at him, and he turned back to Katara as he whispered even more furiously. He knew without having to hear them that they were talking about him and sighed.

“What is it?” Aang asked, nudging him. He spotted the siblings and frowned. “Oh. I see. I’m sure-”

He was interrupted by a loud snarl and a shout, and Zuko looked up to see Korlak backing away from a massive cat, easily several feet taller than him, with white fur that was spotted by black. It was larger than even the fully grown polar dogs many Northern Water Tribe people kept as pets and long, sharp tusks came out of its mouth, the tips reaching below its jaw, and it had come out of absolutely nowhere. 

They all leapt to their feet, Katara standing on shaky legs but with her hands raised in fierce determination, and Zuko panicking just a little bit as he grabbed his own spear. He was prepared for most things, but he couldn’t say Zhao had ever trained him to take on a giant cat.   


“ _ Shit _ !” Sokka cursed, hefting his spear and rushing up to drag Korlak away from the beast.

At the same time, Katara rushed forwards and brought her arms up, bending the snow around the cat to send it crashing over it. With a clench of her fists, the snow solidified into ice, holding the creature in place. It was strong though, and with a yowl it broke free, sending pieces of ice flying into the air. With one hand Katara turned it back into snow, while the other tried desperately to keep the leopard at bay, bending more snow into ice. Her arms were shaking though, and Zuko could tell the bending fatigue was hitting her after pushing the caribou carcass for so long. 

Before he could say anything, Sokka yelled, “Aang, Hahn, get Katara to the caribou. She’s too tired to fight it. The rest of us will circle her and protect them.” 

“Sokka, no. I’m fine,” Katara called over her shoulder, but her shaking was clearly getting worse and each attack was weaker than the last.

“Katara, I know you want to help, but you’re already exhausted,” Aang butt in, rushing over to pull her away from the leopard that was crouching now, its bright yellow eyes studying them and its lips pulled over sharp teeth in a snarl. “If you keep bending, you’re going to hurt yourself. You need to sit this out, please.”

“What the hell is that thing?” Zuko yelled finally, pleasantly surprised when his voice was steady, despite the fear coursing through his veins.

“It’s a saber toothed snow leopard- the fiercest predator on the tundra. It must have been hunting the caribou and when we killed this one, decided to follow us,” Katara told him from where she and Aang had finally reached the ice block. 

“We just need to protect the caribou and Katara,” Sokka ordered. “Circle them. Come on! We don’t have a lot of time left!”

The five of them left able to stand circled up around the block of ice that now held Katara and the caribou, Zuko opposite Sokka who was facing the approaching form of the leopard head on. It let out a loud roar and began to stalk closer, slowly. Zuko swallowed, his grip on the spear tight. No one was rushing the leopard the way they had the caribou, instead crouching defensively and keeping their eyes focused on it.

Bright yellow eyes glared at them, and the leopard crouched once again. A second later and with a strong leap forward it swiped, so fast Zuko’s eyes had a hard time tracking the giant paws. It landed close enough that Sokka had to dive out of the way to avoid getting hit, but one long claw still managed to catch the left sleeve of his parka and tear it. 

Katara shrieked his name in fear and Sokka cursed wildly, but Hahn and Korlak had already moved in and were pointing their spears towards it. They jabbed into the air as if to scare it off, but nothing was working- the cat just kept coming closer, unbothered by the weapons that looked measly against its fangs. Aang tried hitting it with a powerful blast of air, but it didn’t even blink at the way it ruffled its fur or the blast of snow it sent into its face.

Sokka caught Zuko’s gaze desperately from where he was dragging himself to his feet, and in a clear moment of understanding, Zuko knew exactly what he wanted him to do. He ripped off his mittens and, leaving his spear in the snow, focused on the feeling of the sun on his skin and warmth flowing through his veins. By the time he ran around to the other side of the ice block, his hands were engulfed in roaring orange flames.

“We’re not going to be able to fight it off!” Sokka yelled at the rest of the group, now standing firmly on his feet. “We need to split up. You guys get Katara and the caribou back!”

“No!” Katara shouted from the ice block. “You might get hurt!”

“I’m fine. There’s no time, Katara! Go get Dad. Zuko and I will distract it. Once you get away, we’ll run and hide in the cave south of here, okay?”

“Sokka-” Korlak started, looking over his shoulder. The leopard took advantage of his distraction to swipe, but Hahn saw it coming and pushed them both to the ground.

“I’m not arguing anymore. We’ll be fine. Zuko’s a firebender, and I’ve got my boomerang and spear. Just go. The longer you’re here, the longer we have to hold it off. Aang?”

Aang nodded curtly, beginning to create a ball of air in his hands, while Hahn and Korlak ran over to them. Katara clung to her boyfriend desperately as her face shone with tears.

“Be careful, Sokka.  _ Please _ . Don’t do anything dumb.”

“We’ll be fine, Katara. Just get Dad quickly, okay? Come back on Appa.”

Sokka turned back to the leopard, crouched on the ground watching them intently as it prepared to pounce, and brought his boomerang up. “Ready?” he asked. Zuko nodded. 

In unison, they released their weapons. Sokka threw the boomerang, dragging the leopard’s gaze away from the small group hurtling across the snow in a bubble of wind, while Zuko blasted fire at its feet, trying to drive it back. 

Nothing happened.

“Shit. It’s not working, Sokka!” 

“We’re going to have to run! There’s a cave that way. Come on!”

Zuko let out one last powerful blast of fire, aiming right at the ground before the leopard’s feet. It howled, clearly angry, and they took advantage of the distraction to turn to the south and begin running. As they ran, Zuko kept looking over his shoulder to release more bouts of fire that kept the leopard far enough behind them for them to stay a good distance ahead. Next to him Sokka’s breath was ragged and weak, but they just kept running.

Finally, a small hill rose out of the snow, the narrow mouth of a cave visible as they raced towards it. Zuko smiled and pushed himself, legs burning and arms shaking as he sprinted the final distance until he burst through the mouth of the cave. He turned to grin at Sokka, only to find him… Missing from his side. 

He whipped around and saw him, a few dozen feet away, brandishing his spear at the leopard, though something was clearly wrong. Where before he had wielded it confidently with clear strength and power, now his left arm was drooping and he held the spear loosely. 

The leopard, as if sensing he was weaker, swiped again and caught him in the chest with the pad of its paw, strong enough to send the prince flying into the ground. Zuko held his breath, waiting for Sokka to get up and dodge, anything, but he wasn’t moving. The leopard crouched and without a second thought, Zuko was running out of the cave towards it.

“ _ Hey _ !” he roared, fire bursting from his fists and mouth, hot and bright. 

The leopard’s head turned to him, and Zuko flung the fire towards him. It backed away from the fire flying towards it, but it was too late- the fire landed on its face. While it howled in pain and batted at the small fires burning on its fur, Zuko ran to Sokka, relieved to find that though his eyes were closed, his chest was rising and falling gently. 

He grabbed the prince under his arms and pulled him backwards, keeping his gaze on the leopard. When he saw it recover from the fire, a few spots of burnt fur on its face, and come towards him again, he sent another wave of fire its way, hoping it would drive it away this time. 

Sure enough the leopard hissed at the sight and tucked tail to run away, just as Zuko pulled Sokka into the safety of the cave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not explicitly stated anywhere because it doesn't really fit into the story but Hahn and Sokka definitely had a little thing together at some point and that's part of why they hate each other. The other part is because Hahn sucks.
> 
> Also dumbass Zuko rights. That's all.


	7. share in cool and quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter for discussion of canonical character death.
> 
> Also because this is one of her favorite parts, another huge thank you to my beta Sam. Love you queen <3
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. Sunlight by Hozier (chapter title from here)  
> 2\. Always by Rex Orange County  
> 3\. Fuh You by Paul McCartney

Safe in the cave with adrenaline running dry, fatigue quickly set into Zuko’s body as his legs burned from exertion and his breath came in short gasps for air. The usual feeling of fire flowing through his veins was missing, making his head feel woozy; he had firebent more in the past few minutes than he had in the month since his arrival, even with the training he’d been doing on his own, and using that much power had taken a lot out of him. 

Exhausted, he let himself sit for a moment next to Sokka’s unconscious form, simply catching his breath, until he started shivering. Realizing that they’d clearly have to wait here for help, simply by virtue of Sokka’s unconsciousness and his own fatigue, Zuko looked around the cave he had pulled them into to see if there was anything he could use to help with the cold. 

It was a fair size, with a wide mouth that narrowed as it extended back, the ceiling sloping down as it did. He figured it was likely some animal’s old shelter, especially when he spotted some twigs in a pile from some nest or bedding that had once been towards the back of the cave. With a groan, he mustered enough strength to gather a few of the twigs and create a little stack with them for a fire. The flame he generated was weak, but it was enough to catch on the sticks, and after a few moments there was a little fire flickering and giving off enough heat to keep them from freezing. He pulled Sokka’s body close to the fire so that he wouldn’t be cold either, and sat across from him with his back against the wall and his eyes closed. 

Then, he began to think, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

Sokka had been inches away from death, in a spot where he easily could have left him to die; it certainly would have made his life easier if he had. Instead of pretending not to know anything about Sokka’s death at his own hand, he could have just let the leopard crush him and gone back to the city with the bad news. His job would technically be complete- the prince would be dead, and he wouldn’t look suspicious at all. He’d get to go home. But no- he had run in front of the leopard and risked his own life to save Sokka. And now he was  _ continuing _ to try and save the life of the person he was meant to be killing.

Exactly as he’d thought before, the fact that he liked Sokka was a problem. He was drawn to the prince, and it had made it so that when Zuko had the chance to complete his mission- when he’d turned to see him lying in the snow, vulnerable and unconscious- all he’d thought was that no one deserved to die like that (he ignored the hypocrisy of the statement) and that his people and family would be devastated by his loss (he ignored the hypocrisy of that, too). And recklessly, he’d thrown himself into harm's way. 

He sighed, frustrated with what he’d done, but he just reminded himself that the mission wasn’t ruined yet; he still had time. He’d have another chance eventually, and when it came he wouldn’t throw it away like he had then.

A while later, after he’d been dozing off slightly for what was probably ten minutes, he could hear the sounds of Sokka shifting and opened his eyes to see the prince looking around, confused.

“Don’t worry. The leopard is gone,” he said quietly, suddenly nervous as to how Sokka would react to them being alone and stranded. 

Sokka finished sitting up, wincing as he did, and asked, “What happened?”

“You got knocked unconscious after it hit you when it swiped. It was about to pounce on you, so I scared it and chased it off. We should be safe here until everyone else comes.”

Sokka nodded, though he was quiet. He brought his left hand up to rub at the sore spot that was no doubt forming on his chest, and automatically winced at the motion, looking at his arm in confusion.

“Are you okay?” Zuko asked, instantly concerned as he remembered a giant paw knocking Sokka aside, tearing his parka with one long claw. “Isn’t that where the leopard got you the first time?”

“I don’t know?” Sokka said, confused. “I was fine before, I didn’t feel anything but…”

“Let me look,” he said as he began to stand up, though he froze when he saw him frowning at him, distrust clear on his face. Zuko sighed. “Sokka, please. I know you don’t like me, but if you’re hurt, that’s not good for either of us. Just let me look at it.”

The other boy said nothing, just simply stared at him quizzically. His blue eyes were wide and there was a furrow in his brow that made Zuko shift uncomfortably, still half standing. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked finally.

“I- It’s just… Thank you for saving me. And for continuing to help me now. I don’t know that I deserve it, considering that I’ve been kind of awful to you about pretty much everything since you arrived, even though you haven’t really done anything so… Thank you.” His voice was uncharacteristically soft. 

Zuko blinked. He hadn’t really expected a thank you from Sokka, and now he was floundering, searching for something-  _ anything _ \- to say. He settled on trying to make a joke, keeping his voice as light and teasing as he could. “Yeah well, I just didn’t want to deal with the paperwork that comes alongside a prince’s death... Don’t let this go to your head, alright?”

Sokka burst out laughing and stayed that way for a long while, until it slipped away into something more thoughtful and almost regretful, in a way. 

“I think,” he began deliberately, “perhaps I have been a little more than unfair to you this past month. If you would let me, I‘d like to start over and be friends.”

Zuko nodded mutely. Was that really all it took to get Sokka to trust him? Saving his life and cracking a joke? He couldn’t help but think it was a little convoluted and more than ironic. 

“We can start over, but only if you let me look at your arm.”

Sokka rolled his eyes, but finally nodded in agreement and shifted closer so that Zuko could look at it. The fire was highlighting his head in a warm orange glow, and the shadows flickering across his face made him look younger than he was. He was, for lack of a better word, beautiful.

Zuko carefully settled next to Sokka on his knees and pulled away the shredded fabric that he could feel was coated in blood. The light coming through the cave was just enough that he could see the wound, and he hissed when he saw there were three long cuts from the leopard’s claws that stretched from the top of his bicep to the crease of his elbow. Luckily they didn’t appear to be too deep, although there was quite a bit of blood on his arm from when it had first happened. The bleeding had since slowed to an ooze, and he figured it probably looked worse than it actually was. He was sure it hurt though, and was proved right when he touched Sokka’s arm lightly and he inhaled sharply.

“Yeah, it definitely got you. I’m sure the adrenaline made it so that you didn’t notice the pain. Don’t worry, though, you won’t bleed out,” he said. Sokka snorted in response, which he counted as a win. “But there is a lot of blood around it that’s making it look worse. Do you have anything I could use to hold some snow to melt and clean it off?”

“Yeah, I have an empty waterskin attached to my sheath. Underneath my boomerang.”

“Alright. I’ll be right back.” Zuko unhooked the waterskin with careful hands and quickly went to get some snow, then warmed it in his hands as he came back. By the time he was sitting next to Sokka again, he had a pouch of warm water ready to use. “Do you want me to take your parka off for you?” 

Sokka coughed slightly. “Uh, no. Just use the edge of my boomerang and cut the sleeve. I’ll just patch it up, or I guess I can make a new one with the caribou’s pelt.” 

Zuko did as he asked, cutting the layers of fabric away so that the cut was open to the air. “This might sting a little,” he warned.

“That’s alright. Can you talk to me to distract me?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah, if that’s what you want. I’ll start now, if you’re ready?”

He nodded, and grit his teeth at the first touch of the water on his skin, but powered through to ask, “I don’t think I’ve asked you since that first day if there’s any specific topic you’re interested in learning about. If there’s something, all you have to do is ask. You know that, right? Laws, food, customs, weapons… Anything, really.”

Zuko remembered that first day when Sokka had first asked. He had one burning question, but he’d been embarrassed to ask it and so he’d brushed it off. But here, in the cave, he found he wasn’t as scared or embarrassed anymore. So, as he continued wiping carefully at Sokka’s arm he said evenly, “Uh, yeah, actually. I was wondering about your marriage laws.”

Sokka didn’t seem fazed by the question at all, and answered, “Oh, sure. We don’t have super strict laws here. My dad and Bato are married, and my grandmother dated her best friend before she got married to her husband, then when he died she ended up getting back together with that woman. So yeah, it’s pretty welcoming. I’m guessing if you’re asking that’s not how it is in the Fire Nation?” 

He nodded calmly, though his heart was racing at the thought that here, no one would care if he were with a man. It was a strange concept. “Not really. Things are a lot more welcome nowadays, but we have a long history of discrimination against same-sex relationships, so… I was just curious when I saw the way your dad and Bato act with each other. They seem to really love each other.”

Sokka beamed happily. ”Yeah, they do. They’re really good leaders together. After my mom died, we were worried about my dad. She was his entire world, so he was devastated. But the three of them- Mom, Dad, and Bato- had been best friends since they were children, so he was there for him. It took awhile, but eventually they got together, and dated for about two years before they got married five years ago. Is there anything else?”

He shrugged. “Not really. I mean, you’ve been a really good guide so far. I guess just… Maybe we could do some more hands on stuff?”

“Like what?”

“Like…” he thought about the places he’d been on diplomatic missions-  _ actual _ diplomatic missions where he travelled as a prince and not an assassin- and said, “I always like learning about the art and music and stuff in other nations. The Fire Nation has always had some truly amazing art, but my great grandfather ended up destroying a lot of it during the war. Now, it’s all been replaced by grandiose depictions of military might and industrialization. It’s been better since the war ended, but there’s still a lot of that sort of thing. It’s nice to see other art that’s not like that, but rather celebrates the beauty of the world the way it should, if that makes sense.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I can definitely take you to the arts district. I was going to take you there eventually since it’s a really cool area, but we can go sooner. Have you traveled a lot?”

He snorted. “You could say that. My father sends me out on a lot of diplomatic trips. At this point, I think I’ve been nearly everywhere on the planet.”

Sokka sighed wistfully. “I wish I could travel more than I get to. My dad doesn’t like for Katara and I to leave the city very often.”

Zuko pulled his hands away and grabbed a small scrap of the cutaway parka that was free from blood to wipe off the water and the last bit of red from his arm. Now that it was clean and the bleeding was slowing, it actually looked a lot better. 

“You’re all clean,” he muttered, sitting back. Sokka turned to face him from across the fire. “Why is that? Because you’re his heirs?”

He laughed through his nose. “I mean, partially. I am in line for the chiefdom, but… That’s not really it. The biggest reason, which took me an embarrassingly long time to realize, is because my mother died while on a trip to the Earth Kingdom, and now my father is scared of the same thing happening to us, I think. And there’s a second reason, one he doesn’t admit to having but I know he does, which is that... Do you remember that greeting you asked me about? When people tell me they hope the moon will always bless me?”

“Yeah, the one Danrok used that first day?” he asked, confused as to how this tied in.

“Yeah, that one. So, when I was born, I was sick. Really,  _ really _ sick. I wasn’t crying, I wasn’t eating, and I was barely breathing. The healers tried everything they could to help me, but they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me or anyway to help. My mom and dad were desperate, so they took me to the Spirit Oasis, the spiritual center of the North. They laid me in the pool and begged Tui and La- the Moon and Ocean Spirits- to save my life. I guess the Moon Spirit heard them, because Tui swam up to me and touched my head with its own. My parents told me that as they watched, the moon began to shine brighter and brighter, nearly blinding them. As the light returned to normal, I finally began to cry. When they brought me to the healers after that, they said I was perfectly healthy.”

“You’re spirit blessed,” he breathed out in realization. 

He looked at him, carefully taking notice of each spot where the moon made an appearance on his person. There were the white crescent beads in his hair, interspersed amongst the lapis beads and standing out brightly against his dark brown hair. The earrings that hung on his earlobes were the same shape, contrasting against the hoops that ran up the rest of the cartilage. He realized now that even the tunics he wore everyday were embroidered with elaborate depictions of moons and waves- much more than anyone else in Agna Qel’a, despite the spirits’ significance in their lives- and even the parka he wore now had the same pattern.

“Yes. I’m grateful to the Moon Spirit, of course, because it’s the reason I’m still alive. But it’s hard, sometimes. It took a long time for me to get people to see that I’m just… A normal guy. I have a stronger connection to the spirits that some other people do, and so I can feel it when they’re close and whatnot, but otherwise I’m no different that anyone else. People had a hard time realizing that when I was young, though. It’s gotten better since I was sixteen, when Bato helped me convince my father and the council that in order to be chief someday, I need to be seen as a man in the eyes of our tribe. After that, I was finally allowed to go ice dodging, learn how to fight, go on a hunt, make my own parka and mukluks, and do all the other things that are a part of becoming a man in my culture. But yeah, between my being spirit blessed and the loss of my mother, my dad just worries about Katara and I a lot, I think. ”

“Wow. I’d never know that you only started hunting and fighting a few years ago. You’re really good,” Zuko complimented. It was true- Sokka was fluid and strong and confident in his movements, and all that combined to make him a good warrior. A smaller part of Zuko, deep down, was trilling at the fact that Sokka was finally opening up to him. It made his heart unbearably warm.

“Thanks,” he grinned. “You’re not so bad yourself. I guess the fact that you’ve been sword fighting since you were a child explains it. I wasn’t expecting you to land any hits on the caribou, no offense, but you landed multiple. You must be a pretty good swordsman.”

_ The best our elite underground guild of assassins has ever seen,  _ he thought.

“My father insists on the highest levels of training for his children,” he said instead, which was putting it lightly. 

“He sounds like a hard ass,” Sokka snarked. “No offense.”

Zuko chuckled, only slightly bitter as he thought about how  _ much _ of an understatement that was. “None taken. He’s definitely kind of an asshole.”

“But hey, his crazy expectations saved your life out there today.” The easy smile fell from Sokka’s face. He looked away with flaming red cheeks and a frown. “And mine.”

“Hey, no worries. You’d have done it for me. At least, I hope you would have. And…” he ignored his hypocrisy for a moment, desperate to bring Sokka’s smile back. “Needing someone’s help doesn’t make you any less of a warrior. You helped me with my eye, so… It happens.”

“Thank you,” Sokka said genuinely, a smile playing at his lips.

They fell silent for a while, both of them unsure of what to say after that, and Zuko found his mind wandering so that he could think of another question to ask while they waited for Katara-  _ ah _ . Perfect. “Do you mind if I ask, if you’re spirit blessed, what’s up with Katara? Why is she so…”

“Scary?”

He laughed again, trying not to think about how he’d laughed more these past few minutes than he had in… he didn’t even know how long, really. “I might have said intense, but scary works.”

Sokka shrugged. “She’s had to work hard to get to where she is now. When the Northern Water Tribe was established, women were only allowed to be healers and not warriors or masters, and that tradition never changed, even as time went on. But Katara is… All waterbenders are blessed by Tui and La, since that’s where waterbending comes from, but she is particularly blessed. Her bending is leagues above anyone else's, and she mastered healing by the time she was five. She wanted to become a master so badly, but the council wouldn’t let her break tradition. She got caught over and over again stealing scrolls from the library and trying to learn waterbending at night on her own, but still no one would let her. Finally, when she was thirteen, she challenged Master Pakku-”

“That crusty old man from the banquet?” Zuko interrupted, eyebrows raised at the image of a young Katara challenging him. 

Sokka chuckled. “Yep, that’s the one. He’s an asshole- he was always the one to persuade everyone else not to let her learn. So she challenged him to a duel, and she whipped his ass. I mean, he never even stood a chance against her, even though she’d never been formally trained. After that, my dad convinced the council members to let her become a master. Four months later, she was teaching other benders. Since then, more and more women and young girls have been given the chance to have more in-depth training, and it’s all because of her. She was the first female master waterbender the North has ever had, and the youngest master ever.”

Zuko whistled in appreciation. “That’s amazing. She reminds me a lot of my sister, actually. Especially knowing all that.” At Sokka’s questioning look, he continued. “Azula is a prodigy bender, just like Katara. She was able to generate lightning- which is really rare- when she was just a child, while I was struggling to learn basic katas. But everyone looked down upon her because she’s a girl. She made sure they never did that again.”

Sokka shook his head in awe. “Quite some sisters we’ve got ourselves.”

“No kidding. My father noticed her talent immediately, and she’s been the golden child for as long as I could remember.” He faltered, wanting to continue, but he had never told anyone the rest of this story. 

“It’s okay. You can keep going, if you want to. I won’t tell anyone,” Sokka encouraged gently. “I promise. A secret for a secret?”

Zuko nodded and swallowed, having to look away from earnest ocean blue eyes. Showing vulnerability wasn’t something he was good at- even before he became an assassin, his father ridiculed him for having feelings. He called him soft, weak... a failure. After he joined the guild, it was even worse.  _ Emotions make you weak, and being weak gets you killed _ , Zhao and his father always said, and he’d seen it for himself- it’s what happened with his cousin, even if no one ever said anything about it, and it’s what nearly happened when he was thirteen. 

But here, with Sokka in this cave, having the first genuinely friendly conversation they’d ever had, Zuko felt  _ safe _ . 

He tried not to think about what it meant.

“He favored her, raised her on a pedestal, showed her off to our grandfather at every chance. I was always the embarrassment and the disgrace- I didn’t even start firebending until I was five, and my father hated me for it. I’ve had to make up for it by learning all these different martial arts and how to use traditional Fire Nation weapons and what not, and yet Azula is still years ahead of me. It makes me feel-”  _ worthless _ , he finished in his mind, unable to voice it out loud. 

“Hey, it’s okay, I know the feeling. Until I was sixteen, I knew pretty much nothing about hunting or fighting or anything, while Katara could knock people flat on their ass in a matter of seconds. It’s hard sometimes, not being the prodigy, but we make up for it in other ways, right? I mean, I’m good with numbers, strategies, and schedules, and clearly you must be good with diplomacy since your father chose you to come here instead of Azula.”

He wanted so badly to say that it was because Azula was likely off on her own mission, that she didn’t have the patience to do this mission, that it wasn’t as black and white as Sokka made it out to be, but he didn’t. Instead, he let Sokka’s reassurance wash over him and provide him the comfort he had been craving since he was thirteen, and smiled. “Yeah. I hadn’t looked at it that way.”

Sokka grinned, pleased. After a moment, he said tentatively, “My secret is… Okay. Listen, I really am sorry I haven’t been very welcoming, Zuko. I have… Some Fire Nation soldiers took away someone I loved- they took my mother from me- and I’ve harbored a lot of anger towards the Fire Nation since then. When you got here, I suppose your face was a brutal reminder of what happened- both with the war and with my mother- and I forgot that you weren’t the one to kill her.”

Zuko felt like an idiot suddenly as he remembered his mother sitting him down to say that another prince’s mother had been lost, remembered his father and grandfather having a terrible fight about the Northern Water Tribe, Fire Nation soldiers, and what their punishment should be. Thinking about it now, it certainly explained… Well, everything. Zuko understood that feeling of anger directed towards the person who killed a loved one, better than Sokka could know- he looked at the face of his own mother’s killer everyday, safe up on his pedestal and hidden away behind his wall of fire, and couldn’t do anything about it.

When he swallowed, his throat was tight. “I feel so stupid. I remember… My mother told me about what happened. I guess I was so young that I didn’t think to put two and two together. I understand your anger, Sokka, and I don’t blame you. I’m very sorry for what happened.”

Sokka’s gaze was inquisitive. “You don’t pity me?”

“...I lost my own mother when I was twelve.”

His mouth twisted into a humorless half smile. “They killed my mother when I was eight. Some pair we are, huh?”

Zuko laughed, surprising both him and Sokka. “Yeah. I guess so.”

They fell into a companionable silence once again. As they sat across from each other, watching the fire flicker around the walls, he breathed in deeply and revelled in the atmosphere. Finally, he and Sokka were acting almost like friends, like he’d been thinking it would be so easy to be. He knew it wasn’t necessary for his mission and that he shouldn’t get too attached, but in that moment the thought made something warm and pleasant curl around his heart. He thought he might choke on the joy that was bubbling inside him.

The moment was shattered when Sokka sat up suddenly, cocking his head. “I think I can hear Appa. They must be here!”

Zuko turned his right ear towards the opening, but he couldn’t hear anything. He decided to trust Sokka and looked at him with a smile. “Should we go check?”

“Yeah. Will you help me up?”

They grasped forearms and Zuko hauled Sokka up, then they walked out of the cave together. Sure enough, landing in front of them was Appa, Aang steering and Katara, Bato, and Hakoda in the saddle. Following behind them was a large sled that was being steered across the snow by a large team of waterbenders, all armed to the teeth with spears, knives, boomerangs, and bows. 

Even before they had landed, Aang jumped from his spot between Appa’s horns and ran to fling an arm around each of them. “Are you guys okay?”

“Yeah buddy, we’re fine, thanks to Zuko. I got a little cut and he’s probably pretty tired, but otherwise we’re fine,” Sokka said warmly, hugging him back.

“Oh thank the spirits, I was so worried.”

Hakoda strode towards them as they broke apart, a worried expression on his face. “I’m glad you’re both okay. Where’s the saber-toothed snow leopard? We should keep track of it, in case it comes near the city.”

“I had to burn it to get it to leave us alone so we could get into the cave. It ran away after, but I don’t know where to. I’m sorry, Hakoda,” Zuko apologized, genuinely sorry when the chief’s face pinched in frustration- the leopard had honestly been terrifying, and he could just imagine the threat it posed to the city.

Sokka hurried to defend him. “Don’t be mad, please. He saved my life. The leopard was about to pounce and crush me, but he drove it off. I wouldn’t be here without him, Dad.”

Hakoda’s expression eased. “It’s okay, Sokka. Thank you for saving his life, son,” he directed to Zuko. “I’m just glad you’re both okay.” To Sokka he said, “Nothing was going to happen, huh?”

He shrugged, clearly embarrassed, but hid it when he hugged his dad tightly. “Alright, you may have had a point. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Zuko smiled too, but his mind was spinning. Hakoda called him son.  _ Son.  _ He had never had anyone speak to him with that warmth since his mother’s death and his uncle’s departure, and it squeezed at his heart tightly.

“Katara!” Sokka called, pulling away from his dad to rush forward and hug his sister.

“Sokka, are you alright? Why is your sleeve cut?”

He grinned sheepishly. “Don’t be mad, but Zuko had to cut it so that he could clean the scratch from the leopard’s claw.”

She shoved him back to look at his arm carefully. After a long moment, she looked at Zuko, studying him with the same appraising look as the wound. “You cleaned it?”

He nodded uncomfortably. “Yeah. I hope I did alright, I was just trying to make it a little bit better and more comfortable from him… I’m sorry if I messed it up.”

She shook her head. “No, no you did a good thing here. It helped slow the bleeding. I’ll be able to heal it, but it’ll leave a scar-”

“Hey, I think it’ll make me look tough!” Sokka interjected. 

“-not that Sokka will mind,” she finished, rolling her eyes. She let Sokka walk away to talk to Aang some more, then turned to him. Her face was softer and more open than he’d ever seen it be in regards to him, and she folded in on herself slightly as she said, “Listen, Zuko… Thank you for saving him. And me. We were only able to get away because of you distracting the leopard. It was really brave, what you did, and I really appreciate you looking out for him. If anything else had happened to him I would... Well, thank you.”

He dipped his head in appreciation. “Of course, Katara. Are you doing better now? You look a little bit stronger already.”

Her shoulders sagged and her face fell slightly. “I’m alright. I’m still weak, but I’ll be okay by tomorrow. Are you injured at all? I can heal you after Sokka’s done, if you are.”

“No, I’m okay. I’m just tired and fatigued, but it’s nothing a night of sleep won’t fix. Thank you for offering, though, I appreciate it.”

“Good,” she said with a small smile. Meeting his eyes now, she stood up straight and said, not unkindly, “And it’s… It would be the least I could do.”

“All right everyone, let’s head back. We don’t want to be here if that snow leopard is still around,” Hakoda directed loudly, breaking up their conversation.

As they hopped onto the back of Appa, Zuko couldn’t help the small smile across his face. For the first time since he got to the North, he forgot about his mission. He just let himself bask in the happy glow of Aang’s hug, Sokka’s warm smile, Katara’s gentle offer of help, and the echo of Hakoda calling him son. 

◇◈◇

When they reached the city again, Aang walked him back to his room while Sokka and Katara went to the medical wing.

“So,” the airbender said with fake nonchalance, “you and Sokka seem… different.”

“Uh, yeah. I guess so. While I was cleaning his cut, we talked about some stuff.” Aang glanced at him in a way he recognized meant he wanted more detail, and Zuko sighed, though it was fond. “He apologized for the way he’s been treating me, and told me about his mom.”

Aang stopped in his tracks. “He did?”

“Yeah. I assume that’s significant?”

“He never… I mean, he doesn’t talk about Kya a lot, unless it’s with Katara. Everything I know about her is from Katara. I guess I’m just surprised that he opened up about it.”

Zuko hummed, though his heart raced a bit at the revelation. “I guess so. He said it’s part of why he was so hostile at first. I guess that’s why Katara was, too?”

It was something they’d talked about often, how Katara and Sokka felt about Zuko, so Aang knew what he was talking about immediately and nodded solemnly. “Yeah… Katara… Well, it’s not my place to tell you what she feels, so you should talk to her about it. It might help with your relationship with her, too.”

He nodded in agreement, knowing Aang was right. Although Katara didn’t play much of a role in his mission, he found that he still wanted to make things right with her- he told himself it was so that there was some form of political alliance between their two nations, and not because he was beginning to care. 

“Thanks, Aang.” He paused, then, “I’m glad to have you as my friend.”

The teenager beamed and hugged Zuko in excitement. “I’m glad to have you as my friend too. And once you talk to Katara, everything’s going to be great! We’re going to have a lot of fun, Zuko, you’ll see. I should go check on Sokka now, but I’m glad you figured it out with him.”

Zuko watched him as he sped down the hall, a gust of wind behind him he was so excited, and chuckled. Though he wouldn’t say it out loud, he couldn’t help but agree with Aang- things were looking up in the Northern Water Tribe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, looking at this cave: it's free therapy
> 
> n e ways see you tomorrow for some of my personal favorite parts ;)


	8. forget cold glances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so pumped for yall to read these next two chapters, you have NO clue. i hope you enjoy :)
> 
> warning for this chapter is some underage drinking towards the end, and also some references to homophobia/homophobic language.
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. Like To Get To Know You Well - Howard Jones (chapter title from here)  
> 2\. Best Friend - Rex Orange County

After their hunting trip, they all took a few days to recover, since Sokka’s arm and chest were still sore, even after Katara healed his wounds, and Zuko needed more time to regain his strength. It was a welcome rest though, Sokka was discovering, because it gave him and Zuko time to simply sit and talk, and he learned that his earlier assessments were right; Zuko was  _ really _ easy to be friends with. 

Although the circumstances under which they found themselves trapped in the cave had been unfortunate, Sokka had actually enjoyed talking to him openly like that. It had revealed another side to Zuko that he hadn’t seen yet, and the gentle compassion and vulnerable honesty he’d shown had broken down the last bit of Sokka’s hatred. Not of the Fire Nation’s previous actions or of those who had killed his mother- that remained, like he was sure it always would- but his hatred of Zuko himself. 

And the fact that he had thrown himself into danger to save Sokka and then cleaned his wound… He found himself thinking about it often, a pang of guilt at the way he’d been treating Zuko making it’s home in his stomach. Because he’d promised to give him a chance, and for nearly a month, had done nearly the exact opposite- he had clung to his anger, blind to the person that Zuko was. 

Because there was, of course, the part of him that was undeniably awkward and bordering on shy and sometimes completely lacking social skills. But he was also kind and startlingly funny and when he opened up, he was actually really nice to talk to. There was just something about Zuko- he wasn’t sure if it was the look in his eyes as he looked at him, or the gentle rasp of his voice as he spoke quietly, or the way he’d so willingly offered up that part of himself as if he’d never talked about it before- that drew Sokka in and made him want to know everything about him. What he was thinking, what he was feeling, what he’d been through, what he looked to his future for... If it was able to be put into words by Zuko, Sokka wanted to know it.

Whatever it was, it was the same thing that made Sokka feel safe and comfortable sitting in the cave; the same thing that had allowed him to open up about some of the things he kept closest to his chest. He didn’t like to talk about his mother with anyone other than Katara or his dad usually, and he rarely ever talked about Tui’s blessing, but Zuko had made it easy, somehow. He didn’t know what it was, exactly, but he knew, as they continued getting to know each other better in the days following the trip and slipped into an easy friendship, that he didn’t regret it.

He took the time when they weren’t together to come up with more ideas of places to show Zuko and things to do around the city to continue his lessons, and had started creating a full list, all put neatly into a schedule for them to follow. He knew it was maybe a bit much, and that the change in his behavior must have been startling to Zuko, but he couldn’t help it- he’d been holding onto his hatred mostly out of principle, and now that he wasn’t, he was excited to share Agna Qel’a with someone who hadn’t seen much of it.

Which is why when Zuko knocked on his door and walked into his room a few days after the hunt, the same way he’d been doing since they got back, Sokka beamed and scooted over on his bed. Normally, Zuko pulled a chest to his bedside and sat on it, but today Sokka didn’t even give him the chance to do so.

“Zuko! Hey, come here and sit.”

The Fire Nation prince gave a lopsided little grin and approached with trepidation, though his confidence grew when he saw Sokka wasn’t going to change his mind. 

“How are you feeling today?” he asked as he sat down.

Sokka grinned. “A lot better than yesterday. There’s just a little bit of soreness, but for the most part it’s gone, so I should be able to go back to business tomorrow morning. How about you? How’s the fatigue?”

“That’s really good. I’m glad to hear it. And,” he answered with a shrug, “I’m alright. My strength is taking a little bit longer to return than expected since the sun isn’t as strong this far North, but I’ll be back to full strength by tomorrow morning, probably.”

“That’s good, because I have a lot planned for us.”

Zuko raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Well, yeah. There’s still so much you don’t know about!” It was true- Sokka had been working Zuko hard, but he had been picking and choosing a lot of the more boring topics. There was so much fun stuff they hadn’t even scratched the surface of- the markets, the arts district, weapons… All of Sokka’s favorite things. He reached over to the scroll on the low table next to his bed and unfurled it. “I made a schedule and everything!”

“Oh. Wow. So I guess… Are we…” Zuko’s brow was furrowed and he was clearly struggling to get his words out.

Sokka’s heart squeezed at the look of distress on his face- even a few days later, he still doubted that he had forgiven him. He nudged his side gently with his elbow. “Hey. I meant what I said in the cave- I wasn’t just saying it to say it, or just because you saved me. I do really want to start over, and I’d like to consider you a friend if you’d let me.” Zuko’s gaze was unreadable and Sokka stuttered. “Or not! We can go back to being all stiff and weird around each other, that’s okay too!”

“No!” he yelped, immediately flushing at his outburst. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I meant I’d like to be friends. I’ve just… never really had friends before Aang. And now you, I guess.”

_ Wow _ . Sokka wanted to dig further, but he could tell from Zuko’s face there was a lot to uncover and that now wasn’t the time to do it. “And me,” he confirmed instead, laying the scroll out in front of them. “So, I’m thinking we should get out of the library. There’s so much more exciting stuff for us to do that is really important to Northern Water Tribe culture, it’s not all just history.”

Zuko leaned over the scroll, looking closely at it to decipher Sokka’s sloppy handwriting. He frowned suddenly, pointing to a hastily scrawled word in the top corner. “Does that say ‘makeout?’” 

“No!” he squawked, already feeling himself blush. “It says  _ mukluks _ , thank you very much!”

They looked at each other in silence with bright pink cheeks, and then burst out laughing simultaneously. 

_ Yeah _ , Sokka thought as he watched Zuko laugh, contentment heavy in his heart.  _ It’s going to be easy to be his friend _ . 

◇◈◇

The next morning, it was Sokka waiting eagerly by the front door for Zuko. He was practically buzzing with excitement, and when Zuko showed up he took off out the door before he could even say anything.

“Sokka!” the prince cried indignantly, rushing out after him. “Sokka, wait up! Where are we going?”   


Sokka just laughed and looked over his shoulder. “Come on, jerkbender! We have a full day and we  _ can’t _ mess up my schedule.”

Zuko rolled his eyes, but lengthened his stride until he was in line with him. “And what, exactly, is on our schedule for today?”

“Well, we went hunting, so now you have to make mukluks with Danrok like you promised. The pelt goes to the person who got the final kill, and it is theirs to determine what they do with it- if it ends up being used for decorations, clothing, weapon sheaths, or something else. I got the final kill, therefore it’s mine and I figured since you saved my life _ and  _ since it was your first hunt, we could share the pelt and make a pair of boots together. After that we’ll go to the food market to get something to eat, then I’ll take you to the shopping district and we can poke around there for a while. Later, we’ll go meet Aang and Katara at the arts district. What do you think?”

His companion shrugged, but looked pleased. “If you think it sounds good, so do I. You know best, after all.”

He beamed. “Alright. Now come on, Danrok’s waiting for us!”

Sure enough, the man was waiting for them in the doorway of his shop. 

“You have a good caribou here, Prince Sokka,” he complimented as he led them to the back.

“Thanks, Danrok. I wouldn’t be here to enjoy it if it weren’t for Zuko, though. He saved my life from the saber-toothed snow leopard.”

Danrok turned an approving eye to Zuko. “I heard- it’s all anyone can talk about lately. It sounds like you’re quite the hunter already, Prince Zuko.”

Zuko flushed under his gaze and curled in on himself humbly. “I mean, I guess. There was a lot of adrenaline though, so I don't know how much of it is actually me.” 

The man nodded thoughtfully. “I once saw my brother’s partner lift an entire sled by themself to get their daughter out from under it. The things adrenaline can make us do in a moment of danger is certainly something to behold. Anyways,” he said with a clap of his hands. “let’s get started. Kanna and the other elders have prepared the hides for us on account of your injuries, but usually you would skin and prepare the pelt yourself.”

He had set up the low table in the back of his shop with everything they’d need- the needles, sinew, and the caribou’s pelt. They settled down quickly, shucking off their parkas in the warmth, and began to work. Time passed quickly as they did, stitching and crimping and sewing together the various layers of leather and fur. They started out slow to guide Zuko through the process, but he caught on quickly and by the time they were finished a few hours later, his boot looked just as good as Sokka’s. 

Danrok smiled widely and clapped Zuko on the shoulder. “You know what Prince Zuko? You really are a natural. There’s no adrenaline to blame here.”

He blushed at the praise. “Thank you, Danrok. You and Sokka are both excellent teachers. I’m honored to have learned from you.”

Sokka slung an arm around Zuko’s shoulders, who stiffened for a second before relaxing again. 

“If you keep stealing my thunder, they’re going to want to replace me as prince and hand the position to you.”

Zuko laughed. “I doubt that’s true.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure… Prince Sokka can be a real pain in the ass sometimes,” Danrok ribbed with a smile. 

“Oh, trust me, I know,” Zuko muttered right back.

Sokka’s mouth flopped open in a rather unflattering manner as he spluttered and tried to defend himself. “I am not! This is slander, and from my own friends, nonetheless.” The two just laughed at him and he rolled his eyes. “This is unbelievable. I can’t believe after I killed the caribou  _ and _ got cut by a saber-toothed snow leopard I am  _ still _ being bullied.”

Danrok threw his head back. “Come on, your highness, you know better than anyone that this is just a part of being a man in our tribe.” Sokka shrugged noncommittally. “Anyways, what do you boys want to do with these? You want to take them, or should I keep them to sell?”

Zuko looked at Sokka questioningly, and he smiled. “It’s up to you. Whatever you want to do is fine.”

“I think- I’d like to keep them, if that’s okay?” Zuko asked quietly, his face pinched slightly- Sokka couldn’t imagine why. “This was fun. It might be nice to have something to remember it by.”

Danrok smiled warmly. “Of course. I’ll wrap them up for you and send them on up to the palace. It sounds like you two have a busy day, and we wouldn’t want these getting in the way.”

Sokka reached forwards, clasping Danrok’s forearm. “Thank you so much, Danrok. For everything.”

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur as they wandered through the city aimlessly and stopped at various food stands to pick up different things for lunch, including a bowl of sea prunes since Zuko enjoyed them, unlike Aang. 

“You know Aang actually hates sea prunes?” he asked Zuko at one point as they walked along, splitting the bowl between themselves.

His brow wrinkled. “What? Why?”

“I’ve asked him so many times, and he always says it’s the texture or something.”

Zuko hummed. “That boy has no taste whatsoever.”

“Thank you!” he exclaimed. “I’m glad you agree.”

After they got lunch, Sokka led him to one of his favorite areas in the city, a long neighborhood that was lined with shops selling everything from bags to weapons. They went from shop to shop, Sokka taking time here or there to explain what some of the items being sold to Zuko were, like bolas, or how things such as the elaborate sinew baskets were made.

And, as was to be expected anytime Sokka went down to the market, they also accumulated several armsful worth of things.

“Do you really need another bag? I’ve seen the collection in your room, you have a ton,” Zuko asked him, clearly amused as he watched Sokka admiring a handsome brown sealskin bag, blue and white beads adorning it in a geometric pattern.

“Zuko… Yes. I do. It matches my boomerang sheath!” 

After he passed a few coins over to pay for the bag, they made their way out of the neighborhood to go meet Aang and Katara in the arts district, a cluster of several streets and neighborhoods that was in the heart of the city.

It was a beautiful area, with the main street boasting two wide sidewalks that were separated by a large canal, one of the biggest in the city. Banners, streamers, and lanterns in all different colors were hung between buildings, and as the sun hit them they cast brightly colored shadows onto the snow covered streets. Elaborate bridges connected the two sidewalks, etched with beautiful carvings of animals, scenery, and stories about the tribe, and the buildings were some of the most elaborate and impressive in the city- even more so than the palace.

Sokka beamed when he saw the awestruck expression on Zuko’s face. “So, what do you think?”

“Sokka, this is absolutely amazing,” he breathed, eyes flickering all over the place as he tried to take everything in. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“I’m glad. It’s one of my favorite areas in the city.” Sokka heard his name be called out from behind him, and looked over his shoulder to see Aang and Katara on a bridge further up the street, waving them over. “Oh good, they’re here. Come on, let’s go meet them, and then we can start exploring.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the district, looking into the studios and shops that lined the streets and admiring the art that was everywhere. Zuko was entranced by everything, and they spent several hours looking at all of the various engravings, paintings, sculptures, tapestries, and jewelry. The artisans all greeted the group warmly, and many took time to explain how they made their craft to Zuko in great detail. He was attentive and enthusiastic, and nearly all of them ended up offering to teach the prince how to make it himself later. Zuko always accepted eagerly, and it always managed to make Sokka smile slightly, glad he had decided to start over in the cave after all.

At one point, Katara and Zuko ended up walking together ahead of Sokka and Aang, and Sokka watched them carefully. Zuko had talked to her the other day, and while he didn’t know what exactly their conversation had entailed, it had clearly been good because now they strolled along together, chatting amicably. Perhaps they weren’t as close as he and Sokka were already, but Katara still had a bright smile on her face. And, as he watched them, she laughed loudly at something he said, so he wasn’t too worried about them not getting along anymore.

It made him smile, and Aang must have noticed because he nudged him with his elbow. “I told you it wouldn’t be so bad, having him here.”

Sokka rolled his eyes, but there was no venom to it. “Yeah yeah, you and your wisdom… But yeah. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.”

“You guys seem really close already,” he observed, a pleased smile on his face.

He shrugged. “He saved my life. I figured the least I could do as thanks was give him a chance- a real one this time- like you said, and it turns out he’s really easy to be friends with. Plus, he actually likes sea prunes unlike someone else I know, so…”

Aang laughed, loud and bright, and at the sound both Katara and Zuko turned to look at them. He waved with a broad smile, and while his sister just shook her head and turned away, Zuko gave a small, awkward wave back.

“Well, even if it took a while, I’m glad that you sorted it out,” Aang said, bumping their elbows together.

“Yeah,” he said fondly as he watched Zuko grab Katara’s arm in excitement as he tugged her over to look at a serpentine carving of a whale, the green stone shimmering in the sun. “Me too.”

They stayed out until long after the sun had dipped beneath the horizon and dinner had come and gone, instead electing to get bowls of kelp noodles with Aang and Katara, which they ate by the canal. By the time they got back to the palace it was late, and he and Zuko stumbled up to Sokka’s room on aching feet, arms laden with what he’d purchased that day.

“I told you you shouldn’t have bought so much,” Zuko sighed as he dropped the stuff on Sokka’s bed and collapsed onto his back next to it, yawning as he did.

Sokka followed his lead and flopped down next to him. “No you didn’t, you just asked me if I needed it and judged me silently when I said yes.”

“Yeah, that was me telling you that you shouldn’t have bought so much, genius.”

He waved an arm and yawned too. “Listen, buddy, I am supporting the economy of my city. That’s a very important princely duty, okay? Besides, it’s not my fault that shopping is fun.”

“I don’t know about that last part, but what I do know is that someone’s tired and needs to go to bed.”

“I’m fine! I don’t need to go to bed!” he objected, opening one eye to glare at him.

“I was talking about me, Sokka,” Zuko said as he sat up and rose to his feet, looking down at him with a lopsided grin.

“You’re such a spoilsport. But yeah, okay” he mumbled halfheartedly, but sat up regardless. Zuko started to walk away, but Sokka stopped him. “Wait, Zuko. Before you go, I wanted to let you know that I had a really good time hanging out with you today. And I’m… I’m really glad we’re friends now.”

Zuko’s soft smile widened, but he turned away quickly. When he spoke, his voice was so soft Sokka had to strain to hear it. “I’m uh… I’m glad we’re friends too, Sokka. Really glad.”

Sokka frowned at his behavior and blinked slowly, trying to gather his thoughts and find something to say. When he opened his eyes though, Zuko was gone, as if he’d never been there at all. He just sighed and laid back down, sleep tugging at him as he thought about their day. He’d meant what he said- he did have a really good time with Zuko, probably the best day he’d had in a while. Even through his sleep-addled mind, the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on him; just a few days ago, he had hated the Fire Nation Prince, but now he didn’t want him to leave.

He shrugged to himself, and sleep overtook him before he could think about it anymore.

◇◈◇

From there, their friendship just kept getting stronger, and they spent nearly every day together, practically attached at the hip. 

They started every morning off by sparring before they went down for breakfast, the clash of their swords ringing out through the cool morning air as they duck and wove around each other. Zuko was never shy with offering Sokka advice and pointers, and as the days went by, he found himself able to stand his ground better and better against the master swordsman. And as he did, their fights became more fun, with each of them pushing the other to work even harder to try and win. 

It usually ended with Zuko winning, considering how much more experience he had, but Sokka didn’t mind. It was just nice to have someone to practice with, especially someone who didn’t hold back at all, and teasing each other over the clashing of their swords was one of his favorite parts of the day- Zuko’s too, if the relaxed set of his shoulders after was anything to go by. More selfishly, there was also something about seeing Zuko’s smile when he won- a smug grin that melted into a warm smile when he extended a hand to help Sokka up- that made something warm burst to life in Sokka’s stomach (he wasn’t quite sure what it meant, necessarily, but he knew that he’d lose a thousand sword fights if it meant Zuko smiled at him that way again).

In the afternoons, it had become commonplace to see the two princes wandering around the city, heads close together as they whispered hurriedly to each other, or one of them doubled over in laughter while the other watched on with thinly veiled amusement. Their lessons still happened, of course, but it was a lot more relaxed now, and they had shifted to doing a lot more hands on things, like crafting with the artisans in the art district or teaching Zuko how to use more traditional weapons like boomerangs and bolas. 

They spent a lot of time with Aang and Katara, too, and the four often found themselves getting into trouble around the city as a result of some of Sokka’s more crazy ideas and having access to three skilled benders. A particularly notable idea was when he had Katara freeze the canal and then used a combination of Aang’s airbending and Zuko’s firebending to push him across the ice like it was a slide, though it had worked a little too well and he ended up crashing into a canoe at top speed and breaking it into pieces. His dad and Bato had scolded them for a long time about responsibility and safety, but the effect was lessened slightly by their laughter and the fact that as they left the council room sheepishly, Sokka heard Bato say the incident reminded him of something they’d done with Kya when they were growing up. 

Really the only time they weren’t together was when Sokka had to go to meetings and attend to any of his other pressing duties. Even then, he rushed through it, always eager to rush off and find Zuko. He knew that some people were surprised by how desperate he seemed to spend time with him, but he didn’t really care- he was one of the best friends he’d ever had, and no one really made him as happy as he did. Besides, he reminded himself everytime he ran out of a meeting as quickly as he could, eventually he would have to go home; he was just trying to make the most of the time when Zuko was here.

If he was in less of a rush, he might’ve seen the knowing smiles shared between his dad and Bato.

◇◈◇

As the days grew shorter and fall approached, so did Sokka’s birthday, and with his birthday came another banquet.

They were in his room together a few hours before the ceremony started, with Zuko sitting on his bed as Sokka bustled around the room, adorning himself in the same elaborate outfit he’d worn the day he arrived. 

“Wait, so you’re having a whole banquet to celebrate your birthday?” Zuko asked suddenly. “Like, the full thing, with everyone from the city? Isn’t that a lot?”

“Well, it’s not really for my birthday, it’s to thank the spirits for saving my life,” he responded, beginning to wrap his arms carefully. “It’s still a party, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a lot more spiritual aspects to it. I’m going down to the Spirit Oasis to pray for a little bit, Gran-Gran and the other elders will do a ritual to honor them, and then we eat the fish my dad, Bato, and the other men caught today. And then there’s a whole bunch of dancing, which is where the party comes in.”

He groaned in frustration as the two ends of his right arm wrap slipped from his grasp again as he tried to tie the knot. He had been doing this for years and he was ambidextrous, and yet he still couldn’t manage to get it. Before he could try again though, slender fingers were taking them from him gently, and he looked up to see Zuko standing just a few inches away. 

“Want some help?” he asked teasingly, though his voice was soft.

“Yeah,” he sighed in frustration, dropping his other hand. “I wouldn’t do well to be late just because I couldn’t tie these myself.”

His friend nodded, then began twisting the fabric around itself carefully, and Sokka took the time to study him. Despite having several hours before being required to be ready for the banquet, he was already dressed in his nicest pair of robes- the same he’d worn to his own welcome banquet. Now that Sokka was close to it, he could see that the fine black and red beading that was scattered across the garment wasn’t random, like he thought, but in the shape of two dragons twisting around each other. The crisp lines made him seem taller, despite the fact that the top of his head barely reached Sokka’s nose, and the mantle set on his shoulders made him appear broader than he already was. 

Sokka flicked his eyes up to Zuko’s face and paused at the expression on his face- his brow was furrowed, his tongue just barely poking out from the corner of his mouth as he focused on what he was doing, and his golden eyes were narrowed slightly. Despite that, he still looked-

Before he could finish the thought, Zuko was tucking the ends of the strands under the wrap deftly and stepping back with a teasing bow. “There you are, Prince Sokka.”

He didn’t quite know where his previous train of thought had been going, but he resolved to leave it behind him as he laughed and rolled his eyes. “Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it.”

Zuko gave his signature lopsided smile, and Sokka’s heart beat just a little faster. He chalked it down to nerves for the banquet, despite the fact that there was no reason to be nervous, and turned to continue getting ready.

◇◈◇

As soon as he returned from the Spirit Oasis, the ceremonies began. 

The elders performed several beautiful dances and songs that told the story of the spirits and how they saved Sokka, followed by another waterbending display prepared specifically by Katara in honor of her older brother- this one big and silly, the exact way he liked, and he smiled so hard it made his cheeks hurt. After, they ate a large meal of fish, leopard seal, and sea prune stew, all of his favorite foods. 

When Hakoda declared it time to celebrate, Sokka had grabbed Zuko by the wrist eagerly and led him to the center of the kiva to dance with him, right alongside Katara and Aang. They danced for a while, contentment settled deeply in Sokka’s heart as the four of them spun and moved around each other fluidly, laughing and talking over the music. Eventually he and Zuko got tired though, and since Katara and Aang could dance for hours, they left them to go sit at the table together. 

They were lost in their own thoughts, watching everyone else dance, when Zuko nudged him. “Hey, you know what I just realized?”

“Hm?” Sokka hummed, snapping out of his thoughts (which were definitely not about how warm Zuko was or how he felt like he was burning up in every place where they were pressed together or how feeling those things made no sense). 

“If you were saved by spirits twenty whole years ago, then that officially makes you an old man,” he teased.

Sokka cocked his head, then realized what he was referencing- a day a few weeks ago when he had finally figured out Zuko was already twenty and had teased him the same way.

He rolled his eyes and laughed. “Yeah. Look at us… Two old men, sitting out while all the kids do the dancing.”

“Looks like the two actual kids just left the dance floor, though,” he said, nudging his chin in the direction of Aang and Katara coming towards them, hands clasped and mischievous smiles on both of their faces. 

“Hey. What do you say we ditch the dancing?” Katara asked them quietly.

He was about to ask her what for, but when he looked at her twinkling eyes, it clicked. 

“You didn’t,” he gasped as he jumped to his feet.

“She definitely did,” Aang grinned widely and planted a kiss on her cheek.

“What is it?” Zuko asked, standing up also.

“My goody goody sister here has snuck some rice wine out from the kitchens.”

She shrugged at Zuko’s surprised face. “Hey, it’s tradition. The parties are fun and all, but…”

“Hey, I’m not complaining,” he said, raising his hands. “I’m just surprised. I expect it from Sokka, but you?”

“Well, I had to learn it from someone, didn’t I? Besides, technically the only one here who’s underage is Aang.”

Aang held up a finger. “Actually, I was in the ice for a hundred years, so I’d argue I’m actually one hundred and sixteen, not sixteen. Therefore, I am not underage, but actually the oldest person here.”

Sokka rolled his eyes at Aang’s well worn argument, chuckling. “Even if that’s true, it’s still more fun to sneak out and act like we’re doing something bad. Relive the good old days, you know? Except this time Zuko’s here too!”

Zuko’s answering grin was blinding.

They made their way out of the party quickly, making sure no one was paying any attention to them, and went up to the rooftop garden, the moon big and bright in the sky- fitting for tonight’s celebration, Sokka thought. 

Katara pulled several bottles out from behind the bench and opened one carefully, taking the first sip. She grimaced slightly, passing it off to Aang and leaning into him. “Ugh, we haven’t done this in so long.”

“When do you think the last time was?” Aang asked Sokka as he passed it to him next.

“Uh…” Sokka thought back, wracking his brain. They hadn’t had a celebration in a while, other than Zuko’s arrival banquet, but that hadn’t exactly been a time when they would have snuck out to drink. That only left “- _ Toph and Suki _ !”

“Oh spirits, yes. I remember that now.” Katara frowned. “At least, I remember how horrible I felt the next morning.”

“You should’ve known better than to challenge Toph and Suki. They can drink anyone under the table,” Sokka grinned, passing the bottle to Zuko.

He took a tentative sip, then grinned pleasantly at the taste and took a deeper swig. “Who are Toph and Suki?” he asked.

“Suki is Sokka’s girlfriend,” Aang teased.

“No she isn’t!” he objected, turning to Zuko to explain, “Suki is the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors who visited us a few years ago to establish trade between Kyoshi Island and the Northern Water Tribe. She’s the one who taught me how to sword fight, actually.” 

Katara snorted and made a mocking kissy face. “Trade and sword fighting wasn’t all they got out of it.”

He groaned at her and Aang’s giggles and leaned back on his hands grumpily. “Alright,  _ fine _ . We had a little thing while she was here and went on a few dates, but when she had to go back we decided to just be friends. She comes and visits every once in a while, and whenever she does, we do this. But she’s not my girlfriend. Just my best friend.” 

Sokka studied Zuko carefully, nervous to see his reaction. For some reason, it was important to him that Zuko knew he wasn’t dating her- wasn’t dating  _ anyone _ \- but he couldn’t place why, so he blamed it on the alcohol already making him feel loose and relaxed. 

Zuko’s expression didn’t change though, still just open and curious, so Sokka continued, “And Toph is the daughter of a merchant from Gaoling. Her father was here a while ago to establish trade between our cities as well, and she came with him. She’s a total badass, just like Suki- she’s blind and tiny, but she’s one of the best earthbenders I’ve ever seen and she’s a really good friend, too. She usually visits on behalf of her father at the same time Suki does so that we can all hang out together.”

“They sound really great,” he said warmly, beaming at Sokka.

“Have you ever had a girlfriend, hotman?” Aang asked. The nickname was something Aang had insisted was common slang from one hundred years ago, but Sokka was pretty sure he just did it to mess with the firebender. 

Zuko choked on the sip of wine he’d been taking and brought the bottle down hurriedly, stuttering out with pink stained cheeks, “I, uh-”

Katara swatted Aang’s arm lightly, though it lacked any actual anger. To Zuko she said kindly, “It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, Zuko, especially if it’s embarrassing. Spirits know I’ve had some embarrassing relationships.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just that…” his cheeks were flaming red by now and his hands were tracing the beading on his robe nervously. “I did- I dated my best friend, Mai. But we were just kids- I think we were maybe thirteen? Fourteen? Either way, it wasn’t a very long relationship because, well, one we were children, and two because I… Uh, well, I prefer men.”

Sokka’s heart jumped when he said that, a deep happiness he didn’t completely understand. At the same time, though, it ached as he remembered when Zuko had expressed surprise at Bato and Hakoda’s relationship. He remembered his confession all those weeks ago that it was frowned upon in the Fire Nation for people of the same gender to get married. He had suspected that maybe Zuko hadn’t been completely truthful with him about why he was curious about marriage laws, but he hadn’t wanted to ask. Now, Zuko was just confirming that he’d been asking for himself, he just hadn’t wanted to admit anything to Sokka.

“Oh. Have you ever had a boyfriend then?” Aang asked happily, grabbing the bottle and finishing it off, then opening a new one.

When Sokka looked at Zuko, his eyes and face were set in a shocked expression, and he realized he must be panicking a little at Aang’s easy acceptance. He placed a gentle hand on his knee to get his attention. 

“Hey, it’s not a big deal here, remember? You’re free to love whoever you want,” he said quietly, speaking only to him. 

He knew he could tell him that he liked men too, but it felt wrong- as if it would ruin the moment- so he left it at that and resolved to tell him later. For a moment after he spoke their eyes were locked, his hand on Zuko’s knee, and it was like the rest of the world faded away. All he was conscious of was Zuko’s wide eyes, the warmth of his knee under his hand, the gleam of the moon off his hair. It all came crashing back when Zuko gave a slight nod and turned back to Aang.

“Kind of,” he said hesitantly. “His name was Jet. I went on a diplomatic mission for my dad where I went on a tour of the Earth Kingdom with King Kuei, and he lived in one of the villages we stayed at. We were just supposed to pass through, but a storm came in from the mountains that flooded the road we were traveling on. We were delayed there for almost a week and a half because it just kept raining nonstop for days. Jet and I ended up being drawn to each other and then a few days into our stay, he kissed me and we kinda kept… doing that. We didn’t really date, just because a week later I had to leave again, but he was the first boy I ever had feelings for. Since then… I haven’t really had the opportunity to date according to my preferences.”

They all realized what he meant at the same time, and Aang grimaced. “I mean no insult, hotman, but each thing I learn about your dad makes me dislike him more.”

Zuko’s eyes widened in what looked like offense at first, and Sokka shot a glare at Aang, only for Zuko to begin laughing uncontrollably. Sokka and Katara looked at each other uncertainly, but as soon as Aang began laughing, they couldn’t stop themselves from joining in. 

Once he caught his breath, Zuko said, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting that. But… yeah. I’m realizing from my stay here that he’s… My father is kind of an asshole. My whole family is.”

It was Katara this time who reached out to clasp his hand and comfort him. “Well then. Consider us your new family.”

Before he could respond, Aang launched himself across the circle and hugged him fiercely. “Exactly,” he mumbled, words muffled by Zuko’s clothing. “You don’t need him. You have us.”

Sokka caught Zuko’s gaze over Aang’s head and wasn’t surprised to see tears glittering in his eyes. He smiled warmly and nodded, and Zuko turned into Aang’s hug more. “Thanks, Aang.”

Once Aang pulled away and returned to his spot, Zuko snorted. “Trust me to be the party pooper,” he muttered in a tone that was too self-deprecating for Sokka’s taste. After all, this was a night of celebration, when Zuko was supposed to be getting drunk and giggly off of rice wine with his friends. 

He remembered his smile at the mention of his friend Mai, so he asked, “What’s Mai like?”

Sure enough, he smiled again. “Oh, she’s great. She’s the daughter of one of my father’s advisors, so we grew up together. She was really more my sister’s friend, but we became close since we’re a lot more alike than her and Azula or our other friend, Ty Lee. She’s very...blunt and matter of fact. She always has scathing insults about the courtiers and diplomats we have to interact with. It’s hilarious when you really get her ranting about someone, since she’s so stoic most of the time.”

Sokka laughed. “She sounds like a good friend.”

“Yeah, she is. I think…” he paused. “I think she’d like you guys, actually.”

“Maybe we’ll get to meet her someday,” Katara said offhandedly.

When Zuko spoke again, his voice was slightly strained. “Yeah, maybe.”

His face had that same twisted expression from before, when he was talking about his dad, so Sokka said, “Hey, you speaking of party poopers reminded me…” As he told his story, he watched Zuko carefully and was overwhelmed with relief when he started laughing alongside Katara and Aang. 

Slowly, Zuko’s sadness seemed to melt away as they all became giggly from the wine, and a deep sense of something, not quite pride, but more like joy settled in Sokka’s stomach at the thought that he was able to cheer Zuko up. He watched him closely the rest of the night and couldn’t help but notice that his soft smile made the skin between his eyes crinkle in a way that Sokka could only describe as adorable. He thought hazily that he wanted to see it everyday for the rest of his life. 

He knew his thoughts weren’t quite normal, especially considering they had been friends for just a little more than a month, but he blamed the alcohol making his head fuzzy and allowed himself to keep looking- just to make sure that Zuko was still laughing, that he wasn’t slipping back into feeling down about his dad.

He noticed that Zuko’s hair was shining in the moonlight, the usual dark brown looking black and silky, and he wanted to run his fingers through it, to see if it was as soft as it looked. 

Zuko’s hands resting on his knees looked warm and strong, and Sokka wanted to thread their fingers together and feel the calluses on his palm from years of sword fighting. 

And as the alcohol made them loosen up and relax even more, he and Zuko started leaning up against each other heavily. The firebender was a warm line of heat against him, startling against the cold night air, and Sokka wanted to stay cuddled up against him like this for as long as the night would let him.

When he finally collapsed into bed that night, he fell asleep to thoughts of golden eyes and a warm body next to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> found family tag coming in clutch here ya know?????


	9. dropping so quickly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is genuinely my favorite chapter. like i know i say that a lot but like. when i was feeling like giving up, or i was getting stuck on this story, i would reread this chapter because.... you'll see. it's my favorite.
> 
> Recommended listening (very *very* highly recommended listening):  
> 1\. I Go Crazy - Orla Gartland  
> 2\. Hummed Low - Odessa  
> 3\. Falling For You - Colbie Caillat (chapter title from here)  
> 4\. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County

The morning after his birthday, Sokka woke up groggy and disoriented, bright sunlight streaming in through his open window curtains. He sighed heavily, and it took him a moment to realize that he had woken up because someone was knocking on his door, a sharp rap that he recognized as Zuko’s.

“Yeah?” he groaned, lifting his head up slowly and wincing when it throbbed. 

Zuko pushed the door open carefully, a teapot in one hand and two cups in the other, and huffed in amusement when he saw his rumpled state. “Morning. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” he responded as he laid his head back down. “I’ve definitely felt worse, but this is… My head feels like it’s splitting open.”

Zuko responded dryly, “That’s rough, buddy.”

Sokka lifted his head again to stare at him, floored by his response. “Wow. Where’s the sympathy, huh? You drank just as much as I did, aren’t you feeling shitty too?”

He shrugged. “It’s not that bad, actually. Firebenders burn off alcohol quickly, so it takes a lot more to get us drunk to the point of a hangover.”

“Ugh, whatever. I hope you know I hate you.” 

Unbidden, a memory of doing everything he could the previous night to make him laugh rose to his mind, and he knew that wasn’t true. It seemed Zuko did too, because he just rolled his eyes.

“Well, lucky for you, I have the magical hangover cure.”

Sokka raised only his head and arched an eyebrow. “I’m listening.”

“Ginger and lemon tea. It’ll be strong, but it’ll make you feel better.”

He sighed and sat up, sticking his hand out. “Alright, hand some of this miracle tea over.” Zuko deftly poured him a cup and handed it over, then poured one for himself as well. Sokka took a tiny sip and gagged a little bit- it didn’t necessarily have a bad flavor, thanks to the lemon, but he was unused to the spicy ginger flavor. “Ugh,” he groaned, “you weren’t lying, this is strong.” 

He continued drinking it though, pleased to find that he was already feeling a little bit better and that the flavor got better over time, and he was finally able to notice what Zuko was wearing. He was dressed in his loose tunic and pants that he wore when they sparred, and Sokka realized belatedly that he had definitely slept through a good portion of their daily sparring session. 

“You were waiting for me, weren’t you?”

Zuko nodded, lips quirked in a half smile. “Yep. Not for very long since I woke up a little later too, but when you didn’t show up after a while I figured you were feeling pretty bad and decided to make you some tea.”

“You made this?” he asked in surprise. His stomach did a strange little flip at the image of Zuko preparing a pot of tea for him. 

He shrugged. “Yeah. It’s no big deal though. And if you’re still not feeling up to it, we don’t have to spar today.”

Sokka smiled at the offer, but he knew if they didn’t he’d feel all jittery for the rest of the day. He downed the rest of his tea and handed the cup to him. 

“You know what? Let me get dressed, okay?” He got out of his bed quickly, rushing to his wardrobe to pick out his own sparring clothes and stripping his sleep shirt off as he did. When he turned back around, he found Zuko staring at him, cheeks stained pink. “You okay, buddy?”

Zuko cleared his throat and nodded quickly, looking down to adjust the glasses and teapot in his lap. Sokka noticed they were already perfectly stacked, but he shrugged it off, knowing Zuko liked things to be perfectly orderly. 

“Yeah, of course,” he said, clearing his throat again. “I’ll just wait here, then.”

Sokka got dressed quickly, pulling on his own loose tunic and trousers, and just a few minutes later they were picking up their swords.

They began by standing across from each other, both of them with their swords at the ready, and when Sokka took the first step to the right, Zuko followed him so that they were circling each other. They went in a circle a few times, watching each other with narrowed eyes as they both waited for their opponent to strike first. In the end Zuko lost his patience and was the first to move, lunging forward quickly and going for Sokka’s right side. Sokka whipped his sword to protect his side and parried the blow with a loud clanging of their swords, and from there it was almost as if they were dancing. 

They moved fluidly with each other, covering the entirety of the courtyard as they took turns swapping between offense and defense, driving the other back and then retreating quickly when the tides turned. It was a fast paced, familiar dance that got his heart racing and arms burning, and by the time Zuko knocked the sword out of his hand for the third time because he misjudged where his next strike was coming from, Sokka was drenched in sweat despite the cold air coming through the courtyard. 

“Alright, time out. I’m sweating too much.” 

He shrugged his tunic off and when he turned around, his brain shut down at the sight before him. Zuko had taken off his shirt too and was now waiting for him, twisting his sword so that it crossed in front of him and along his side in a hypnotizing pattern, and for some reason Sokka couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. He wasn’t sure why, considering that he’d seen Zuko shirtless before, and he’d also seen him do this same exact maneuver, even in the middle of a fight.

But now, Sokka couldn’t quite keep himself from tracking the flexing of his muscles as he twisted his sword around, or the cocky smirk as he added an extra flourish into the motion the sent it flying from his right hand to his left hand dramatically, or the way a few strands of hair had come loose from his ponytail and now hung in front of his face, or the strong breadth of his shoulders that was so often hidden away-

He blinked, tearing his eyes away from Zuko’s shoulders to realize that he had stopped spinning his sword and was now staring at him with a concerned expression.

He cleared his throat the same way Zuko had earlier, and asked with fake confidence, “Uh, you ready to go again?”

Zuko nodded, and barely a split second later Sokka was dropping into a ready stance and rushing him, determined to be the first to strike this time. He fought desperately, swinging his sword wildly, but his technique slipped when he found that he couldn’t stop getting distracted. Everytime Zuko moved, his eyes were drawn to the shifting of his muscles, from the clenching of his abs as he met Sokka blow for blow to the rippling of his biceps as he swung his sword around his head to strike from above. Every single movement displayed the subtle strength the prince possessed, and Sokka _couldn’t stop watching._

He got particularly distracted by the tightening of his pectorals when he parried Sokka’s next blow, and Zuko used the opening to his advantage to come at with a series of strong blows that forced him backwards. Sokka was tripping over himself as he did his best to counter them, and when he managed to block one hard enough that their swords stuck, neither of them willing to budge, he looked up in a panic- only to freeze when he saw Zuko’s face. More strands of dark hair had come loose from his ponytail and were now stuck to his forehead with sweat, and his bright eyes were glittering with adrenaline.

“Do you yield?” Zuko asked, voice low as he panted and stared at Sokka intently through their crossed blades.

Sokka tried to ignore the way it made something warm spike in his stomach, and taunted, “Not a chance, jerkbender.”

In response, Zuko just winked and pulled his sword away. 

Sokka, not expecting the sudden movement, had to take a step forward to adjust for the transfer of weight. It would have been fine, except he managed to step right onto a patch of ice. Next thing he knew his foot was slipping out from under him, his arms were pinwheeling behind him, and he landed flat on his ass, his sword falling out of his hand with a loud clatter. 

He went to grab it, but just as he began to lean over towards it, there was a flash of silver in front of his face, and suddenly the prince of the Fire Nation stood over him, one foot on either side of his hips.

The warmth in his gut erupted into flames.

Zuko’s arm was extended so that the tip of his sword was pressed to Sokka’s chin, and he used it to tilt his face up towards him with a smirk. As Sokka drew his gaze up, his eyes snagged once again on his bare chest, this time noticing the sheen of sweat that gleamed as his chest heaved while he fought to catch his breath. Yet again, Sokka couldn’t quite bring himself to look away, even though he knew he’d already been looking too long. He swallowed thickly and finally managed to tear his eyes away from Zuko’s torso to his face, and paused again. 

Because even though the cold from the ground was seeping into his body, he still felt as though he was burning up under Zuko’s piercing gaze, golden eyes ablaze as he stared down his sword at him.

“I guess I win,” Zuko rasped. The sound of his voice, rough and deep, made something in Sokka snap, as if all the pieces of a puzzle were clicking into place.

Oh, he thought. 

_Oh_. 

He thought Zuko was hot. He thought Zuko was really, _really_ hot. 

Objectively, he had always known that Zuko was beautiful- it was hard not to, with the confident way he held himself and the soft features of his face, especially when he smiled. But this was different, because he couldn’t quite tear his eyes away from him, or stop himself from wondering if Zuko’s skin was as soft as it looked, or if he would be able to feel the strength in Zuko’s biceps if he placed a hand on his arm, or what it might be like to kiss that confident smirk off his- 

Sokka shut the thought down before it could go any further and scooted back, away from Zuko’s sword, away from _Zuko._

“You know what?” he stuttered, voice an octave higher than usual. “I just realized that it’s getting late and I have, um…Bato! I have Bato. And I need to go. Sorry. I’ll see you later?”

Before he could respond, Sokka had already grabbed his tunic and ran out of the courtyard, leaving Zuko alone, sword dangling by his side helplessly as he looked after him in confusion. 

Sokka flung himself through a random door, not caring where he ended up, just knowing he needed to hide where no one would think to look for him. He had picked an empty guest room, and he pushed the door closed with a bang, locked it, and tugged his tunic back on even though it felt like he was burning up. Then he began to pace. 

He thought about sparring with Zuko and how every time they got close and grinned at each other through their crossed blades, his stomach flipped and his heart got caught in his throat.

He thought about how he wanted nothing more than to spend time with Zuko and how even when they weren’t together, he was usually thinking about the prince.

He thought about how he had gotten caught up in looking at Zuko last night when he was tying his arm wraps for him and how if he hadn’t cut himself off, he probably would’ve thought he was beautiful then, too.

He thought about what Zuko had said about preferring men and how his heart had jumped when he said that. 

He thought about how he had wanted nothing more than to pull him close and hold him tight when he had seen how sad he was talking about his father, and how he would’ve done anything to see him smile.

He thought about how warm Zuko had been, pressed up against his side as they watched everyone dancing and later in the garden.

He thought about how the world had faded away when they had locked eyes, and how he could have stayed like that forever.

He groaned, squeezed his eyes shut, and pinched the bridge of his nose as he realized what it meant. 

But it was fine, right? Sure, he had a tiny crush on his best friend, but so what? He could hardly be blamed. After all, Zuko was extremely good looking- it had been one of the first things Sokka had noticed about him, even when he hated him. And he was also strong- sparring had revealed that even though he didn’t look it, his body was lined with muscles, and he’d used that strength to whoop his ass in sword fights, yes, but also to save him from the saber toothed snow leopard. But more than that, he was just… He was so kind, and compassionate, and endearingly awkward, and intelligent, and funny, and just… He was so _Zuko_.

And it was so obvious, suddenly, that these feelings were _not_ a new development, and he was just an idiot who thought it was normal to feel those things for a best friend. 

He thought half heartedly that if Suki- or spirits forbid _Toph_ \- were here, they’d be in stitches over his stupidity.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he cursed, running his hands through his hair. “Okay, okay, it’ll be fine. I can do this,” he muttered to the empty room resolutely. “All I have to do is pretend that nothing’s changed. Easy!”

◇◈◇

It was not, in fact, easy. 

Because it was like every little thing about Zuko- what he said, what he wore, the expressions he made, how close he was standing, the way he looked that day (which was usually extraordinarily and unfairly attractive)- had been amplified in his consciousness ten fold, and now he was always aware of everything related to Zuko. 

It would be fine, considering that he was a pretty great person to be thinking about, except for when he found himself drifting off during meetings with the council about preparations for the coming winter because he was thinking about how it would be better if Zuko was there. Or when he couldn’t think of an answer to a question Zuko asked because he was too wrapped up in admiring the pink flush on his cheeks from the cold. Or when he crashed into people in the streets because he couldn’t stop noticing the way their hands brushed together every so often as they walked side by side, and how it felt like sparks were flying through his body from just that simple touch. 

So yeah, it was very, very hard to pretend he didn’t have feelings for Zuko, and he knew he wasn’t doing a good job- it was just that his attraction to him was all consuming. 

He fell asleep thinking about Zuko, woke up after dreaming Zuko, zoned out because he was daydreaming about Zuko, spent his time with Zuko thinking about Zuko… 

He felt like he was constantly blushing, stuttering over his words, and he had gotten caught staring at him countless times already. It was to the point that he was sure everyone, Zuko included, knew something was going on with him, and they had all just been too polite to say anything.

The most embarrassing thing he’d done so far, though, and the biggest clue that something was up with him, was when they were walking along the canal system and he got particularly enraptured by Zuko’s expression as he told a story (something about feeding turtleducks with his mother, he thinks). It was soft and happy, a gentle smile and a shine in his eyes that matched the sweetness of his voice, and Sokka had been struck by the overwhelming urge to grab his arm and yank him into a kiss, right then and there in the middle of the street. He was so wrapped up in watching him tell his story that he didn’t see the edge of the street as it approached an intersection, and ended up walking right off the sidewalk and into the freezing water. 

He came up gasping from the cold water to see Zuko bent over with his hands on his knees, wheezing from laughter. And although he was able to gather just enough composure to help pull him out of the water, as soon as Sokka was sitting on the ground, though, dripping wet, he was back to laughing at him. Sokka couldn’t stay mad for too long, especially not when Zuko’s laugh was one of the most beautifully contagious sounds he’d ever heard, and soon he found himself joining right in. And it might have been embarrassing in the moment, but when Zuko wrapped him up in a tight hug and used his firebending to envelop him in a warm bubble of air and dry him off, Sokka felt like the real winner.

The worst part, though, was that sometimes Sokka thought maybe… maybe Zuko felt the same. 

He’d glance over Zuko’s way and the firebender’s eyes would already be locked on his face, and when he saw Sokka caught him, he’d blush and look away quickly. Sometimes, he’d hand Zuko something and their hands would linger just a little too long. Sometimes, they’d be training and he’d see Zuko get distracted and falter, just the way he did that day he realized how he felt. 

He thought about just going for it sometimes and telling him how he felt, but as much as he wanted to be with Zuko, he treasured their friendship more. He had never been this at ease around anyone before- not even Katara. He told Zuko everything, he was fun to be around, and he liked having a friend to hang out with who wasn’t his sister or Aang. 

So, no. He told no one. He just let himself pine, told himself it wouldn’t work between them anyways, and tried not to fall into anymore canals, all the while each little thing Zuko did made him fall for him just a little bit harder. 

◇◈◇

“So, how exactly does going to visit school children fit into your duties as prince?” Zuko asked him as they walked through the streets, weaving their way through the market again- this time on their way to the school, rather than the library, for Sokka’s monthly visit with the children. 

The question amused him slightly, considering it wasn’t really something he did out of obligation but rather because he enjoyed doing it, and he hummed as he tried to think of how to explain it to Zuko… While also not getting distracted by Zuko, who he hadn’t been able to _stop_ getting distracted by for over a month.

“I guess it is technically part of my duties as prince,” he ended up saying after a long pause, “considering it’s a way to check in on some of our citizens and see how they’re doing. But it’s also just something I enjoy doing, you know? I mean, community is a core value of our tribe and so having relationships with everyone, no matter how young they are, is really important to us. And the kids make it really easy to do that- you just tell them stories and treat them like little adults, and then they’re all smiles and laughter.”

Zuko smiled at him sideways, soft and sweet and unmistakably fond, and asked, “You really care about them, don’t you?”

He smiled back, slightly abashed. “Well, yeah. They’re great. The future of our tribe, and all that, and all they really want to hear about is what silly thing my dads did or about the time I got water whipped by Katara for stealing her brush without asking. Which reminds me… They’ll probably ambush you with questions about everything you could possibly imagine. Just a fair warning.”

The school was in view now, a cluster of six separate buildings- each one with a domed roof and a circular entrance- that held their own small class, with a shared courtyard in the middle of them. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Zuko said wryly as they rounded the corner of the front building to enter the yard, where all the children had gathered.

When they saw the two of them appear they erupted into cheers, mostly variations of Prince Sokka- many of which were missing the ‘r’ or had an addition ‘th’ somewhere in there- and Sokka grinned. 

“Hey, everyone,” he greeted happily, ruffling the hair of some of the kids as he passed by them to make them laugh. “Hey, Gran Gran!”

His grandmother was standing in front of the crowd of children, and she pulled him into a hug, then Zuko, once they got close. “Sokka, thank you for coming to visit us today. And for bringing a guest, I see.”

He grinned sheepishly, realizing he must have forgotten to tell her Zuko was coming when she raised her eyebrows. “Uh, yes. I did. Hopefully that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” she laughed, placing a reassuring hand on Zuko’s arm, who had paled slightly. “I’m sure the kids will be thrilled to meet you, dear. I’m going to go inside, but you all have fun, okay?”

“Thank you, Aunty,” Zuko said warmly, and then turned to Sokka. “Will you introduce me?”

“Of course I will,” he grinned, before turning to the eagerly awaiting crowd with a serious expression and settling into a lotus position, Zuko quickly following his lead. “Alright, everyone, how are you all doing?”

The children all shouted out their answers over each other, and Sokka was pretty sure he heard at least four say, ‘ _I gotta go pee’._

He laughed. “Okay good, I’m glad you’re all doing well, especially today. Does anyone know why?”

They all shook their heads no, though he noticed several pairs of eyes flicker to Zuko curiously. 

“It’s because today is a very important day. I’m sure you’ve noticed I brought a guest with me? Well, he’s not just any guest… He’s a very, _very_ special guest.” Every single pair of eyes was fixated on him as he paused dramatically to bring his hand up to his mouth and whisper shout, “This is Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation.”

Predictably, everyone burst out into questions, immediately forgetting about him.

“Are you a firebender?”

“Do you have a dragon?”

“Are you fun like Prince Sokka?”

“Do boys have cooties?”

“Do _girls_ have cooties?”

“Are you and Prince Sokka friends? Wait. Can _we_ be friends?”

“Can you give me a piggyback?”

“Is your dad chief too?”

“Is it true you saved Prince Sokka? My sister said that wasn’t true, but I didn’t believe her.”

“Okay, okay,” he interrupted, seeing Zuko’s eyes widen slightly at the speed at which the questions came. “Give Prince Zuko a chance to answer first, okay? We can ask more once he gets through those.”

He had a grateful smile playing at his lips, and he shifted a little bit, as if to get more comfortable, before he took his gloves off and held up his hands, a small flame bursting to life between them. 

The kids all gasped, entranced as he rattled off, “Yes, I am a firebender. I don’t have a dragon, but I imagine it would be really cool to have one. I hope I’m a little bit fun, but I don’t think I’m nearly as fun as Prince Sokka is, unfortunately. Boys definitely have cooties, but my sister definitely does too, so I’m inclined to say girls do in fact also have them. Prince Sokka and I are definitely friends, and I’d be happy to be friends with you, too. I… Suppose I could give you a piggyback ride, yes. My dad is a chief, but a very different sort of chief than you have here- he isn’t nearly as funny as Chief Hakoda is. And uh… Yeah. I did save Prince Sokka.”

He couldn’t do more than stare at Zuko, enraptured by the way he had answered each question they’d thrown at him as if it was the most important question he’d ever answered, all the while he kept the flame burning, morphing it into different shapes and weaving it between his hands idly to keep them entertained. It was endearing, and he had to curse Zuko- it wasn’t enough that he was already good looking and sweet and knew how to use a sword. No, he just had to be all of that _and_ good with kids. 

And he knew he should look away before Zuko turned and saw him staring, _again,_ but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him as he kept talking, fielding question after question as if he’d been doing it all his life. 

It was when Zuko laughed at something one of the kids said, his face splitting into a wide grin and his eyes crinkling with delight, that Sokka realized just how gone for him he was. Because just the sight of that was enough to make his heart feel as though it had grown wings, and was trying to break out of the confines of his ribcage to soar through the air.

Zuko glanced over then and saw him staring, and he frowned and asked, no doubt thinking he was doing something wrong, “Is everything okay?”

He just smiled, no doubt sappy and overly emotional and entirely obvious about how he felt. “Yeah, of course. Everything’s perfect.”

He ignored the fact that everything was not fine because he’d told himself that it would be easy to hide how he felt about Zuko, that he could pretend nothing had changed, that he could handle his feelings for Zuko, that he could get away without telling anyone how he felt.

Clearly, he was wrong.

So that night, he went to Katara’s room late, long after he’d bid Zuko good night and then spent an hour pacing around his own room, anxiously wondering if he was _actually_ going to do this and tell her what was going on. 

He was still swimming in anxiety, but he was already here, so it was too late to change his mind now. Besides, it was Katara- the worst she’d do is throw some water on him for being an idiot who fell for the prince of the Fire Nation. 

With one last deep breath, he knocked on the door. Through the wood, he heard the thud of something hitting the floor.

“Katara?” he asked and pushed the door open slightly. She was sitting on her bed, hair messy and cheeks pink. “Are you okay?”

She cleared her throat, but before she could say anything, Aang’s head popped up over the edge of her bed, on the other side from where Sokka stood. “Hey, Sokka,” he greeted sheepishly.

He stared in shock, mouth dropping open as he pointed between Aang and Katara frantically. “You- He- You were- He was- I’m-”

“Sokka,” Aang snapped him out of it kindly. “It’s fine, okay? We weren’t doing anything.”

“I mean, we were kinda doing something,” Katara muttered.

Sokka gagged. “Katara, gross!”

She rolled her eyes and smoothed down her hair. “We were just kissing, Sokka, I don’t see why it’s a big deal.”

“Stop, I do _not_ want to hear about this! You’re my little sister, and Aang, you’re only sixteen! And the oogies, I mean honestly-”

“We’ve talked about this, Sokka, I’m technically one hundred and sixteen.” Aang winced as soon as he said it. “I didn’t-”

“ _That’s even worse_ !” he yelped and threw his hands up. “Ugh, you guys are so _gross!”_

“This is _my_ room, Sokka. Anyways, what’s up? Are you alright”

He groaned, remembering. _Zuko_. “I gotta lay down for this.” He flopped down next to her on his back and heard Aang move from the floor back onto the bed. “It’s Zuko.”

“Did he do something? I thought you two were getting along,” she said sharply, suddenly on high alert. “Do I need to dump water on him? Cause I will, no matter how close we may be now.”

He waved his hand in the air, the other arm thrown over his eyes. “No, no. He’s fine. In fact, that’s the problem. He’s so fine! He’s so perfectly, frustratingly, _annoyingly_ fine!”

“What the monkey feathers are you on about?” Aang asked confusedly. 

“I mean, why is he that fine?” Sokka kept ranting, ignoring him. “Like… the very least he could do is have a bad personality or be annoying or an asshole or something, but no! Instead, he’s fucking amazing. I mean, he’s awkward, yeah, but he’s sweet and he’s kind and he’s fucking _gorgeous_ , like have you seen him? And he’s so smart- he remembers all of these things I’ve taught him that sometimes even I forget, and he’s good at being a prince and using a sword and apparently with kids too and-”

“Okay,” Katara stopped him, grabbing his hand that was waving around in the air. “I’m just going to stop you there. Do you have a crush on Zuko?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “And it’s a problem.”

“Why? He said he likes men,” Aang offered.

“Aang, sweetie, want to let me handle this one?” Katara asked gently. 

Her boyfriend let out a soft knowing, “ _Oh_ ,” then fell silent.

“Thank the spirits, I thought you’d never realize it! When’d you figure it out?” she exclaimed, taking out his ponytail to brush her fingers through his hair. 

“Of course you knew,” he sighed. He should have known better than to try to keep anything from her. “I was really obvious, wasn’t I?”

“Yup,” she laughed, popping the p. “Even Dad noticed… Without Bato’s help.”

He groaned- his dad was oblivious when it came to things like this and always needed Bato to catch him up, so if he’d noticed by himself... 

“Tui, it was worse than I imagined. Anyways, I guess it was happening slowly after the hunting trip while we were becoming friends, but I didn’t realize until the day after my birthday.”

“Oh, Sokka. That was over a month ago already.”

“Yeah, I _know_. I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything lately, except him.”

She snorted. “I’ve noticed. I didn’t realize you _knew_ it was because of him, though.”

He shrugged helplessly and confessed quietly, “I don’t know what to do, Katara. I mean, I want to tell him but I’m scared.”

Katara hummed. “What’s scary about it?” 

He sighed. “I guess I’m just… Say I tell him and he rejects me. I’m scared that I’ll lose him as a friend but also that he’ll just leave. He’ll go back to the Fire Nation and everything we’ve been working towards these past few months will be ruined.”

“Do you really believe that would happen, or do you think you’re just overthinking it?” 

She had been asking him that question about everything since he was a kid and would get caught in his head, overthinking every little thing, and it was the exact reason he had wanted to talk to her, honestly. 

He groaned again. “No. Sometimes I think… I think he’s looking at me the same way I’m looking at him.”

She leaned down slightly and whispered, “You know what? I think that too.”

“What?” he yelped, taking his arm from his eyes so he could look at her intently. “What do you mean? Do you know something?”

She held up her hands innocently. “I just know what I see. And he’s definitely been looking.”

Aang, who had been sitting silently, leaned forward and finally spoke. “Whenever we hang out together all he does is talk about you, Sokka. You should just ask him out!”

“I-“ He was definitely going to need Aang to elaborate on that one further, because _what did he mean Zuko talks about him_? His brain was spinning, trying to process what that implied, but that flicker of hope he’d had before was quickly fanning into a blazing fire. 

“Aang’s right, Sokka. Just ask him out! What if you asked him to go to the arts district with you? Remember when you and Suki did that? She loved it.”

“We’ve already done that, though. You guys were literally with us, Katara.” 

That was the problem, he thought to himself. He and Zuko spent so much time together that they had done practically everything- they had gone hunting, made mukluks, spent days poring over weapons, played with the polar puppies, gone ice fishing, gone shopping, and wandered across every inch of the city. The only thing they hadn’t done yet was- 

“The Spirit Lights!” he gasped, sitting upright. “They’ll be starting soon!”

Katara beamed. “Wait, you’re right! It’s almost the spirit migration, isn’t it? I’d completely forgotten, time has been going by so quickly, but the Winter Solstice Festival is coming up in a few weeks.”

Aang nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! It should be starting in just a few days at this point.”

“That’ll be perfect. Thank you so much, Katara. Really. You’re the best sister ever!” he exclaimed, throwing himself at her and giving her a tight hug.

She laughed and patted his back. “I’m always happy to help you, Sokka.”

Sokka placed a loud, smacking kiss on top of Aang’s head as he passed him. “Thanks to you too, buddy.”

Aang hugged him tight, then pushed him away with a playful, “Go get your man, Sokka!”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Then, turning so that he was walking backwards towards the door, he brought two fingers up to his narrowed eyes and pointed them at his sister and Aang. “But I still don't want to see any funny business, you two. I’ll be watching you...”

He ducked as a pillow came flying towards his head, narrowly missing him, and heard Katara shout at him to get out right as he closed the door.

He couldn’t stamp down his grin as he walked back towards his room, so lost in his own world that as he rounded the corner, he walked straight into a warm, solid body. 

“Ah, sorry,” he yelped, looking up to apologize, but he stopped when he saw Zuko in front of him. “Zuko! I was just coming to find you.” The firebender didn’t speak- he was staring at Sokka, slack jawed and blushing. “Uh, you okay, buddy?” Sokka asked, waving his hand in front of his face.

Zuko cleared his throat, still flustered, but he fixed his gaze on Sokka’s face. “Uh, yes. Sorry, what did you say?”

Sokka frowned, but said, “I was just coming to find you. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to… do an activity with me in a few days?”

Zuko tilted his head to the side, nose wrinkled. It was _very_ cute in Sokka’s opinion, and he had to fight the giant grin that was pulling at his lips at the sight. “Don’t we do an activity everyday?”

Sokka shook his head slightly in exasperation. “Uh, yeah, I mean technically. But I meant a special activity. Like… At night.”

“Oh. Then yeah. That sounds nice.” He seemed to fall into a stupor after he spoke, eyes glazing as he looked at Sokka. He shook himself out of it at Sokka’s questioning gaze and said quickly, “I’m sorry, it’s just your hair…”

Sokka frowned and brought his hand up to touch his hair self consciously. In his excitement, he had forgotten Katara took the leather tie that held it up, and now it fell around his face like a curtain. “Is there something wrong with it? Does it look bad?”

“No!” Zuko yelped, hand shooting out to pull Sokka’s away from his hair. He blushed even darker, something Sokka didn’t even think possible. “Sorry. No, it’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay. What I mean is, it’s hot. As in, you look good. It looks good. Like that. Down. You know?” 

Zuko’s hands flopped helplessly at his side and his eyes were darting around as he finished speaking, clearly embarrassed. Sokka couldn’t help but laugh through his nose at the sight. So _this_ is what Katara had been talking about, then- Zuko was _definitely_ looking at him in the same way. He brought his hand up again to shake it a little bit, and Zuko’s eyes followed the movement closely. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Zuko breathed.

Sokka stepped closer to him, close enough to feel the warmth coming off of him, and looked down ever so slightly to meet his eyes. Zuko’s pupils were blown wide and he shifted under Sokka’s gaze. 

“Good to know,” he said with a sly grin, lingering for a moment longer before he stepped away from Zuko to walk towards his room, turning around halfway down the hall to call back, “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Zuko stared after him, dumbfounded and in shock.

Alone in his room once again, Sokka stopped to process what had just happened. Zuko was speechless at the sight of his hair, which meant he was probably at least somewhat attracted to him. More importantly though, Sokka had asked him out on a date, and he’d said _yes._

The thought made him beam wildly, and he let out a victorious whoop and ran to his bed just to fall back on it with a thump. 

_He had a date with Zuko_.

He looked at the ceiling and grinned again, unable to help the flutter in his heart at the thought.

◇◈◇

Three days later came the first night of the Spirit Lights, and Sokka was woken up late to the swirling rainbow of luminescent light coming through his windows as the spirits danced up in the sky. He grinned and watched them for a while, mind racing as he planned out what he’d do with Zuko tomorrow night. He fell asleep again easily once he had a plan, once again dreaming of golden eyes glittering under a brightly lit sky.

The next night, he stopped Zuko after dinner. “Hey, come with me,” he said, tugging on his wrist.

“What? Why?”

Sokka paused. “The other night I asked if you wanted to go out with me in a few nights? You said yes?”

Zuko’s eyes lit up in recognition, though his features didn’t betray any other emotion. “Oh yeah, I remember now. Right now?”

“Well yeah,” he nodded, tugging Zuko after him. “Come on, we don’t want to miss it.”

The moon was high in the sky, lighting the way as they rushed through the city towards the docks, then up the staircase leading to the top of the walls of the gates. 

“Sokka, where are we going?” Zuko asked as he ran up the stairs after him, stumbling slightly as he tried to keep up.

He paused up at the top, about to step onto the magnificent wall, and stuck his hand out. “Do you trust me?”

Zuko looked from his hand to Sokka’s face, then took it gently and stepped onto the wall as well. “Of course I do.”

He beamed and led them along the wall. “At this point, you’ve been here for what- three months? Almost four?- and have seen nearly everything the North has to offer, except for one thing: The Spirit Lights.”

“What are those?”

“Well, as we get deeper into winter, the spiritual energy at the poles becomes balanced, and you can see the light from the spirits dancing in the sky as they prepare to migrate back to the Spirit World.”

While he spoke, he settled down on the wall, legs dangling over the edge above the ocean. He knew he had a sappy smile on his face when Zuko sat right next to him, his natural warmth seeping into Sokka, but when he looked up at Zuko, he was reassured by the sight of the same smile across his face. 

He had to look away for a moment to keep himself from messing up his plan.

“It sounds beautiful,” Zuko said, pulling him back into the moment. 

“Yeah, it is. It’s one of the best parts about living in the poles, in my opinion. And since last night was the first night it happened, I wanted to share it with you.”

Zuko's answering smile made his stomach flip clumsily. “I’m glad,” he said quietly. “Do we just wait now?”

He looked to the sky, noticing where the moon was hanging in the sky, and nodded. “Yeah, we just wait. They should start soon though. In the meantime… How was your day?”

His dad had requested Sokka’s help with preparations for the upcoming festival the past few days, so it was the first they’d seen each other besides at meals, and Zuko didn’t hesitate to launch into an explanation. 

“It was great! Aang and I spent the morning training together again, trying to combine different bending forms. We were curious if I could use airbending techniques in firebending, and he could use firebending techniques in airbending.”

“How’d it go?” Sokka asked curiously. All the benders he knew stuck to one style of fighting- except the Avatar, of course- but if someone was able to combine different techniques from across the bending styles, he could only imagine how strong they’d be, and how bending would change. 

“Well, it was working out okay, at first. But then Aang was trying to do a similar move to the breath of fire- you remember that, right?”

Sokka nodded with heated cheeks- it would be hard for him to forget, considering he had almost passed out the first time Zuko did it a few weeks ago during a sparring match because of the unnecessarily attractive smirk on his face as he’d literally _exhaled_ golden flames.

“Yeah, so he was trying to do that, but he got too excited and exhaled air so hard that he sent himself flying back. He crashed into the wall of the palace and left such a big dent that we had to get Katara to come and fix it before anyone saw.”

Sokka snorted, sorry he missed it. “I’m sure she loved that.”

“I think she was more pissed we didn’t invite her, honestly.”

He chuckled, and looked out to the south again. The ocean stretched out before them, smooth and quiet, creating a near perfect mirror image of the sky above, and the moon had risen even higher while they’d been talking. “It should be starting soon. Just give it a few moments.”

“It’s okay, I’m willing to wait,” Zuko said as he looked around them and smiled. “It’s really nice up here, Sokka.”

“Yeah. Katara and I used to come up here with our mom and watch the spirit’s dancing. Since she died, I don’t think Katara’s done it again. But for me, I feel close to her when I’m here,” he confessed quietly. 

Zuko leaned into Sokka to comfort him, but before he could respond, the Spirit Lights appeared, and any words Zuko might have said seemed to die in his throat. They started slowly at first, just a few bright splotches of light against the dark sky, but as they watched more and more appeared until the sky was full of swirling colors. 

Sokka was sure it was beautiful, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Zuko long enough to look. He was leaning forward slightly, mouth open in awe as he looked up at the sky, and the reflection of the shifting colors on his face- bright blues and greens and purples- softened his already beautiful features. He was breathtaking like this, and Sokka took advantage of his distraction to stare, unabashed, and memorize the curves and angles of his face. 

There was a particularly bright splash of pink in the sky above them and Zuko laughed, turning to look at Sokka to his right. His eyes were crinkled with delight, but when he saw Sokka staring it slipped off of his face into something open and vulnerable. 

All Sokka could think was that he’d never wanted to kiss him more. 

“Sokka-” he began, though the sound was cut off as Sokka lunged forward to slot their mouths together.

Zuko humphed in surprise, but after a second he gave into the kiss. It was sweet and tender and like everything he’d ever imagined, and he thought his heart might burst with how happy he was. Zuko’s lips were soft and pliant beneath his as he kissed back slowly, and suddenly desperate for _more,_ Sokka brought his hands up to try and pull him closer and deepen it slightly.

Except, as soon as his left hand landed on Zuko’s cheek, the other boy stiffened and inhaled sharply. And suddenly his hands were on Sokka’s shoulders, pushing him away so hard that Sokka had to stick out his elbow to keep himself from hitting his head on the ice.

“Zuko?” he asked in confusion, heart racing and lips still tingling, even as the other boy stood up in a rush and backed away with wide eyes.

“I shouldn’t have- That was a mistake. I need to go.” Zuko turned and all but ran to the stairs, where he stopped suddenly. He looked over at Sokka, who was still frozen, with tears in his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry, Sokka.”

As he watched him go, Sokka’s heart shattered. 

_Oh_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol bye
> 
> ([check out the art on tumblr!](https://zukosadragon-ace.tumblr.com/post/644383903803752448/id-five-digital-drawings-of-sokka-and-zuko-from))


	10. sweetest words, bitterest taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am once again apologizing for any emotional damage caused by chapter 8
> 
> warning for this chapter for some references to homophobia/homophobic language
> 
> Recommended listening (once again very very highly recommended... for the vibes):  
> 1\. Heavenly Way to Die - Troye Sivan  
> 2\. Adore You - Harry Styles  
> 3\. ILYSB (Stripped Version) - LANY  
> 4\. Hardest of Hearts - Florence + the Machine (chapter title from here)

Two weeks had passed since what Zuko was calling The Event. 

Two whole weeks of ignoring Sokka, and two whole weeks in which he had been a mess. He just kept replaying The Event over and over again, an endless cycle of remembering Sokka’s face the moment before he leaned in and the feeling of his lips pressed against his own. Not because it was bad, or because he didn’t like it. That was just the problem- it was a  _ very _ good kiss, and Zuko  _ really _ liked it. 

It was, he had to admit to himself, what he had been hoping for. As they had grown closer after the hunting trip, Zuko had realized what the feelings brewing up inside him meant. The firemoths flapping around his stomach, the sweaty palms, the bright red cheeks, the inability to concentrate... 

He liked him. Really, really liked him. It wasn't a surprising realization, or even one he had to try and rationalize how it could happen, because he was just so…  _ Sokka _ . Between his humor, his beauty, his strength, his dedication to his people, his love for his city, his intelligence… Zuko was practically destined to be a goner as soon as they became friends, and he found himself falling for him quickly. 

It was hard sometimes, to keep his feelings stifled and hidden. Especially in the moments where Sokka was telling him a funny story and his eyes were alight with passion and excitement, or when he laughed with his entire body until he was folded in half and his shoulders shook and the space between his brows crinkled, or when he smiled at him, soft and sweet, like Zuko was something precious. Especially when there was inkling in the back of his mind that Sokka might feel the same. But he did his best to shove them aside and ignore them, because he knew they would only cause trouble for him later on.

Despite his best efforts though, as each day went by and they spent more time together, Zuko fell just a little bit harder for the charming prince with a blinding smile.

When Sokka had kissed him under the Spirit Lights, he had thought he was dreaming, because he couldn’t believe that Sokka would actually feel that way about him. Sure, he’d suspected because of their matching blushes and lingering stares, but actually having proof in the form of a kiss… It seemed too good to be true. But as his lips stayed there, it became more and more obvious that Zuko wasn’t dreaming and that the kiss was very, very real. Zuko, caught in the euphoria of the moment, let himself relish in it and go pliant against Sokka’s gently commanding mouth, contentment flooding his body. 

It wasn’t until Sokka had pulled him closer that reality came crashing down on him.

For weeks, his mission had been shoved to the back of his mind, because it was easy to get sucked into to it all- the easy friendship with Sokka, Aang, and Katara, roaming the streets of Agna Qel’a, sparring with Sokka (though he never missed the irony of holding the tip of his sword to Sokka’s throat), learning about the tribe’s culture... It was easy to forget altogether that he wasn’t actually there to build relationships with the Northern Water Tribe or to make friends, and definitely not to become infatuated with a very handsome prince.

But in that moment, with Sokka kissing him so gently, as if he was his entire world, it was impossible to forget his mission. It was impossible to forget why he was there, or what the kiss  _ really  _ meant, or what had to happen next. The thought sent his mind reeling, and so as much as he didn’t want to, he pushed Sokka away. 

Zhao’s words echoed in his head as he did, loud and overwhelming, repeating over and over again with each beat of his racing heart.. 

_ Get close to the prince. Befriend him. Make him trust you. And when the time is right, strike him down. _

And Zuko had done all of that now, it seemed. They were definitely friends- best friends, he might so far as to say, considering they spent almost everyday together and still seemed to never run out of things to say to or do with each other. Sokka clearly trusted him enough to show him his favorite spots in the city, to tell him about what happened to his mother and when he was a baby, and to be vulnerable and open around him in general. And now they were certainly close, considering the fact that Sokka had just  _ kissed _ him- although Zuko was fairly sure that wasn’t what Zhao meant when he ordered him to ‘get close to the prince.’

Which meant the next step was to kill him.

The thought had made him feel like he was drowning, and he could hear blood rushing in his ears and his palms itching the way they did when the fire running through his veins needed to be unleashed, so he stood up. 

And with an awkward apology that he was barely able to get out, he ran away from Sokka, away from the happiest he had ever been, away from the one thing he wanted more than anything.

He was barely conscious of where his feet were taking him, but he ended up in the courtyard he and Aang had been using for bending practice, where he knew Sokka wouldn’t look for him. Then he ran through his katas relentlessly, letting out the fire roaring through his veins as he tried desperately to keep himself from thinking about the kiss or his mission or anything even remotely related to Sokka. He continued going until he was weak and woozy from overexertion, then collapsed into bed, still fully dressed, and fell into a fitful sleep.

He dreamt of turquoise eyes, a gentle kiss, and dark hair shining in the moonlight. 

The next day, he did everything he could to avoid Sokka. At breakfast, he sat next to Aang, clear on the other side of the table from him. In the morning, he volunteered to clean out the buffalo-deer stables. In the afternoon, he went on a long walk around the city, letting his feet take him wherever they wished. And after dinner, he disappeared before Sokka could catch up to him, in favor of going back to the courtyard to work himself to exhaustion yet again. The next day, and the day after that, and everyday since The Event, he did the same thing. 

Whenever he saw Aang or Katara in the halls, they cast concerned looks his way, but he waved them off and moved quickly past them. He knew they’d tell him that he looked horrible, that he should talk to Sokka, that they were worried about him… All things he already knew.

He knew he looked terrible- he was weak and shaky from pushing himself too hard with his bending, he had bags under his eyes from restless nights of sleep, and he hadn’t eaten a complete meal in two weeks, instead stealing whatever scraps he could from the dining hall before or after everyone else had eaten. 

He knew he should talk to Sokka, too. He was sure he was beating himself up and wondering what he did wrong, but Zuko didn’t really know what to say to him that would provide a good enough explanation for his behavior. After all, how was he supposed to explain that he liked Sokka- a lot- and that was the exact problem, because he couldn't be with him? 

How was he supposed to explain why he couldn’t be with him without saying it was because he was supposed to kill him? 

How was he supposed to say he couldn’t be with him without saying he was afraid of getting too attached and not being able to complete his mission because of it?

How was he supposed to say that he couldn’t be with him without saying he knew he had the perfect opportunity to complete his mission right now, and was wasting it because he was too busy thinking about rushing to him and telling him he did feel the same, and he was sorry for running away, and he wanted nothing more than to be with Sokka? 

How was he supposed to say that he couldn’t be with him, without explaining that Sokka deserved someone who didn’t have blood caking their hands and darkness staining their heart?

No words would be good enough, he knew, and so he just stayed away instead. After all, whatever excuses he could come up with would just sound flat. 

It was all eating him up- the fear and dread and longing- and he knew his friends were worried, but he couldn’t talk to anyone. He knew he was shoving everyone away- shoving  _ Sokka _ away- but it was all he could think to do.

And he knew it wasn’t healthy, but it was better than seeing Sokka, or even just talking about him, and remembering that soon, he’d have to raise his swords against him once again. 

But this time, only Zuko would walk away.

◇◈◇

When the day finally came that someone knocked at his door, he tried to ignore it. He wasn’t sure who it was, but he couldn’t risk it being Sokka. He figured he could probably ask who it was, but he didn’t really want anyone to know he was awake and in his room, either, so he just stayed silent, glared at his door, and hoped they’d go away. 

Naturally, Zuko’s shit luck extended to this situation, and the knocking didn’t stop- if anything, it got louder and more persistent. It got to be too much soon, and with an annoyed huff, he flung his door open with a sharp retort on his tongue. 

When he saw Katara standing at his door though, he faltered. He knew he’d only be able to avoid everyone for so long, and that eventually someone would come and talk to him. He had expected Aang, though- had hoped for Aang, really- so to see her there at his door, arms crossed and clearly angry, he knew he had them really worried. He also knew he wasn’t in for a very gentle conversation, but rather one that involved a lot more yelling.

He sighed in defeat and stepped aside to let her in. “I assume you’re here to yell at me?”

“What the  _ fuck _ is going on with you?” she snapped in lieu of an answer, braid whipping as she whirled around to face him with a furious glare, immediately proving his point. “Do you have any clue how upset Sokka is? Or how worried we’ve all been about you? You look like shit!”

“Look, I’m sorry-” he tried, but she wasn’t done.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you working yourself to exhaustion every night and that you’re not eating or sleeping. You can’t keep going like this, Zuko, or you’ll run yourself into the ground!”

“Katara, listen. I’m sorry, okay, it’s just… Something happened and I-”

“Yeah, I  _ know _ something happened. Sokka kissed you and then you freaked and ran away. I want to know why. And don’t say it’s because you don’t like him, because I know you do,” she crossed her arms firmly and cocked her hip, a determined look on her face.

He sighed, knowing there was no escaping this conversation. “He told you?” She nodded. “Ugh. Alright, fine. I just… I really like him, okay? I do. He’s amazing, and I want to be with him. But I just… can’t.”

She softened, seemingly realizing how torn up he was. “Why not?” she asked, guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed together.

“It’s complicated, okay?” he sighed tiredly, placing his head in his hands. 

“Because of your dad?”

Technically, she was right- if he started a relationship with another boy, his father would be furious. But there was also the matter that his father gave him this mission and if he failed to follow through- for any reason, not just because he had feelings for Sokka… He shuddered to think of the consequences Zhao had outlined for him. 

“Yeah, because of my dad,” he responded shortly, the sound muffled by his hands. She hummed, but didn’t say anything. Something she’d said when she walked in was nagging him, and he couldn’t help but ask after a moment, “Sokka’s… upset?”

“Big time. I’ve never seen him like this. He thinks he did something wrong by kissing you, something that made you so offended and horrified you don’t want to be friends with him anymore, and now you’re going to return to the Fire Nation and then he’ll never see you again. I’d say he's in just as bad of shape as you are, except he can’t overexert himself by bending late into the night, so he just doesn’t sleep or eat and mopes around looking all pitiful.”

“Fuck, I feel so bad,” he said sadly, heart breaking at knowing he was the cause of his sadness. “I’m sorry, Katara. I know it must be awful seeing him like this.”

She shrugged. “It’s definitely no walk in the tundra. You know… this is the worst I’ve ever seen him. Even after he and Suki broke up, he wasn’t this upset. He was sad to see her go, but he at least knew she still wanted to be friends with him.”

“If you’re trying to guilt trip me into talking to him…” She hummed innocently, and he sighed again as he shot her a tired look. “Katara…” 

“What? He just wants an explanation. He misses you, Zuko. And I think you miss him, too.”

He did, more than anything, but… “My father, Katara. I can’t.” Deciding to run with the excuse of his father that she had in mind, he elaborated, “It’s been a long time since I thought I was wrong for liking men- Jet helped me with that, a lot. But if my father finds out, there will be consequences.”

“What sort of consequences?” she asked uneasily.

His hand almost drifted up to his scar, but he stopped himself and just said, “I don’t know. He’d just… be disappointed and angry, I guess. He’d force me to come home right away.”

“You know the great thing about being in the Northern Water Tribe?” she asked thoughtfully, after a moment.

“Hm?”

“Your dad isn’t here.”

Zuko looked up sharply and searched her face, seeing nothing but open honesty. He thought he understood what she was saying, but to clarify, he said, “You mean-”

“I  _ mean _ , what happens in the Northern Water Tribe stays in the Northern Water Tribe. Would it really hurt to be happy while you’re here? I mean, this distance is making both of you miserable. Plus, if you’re holed up in here all day, think about all the culture you’re missing out on seeing. Or the absolutely thrilling history lessons you aren’t learning.”

He laughed softly, though it was hollow as his mind started racing. Could he really do that? Technically, she was right. His father wasn’t here and neither was Zhao. They weren’t watching him- for all they knew, he was still trying to break through to Sokka. And Zhao had said to take as long as he needed….

A tiny flicker of hope came to life in his chest. Maybe she had a point, and he could be with Sokka, at least for a little bit. 

He sighed before he got too far ahead of himself, knowing it was more complicated for them than that. 

“I just don’t know what to say to him, Katara. I mean, does he even want to see me again? It’s been a few weeks at this point, he must be pretty hurt by what I did.”

She patted his back and stood up. “I won’t lie- he is. But he also misses you, and he  _ really _ likes you, Zuko. At the very least, you owe him an explanation, no matter what you decide. Just… Take a little bit of time to think about it. The Winter Solstice Festival is in a few days, and maybe your mind will be made up by then.”

◇◈◇

The Winter Solstice Festival made Agna Qel’a explode with color, sound, and activity. Lanterns, streamers, banners, and flowers decorated the city, music floated through the streets, and up above them, the Spirit Lights danced through the sky, washing the city in bright colors. As they did, people wandered along the canals in their best clothing to celebrate the spirits’ migration, which took place on the shortest day of the year, before gathering in the kiva once more to kick off the celebrations. 

It began with a ceremony performed at dusk by Kanna and the other Elders to wish the spirits safe passage back to the Spirit World, Katara and Pakku had led another waterbending dance, and other members of the tribe came up to dance, tell stories, and play music. Zuko tried to focus on what was happening, since it was a beautiful event and a vital part of the Northern Water Tribe’s culture, but he couldn’t. 

No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t, because this was the first time he’d seen Sokka in two weeks, and his eyes kept drifting to him. Seeing him again, the air was knocked out of Zuko- as tired as Katara said he was, Sokka was still so beautiful it made his heart clench. At one point as Zuko watched, Sokka laughed lightly at something Bato had muttered to him, and he was suddenly hit by how badly he missed him. By how badly he wanted to tell Sokka how he felt. 

But… There was so much stopping him. For one, it had been two weeks- who even knew if Sokka would want to talk to him, much less if he still felt that way. Maybe these couple weeks had made him see Zuko was actually horrible, and that his feelings for him would only bring him pain. There was also the obvious issue, which was that he had been sent here to kill him. He had been lying the whole time he’d been here, and those lies were the foundation of their friendship. If he did this, if he told Sokka how he felt and let them continue down this path the kiss had set them down, those lies would just continue piling up. The same lies that had made guilt churn in his gut since Katara had talked to him. 

_ Your dad isn’t her e _ _,_ she had said. 

But that wasn’t true- not really. No matter where he went, his father was there, present in the scar on his face, the blood on his hands, and the orders he was sent to the Northern Water Tribe with. 

So as much as he missed Sokka and ached to tell him how he felt, he couldn’t.

Once the ceremony was completed, the crowd broke apart, dispersing through the city to eat, dance, and celebrate. Zuko tried to enjoy it, he really did, but he was constantly on edge as he kept an eye out for Sokka. He hadn’t seen him since the ceremony, but every time he heard someone laugh or come up behind him to wish him a happy solstice, he panicked thinking it was him. He did poorly at all the games, his conversations were stilted and awkward, and he was constantly fidgeting from anxiety and frustration. 

Zuko couldn’t help but imagine the disappointment his father would feel if he knew that he’d become so weak. That all it had taken was the easy smile of a handsome prince, and suddenly he was an emotional mess. 

His face must have betrayed his feelings because eventually, everyone stopped coming up to him. 

Well, almost everyone. 

He was sitting alone on a bench along the canal, lost in thought as he looked across the way to a vendor selling colorful lanterns; although he supposed it qualified as moping, considering that he was thinking about how much more fun the festival would be with Sokka. He’d find the best things to show Zuko, would explain how the games and other festivities related back to the spirit migration in a way that he couldn’t help but be invested in, would know what all the best foods to try were, would rope him into dancing with a mischievous smile, grab his hand to lead him through the crowd with the excuse that it was so that they didn’t get separated… 

Zuko was yanked from his thoughts when two people sat down on the bench with him, sandwiching him between them. 

He didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“Happy solstice, Zuko. Are you having a good evening?” Aang asked with deceptive innocence.

“Yes, it’s been great. And happy solstice to you, too,” he responded, voice even. “What about you guys? Are you enjoying the celebration?”

“Tui and La, you two,” Katara muttered. Zuko could hear her fond eye roll. “Let’s just cut to the chase. Have you talked to Sokka?”

He kept his gaze on the lanterns, which he’d been staring at so long they were becoming nothing more than blurs of color, and mumbled, “No.”

“Why not?”

“I haven’t seen him,” he tried. Unsurprisingly, that wasn’t a good enough answer for either of his friends. 

“Have you tried looking for him?” It was Aang who asked this time.

“No.”  Annoyance burned in his chest, but he still tried to keep his voice level. They were his friends and they just wanted to help- it wasn’t their fault that he wasn’t who he said he was, or that he had fallen for his target. 

Katara sighed. “Look, Zuko, I’m not trying to tell you what to do-”

He stood up before he could stop himself and his voice shook as he snapped, “Then don’t.” Guilt immediately crashed over him and he sighed, rubbing at his eyes and softening his voice. “I’m sorry, Katara. I didn’t mean to snap. I just… I need to be alone right now. To think about things.” He turned to go, but paused to look over his shoulder. Katara and Aang were watching him with identical looks of crushed sorrow, hands laying uselessly in their laps, and he sighed again. “I’m sorry. Thank you for trying to help.”

He wandered the city for a while, trying to find somewhere to be alone, but there were people covering every inch of the city. He could go back to the palace, he supposed, but he didn’t necessarily want to leave the festivities. As much as he couldn’t enjoy it for himself, he liked the noise of laughter and music filling the air. He turned, looking to the grand wall at the south end of the city, and began walking.

Except, when he reached the wall, he wasn’t alone there, either.

Sitting on top of it was a single figure, facing the city and watching the festivities from afar, his head resting on one knee while the other dangled over the edge. Zuko thought about leaving and pretending he was never there, but Sokka looked so sad and defeated that his heart broke. He approached carefully, letting the snow crunch under his feet loudly so that he didn’t startle and go tumbling over the edge.

“Sokka? Can I sit with you?” he asked, heart racing. 

The prince just hummed and waved a hand, but he recognized it for the fake nonchalance it was.

Zuko sat down carefully, leaving space between them where he usually would have pressed right up against him, and pretended it didn’t hurt as much as it did. They were silent, Sokka looking out at the city and Zuko looking at Sokka, just studying him. Up close, he could see the dark, heavy bags under his eyes, the firm sadness tugging at his lips, and the defeated slump of his shoulders. His eyes were darker than he’d ever seen them, too, missing the glimmer of excitement that always seemed to be there. Zuko sighed, torn by the irony of wanting to do anything he could to make Sokka feel better when he was the very one to make him so miserable.

“I’m really sorry,” he murmured finally. Sokka didn’t even blink or show any sign that he’d heard him, but he pressed on anyways. “I’m sorry I ran away. It wasn’t because of you though, I promise. There was a lot happening in my head.”

Sokka laughed, bitter and heartless in a way that he hadn’t heard since he first arrived. Zuko winced. “Why didn’t you  _ talk _ to me about it then? If it wasn’t because of me, why did you avoid me for two weeks?”

“I just… Didn’t know what to do.”

“You could have just told me the truth. You could have just said that you don’t like me, and it would have been fine.”

“That’s not it-”

“It’s  _ fine _ , Zuko. Just because I kissed you, it didn’t have to be a big deal. We could have just gone back to being friends. Now, nothing will ever be the same between us again.”

“I don’t  _ want _ things to be the same between us, Sokka.” The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop them, and they made Sokka finally look at him, turquoise eyes wide with betrayal and hurt. Zuko kicked himself and rushed to fix his mistake. “Wait, that’s not what I meant. I just meant I don’t want to be friends!”

He groaned at himself, but before he could even attempt to recover, Sokka was already standing with a closed off expression. “Way to kick a guy when he’s down, Zuko. Thanks a lot. But hey, I’m glad you finally told me how you felt, instead of having to torture myself by wondering. Have a pleasant journey back to the Fire Nation.” 

He turned on his heel and went to walk away, and Zuko panicked.

With a loud curse he leapt to his feet in a blur, so quickly he almost toppled over the edge, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t supposed to show he was so highly trained, or that he could move as quickly as an eel hound, or that he was anything but a prince. What mattered was that Sokka’s eyes were filled with tears as he walked away thinking Zuko didn’t feel the same or want him in his life anymore, and it was  _ all his fault. _

He reached without thinking to grab Sokka’s wrist and keep him from leaving, and with a sharp tug, he got him to stop and turn to face him.

“Sokka, wait. I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. It came out completely wrong. I’m just nervous and I don’t know what to say but I don’t want you to leave and I’m… Digging myself a deeper hole, aren’t I?”

“A little bit, yeah.” Sokka pulled his wrist away from his grasp to cross his arms across his chest, shifting his weight to his left leg so that his right hip stuck out, but his face was passive. 

“Please, just let me explain?”

The answering silence weighed heavily on him as Sokka studied him appraisingly. His eyes were piercing, boring into him so heavily that it felt as though the prince was able to see straight through him, and Zuko shifted under the intensity of his gaze, begging him to hear what he had to say. 

His desperation must have shown, because Sokka finally said, “Fine. I’ll stay so you can tell me what’s going on inside that head of yours.”

“Thank you,” he sighed in relief. He looked up to the sky, took a deep breath, then looked back at Sokka, face open and not bothering to hide the joy that being near him made him feel. The joy he hadn’t let himself feel in weeks.

“I’m not… the best at being vulnerable. It’s something my father doesn’t really believe in, I guess, so I don’t have much practice at it. But I’m going to try. These past few months have been some of the best of my life, honestly. It’s been so much fun being here, learning everything about the Northern Water Tribe, getting to become friends with Aang and Katara, getting to know you… But it’s really only been that way because of you. I’ve never… Really had a friend like you before.”

“I feel the same, Zuko. You’re my best friend too, and so it doesn’t matter if that’s how you want to stay. I can’t lie and say the rejection wouldn’t hurt, because it would, but I would get over it eventually. But you aren’t obligated to feel the same way about me.”

“But I do!” 

The truth pushed past his lips before he could think twice, something about Sokka’s expression- closed off and guarded- making him say it. He found, though, when it transformed into a shy smile- as if he was trying to hide his joy because he couldn’t believe what Zuko just said- that his earlier anxiety melted away. 

This was what he wanted, right here with Sokka, more than anything. 

“I- What?”

He looked away and stuttered, “Uh, well, I do feel the same way. I mean, how could I not? You’re just… You’re funny and kind and intelligent, not to mention beautiful- I mean, that’s putting it simply, and obviously there’s way more about you that I like other than that, but… I really like you, Sokka.”

He turned his gaze back to him and Sokka’s arms dropped in surprise as his eyes widened with hesitant hope. “You mean-”

“I mean that somewhere along the line, I fell for you. When you kissed me, it was like the spirits were answering my prayers, giving me everything I wanted. But I got scared. My dad… Being like this, being like me, isn’t… Liking the same gender in the Fire Nation is taboo. Like I said before, it isn’t illegal anymore, but no one talks about it. No one is open about things like this the way they are here. So when you kissed me, I just got scared. I ran away and I didn’t know what to do, so I avoided you, thinking that maybe it would make things easier. I’m sorry I hurt you, Sokka. If you don’t want this, if you don’t want  _ me _ , anymore, I understand. We can go back to being friends again. But if you do… I am… Very into you. Very,  _ very _ into you.”

Sokka was beaming now, eyes shining, and he took a large step forward so that they were just inches apart. “You- you like me!”

Zuko laughed and brought a hand up to Sokka’s face, stroking the back of his hand over his cheek. “Yeah. I really do.”

Sokka laughed loudly and leaned into the touch, then stopped. “Wait, what about your dad?”

What about his father, indeed. This didn’t change anything he’d feared before- he still had orders and he’d still been lying to Sokka, at least about why he was here. But when he thought about it more, he realized he felt more like himself around Sokka than he had in a long time, ever since he was young and would sit by his mother’s side as they fed turtleducks in the garden. He had filled a hole in his heart that he hadn’t realized was missing, as oogie as it sounded, with laughter and friendship and joy- a glimpse of the life he might have had if his father had been a kinder man, if his mother hadn’t died, if he had been able to be a kid a little bit longer. 

And really, was it so wrong to allow himself that brief speck of joy, however fleeting it was? Was it so wrong to forget about his orders for a moment, if only to let himself hold onto happiness a little longer?

Sokka’s blue eyes shone down at him and he was reminded, suddenly, of leaping into the ocean on Ember Island as a little boy, despite how scared of the water he had been.

With another deep breath, he took a leap once more.

“Well, a very smart waterbending master reminded me that my father isn’t here and that what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”

Sokka rolled his eyes with unmistakable fondness. “Of course Katara talked to you.”

“She was just worried. She wants you to be happy, and she apparently thinks I have the power to do that.”

Sokka stepped even closer, until Zuko could feel the warmth radiating off of him, and with easy open honesty responded, “You do. You make me happier than I’ve ever been.”

Zuko’s lips parted slightly, and as their eyes locked, the air shifted. There was palpable tension between them, a crackling energy not unlike that of Azula gathering lightning between her fingers, and it took the breath right out of his lungs. He thought he might suffocate under it, and his heartbeat drummed against his chest rapidly. They were so close that their breaths mixed between them, and without thinking, Zuko’s hands moved to rest on Sokka’s waist lightly. Sokka’s tongue darted out to wet his lips, and Zuko swallowed. 

“Sokka…” he murmured, not even sure what he was going to say.

“Please just kiss me, Zuko,” he asked, so softly that his voice cracked on the  _ please _ . 

To Zuko, they were the sweetest words he’d ever heard, and the best idea he thought Sokka had ever had.

Before he could think about it anymore, he grinned, tightened his grip on Sokka’s waist, and kissed him. 

If their first kiss had been sweet and tender, this one was hard and passionate, two weeks of missing each other making it feel like a breath of fresh air, like coming home, like everything had slotted into place. It was messy and awkward since their teeth were clacking together from both of them smiling so widely, but it was still everything Zuko had ever wanted, and it was  _ perfect. _

They broke apart much more gently than they’d come together, and Sokka left his forehead resting against Zuko’s. “Hey, you want to know something?”

“What?”

“I am very into you too.” 

Zuko just laughed at his words and let his head fall to Sokka’s shoulder, tucking his face into the crook of Sokka’s neck. He pressed a kiss there, just because he could, and felt Sokka shiver. 

“You’re going to be a little minx, aren’t you?” Sokka asked him, amusement rolling off of him.

“You have no idea,” he responded smugly. 

He knew he’d only have a small amount of time with Sokka, after all, and he fully intended to make the most of it.

Sokka grinned and ran his hand up and down Zuko’s back lightly, and pressed an answering kiss to his forehead. They stood in silence for a while, until a particularly loud burst of music caught both of their attention, and Sokka pulled back to look at him. “Hey, I heard there’s a festival in town. You want to go with me?”

“Of course I do.”

He nodded, pleased, then added, “What if you went as my boyfriend?”

Zuko was unable to contain his grin as he answered, “More than anything.” 

They began walking, hand in hand, and Zuko snorted suddenly. 

“What?” his boyfriend-  _ boyfriend! _ \- nudged him in the side.

“I just remembered. When you asked me to ‘do an activity at night’ with you, was that you asking me on a date?”

Sokka grinned proudly. “Yes it was. Smooth, right?”

He burst out laughing. “No. Not at all. I had no clue it was a date until you kissed me.” Sokka’s grin quickly turned into a humiliated grimace, cheeks red; Zuko spun him towards him to kiss him soundly. “Hey, it’s okay. It was cute.”

Sokka’s blush deepened. “I’m going to have to up my game if I want to keep up with you, apparently. Who knew you were such a smooth flirt?”

Zuko rolled his eyes- he really wasn’t, Sokka just had particularly terrible game. He didn’t want to tell him that though, since he found it pretty amusing, so he said, “No, you don’t have to do a single thing. Just take me to the festival, and we’ll go from there.”

His answering grin was light and happy. “I suppose I could do that.”

They continued on, neither of them able to stop smiling, hands still clasped. Zuko faltered as they approached the streets, unable to stop the worry that somehow, his father would find out, that he’d punish him just for holding hands with another boy. Sokka noticed and squeezed his hand.

“Hey. It’s okay. We don’t have to be all oogie if you don’t want to.”

_ What father doesn’t know can’t hurt him,  _ he reminded himself. He thought of Jet suddenly, and how one of those few days they’d spent together he’d reassured him that there wasn’t anything wrong with liking another boy. He clutched Sokka’s hand just a little tighter. He pushed down the other thought, the one that reminded him of blades and poisons and a blue mask stashed in his room. All that mattered was the feel of Sokka’s hand in his own and the memory of soft lips against his.

“No. If it’s with you, I want to.” 

They walked into the city together, Sokka smiling proudly, and Zuko thought, _ I want to do everything with you _ . 

Just thinking the words put a bitter taste in his mouth.

They stayed at the festival until the early hours of the morning when everything began shutting down, eating food, dancing, playing games, and chatting idly to all the people who wanted to speak to the princes and wish them a happy solstice. If anyone had noticed that they were standing a little closer together, or that they were holding hands, or even that they kissed a few times while dancing, no one said anything, and Zuko slowly felt himself relaxing and enjoying the night more and more.

No matter how much he enjoyed himself, though, he could never forget that this wasn’t forever.

Eventually, it would end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))


	11. pretty sure it's right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. You Are the Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne  
> 2\. You're the Song (That I Can't Stop Singing) - Frankie Valli  
> 3\. Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows (chapter title from here)  
> 4\. Kiss Goodnight - IDKHow

Sokka woke slowly the next morning, warm thanks to a comfortable weight across his waist and something tickling at his nose. As he came to, he grinned as he realized why, and lifted his head slightly to look at Zuko. He was still fast asleep, with his face tucked into Sokka’s neck, an arm thrown lazily over his waist, and their legs tangled together, and Sokka’s own arm had managed to wrap around his waist and hold him even closer. 

They had returned to Sokka’s room late last night, or he supposed early morning depending on how one looked at it, and had stayed up talking, two weeks apart making words flow out of them like water. Since he couldn’t remember falling asleep, they must have both drifted off during their conversation, and gravitated toward each other as they slept. He found he didn’t mind in the slightest, because it meant last night was real, that Zuko did like him, that he hadn’t lost the best friend he’d ever had.

Sokka knew it was late in the morning- even without the sun, he could tell- and that they should get up. But, he rationalized, neither of them had been sleeping well, and they’d been up late the night before. Besides, Zuko was so warm pressed up against him, and he looked so peaceful right now that waking him up seemed cruel… Sokka just grinned and closed his eyes again, deciding to savor the moment and let Zuko keep sleeping.

When he woke up next, Zuko was awake too, though he hadn’t moved. Instead, he was staring at Sokka, letting his eyes roam across his face freely. When he saw his eyes open, he smiled softly.

“Hey,” he greeted, voice raspier than usual from sleep.

“Hey yourself,” Sokka shot back.

“Sorry I slept over, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay. It was nice, waking up to see your beautiful face. Reminded me that last night wasn’t a dream.”

Zuko blushed and buried his face in Sokka’s chest. “Sokka, stop,” he whined.

He chuckled in response. “What, I wake up to you staring at me, but I can’t compliment you? That doesn’t seem very fair.”

“I don’t get how you’re so bad at flirting but also capable of saying such… oogie things to me.”

“You did not just say _oogie_ in reference to me, there’s no way.”

“Uh, yes. I did. It’s true. You are oogie.”

Sokak groaned and let his head thump back into his pillow. “Oh no, this is terrible. Katara is going to make so much fun of me now.”

Zuko laughed and moved so that he could peck Sokka’s cheek. “It’s okay. It had to happen at some point, you know. You bully her too much.”

He gasped in mock hurt. “Unbelievable. I never should have hoped you guys would be friends, you’re both so mean to me.”

“Sure. Mean is what we’ll call it.”

He didn’t have a response to that, so he just took his arm that was around Zuko’s waist and shifted slightly so that he could run his fingers up and down his boyfriend's- _his boyfriend's!_ \- back.

Zuko hummed, his eyes closed and a small smile gracing his face, and Sokka figured that if Katara teasing him was the worst thing to come out of this, then he was in a pretty good place. 

He smiled too, and let himself relax into the moment.

◇◈◇

He found out quickly that even after they started dating, not much about their day to day activities changed. They still did their lessons, messed around the city with Aang and Katara, and hung out, just the two of them- there were just added benefits. Like getting to reach out and interlace their fingers, or to kiss him whenever he wanted, or to pull him close and hold him. 

(He did that a lot, just holding Zuko. It never failed to make him soften, all the tension he carried around with him flowing out of his body. Between that and the brilliant smile that emerged whenever Sokka pulled him close, he made sure he did it often.)

The problem with not much changing, though, was that they never really had time for a real date. They were always surrounded by other people or working or missing the distinction that them hanging out was an official date; they’d only been able to steal small moments, so they hadn’t really gotten to be just Sokka and Zuko since the solstice. 

And Sokka might have been biased, but he felt like it was time to change that.

“Do you want to go on a date?” he interrupted Zuko in the middle of talking about… _something_ as they walked along the canal system. To be honest, he hadn’t been paying attention, he was so caught up in thinking about the fact that they hadn’t had an official second date yet.

Zuko looked at him, mouth open as his words died in his throat. “Uh, yeah? I thought this would count as a date though.”

Sokka shrugged. “I mean… like a real date. Where both of us are _planning_ on it being a date and we can be alone and do something special.”

He flushed lightly. “ _Oh._ I mean-”

“Not like that!” he rushed to get out, knowing where his boyfriend’s thoughts were headed. He flushed too, then paused as he took Zuko in. That wasn’t where he had been headed, but on second thought… “I mean… Unless that’s what you want… I wouldn’t, um. I wouldn’t mind.”

Zuko just laughed and leaned in to kiss Sokka softly. “I think a date sounds great, Sokka.”

“Okay,” he beamed. “Tomorrow night?” 

He nodded. “Tomorrow night sounds perfect, Sokka.” 

“Good. Dress warmly, alright? We’ll be out late.”

Zuko smiled like the sun, and they continued walking, hands clasped between them. “Alright. I look forward to it.”

◇◈◇

The next night, Sokka met Zuko outside his room an hour after dinner. He already had everything for their night set up, so his hands were free to wrap Zuko up in a hug and kiss him soundly in greeting.

(Yes, he had just seen Zuko an hour ago. Yes, he had missed him. Yes, he knew they were oogie. No, he didn’t care _._ )

“Hello to you too,” Zuko laughed, slightly breathless and cheeks tinted pink.

“Come on. I want to take you out to look at the stars,” Sokka grinned, tugging him after him gently.

“You know there are stars in the Fire Nation, right? And that I can see them from anywhere in the city?”

“I promise you, not like this. There’s nothing like this anywhere else.”

They picked their way through the city, just like they had when Sokka took him to see the Spirit Lights, except this time their hands were clasped together, even as wrapped up in mittens as they were.

Down at the docks was a small wooden canoe filled with furs, a lantern on each end. Sokka leapt into it gracefully, then said, “Your majesty,” with an exaggerated bow and a hand held out to help his boyfriend in. 

Zuko snorted but took the hand and stepped down. “How many times have I told you not to call me that? It’s… weird.”

Sokka pretended to think. “Nope, doesn’t ring a bell.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you,” he snarked as Sokka began to row them through the water. 

“Because of my winning personality and my charming good looks, obviously.”

Sokka didn’t miss the way Zuko’s eyes lingered on his arms as he rowed and the way he barely managed to get out a strangled, “Yeah, something like that.”

(If he flexed his arms just a little bit more after that, well… that was just between him and Zuko.)

As they approached the wall, a single waterbending guard gave a small wave, then opened a gap just large enough for them to pass through. 

“Did you bribe a guard to let us out?” Zuko asked, an eyebrow raised in surprise.

“I didn’t bribe him, I just… Encouraged him to listen to me.”

“Oh, so you threatened him. That obviously makes it okay.”

“No! I mean, maybe. Just a little bit?” At his barely suppressed laughter, he rushed to defend himself. “I’ve known him since we were kids, okay. He owed me a favor, so I cashed it in. That’s all.”

Zuko burst out laughing, such a happy sound accompanied by such a beautiful smile that Sokka couldn’t even pretend to be frustrated with him. He just chuckled, shook his head fondly, and continued rowing them toward their destination.

Once Zuko had stopped laughing, he started looking around them. “It’s beautiful out here,” he said.

Sokka looked around too. He’d been so focused on watching Zuko that he hadn’t bothered yet, but he was right. The water beneath them was a deep shade of blue, so dark it would look nearly black if it weren’t for the bright moonlight reflecting off of it, the ice caps spread throughout the water loomed around them, silent silver figures rising high into the night sky, and the air was still, the only sound being the oars sliding through the water`. It really was a beautiful night, and he decided to let them simply drift for a while, happy with their position amongst the ice caps.

“Have you looked up yet?” he asked softly. He knew he could speak at his normal volume out here, but something about the tranquility of the night made it seem wrong.

Zuko shook his head. When he answered, he spoke just as quietly. “I know that’s what you wanted to show me, so I’ve been waiting.”

Sokka smiled as his heart constricted. His tone was so gentle, his smile so soft, that it almost physically hurt. “Well, we’re here, darling. The stars await.”

“Darling?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I don’t know. We’ll workshop it. Just… Look up?”

Zuko smiled softly and didn’t say anything- he just looked up, and immediately his jaw dropped in silent awe. 

Sokka chuckled, but didn’t look up, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him- Zuko, an awestruck smile on his face and his head tilted up as he stared up at the stars. His dark hair was loose and spilled over his shoulders and down his back, the light from the moon and stars bathing him in a soft silver glow. He looked ethereal like this, as if he was the one who had been touched by the Moon Spirit rather than Sokka, and every bone in his body ached for some way to preserve this moment. 

He settled for simply memorizing it before tilting his own head up to look, too. 

Stars, more than anyone could ever count, dotted the sky, clearer than anywhere else in the world. They were set against clouds of pink and purple, interspersed amongst the normal inky blackness of the night sky, and even though he’d seen it thousands of times, it took his breath away. 

“Sokka, this is amazing,” Zuko breathed out.

“I’m glad you think so,” he whispered back. It was true- they did still get brilliant views of the stars in the city, despite the light, so he had been worried that Zuko would be bored, or wonder why they couldn’t just do this from his mother’s garden. But no, his boyfriend was still enraptured by the twinkling lights so high above them. 

Sokka shifted down off of his seat onto the fur he’d laid out and patted the spot next to him. “Come here.”

Zuko looked towards him, smiling when he saw Sokka’s position. With careful movements, he joined him so that he was laying on his back with Sokka’s arm around him, looking up at the sky. Sokka grabbed another fur and spread it over them, then pulled Zuko closer, and began to speak softly as he pointed to various stars and traced patterns through the sky with his finger.

“See those three stars there, next to the big star?” 

Zuko nodded. “The three in a line, right? And then the big one just in front of them?”

“Exactly. The three small stars are Ullaktut- the runners- and the big one is Nanurjuk- the polar dog. There were four runners out hunting one day, when they came across the polar bear dog. To try and get away, the polar dog ran into the night sky, and the runners followed them. The fourth one got hot, so he took off his mitten, but he dropped it while they were running up into the sky. When he realized this had happened, he turned around and came back to earth to find it. While he did, the other three runners and the polar dog got stuck up there, forever chasing and running from each other- the polar dog always just out of reach of the hunters’ spears.”

Zuko hummed, smiling warmly as he turned his head to look at Sokka, their faces just inches apart. “You have a nice voice for storytelling,” he murmured. 

Sokka chuckled and rubbed his hand up and down Zuko’s arm lightly. “There are more constellations… Do you want me to keep telling you about them?”

He simply nodded in response, so Sokka hummed and picked the next one he knew, then the next and the next, until he had talked about all the constellations in the sky and his throat was dry from talking. Zuko was shivering slightly despite the fact that he had been using his firebending to wrap them up in a bubble of warmth, and Sokka dropped a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Do you want to go back now?” he asked softly. “You’re shivering.”

“No! Not if you want to stay out. I’m fine.” 

He was clearly lying, but Sokka didn’t push it and instead said, “No, that’s okay. It’s getting late, anyways. We should get back before someone notices we’re gone. I didn’t exactly… Ask if we could leave.”

Zuko swatted at his arm. “Sokka, what do you mean you didn’t ask? Did anyone besides the guard know we left?”

He grimaced. “Uh, no?”

Zuko rolled his eyes, though there was fondness behind the gesture. “You are unbelievable sometimes. You’re lucky I like you.”

He knew he had a sappy smile on his face as he murmured back, “Yeah, I am.”

◇◈◇

When they got back to the palace, they walked through the halls slowly. Sokka swung their intertwined hands between them gently and murmured, “I had a really nice time tonight.”

Zuko looked at him with an identically sappy smile. “Yeah, me too. It was beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” he shot back.

Before Zuko could respond with something that was probably just as cheesy, someone cleared their throat behind them. Sokka stopped in his tracks at the sound and groaned slightly- it was one he’d recognize anywhere after twenty years, and sure enough, when they turned around, his dad and Bato were standing behind them.

Bato was clearly trying to stifle a laugh while his dad raised one of his eyebrows as he looked pointedly at their clasped hands.

“Well, _this_ is certainly a new development. At least that answers where you two had snuck off to,” his dad teased. He looked at his husband and asked, “Did you know about this?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t believe I did. I knew about the flirting and the pining, but I didn’t know they got their heads out of their asses.”

Sokka shifted, face burning, and a glance to his right revealed Zuko wasn’t doing much better maintaining his composure than he was, his cheeks bright pink.

“Uh, yeah,” he answered. “It’s still kind of new, just since the Winter Solstice Festival really, but, yeah... We’re dating now. I’m sorry we snuck out, we just wanted to go on a date.”

Hakoda smirked. “Sokka, I gotta say, I know I told you to strengthen the relationship between our nations, but I didn’t quite think this is how you’d go about it.”

“Dad, come on,” he groaned as Zuko burst into giggles. Sokka could tell some of the laughter was simply relief that they didn’t seem mad at them, either for dating or for sneaking out.

“I’m just saying, son, that for someone who was less than happy about this situation just a few months ago, you seem to be taking the instruction ‘be kind’ _very_ seriously.”

Sokka was sure he was the color of a sea prune with how hard he was now blushing. “Dad, please stop. I am _begging_ you to stop.”

Bato snorted. “You know there’s no hope in asking him that. Now that he knows, prepare yourself for endless teasing.”

Sokka knew he was right, so he said, “Alright, we’ll be going now,” as he turned to continue down the hall to his room, dragging Zuko behind him.

“Hey Sokka?” his dad said before they got too far down the hall.

They stopped and looked back. “Yeah?”

“If you want to go on a date late at night like this again, just ask, okay? We were worried.”

He sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I will. Sorry to worry you.” 

They began walking again and were almost at Sokka’s door when his dad called out, “And leave the door open!”

Sokka groaned, yanked Zuko, who was hunched over with laughter, into his room, and slammed the door to make a point.

“I’m going to kill him,” he muttered. “I am _actually_ going to commit patricide.”

Zuko laughed even harder and collapsed onto his bed.

Sokka pounced on him, trying to kiss him just to get him to stop laughing at his expense (not that he minded or really wanted him to stop, because Zuko’s laugh was one of his favorite things in the world).

“Sokka!” Zuko laughed through a wide grin as he peppered his face in kisses, before pulling away to take a deep breath and school his expression. He asked gently, “Just wait a second?”

He pouted, but sat back so that he was sitting on top of the other boy’s thighs and looked at him softly. “Of course. What’s up, babe?”

Zuko scrunched his nose in a way that told him he very much didn’t like that nickname either before he asked, “They won’t say anything, will they? I mean…”

Sokka reached out to brush his dark hair away from his face tenderly. “I don’t think so, but I’ll make sure tomorrow morning, okay? And I’m sure they’ll understand- they’re probably already aware of the Fire Nation’s views on these types of relationships, but I’ll ask anyways.”

Zuko nodded as his hand came up to pull Sokka’s leather band out of his hair, allowing it to fall in a dark curtain around his face, then rested his hand on his cheek. “Alright. Thank you, Sokka. For understanding and for-”

Sokka pressed a kiss to the heel of Zuko’s palm, making him fall silent. “It’s okay, Zuko. You don’t have to thank me for caring about you.”

Zuko had an unreadable look on his face, something soft and confused and watery all at once, so he pulled him up into a tight embrace. It was warm and gentle and overwhelmingly nice, and Sokka sighed into it. He let the world fade away until he couldn’t focus on anything besides the rise and fall of Zuko’s chest against his, the warmth of his body pressed against his, and the soft puffs of breath that made the tips of his hair flutter. He memorized the feel of Zuko’s soft hair against his cheek, of strong arms around his waist, of powerful thighs beneath his own, and the smell of something smokey and citrusy that was so intrinsically _Zuko._

Something akin to love flared in his chest, but he didn’t say anything. He simply clung to Zuko and let Zuko cling to him, until the firebender was the first to pull away.

“I should go back to my room,” he murmured with his forehead pressed into Sokka’s, their eyes searching each other’s.

Sokka wanted him to stay, more than anything, but he didn’t say it. He just kissed him gently once more, then swung himself up and out of Zuko’s lap. “Goodnight, firefly,” he tried.

It earned a chuckle from Zuko, who rose to his feet slowly. “Firefly?”

“Yeah. They’re pretty, you’re pretty… They make light, you make fire… They glow golden, your eyes are golden… When you smile at me it feels like my stomach is full of them,” he teased gently.

Zuko just shook his head, though his cheeks were tinged pink in a way that told Sokka he actually loved it, and he murmured through the smile he was clearly trying to stifle, “Goodnight, Sokka.”

His door shut with a firm click, and he fell back onto his bed with a wide smile. He tossed around that feeling from before, that roaring happiness that he didn’t quite know what to do with, in his mind, let it fill his body and his heart, and sighed.

It wasn’t quite love, he thought, but it was close. 

It was very, _very_ close.

◇◈◇

The days passed quickly as the vicious winter storms approached, and the city was buzzing with activity as people prepared for them by stocking up on food, furs, and other provisions. There had been a fair share of storms already, of course, but the temperature was just going to drop further, bringing with them a slew of polar cyclones perpetuated by the warmer temperatures at the equator. 

Sokka’s duties always ramped up at this time of year as he was expected to facilitate more trade to get the materials they needed, as well as going hunting and fishing to stockpile food, so Zuko had pretty much free reign of his days. 

When Sokka was around, Zuko usually chose to follow him around Agna Qel’a and help pass out furs, food, and all the other materials everyone needed. If he wasn’t available for whatever reason, Aang and Katara supposedly took over his lessons- though Sokka was almost certain they used the opportunities to practice their bending, gossip (usually about him and the stupid things he’d done throughout his life, he imagined), or simply have fun around the city. When that wasn’t an option, Zuko would disappear into the library or go visit artisans who taught him how to do other traditional Water Tribe practices, like carving his own snow knife or preparing animal skins. Sometimes, Gran Gran stole him away and taught him about their spiritual practices. 

They were undoubtedly both busy, but they still found time to spend with each other. They still sparred early in the morning before breakfast and they saw each other at dinner, of course. At the end of the day they would always end up in one of their rooms, curled up together to talk about their days. It made his heart warm to see Zuko speak so enthusiastically about what he had done or learned that day, and that spark of not-quite love was quickly getting fanned into something even more at the way his eyes lit up, the smile he didn’t seem to know was there, and the wild gestures his hands made as he spoke. 

The day after the first big storm rolled in, bringing with it howling winds and clouds of snow so thick the city was barely visible from the palace windows, Sokka was awoken by his blankets being pulled off of him. His eyes flew open as the chill of the air hit his skin and he yelped, falling out of his bed. When he looked up, Katara was watching him with an amused smirk and crossed arms.

“Get up, sleepy head. It’s snowing outside.”

“Katara-” he groaned. He looked outside, about to complain about the time, when he saw how much snow was outside. The city was covered in a thick new layer of snow that sparkled in the bright morning sunlight. More snow was falling, but the snowflakes were light and fluffy and drifted through the sky slowly. He grinned gleefully, knowing what she was planning. “I’ll go get Zuko,” he exclaimed as he stumbled around his room, pulling on his warmest clothes.

She laughed at him as he stumbled over himself while he tugged on his pants. “I’ll go wait with Aang by the front door while you do that.”

When he got to Zuko’s door, he knocked impatiently until it swung open. Zuko was bare chested, rubbing at his eyes and his hair staticy and messy with sleep. He had clearly just woken up and it would have been adorable if Sokka wasn’t so excited. 

“Come on, get dressed!” he exclaimed, before Zuko could even speak.

“What? Why? It’s so early, why are you even awake right now?” he mumbled.

“There’s fresh snow! Come on!” 

Zuko stared at for a moment, then shrugged. “Alright. Give me a second.”

His door shut, and a few minutes later he emerged, looking much more awake and bundled up in his parka and mukluks.

“Good morning, by the way,” he greeted, kissing Zuko quickly. “Now come on! Aang and Katara are waiting.”

They took off through the halls, Sokka quickly explaining his excitement. “It’s tradition that every morning after the first big snow dump, we go out and play in the snow. It started when we were young. Our parents would drag us out of bed early in the morning, and we’d go play in the snow for hours with them. We’ve kept doing it since then. It’s like a way to be close to Mom, I guess.”

Zuko beamed. “I’m excited.”

He beamed right back, and then they were at the door. Aang was practically vibrating, and when he saw them, he threw the doors open and raced outside on an air scooter with a loud whoop.

Katara laughed. “I guess he’s just as excited as Sokka is.”

They joined him outside, Zuko looking around in wonder at the thick snow covering the rooftops while Katara calmed Aang down enough for them to start building a snowman together. 

Deciding he very much wanted to do that too, Sokka grabbed Zuko’s hand. “Hey, will you make a snowman with me?”

He looked confused, but he nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, of course.”

They worked together quickly, lumping together snow and stacking it up until it was done. They stepped back to admire their work, and Sokka grinned. It was lumpy and lopsided and messy, but it was theirs, and he leaned into Zuko’s side.

“I love it,” he declared.

“Just don’t look at Aang and Katara’s,” Zuko responded dryly. 

Sokka turned his head to look at his sister’s and rolled his eyes when he saw the perfectly round, multi-tiered snowman. “They do this every time, but it’s because they cheat and use bending. Ours is better for so many reasons.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Definitely,” he nodded sagely. “First of all, we didn’t use bending, we worked hard. Second of all, it’s messy, which is half the fun. Third of all, we made it together.”

Zuko had a fond grin on his face. “You’re such a dork.”

Sokka kissed his cheek in response. “Maybe, but I’m your dork, firefly. You’re stuck with me now.”

He broke out laughing, but turned his head to kiss Sokka soundly. His lips were warm against his own, and he hummed, losing himself in it. At least, until something cold and wet slammed into the back of his head. He pulled away with a yelp and turned to glare at his sister, who had her hands on her hips.

“What was that for?”

“Stop being oogie!” Katara yelled, though she was clearly trying not to laugh.

He narrowed his eyes at her, then scooped up a handful of snow to make his own snowball that he lobbed at her, hitting her in the chest. “This means war!”

She cackled, and with a simple hand movement, several perfectly round snowballs started floating around her. “You really want to go?”

“Hey, no bending! You know the rules!” he called as he frantically scooped up snow, Zuko dropping down to do the same.

“Ugh, fine. Aang, come on!”

“What do I do?” Zuko hissed at him, a wild gleam in his eyes.

“Just pack the snow together, and chuck it at them,” he hissed back, keeping an eye on his sister and her boyfriend. “And try not to get hit.”

With that, he leapt to his feet and took off, sprinting with a few snowballs cradled in his arm, and then it was war. The snowballs flew all over the courtyard in front of the palace, and their shrieks filled the air as they all tried to beat the other pair. Eventually, his dads joined them, likely awoken by their screams, and soon it devolved into a free for all where no one paid attention to who was on who’s team.

Sokka saw Zuko kneeling in the snow, hands busily making snowballs and clearly not paying attention, and he grinned maniacally. He packed together the biggest snowball he could, and with a perfectly timed shot, launched it towards him as he lifted his face. Zuko looked up just in time to see the snowball coming, but without enough to move, and it ended up hitting him right in the face. Zuko froze, eyes wide with surprise and snow dripping off of his face, while Sokka burst out laughing, gasping for breath with his hands on his knees. 

Zuko’s eyes narrowed, enough that Sokka’s laughter was effectively cut off by fear, and he yelled, “Oh, you are so going to pay for that!”

Sokka couldn’t do anything but run away as fast as he could. 

Zuko was fast though, and soon enough, he caught up to him and tackled him into snow, landing so that they were chest to chest with Zuko on top of him, pinning him down. He groaned in pain as his back collided with the ground, but he found he couldn’t be angry considering how happy Zuko looked as he laughed at Sokka, his eyes bright with joy and his chest heaving from chasing him. Instead, he just gazed at the beautiful face hovering above his own, taking in the crinkle of his eyes and the graceful curve of his smile, until Zuko finally glanced down. 

His raucous laughter faded into something more vulnerable when he saw Sokka’s expression, smiling softly as their gazes locked and they both froze. Sokka’s tongue darted out and he saw Zuko’s eyes track it, then he leaned down slowly, bringing his face closer and closer. Sokka closed his eyes, waiting with baited breath for his kiss, but it never came. Instead, a handful of snow was smashed onto his face, and Zuko’s laughter filled the air again.

His eyes flew open and he spluttered in shock, “You- You just- You played me!”

Zuko was laughing so hard his arms gave out, and he landed on top of Sokka, his head on his chest. “I told you I’d get you.”

Sokka couldn’t help it- he laughed too, loud and joyous. Zuko was a comforting weight on top of him, warm and shaking with his own laughter, and Sokka had never been happier.

◇◈◇

That afternoon, they cuddled up under several furs in front of the fireplace in Sokka’s room, exhausted from their morning. Zuko was leaning up against a crate while Sokka lay between his legs, basking in the warmth against his back and the soothing motion of his boyfriend running his fingers through his hair idly. He was warm and happy and relaxed, and he let out a content hum.

“What?” Zuko asked softly.

Sokka just smiled softly and sighed. He thought about saying it, murmuring out _I love you_ , but he stopped himself. They’d had a good day, playing in the snow and chasing each other around, and he couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t necessary. It was there in the warmth at his back, the fingers in his hair, the kiss he pressed to Zuko’s cheek, the tangle of their legs. Everything he wanted to say could be shown, so he didn’t bother.

Instead, he mumbled back simply, “Nothing. I’m just happy.”

Zuko pressed an answering kiss to the top of his head. “Yeah, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eyes chapter count nervously*
> 
> n e ways MUAH have some domestic zukka for today <3
> 
> also again it's never explicitly stated here, but because it's me, zuko is ace in this fic. he just feels very strong aesthetic attraction to sokka. not super important to the story, i just need you all to know that :)
> 
> ([check out the art on tumblr!](https://zukosadragon-ace.tumblr.com/post/644383903803752448/id-five-digital-drawings-of-sokka-and-zuko-from))
> 
> EDIT: i forgot to link earlier but [this is the article thing](http://myguidestuff.com/PDF_Documents/Constellations&Legends.pdf) i used as reference for the story of the constellation sokka tells zuko


	12. forget the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!!! Several of those tags kick in for this chapter: panic attacks, canonical child abuse, Zuko talking about how he got the scar, Ozai being a complete and utter asshole... I'm pretty sure that's it for this chapter, but if it seems I missed anything, please let me know. I want everyone to be comfortable reading <3
> 
> It's also written a little differently than the other chapters, so I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Recommended listening (once again very recommended for ultimate vibes):  
> 1\. lovely - Billie Eilish and Khalid  
> 2\. Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars  
> 3\. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol (chapter title from here)  
> 4\. Sweet Creature - Harry Styles

_ The arena was dark, with the only light coming from the two fires on either end of the stage and the small skylights set into the ceiling that cast beams of sunlight across the stage. It was hot, too, and the combination of the heavy ceremonial cloak covering him, the roaring fires just a few feet away, and the sweltering heat outside made everything sticky, humid, and uncomfortable. The press of the tiles into his forehead was cool, though, so Zuko leaned into it harder and breathed in deeply. _

_ Uncle’s voice echoed in his ears, telling him to remember his foundation, his breathing, and his techniques- even in the thrill of the fight, he couldn’t forget those things, or he’d surely fail. _

_ The gong rang out through the room, shushing the crowd gathered in the stands. As the sound washed over Zuko, a sense of calm came over him. It was just the general, an old man who probably hadn’t firebent in years. He knew he could take him. _

_ He stood and the cloak fell from his shoulders, hitting the ground with a soft sound, and he turned, prepared to drop into a fighting stance, only he froze as he saw his opponent. He stared as dread and fear swept over him, replacing the calm from just moments before, because the man at the other end of the stage, staring him down with golden eyes identical to his own, was not the general.  _

_ It was his father.  _

_ “Father? What- Where’s the general?” he stammered out, heart racing. _

_ “You will not be fighting the general, Prince Zuko. You may have interrupted the general, but it was my war room and my meeting that you disrupted. It is me you will fight.” _

_ Something within him broke at the words and he began pleading desperately with his father, hardly knowing what he was saying as the man stalked towards him with a thunderous expression. _

_ “Please, Father. I only had the Fire Nation’s best interests at heart! I’m sorry I spoke out of turn.” _

_ His pleas fell on deaf ears. “You will fight for your honor!” _

_ Zuko fell to his knees, pressed his forehead into the ground, and grovelled despite the pain in his heart- he knew that it was useless. “I meant you no disrespect. I am your loyal son.” _

_ “Then rise and fight, Prince Zuko.”  _

_ A blink, and suddenly he could see the tip of the shadow of his father’s crown brushing against his fingertips. Despite his better judgement, he began to cry. _

_ “I won’t fight you.” _

_ “Then you will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher.” _

_ The shadow of his crown was replaced by his father’s bare feet, and he looked up. His father held his hand above his head, encased in a bright flame, and his face was twisted into a cruel smile. Before Zuko could move, that burning hand was placed upon his face and a scream was wrenched from his throat. _

Zuko woke up screaming, the same anguished sound from his dream- from his _ memory. _ He was drenched in sweat, the furs and sheets on the bed twisted in his tightly clenched fists, and his scar was tight and burning. He brought his hand up to touch it gently and was startled to find his fingers came away wet with tears.

_ The same tears he cried the night his father placed a burning hand on his cheek and left a brand upon his face. _

Numbly, he waved a hand to light the candle at his bedside, reaching over to the small container of ointment on the bedside table. He moved through applying it mindlessly. At this point, the fifth night of going through this exact thing, it was a familiar motion to untwist the lid, scoop out a small amount, and begin to rub it into the damaged skin around his left eye. 

He tried to keep his mind from returning to that night, but he couldn’t help but remember the way his lungs had ached from screaming, how his skin had ached, or how he had drifted off, delirious from pain and thinking that he was dying.

Another sob tore its way out of his throat at the memory, ugly and painful, and he tried to pull himself away from it. He decided to try to think of Sokka, who never failed to make him feel better- of a joke he had told him the other day, of laying in front of the fire with Sokka laying between his legs, of staring up at the night sky with the low rumble of his voice in his ear.

But the thought of Sokka made a wave of guilt crash over him, because he was playing him, he was using him, he was supposed to  _ assassinate him _ … 

He didn’t want to, though. The last several weeks of dating him had proven to him that he  _ certainly _ wanted nothing less than to assassinate this beautiful, intelligent, kind, amazing person he had found himself lucky enough to be with.

He didn’t want to, but he knew what would happen if he didn’t. Zhao had told him, and his father had warned him of the price of any future failures the moment he placed a burning hand on his face.

It was why he was having these dreams, he knew- his guilt and fear and desperation all combining, coming to life in the form of the memory of what had happened last time he didn’t follow orders. 

Suddenly, with that thought, he was adrift in his memories. He couldn’t tell what was real and what was fake, all he knew was the distant sound of his sobbing, the shaking of his hand against his cheek, and the stream of memories flowing through his mind like the fire through his veins. All he knew was-

_ Waking up in a dark room, alone, only to find that it wasn’t dark. He just couldn’t see out of his left eye. _

Sokka’s bright smile and sparkling eyes.

_ Seeing his uncle, the first person he’d seen since the Agni Kai, and breaking down at the sight of him and confessing his guilt and shame. _

Sokka’s strong arms wrapped around him.

_ His uncle, pleading with him to run away with him and leave the Fire Nation behind, leave being an assassin and a prince behind, over a cup of jasmine tea. _

Sokka’s soft hand intertwined with his, tugging him down snowy city streets as he spoke excitedly.

_ Yelling at his uncle for even suggesting such a thing, and hurtling his precious tea pot across the room. _

Sokka’s laugh, the most wonderful sound he’d ever heard.

_ Broken pieces of ceramic on his bedroom floor. _

Sokka’s smile before he kissed him sweetly.

_ Uncle’s tear stained cheeks as he walked out of Zuko’s room. _

Sokka brushing his hair back from his face.

_ Wiping blood off of shaking hands, face turned away from the sheets that had been stained red by what he’d done. _

His sword held to Sokka’s neck as they sparred, knowing that all it would take was the flick of his wrist, and then his mission would be done. 

With a scream of anguish, Zuko hurled the jar across the room. 

It hit the door with a dull thud, but he didn’t hear.  _ All he could hear was his scream _ . 

It rolled to rest by the window, but he didn’t see.  _ All he could see was the blood on his hands _ . 

His nails dug into his palms, but he didn’t feel.  _ All he could feel was guilt _ .

He closed his eyes tightly, curled up in a ball on his bed, and sobbed.

At some point someone must have come into his room- and wasn’t the thought of someone else sneaking into  _ his _ room for a change disconcerting- because suddenly there were hands holding his own. He tensed and tried to pull away, wary of his unknown attacker, but the hands didn’t let go.

After a moment, though, it registered that they were warm and soft and familiar and _ safe, _ and he relaxed as he realized they were Sokka’s. He still couldn’t open his eyes to see and his blood roaring in his ears kept him from hearing what Sokka was saying, but he didn’t need to- he could tell it was him. Those were familiarly calloused thumbs rubbing patterns into the back of his hands and that was the low rumble of his voice washing over him, and Zuko didn’t need to see him to know that Sokka was  _ here. _

He let the sensations surround him and overwhelm the panic burning in his veins, and eventually his breathing calmed down, becoming less ragged and painful, and his hands relaxed enough that Sokka was able to peel his nails out of his palms gently. He rubbed at the red crescents on his palms gently, though he never once stopped speaking. And as Zuko returned to himself with shallow breaths and sluggish thoughts, the words Sokka was murmuring became clearer.

“Hey, Zuko, it’s okay. I’m right here with you. You’re safe here,” he was saying calmly, over and over again. He only paused when he saw Zuko was calming down in favor of pressing a kiss to his shoulder that was facing up. “Hey there, firefly. How are you feeling? Are you back with me?”

His words were lodged in his throat, so he simply nodded.

Sokka pressed another kiss to his shoulder. It was soft, but it still burned against his skin like a brand and made his body tingle with warmth. “Okay, good. Do you want to talk about it yet? Or I can just hold you, for now? Or I’ll leave. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

Zuko thought. He hadn’t told Sokka how he had gotten his scar- he knew his boyfriend was curious, but he had never asked, and he had never divulged the information voluntarily. He’d thought about it, especially since Sokka had told him about Tui’s blessing, but it had always been such a daunting conversation to have. He’d be the first person Zuko told, since everyone else he was close to had been there that day. He’d be the first person he exposed his darkest, most shameful secret to. 

And yet, he wanted to. He wanted to tell him, wanted to expose that part of himself and be vulnerable with Sokka in the way he’d never been vulnerable with anyone, not even Mai or Jet. There was just something so soothing about Sokka, something so steady that made him know, deep in his heart, that he’d never turn away from him once he found out the truth. Zuko loved him for it.

And-  _ oh _ . That was it, wasn’t it? He loved Sokka. He loved everything about him- his looks, of course, but also his kindness, his intelligence, his humor, his ability to hold and to be held, how he knew when Zuko wanted to talk and when he needed silence. He was vulnerable and strong all at once, steadfast and kind and wonderful, and Zuko  _ loved _ him.

And perhaps it was a little early, but Zuko had never really known himself to be patient.

He looked at Sokka through eyelashes matted together with tears and he spoke, his voice breaking. “I want to talk about it, I think.”

Sokka’s expression didn’t falter- it just stayed open and warm and inviting, and Zuko didn’t know how he hadn’t realized he loved him sooner. “Yeah? Okay, firefly. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll listen.” 

He lifted one of his hands and pressed a kiss to it.

Zuko smiled softly, his heart bursting at the motion. “I had a nightmare about the night I got my scar. It’s uh... It’s the fifth night that this has happened.” He looked up at Sokka, who was listening intently, though when he saw Zuko glance his way he pressed another comforting kiss to his hand. 

He took a breath before he continued, letting the words pour out.

“I was thirteen, and I was invited to one of my father’s meetings by my uncle. I wasn’t supposed to speak, just observe. But one of the generals… he was talking about starting the war again by sending troops to the Southern Water Tribe. I knew it was a horrible plan- even though peace was tumultuous, it was still peace, and they hadn’t done anything to us. If troops were sent to attack the Southern Water Tribe, it would ripple out to the Northern Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom. They’d fight, they’d win, and they’d make the Fire Nation pay for it- more than they already had. Even more than that, though, thousands of innocent people from all over the world would die. So I spoke up and interrupted the general, saying just that, without thinking of the consequences.” 

He swallowed roughly and continued.

“For dishonoring the general by speaking over him, I was challenged to an Agni Kai, a firebending duel that only ends when someone either gets burned or killed. I accepted, thinking I’d be fighting the general- he was an old man and a weak bender, and I knew that I could beat him. But when I turned to face my opponent… It was my father. He said by speaking out in his war room, I insulted him, and that I would face him instead of the general. I was horrified- that was my  _ father _ , and he was telling me to face him in a brutal fight. I couldn’t do it, and I told him that. As punishment, not only for speaking out, but for disgracing him by not fighting, he-” Zuko broke down, unable to voice it, bringing a trembling hand to his scarred cheek.

Sokka didn’t need words to understand and whispered brokenly, “He burned your face and gave you that scar, didn’t he?”

It wasn’t so much a question as it was a statement, but Zuko still met his gaze and nodded. Sokka’s expression was a twisted mess of horror, anger, and crushing sadness, all combining to make him look more heartbroken than Zuko had ever seen anyone look. 

“Fuck, Zuko-” Sokka pulled him close so that he was almost in his lap and buried his head into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Zuko gingerly wrapped his arms around him too, and pressed his unscarred cheek into his hair. It wasn’t until he sniffled that he realized his boyfriend was crying.

“Sokka?” he asked tentatively. “What’s…”

“I’m so sorry, Zuko,” he burst out, squeezing him tight. “You didn’t deserve that, not when you were just trying to prevent another war, and  _ especially _ not as a child… As his  _ own _ child.”

He squeezed Sokka tighter, but didn’t respond, too overwhelmed by the emotion in his voice- a deep sadness laced with just a trace of anger- to do so. Sokka took his silence as disbelief, though, and continued on, voice soft and thick with tears.

“You know that, don’t you? You were right- innocent lives would have been lost. The Fire Nation would have been defeated and… Well, peace wouldn’t have been an option anymore. You saved your home, your people,  _ and _ the other nations. Even if you spoke out of turn and disrespected him, you were still a child-  _ his _ child- and you didn’t deserve to have to fight, or to be permanently scarred for it.”

Zuko’s first instinct was to object- he had humiliated his father, had spoken out of turn, had disobeyed his uncle, had brought dishonor upon himself.... 

But then he was reminded, like a splash of cold water, of his uncle saying the same thing to him. He had insisted that it was wrong for his father to treat him that way, and had practically begged Zuko to let him take him away from his father. He was leaving, his uncle had said, for Ba Sing Se, and he wanted Zuko to come with him and leave all of it- his father, the Fire Nation, the crown, his future life as an assassin- behind him. But he had been so lost in his anger, humiliation, and determination to redeem himself and earn back his honor, that he had refused his help. 

He had slapped his uncle’s outstretched hand away and proclaimed, in a bold faced lie, that he enjoyed killing and that being an assassin and a prince was exactly what he wanted. He’d insisted his father loved him, he just needed to be better moving forward. His uncle had tried to object but he hadn’t wanted to hear it, so he’d thrown his teapot across the room.

After his outburst his uncle, the one person besides his mother who had ever truly shown him love, had walked away from Zuko with a sorrow lined face and tears in his eyes, and he hadn’t come back since.

He vowed not to make that same mistake again- especially not when the person saying it was a beautiful boy with sparkling eyes and a kind smile that Zuko loved with a fierceness he couldn’t quite comprehend. Especially not when his time in the Northern Water Tribe, seeing the love between Sokka and his family, made him know, deep down, that what had happened was wrong. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly, meeting Sokka’s gaze firmly. “I know that now.” 

“You’re amazing, Zuko, and I’m… I’m grateful every day that I met you.”

The sincerity of his words knocked the breath out of Zuko, a deep happiness replacing it, and suddenly all he could think of was telling him how he felt. “Hey, Sokka?”

“Yeah?”

“I- Uh…” The words were right there- just three little words that he knew were true, but they got stuck in his throat. He realized, though, that he didn’t necessarily _ need _ to say it.

And so instead of continuing to talk, he brushed his thumbs across Sokka’s cheekbones. He leaned into the touch with a soft smile, though he kept his eyes locked onto Zuko’s; they were puffy and red from tears, but they sparkled all the same. As Zuko slowly slid his gaze from his eyes to the arch of his brow and the freckles dusted across his nose and cheekbones, the bow of his lips and the sharp cut of his chin, he thought that he’d never seen anyone more beautiful. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Sokka asked, breaking him out of his reverie.

“That I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you,” he whispered, leaning in closer to Sokka’s face. 

A beautiful smile bloomed across his face, but before he could respond, Zuko slotted their mouths together. He poured every emotion he was feeling into it, all his gratitude and happiness and love, hoping he would understand the emotions filling his heart. He kissed him breathless, and when they broke apart, Sokka had a dazed but happy grin on his face.

“Oh,” he murmured. “That was-”

“Thank you,” he interrupted, the words bursting out before he could stop them. It wasn’t quite what he wanted to say, and clearly it wasn’t what Sokka was expecting either, but he smiled softly anyways. 

“For what?”

He laughed quietly and leaned back into Sokka’s warm embrace. “For… Listening to me and not… Judging, or something. I don’t know. You’re just… You’re sweet and you’re kind, and I just…”

Sokka had a knowing twinkle in his eye as his words trailed off, but he didn’t comment on it, just brushed a gentle kiss to the very edge of Zuko’s scarred cheek. “Of course. I’ll always be here when you need me, Zuko.”

Somehow, Zuko couldn’t imagine that extending to him being an assassin, but as he really didn’t want to spiral again, he tried not to think about it. Instead, he focused on something he’d said that had piqued his curiosity. “Wait, why  _ are _ you here? I mean, not why are you here _ , _ but why are you  _ here? _ Even if I was shouting, you wouldn’t have been able to hear it from your room. How’d you know I was… How’d you know to come here?”

“Oh. I couldn’t sleep, so I was down in the palace library reading for a little while. On my way back up the stairs to finally try and go to bed again, I heard you crying. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Well, that was… Zuko didn’t quite know what to say to that, and he was so overcome by happiness and love for Sokka that it felt as though his heart was thumping against his ribs, trying to escape from the prison his ribs formed around it. Instead of trying to find words that could never fully explain how much he cared for him, he just hugged Sokka tightly again and closed his eyes, relishing in the warmth and comfort his arms provided. 

They stayed like that for a long time, until Zuko lost track of time and couldn’t say if it had been five minutes or two hours, and separated only when he yawned-a sudden reminder that it was the middle of the night.

Sokka chuckled lightly. “Do you want to try and go back to sleep?”

“Yeah, I think so.” After brushing a kiss to his forehead, Sokka let him go so that he could lay back down, then stood to go. Without thinking, Zuko’s hand shot out to grab his wrist. “Wait. Stay with me?”

Sokka grinned, just a little half quirk of his lips. “Of course. Always.”

He seemed to debate over where he should lay down, but ultimately chose to leave a gap between them, and Zuko huffed a breath at the fact that even after he’d practically been in his lap for the past… whoever knows how long, Sokka still seemed to think Zuko wanted space. He turned on his side and scooted over so that he was pressed up against him, his back pressed to his chest, and Sokka’s arm came around to rest across his waist immediately. 

“Goodnight, love,” he whispered quietly as he doused the candle with a wave of his hand. He didn’t mean for the pet name to fall out of his mouth, but it felt natural, and he found he couldn’t regret it when Sokka sighed happily, breath tickling the back of his neck where his hair was parted.

And in that moment, he couldn’t imagine taking his blades to Sokka’s neck.

He couldn’t imagine following his father’s orders, now or ever again.

The thought filled him with a deep, bone chilling fear.

“Goodnight, firefly,” came his whispered response, and that fear was replaced by a deep, fuzzy warmth.

He’d face the fear tomorrow, he decided, when Sokka wasn’t around, and let sleep claim him once again.

◇◈◇

_ Dear Uncle, _

_ I know you must be surprised to hear from me after all this time. The last time we spoke wasn’t exactly a happy occasion, and since then, seven years have passed. I want to start by saying that I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I was hurt by my father’s cruelty and I was scared, but I never should have taken it out on you, the one person who always loved me. I don’t know how I can make up for what I did then and have continued to do, but I hope that someday you can find it in yourself to forgive me. Even if that day is not today, I hope you can find your past love for a thirteen year old boy, and answer this letter.  _

_ You told me I could always write to you about anything, and I find myself in need of your help now more than ever. My father has entrusted me with an important task that I am working on closely with another individual, and much rests upon my success. He has made it clear that if I do not do a satisfactory job, there will be consequences. But I’m afraid, now, that what he has asked me to do is wrong. He claims it’s for the good of his company, but the person I’m working with has changed the way I see things, and I have begun to doubt my father’s orders. _

_ Beyond that, I doubt myself. I am afraid that when the time comes, I will not be able to execute his will. I am afraid of failure, for I am afraid of my father’s wrath. I am afraid that this person has made me weak and soft, and I am afraid of what this means for my future. I am afraid of what I must do to this kind hearted individual and their company.  _

_ Please, Uncle. I know I have not always listened to your advice, but now…  _

_ Please. I don’t know what to do, and I fear the consequences of either decision. _

_ If you choose to write back, send it to the Northern Water Tribe.  _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Your nephew _

Zuko stared down at the letter in his hand with uncertainty, reading it over and over again as he wondered if he came across as sincere, or if it was shallow and seemed like he was just using Uncle, or if what he was writing about was too vague and he wouldn’t understand, or if he should just scrap it and figure it out himself, or ask someone else what he should do-

He sighed, knowing that wasn’t an option. If he hadn’t figured out what to do alone these past few months, he wasn’t going to be able to at all. Besides, who else would he talk to about this? Mai? They were friends, but they didn’t talk about things like this, and he couldn’t let anyone back home know he was having doubts. Aang and Katara were his best friends, but he could never figure out how to phrase the question he needed to ask in a way that wouldn’t make them suspicious. 

No, Uncle was the only one he could talk to about the split in his mind- the split between the version of him that still wanted to please his father and feared the consequences of failure, and the version of him that wanted to love Sokka freely and leave all the death and destruction behind him. 

And he  _ would _ understand. Even with the disguise of this being about an important family business, his uncle would see right through it. He would understand how important this was. He would understand that this person-  _ Sokka _ \- was someone important to Zuko, important enough to make him question what he had once so strongly believed in. He would understand just how scared he was. 

With renewed determination, Zuko rolled up the letter carefully, melted a small piece of wax over the edge to seal it, wrote the address Uncle had given him all those years ago on the outside of it, and brought the letter to the aviary before he could change his mind again.

The aviary was on the top floor of the palace, on the opposite end of the royal bedrooms, and it was a warm, lofty room full of messenger owls and gulls that carried mail within the city and between the nations. This late in the afternoon, with the sun dipping low in the sky, there wasn’t anyone in the room except for the attendant, a young woman with her hair tied up into a braided bun and an apron thrown over her long sleeved tunic.

She looked up when he walked in and her eyes widened when she recognized him. “Prince Zuko!” she greeted with a bow and a large smile. “I’m Yura. It’s a pleasure to see you here. Do you wish to send a letter?”

“Yes, I do… I know it’s late, but would it be possible to send this out right now?”

“Of course! We can send it out on an owl and it’ll be just fine. Where are you needing it to go? Caldera City?”

“No, actually… The Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se.”

Her smile slipped momentarily in surprise, but she recovered quickly and gestured for him to follow her to a row of spacious cubbies, each occupied by an owl. “Any of these will be able to deliver it for you. Take your pick!”

He gazed at them all, contemplating, and ultimately chose a medium sized owl that was snowy white, with sleek feathers- sappily choosing it because it had piercing blue eyes just like Sokka. “This one will do.”

Nova beamed and coaxed the owl out of the cubby and over to the window ledge from where the birds took off. “Excellent, she’s one of our fastest. Go ahead and get your letter secured to her, and then you can let her out.”

“Thank you,” he bowed as she walked away, then turned to slide his scroll into the harness on its back. The owl hooted at him once he was done, and he smiled slightly, stroking her head. “Fly fast, okay? This is a very important letter.”

She hooted again, then spread her snowy wings and took off out the open window.

As he watched her fly away with the letter, he couldn’t help the nagging fear that Uncle wouldn’t respond.

He squared his shoulders and turned away, telling himself that Uncle would write back.

He had to.

◇◈◇

“I heard you sent a letter yesterday,” Sokka brought up as they sparred the next morning, dancing around each other swiftly once again.

Zuko parried a particularly powerful strike from Sokka with ease, and laughed, though anxiety at his words made his heart rate spike. “I guess not much stays a secret here, huh? That’s something our palaces have in common.”

He shrugged, even as he swung his sword up to catch Zuko’s own attack. “I think Yura was just curious because you asked for Ba Sing Se. You don’t have to tell me what’s up, though, if you don’t want to. I trust you.”

He smiled, though it was bittersweet- he did know that. It was one of the things he loved about Sokka, the fact that he trusted him implicitly, but it was also a cruel reminder that he could go through with assassinating him any day now and he’d never see it coming. 

The thought made him falter, and Sokka’s next blow knocked the sword clean from his hand. They both froze, staring at the sword that now lay across the courtyard, and Sokka frowned.

“Okay, you’re being weird. I never beat you. What’s up?”

“I-” he sighed and picked one of the few troubles plaguing his mind. “I wrote a letter to my uncle.”

“Your uncle? You haven’t mentioned him before, other than the other night,” Sokka asked as he leaned his sword against the wall, then strode over to the bench on the edge of the courtyard and sat down, gesturing for Zuko to do the same.

As he followed his lead, he explained, “Yeah. My father’s brother. He isn’t like him at all, though. He’s kind and good and he always had a soft spot for me. We spent a lot of time together, especially after my mother’s death. But after I got my injury, he told me he was leaving the Fire Nation and moving to Ba Sing Se after he travelled around the world for a while. He pleaded with me to go with him and get away from my father, but I refused. I was scared, and so I said no. That was the last time I spoke to him, though he sent me a letter after he left that said I could always write to him in the City of Walls if I needed him. I guess my nightmares just reminded me how much I missed him, and encouraged me to write to him.”

It wasn’t totally a lie- he had been missing Uncle Iroh for a long time, and the memories associated with his dreams had been salt in the wound. 

Sokka pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. “Well, I’m glad you sent him a letter, then. Hopefully it reaches him.”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I really hope it does. I guess I’m just worried that it’s been long enough now that he won’t want to talk to me anymore.”

He hummed. “Well, if you were close before, I’m sure he’s missed you just as much. Maybe he’s just been waiting for you to write first, when you were ready.”

Zuko knew deep down Sokka was right- Uncle Iroh wasn’t a vindictive man like his father was, and had always waited for Zuko to come to him first. 

“I can’t help but be scared, I guess,” he confessed. “That he’ll see me so vulnerable and…” His hand came up to his scar and Sokka squeezed him in a way that he knew meant he understood what Zuko was unable to say. 

“I know, firefly.” He paused, then, “I don’t think that anymore training or studying will go over well today, so the day is yours. What do you want to do? I can leave you alone or we can do something together or...”   


Zuko looked at Sokka’s shining blue eyes, and he smiled. “I don’t care what I do, as long as I’m with you.”  _ Because who knows how much longer that will last,  _ he finished to himself.

Sokka’s answering beam was blinding and he leapt to his feet. “How about a picnic?”

He looked at him quizzically, relieved to find Sokka’s enthusiasm was already distracting him from his thoughts. “A picnic? Isn’t it cold outside?” 

“Don’t you trust me?”

Zuko chuckled at the familiar question. “You _ know _ I do.”

Sokka held out his hand and Zuko took it, letting himself be pulled to his feet and resolutely leaving his anxieties on the bench as they walked away, their interlaced hands swinging between them.

Their picnic, it turned out, was taking place in the tunnels that apparently ran under the city, rather than out in the cold air of the city or on the tundra like he’d thought. They were an elaborate, twisting series of caves and corridors, warmed by some unknown source, and the rock walls sparkled silver in the light. As they passed a particularly bright patch, Sokka explained it was from minerals in the rock that had been worn down and exposed by an ancient river that no longer flowed through the passageways. 

Zuko wasn’t completely sure where they were going, but Sokka led him through the corridors with familiarity and ease, a picnic basket swinging from his arm, so he let himself be tugged along until they reached an ornate circular wooden door, which Sokka pushed open with his free arm. 

And as Zuko stepped through it, he dropped Sokka’s hand in favor of looking around in awe.

They had come to a grand cavern, and it was clear from the blast of heat that washed over him that this was the source of the warmth that extended to the corridors. There was a waterfall coming down from the tall ceilings that he assumed connected to the canal system at some point, and it fell into a large pool of water. In the center of it was a small island with bright green grass, a small archway, and a shallow pond, connected to the door by a wooden bridge. They crossed it to get to the island, and when Zuko looked into the pond he saw there were two koi fish, one black and one white, circling each other slowly in a rhythmic dance that reminded him of when Katara moved through her water bending forms, or when he and Sokka were swordfighting. 

He looked up at Sokka slowly, piecing together everything he had learned about the Northern Water Tribe so far, and said slowly, “This is the Spirit Oasis.”

Sokka paused in pulling out several dishes of food and said seriously, “Yes. This is where my life was saved so long ago.”

Zuko’s heart was hammering in his chest as he stared at Sokka. “You-” He sat down heavily. “You trust me enough to show me this?”

It was something Sokka had always been so firm about- the Spirit Oasis was a private place, sacred to their tribe, and outsiders were rarely ever allowed to enter, even when Agna Qel’a was an open port city. That Sokka trusted him with this place… Zuko’s heart was aching with the force of how much he loved him. 

“Of course,” Sokka said, as if it were obvious. “I guess I just wanted to show you that… Well, it seems stupid now, but I was thinking that maybe if you saw the place where I almost died, maybe you’d remember that I’m vulnerable too? I guess that I was just trying to say that we all have things that make us vulnerable, but it doesn’t make us weak. I don’t know, I’m not explaining it well, but I thought it might make you feel better about your letter to your uncle and…”

His words died off as Zuko flung himself at him, hard enough that he knocked them both to the ground, and kissed him soundly. 

“It does,” he whispered when they broke apart. “It’s not stupid. You’re right, that sometimes I forget that vulnerability is normal, so… This helps. Really.”

Sokka’s blue eyes searched his own, then he smiled brilliantly and lifted a hand to tuck Zuko’s hair behind his ear. “Alright. Come on, up,” he said as he poked him in the side. “As nice as this is, this food isn’t going to eat itself and the chefs will be upset if it goes to waste.”

Zuko sighed, flopping down onto Sokka in defiance. “Just a few minutes?”

Sokka made a show of groaning and rolling his eyes, but his body relaxed and his voice was fond when he agreed, “A few more minutes.”

Zuko grinned at his victory and kissed Sokka again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sokka = best boyfriend ever, sorry I don't make the rules <3


	13. the world catches up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: discussion of canonical character death and homophobic language
> 
> Recommended listening (you should definitely listen... think of the vibes):  
> 1\. ivy - Taylor Swift  
> 2\. Collar Full - Panic at the Disco (chapter title from here)  
> 3\. Fool for Love - Lord Huron  
> 4\. Time In A Bottle - Jim Croce

_ My dearest nephew, _

_ For so long, I wanted to write to you, just to see how you have been these past years. I feared, though, that you would react poorly to an old man meddling in your life, so I always hesitated. I hoped that someday you’d reach out, on your own time, and to my indescribable joy, you have. I want you to know, Zuko, that there is nothing to forgive. You were just a young boy who had been through a terrible ordeal, and I pushed you too soon. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you, for I left when you were in need of the most help and love. Everyday, I have regretted walking away from you. I am sorry, nephew, for leaving you in that loveless home with that cruel man. Just know that my love for you has never died, and it never will. _

_ I am deeply saddened to hear that your father is still using you to run his business. I had hoped, perhaps foolishly, that you had been spared that job. This work your father has you doing in the Northern Water Tribe seems dangerous, and I am glad you have reached out to me. My advice to you is this- if this person (who you seem to love quite a bit, I can’t help but notice) has changed the way you see things and has changed what your heart wants, you must listen to it. _

_ I must be blunt with you- I have never agreed with your father’s methods, so I urge you to welcome your fear. If this individual you speak of has opened your eyes, embrace it. If you doubt that bringing harm to another is right, then listen to that instinct. Give in to the fear of being soft and, like you describe your friend, good and kind hearted.  _

_ It is time, now that you are a strong young man, to ask yourself who you are and what you want. Let yourself choose the option that you know is right, deep in your heart, and more importantly, the one that will bring you happiness. _

_ Remember, nephew. One who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger. _

_ Whatever choice you make, it must be the right one for you. Not for me and certainly not for your father. _

_ I hope I will hear from you again, nephew. Should you wish to write back, address it to the Jasmine Dragon Tea Shop. And should you ever need to come to me, for whatever reason, I will welcome you with a hug and a warm cup of tea.  _

_ May Agni bless you, _

_ Uncle Iroh _

Zuko held the letter in shaking hands. 

He had to admit to himself now, holding his uncle’s response, that he hadn’t really expected to get one. He had thought his uncle would be too ashamed of him when he realized he was still an assassin, or that he’d be too angry with him for what he’d done as a boy. He’d thought his uncle wouldn’t read a single word and just burn his letter to ash.

But instead, here in writing, was proof that his uncle wasn’t angry. More than that, he never had been- he had missed him, he had thought of him, he  _ still loved him _ . It made him slightly dizzy to think about, and he thought if he wasn’t already sitting on his bed, his knees might have buckled.

He looked to the second and third paragraphs, tossing the words around his head. His uncle… Well, for one he had picked up on the affection Zuko held for Sokka, which was mildly embarrassing- the first time he contacted his uncle in seven years, and he figured out Zuko was in love with someone from just a few words. But he had also picked up on the fact that he was supposed to assassinate him, that he didn’t want to do it, and he had agreed. 

Zuko read the letter over and over again, but it never changed. It was still there, his uncle telling him not to assassinate Sokka. While he made it clear that it had to be Zuko’s choice, his words could not be misconstrued. 

And the proverb… He had always hated his uncle’s proverbs- he’d thrown them out liberally and Zuko had always been confused and frustrated by them. But this one… He understood, he thought. He knew how Zuko was raised regarding vulnerability and had always tried to urge him that it was okay to show his emotions and let people in. And here he was again, telling Zuko that the person who let themself love and be vulnerable was stronger than the one who hid it all, buried their emotions, and embraced death and destruction.

_ Ask yourself who you are and what you want,  _ his uncle asked. He set the letter down next to him and laid down on his back, staring at the icy ceiling above him, and thought. 

_ Who was he _ , his uncle asked. He was Crown Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, an assassin since childhood, someone meant to kill without forgiveness. He was the scarred son and weapon of Fire Lord Ozai, and he was descended from generations of bloodshed. But beyond that… He was just Zuko, someone who hoped to leave the world better than he found it. Someone who had struggled and fought for his place in the world, and had come out stronger because of it. He was a son who had been devastated by the loss of his mother. He was someone who didn’t have the opportunity to make many friends, but here in Agna Qel’a had become friends with some of the most amazing people he’d ever met, and was a better person for it.

_ What did he want _ , his uncle asked. For so long, the answer to that question would have been to regain the honor he had lost when he knelt before his father and begged for him to show him mercy. He would have said he wanted to redeem himself in the eyes of his father, earning his love and approval in doing so. But now… He wanted, quite simply, Sokka. He wanted to walk down the snowy streets of Agna Qel’a with his hand clasped in his. He wanted to hold him close, to kiss him breathless, to spar with him in the cool morning air, to eat sea prunes alongside the canal. He wanted to hear him joking with his family, to watch him hug the children running through the streets of the city, to lead his people the way he was meant to and already was. He wanted to be with Sokka, he wanted Sokka to stay alive, and he wanted to be happy by his side.

Zuko smiled at the thought, and realized that really, he’d made his mind up a long time ago about assassinating Sokka. With firm resolution, he leapt to his feet and went to his trunk, rolling up the scroll as he went. He shoved aside the few items within it, mostly thin robes he would never wear in the brutal winter weather, and placed the scroll at the bottom. As he did, his gaze caught on the blue edge of his mask, just barely poking out from under the pile of clothes. With gentle hands, he reached for it, and pulled it out to gaze at it.

It was many years old now, and there were spots where the paint was faded and peeling away from regularly washing blood and dirt off of it. He had once loved the Blue Spirit mask and the way the bright white and dark blue of it seemed to make the eerie expression that much more frightening. But now, the mask made him slightly… Angry, he realized. He couldn’t help but think it was in part because it was the wrong shade of blue, because his favorite shade of blue was the bright turquoise of Sokka’s eyes. 

And suddenly, he found himself thinking about his cousin for the first time in several years.

Despite being nearly ten years apart, he and Lu Ten had always been close. He never acted like he was too cool to play with Zuko, he brought him back small gifts when he went on trips, and he was always there to help coach him through the katas and firebending forms he couldn’t quite get down. He had been his role model, and Zuko had always said he wanted to grow up just like him. 

It wasn’t until he was nearly thirteen that he found out  _ why _ Lu Ten travelled so much. He had just gotten home from his most recent summer spent with Master Piandao, and had demonstrated his newfound skills in front of his whole family. His mother, uncle, and Lu Ten had all clapped enthusiastically, Azula had clapped politely with thinly veiled boredom, and his father and grandfather nodded with pride glimmering in their eyes. Zuko had been ecstatic that he’d pleased them, and that evening, eager to tell his cousin all about his summer, had rushed to his room. 

But Lu Ten, instead of being excited with him, had a heavy sadness about him. He’d sat Zuko down and, with a shaking voice, told him about the underground organization of Fire Nation assassins that was organized by the Fire Lord. He had explained that ever since he was thirteen years old himself, he’d been a member of the guild and had since done horrible things. He confessed quietly that he’d realized recently that the Fire Nation was wrong to do this, though; that it was dishonorable, and Zuko should do whatever he could to avoid following his path.

Zuko had been betrayed. He’d taken great pride in his nation, and yet there his cousin- his  _ role model _ \- was, telling him it was actually a horrible place. In a mess of confusion, fear, and anger, he’d run away in tears. 

Five days later, Lu Ten disappeared. Three days after that, his mother died. A week later, his grandfather was found dead as well, his father was announced heir of the Fire Nation instead of Uncle Iroh, and he and Azula began training to be assassins. 

Filled with grief and desperation to please his father, he had put Lu Ten’s warning out of his mind and gave training everything he had.

Now though, staring down at the Blue Spirit’s smirking face, he wished he had listened.

In a fit of rage, he hurtled the mask across his room, the same way he’d hurtled his ointment all those nights ago. It slid under his bed, but he made no effort to get it. 

He wouldn’t need it, because he wasn’t going to kill Sokka. 

He refused to.

He simply stood and rushed out of his room, striding down familiar hallways and staircases, until he was standing outside Sokka’s door. He could hear laughter from the other side, and he smiled happily at the sound, and knocked firmly. The laughter didn’t stop, even as the door swung open quickly. Sokka stood in the doorway, wearing a loose tunic and leggings, his hair down, and he beamed at the sight of Zuko. 

“Hey, stranger,” he said flirtatiously, leaning against the doorway. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Zuko laughed at his antics, but he leaned in close too. “Yeah, well. I heard there was a handsome prince somewhere in this part of the palace and I couldn’t stay away.”

Sokka’s cheeks turned a satisfying shade of pink and instead of responding, he pressed a deep kiss to his lips. Zuko leaned into it happily.

When they broke apart, he said with a broad smile, “Actually, though, my uncle responded to my letter.”

Sokka’s eyes widened. “Was it… Good?”

“Yeah,” he sighed happily. “It was really good.”

Sokka beamed, and kissed Zuko again. “You want to come in and tell me about it?” he asked. “Katara and Aang are in here, but...”

“Hi, Zuko!” Aang’s voice called from inside the room.

He grinned at the offer and said decisively, “Yes. I do.”

Sokka stepped aside, and as he passed through the doorway, it felt like he was finally leaving the life of an assassin behind him.

◇◈◇

Caught up in the euphoria of finally allowing himself to be with Sokka and enjoying learning about the Northern Water Tribe without any ulterior motive, the days flew by quickly. He felt lighter now, and found that his laughter came more freely and that he didn’t shy away from his feelings as much. His nightmares had stopped, too, and sleep came easier to him now that he wasn’t wracked with quilt. It was a drastic change that he didn’t quite understand himself and he knew Sokka noticed the difference, but he seemed to attribute it to him being happy about his uncle’s response (which wasn’t wrong), so he didn’t question it. Before he knew it, he had been in the Northern Water Tribe for nearly six months.

They were in the library again, going over…. Zuko wasn’t quite sure, really. They had started with sailing, Sokka explaining how whalers went out to catch and hunt the massive creatures in the early fall, though it had soon dissolved into him ranting passionately about navigation, sailing techniques, and a whole bunch of technical jargon that Zuko didn’t understand. He didn’t say anything though- simply leaned forward, head propped up in his hand, and watched Sokka with a small smile. Several strands of hair had fallen from his wolf tail in his excitement and now fell across his forehead, but he didn’t seem to notice, as wrapped up in what he was saying as he was. His hands waved in front of him wildly, the words poured out of his mouth quickly, and his eyes glimmered with excitement.

He was beautiful, and Zuko couldn’t look away.

Sokka had been oblivious to his distraction for a long time, but when he glanced at Zuko- likely to see if he was laughing at a joke- he paused suddenly, smiling and flushing slightly. “You have no clue what I’m talking about, do you?”

“Nope,” he said around a fond grin.

“When did I lose you?”

“Ummm… Apparent wind?”

Sokka laughed and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Oh. That was… That was a while ago.”

Zuko shrugged, his smile never dipping. “It’s okay. I like hearing you talk about things you’re passionate about.”

Sokka smiled at him in a way Zuko could only think to describe as adoringly, but before he could respond, a messenger from the palace came running up to them, panting slightly with wide eyes. 

Sokka sat up quickly, asking the girl, “Kiyah, what is it?”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Prince Sokka, but your father has requested you and Prince Zuko return to the palace immediately.”

Zuko cast a worried glance at Sokka, and asked her, “Did something happen? Is everything okay?”

She swallowed, looking between them both nervously. “It’s better if you both just return to the palace on the canoe with me.”

Zuko’s heart was pounding in his chest and he and Sokka both rose to their feet, following her to the canoe. Dread settled heavily into his gut, and he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps someone had found something in his room, outing him as having an ulterior motive. A letter perhaps, or his swords or mask… He swallowed nervously, and Sokka must have been watching, because he grabbed his hand tightly. 

“I’m sure everything’s fine,” he murmured.

It was clear he didn’t quite believe his own words, but Zuko didn’t- couldn’t- respond. He just squeezed Sokka’s hand tightly, and turned to watch the city as they passed it.

When they reached the palace, nothing looked out of place- the same guards were there, advisors and council members were still going in and out of the doors, the hallways were still bustling with people travelling to different places. But there was an unmistakable tension that washed over everyone as Kiyah led them quickly through hallways, and Zuko realized they were heading to the council room. He looked at Sokka again, and his blue eyes were dark with worry. 

Kiyah stopped outside the doors and gestured, “He’s waiting for you in there.”

They looked at each other once more, and Sokka squeezed his hand once more before letting it drop to his side. “Ready?”

Zuko sighed, straightened his back, lifted his chin, and said with false bravado, “Yes.”

Sokka pushed the door open, and Zuko’s heart dropped to his feet. 

Whatever he’d been imagining before, what was waiting inside the door was much,  _ much _ worse.

Because Hakoda and Bato sat at their normal spots in the center of the first level of council seats, with Katara, Aang, and Kanna beside them, the other council members seated on the level behind them, and standing before them was-

“Commander Zhao,” he said numbly. 

The man turned at his name, looking over his shoulder at Zuko with a twisted smile and dark eyes that glittered menacingly from across the room.

Sokka looked from Zuko to the commander sharply, but didn’t say anything before he strode into the room. Zuko followed him, though it felt like he was above his body, barely aware of what he was doing. Because if Zhao was here, then-

His hopes of leaving behind being an assassin shattered into pieces, each one a dagger to the heart, and he realized his time with Sokka had run out.

“Ah, good,” Hakoda said, rising from his seat. “Thank you for rushing to meet us, boys. Commander Zhao, allow me to introduce my eldest child, Prince Sokka.”

Zhao bowed deeply to him and said, “It is an honor to meet you, Prince Sokka. You have a lovely home. I am Commander Zhao, Prince Zuko’s childhood tutor.”

Zuko raised an eyebrow at the ridiculous sound of the title- what sort of commander was responsible for educating the prince?- but quickly schooled his features. 

Sokka bowed respectfully back, though the movement looked awkward coming from someone so used to clasping arms with everyone he came across. “It’s wonderful to welcome you to the Northern Water Tribe, Commander.”

Zhao then turned his dark, appraising eyes on Zuko and said with fake sincerity, “And Prince Zuko, it’s so wonderful to see you after so many months. I must say, I am surprised you have been gone for so long- six months to the very day! At least since your departure from Caldera City, that is.”

Zuko grit his teeth before forcing a pleasant smile to his lips. When he spoke, his voice was cool and smooth like honey, though he knew Zhao could hear right through it. “You as well, Commander Zhao. And has it really been so long? Prince Sokka and I have been so hard at work discussing our respective nation’s cultures that I must have lost track of time. I must admit, though, that I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Your father was getting concerned, seeing as you haven’t been in contact with him. He asked me to come check on you and see if you were ready to come home.”

Ah. So _ that _ was this about- his father thought the mission was taking too long, and wanted to see what was going on. 

Before he could dissect Zhao’s words anymore, Sokka asked intently, “What do you mean, come home?” 

He moved closer to Zuko, as if to grab him, but seemed to remember himself, because he stopped.

It was too late though, and he knew Zhao clocked it from the way his eyes glittered dangerously. 

Zuko swallowed nervously, hands itching with fire.

“I mean that Prince Zuko has been away for a long time. The Fire Nation needs its prince, and his father would like his son back.”

“That’s not-” 

Zuko elbowed Sokka before he could continue on to say that he knew Ozai didn’t care, that it was all just a ploy. As much as he admired his boyfriend for sticking up for him… “It’s okay, Prince Sokka. I think perhaps Commander Zhao and I should discuss this in private, if that’s alright? I’m sure much has happened in my absence that I should be caught up on, and I wouldn’t want to bore you all with our gossip.” 

He looked at Sokka with an intense gaze, hoping he understood, and then looked to Hakoda for his permission.

Hakoda glanced between them with a furrowed brow, but nodded nonetheless. “Of course, Prince Zuko. You are welcome to anywhere in the palace. We will ensure that you are not disturbed.”

He thought, momentarily, of taking Zhao up to the rooftop garden, and then realized he didn’t want to taint such a beautiful place with his ugly presence, so he responded, “Would it be possible to have the room, Chief Hakoda?”

Sokka opened his mouth to object, but Hakoda placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Of course, Prince Zuko. We just finished up for the day before Commander Zhao’s unexpected arrival, anyways.”

Zuko stifled a smile at Hakoda’s passive aggression.

With a wave, everyone else in the room rose and began filing out. Katara and Aang both shot him concerned looks, but at his slight nod, they left with everyone else.

“Commander Zhao,” Sokka began suddenly, “if you don’t mind, I would like a quick word with Prince Zuko before you speak with him.”

He nodded graciously. “Of course, by all means.”

Sokka grabbed Zuko’s wrist tightly and tugged him to just outside the door. Katara and Aang were waiting too, their heads bent close to each other and whispering furiously. When they saw the two princes emerge, they looked up quickly. 

“Zuko, what’s going on?” Aang asked quietly.

He sighed. “I don’t know,” he said tiredly- it was a lie, of course, because he knew exactly why Zhao was here, but he couldn’t exactly tell them that. “I thought I had as long as I needed.”

Sokka’s eyes were sad and he whispered softly, “Is he really going to make you… go back?”

His heart broke and he grabbed Sokka’s hand tightly. Despite every fiber of his being telling him- despite  _ knowing _ \- it wasn’t true, he said, “Hey, it’ll be fine, I swear. I’m sure that’s not really why he’s here. I just need to talk to him and sort it all out.”

“Are you sure Zuko? He gives me the creeps,” Katara shuddered.

He agreed with her, but again he lied. “Of course I’ll be fine. Zhao has been my tutor since I was a child.” They stood in tense silence for a moment, until Zuko reluctantly let go of Sokka’s hand. Waiting around would just make it worse, so he murmured, “I should go. I’ll come find you after, okay?”

They all nodded, and he slipped away. When he passed through the heavy wooden doors, he pulled them shut behind him with a loud noise, then turned pointedly. Their eyes met across the room, though neither of them spoke for a long time, simply staring and sizing each other up.

“You haven’t accomplished your mission, Prince Zuko,” Zhao stated finally, striding across the room so that he was just a few inches away.

“No. I haven’t.” 

“Why is that, I wonder?” he asked, beginning to circle around him. Zuko swallowed, remembering how he had thought he looked like a wolf-shark all those months ago, and thought that he had been perhaps  _ too _ on the nose with the comparison. When he didn’t answer, Zhao continued, “Is it because you haven’t gotten close enough to him? But no, that can’t be. You two spoke like good friends, and you arrived side by side. I think,” he stopped in front of him, “there’s something more.”

Zuko kept his head high, back straight, and breathing controlled as he looked him right in the eyes and said, “I don’t know what you mean, sir. I’ve just been trying to establish relationships with everyone so that when I do assassinate him, no one suspects me.”

“Well, it seems that you’ve certainly done that. I heard nothing but glowing remarks about you the entire time I’ve been here.”

“It was hard work. They were reluctant to trust me.”

“But they softened, eventually. And now the prince should be  _ dead _ ,” he snarled, stepping close to Zuko again, dark eyes blazing with fury. “You forget yourself, Prince Zuko. You forget your duties to me, to your father, and to your nation. This time away- this  _ prince _ \- has made you soft and weak.”

Zuko swallowed, heart pounding. He opened his mouth to object, but realized it was true. Just a few weeks ago, he had finally told himself he didn’t want to be an assassin anymore, hadn’t he? He had certainly thought about it before, but he’d never dreamed to actually do it- at least, not until he’d met Sokka. He had made him soft, and vulnerable, and Zuko had wanted to believe that didn’t make him weak. But now, as he looked away from Zhao’s hard gaze, he found it difficult.

Zhao stepped back, a cruel laugh bursting out. “Unbelievable, Prince Zuko. It seems you certainly were right on the target, but Agni knows you were wide of the mark… I mean, has this prince really wormed his way into your heart? What would your father say, if he could see how you have lost your honor yet again, and this time for a  _ boy _ no less?”

Without thinking, Zuko repeated his words from when he’d sat under a swirling sky and kissed a beautiful boy for the second time. “It doesn’t matter. Father isn’t here.” His heart dropped at his outburst, knowing he’d just confirmed what Zhao had only been suspicious of.

He laughed, loud and vindictive and out of place in the beauty of the palace. “You truly are weak and disgusting, just like your cousin.”

Zuko stepped back in shock at his words, not expecting them. He’d expected to be insulted, of course, but Lu Ten’s name... No one had spoken of him since he disappeared when Zuko was twelve, though Zuko knew what had likely happened to him, and he gasped, “What?”

“Did you  _ really _ not know?” he laughed. “Your father had him killed.”

“My father? He wasn’t even Fire Lord, how-”

“He wasn’t, you’re right. He came to me one night and told me what had happened, and I agreed it had to be stopped. We didn’t  _ want _ to kill him, of course, seeing as he was so valuable to our cause, but it was necessary; he’d become  _ tainted _ . He was weak, without the stomach for the kill anymore. All it took was one pretty young woman to get through to him and show him the ‘ _ value in being good,’ _ and suddenly he stopped following orders. 

For nearly a year, he snuck people out instead of killing them. He would set them up with new lives in Ba Sing Se, Omashu, and other big cities where they could disappear, fake the crime scenes, then return with the news that his mission had been successful. He really thought no one would notice, which was foolish of him- of course we noticed.

The coward tried to run away to be with the woman he’d found, alongside a plan to tell everyone about  _ ‘the Fire Nation’s crimes,’” _ he spat out the words as if they burned his tongue. “Your father knew we couldn’t have that, and so he was disposed of. It was truly sad- he was one of our best- but the honor of your household was at stake, and your father did what he had to do.”

Zuko felt numb, barely able to process what Zhao was saying. He’d always suspected Lu Ten’s disappearance- and by proxy his death- had to do with something related to being an assassin, but hearing that his father was so disgusted by Lu Ten showing compassion that he’d go around his grandfather’s back to  _ kill _ him… It made him sick to his stomach, and he turned away from Zhao to hide the angry tears slipping out of his eyes. “Why are you telling me this?”

Zhao had a smirk in his voice when he spoke again. “Because you’ve gone and done the same thing. You’ve fallen in love with a pretty face just like your cousin. Except this pretty face belongs to someone you are to kill yourself. I must admit, there’s a certain irony to it all. The prince destined to kill, falling in love with the prince destined to die.”

“He’s innocent,” Zuko objected before Zhao could launch into another tirade, anger flooding his body and making his hands shake where they were clenched at his sides. When he spoke though, his voice was as strong as steel. “He’s a good person- he cares for his people and his family deeply. He could be a good ally and help the Fire Nation restore the strength and honor that it once had. Why must he die?”

“Because it is the Fire Lord’s will!” he shouted suddenly, the sound ringing throughout the room and echoing off of the ice walls. He took a moment to compose himself, and then, “You have your orders, Prince Zuko. The prince  _ must _ die, one way or another. You know that.”

“I won’t do it,” he said furiously, whipping around to face him. “I refuse.”

Zhao, to his surprise, shrugged and his face remained impassive. “That is your decision, then. If you don’t, I will. And I can promise you, it will not be a merciful death.”

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on him,” he snarled, vision going red with anger. “If you so much as touch a hair on his head-”

He cut himself off, unable to imagine what he’d do if Zhao did anything to Sokka through the thick haze in his mind.

Zhao seemed surprised by the venom in his voice, because his face flickered ever so slightly, but after a second he just smiled cruelly and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “It’s your choice, Prince Zuko, how your lover will lose his life- at the gentle hands of the one he loves, or the cruel hands of someone who doesn’t care about him in the slightest. Either you do it, or I  _ will _ take matters into my own hands.”

With one last firm pat on his shoulder and a swish of black robes, Zhao walked out of the room. 

When the door swung shut behind him, it reminded him of a gong, sealing his fate the same way it had seven years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise ;))
> 
> see yall tomorrow lmao
> 
> (also the proverb in iroh's letter is a japanese proverb)


	14. set it running free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I have to give a HUGE thank you to my beta Sam, because I was not vibing with this chapter at all during final edits, and she literally helped me out so so so much and helped me feel so much better about it. I'm very excited to share it with you all.
> 
> Recommended listening (like super super highly recommended):  
> 1\. Go Quietly - Marian Hill  
> 2\. Howl - Florence + The Machine (chapter title from here)  
> 3\. Angels Like You - Miley Cyrus  
> 4\. Lion - Saint Mesa

As Zhao left the room so did his anger, and by the time he stumbled out of the room a minute later, Zuko was numb. Katara, Aang, and Sokka were still waiting outside the doors, and they leapt to their feet when they saw him, speaking over each other as they tried to ask him about what had happened. He didn’t hear them, deafened by the cacophony of thoughts in his head, and he brushed past them without saying anything. 

He thought Sokka called after him, but he didn’t stop, couldn’t stop- he simply moved through the halls quickly, numbly, until he was safe behind his locked bedroom door. He moved to the trunk and pulled out his black stealth suit and his blades, but faltered when he couldn’t find his mask. It had been in his trunk the entire time, so where-?

He remembered, suddenly, throwing it across the room in a fit of rage and it sliding under his bed, and he took a deep breath. With shaking hands, he reached under the bed and patted around until he felt the hard wooden edge of the mask, and he wrapped his fingers around it to pull it out. 

He sat back on his heels once he had it, holding it gently in his hands and staring down at it. Unlike that day just weeks ago- though right now it felt as though it was a lifetime ago- the sight of it didn’t make him angry. It just made him feel hollow and empty, as if his heart was one of the dark, blank, unseeing eye sockets that stared up at him. The mask was light in his hands, but even so he could feel it holding him down, keeping him pinned to the floor, unable to move lest the weight of it crush him.

He noticed, through the haze in his mind, that the wood had been damaged when he had thrown it, and there was now a long scratch down the left side, stretching over the eye- his thumb passed over it quickly, and he laughed humorlessly as he looked up at the ceiling. 

Now even his mask was scarred, a mocking symbol of how he’d once again disobeyed, and how he was once again going to pay the price.

He went to put it on his bed next to everything else, and as he did, he caught sight of his uncle’s letter in his trunk. He paused, the rolled up paper causing his blood to freeze, and reached out shakily to grab it. He read through it again slowly, tossing each sentence around in his head, and when he finished he sighed- Uncle Iroh made everything sound so easy, so cut and dry, but that wasn’t how things worked for him. His uncle asked him who he was and what he wanted, but he didn’t get to choose, and he never would be able to- he had his father to do that for him.

He wanted to scream, to curse his father for putting him in this situation, but he realized it wouldn’t do much good. After all, he was the one to get himself into this mess, where both his and Sokka’s lives were now on the line. He should have known that his father and Zhao would become suspicious of how long it was taking and send someone to check on him. He should have known from the second he doubted his orders that he’d end up in this position- threatened by Zhao, forced to do the very thing he didn’t want to. He should have known that just because he decided he wanted to leave this world of death behind him, it didn’t mean that he would actually be allowed to.

He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

And at this point, there was too much blood on his hands for it to ever really happen anyways; leaving behind being an assassin had been a foolish pipe dream, something the rebellious thirteen year old deep inside of him had dreamed of. The idea of it was too good to be true, and it was the exact reason why he had run away that night under the Spirit Lights, why he’d had his nightmares, why he’d written to his uncle… He’d known, deep down, this was going to happen, and it’s why he had been afraid to fall for Sokka.

He’d known time was going to run out, and now it had.

 _Either you do it, or I will take matters into my own hands._

As he remembered Zhao’s words, he fell into his bed and finally let himself cry.

◇◈◇

Eventually, what must have been hours later, there was soft murmuring outside his door. When he really concentrated he could tell it was Katara, Aang, and Sokka, though he couldn’t distinguish their words through the thick wood. 

Finally, after muffled arguing, there was a light knock and Sokka said with a gentle voice, “Zuko? It’s me. It’s Sokka. Are you okay? You missed dinner a few hours ago.”

His voice made Zuko’s heart ache, knowing this would be the last time he heard it and his last chance to speak to Sokka, but when he went to reply, he found he couldn’t. His jaw worked up and down but nothing came out, and he heard Sokka sigh heavily, followed by a thump that he imagined to be his forehead hitting the door.

“I guess not. Okay, that’s fine. Um… Well, it’s getting late, so I’m going to go to bed. I hope you’re okay, firefly, and I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” He sounded unsure of himself, and he sighed again, tired and sad. “Alright then. Well, goodnight, Zuko.”

His words cut into Zuko like a knife, but he still couldn’t find it in himself to speak, and eventually he heard three sets of footsteps walking away from his door.

Zuko remained motionless for a while longer, letting time tick by until he knew Sokka would be asleep, and as he did, he shoved down all his emotions- every ounce of sorrow, guilt, and reluctance he felt- until he was a numb, empty husk of who he had been a few hours ago. When he had deemed enough time had passed, he looked at his black clothes next to him and began to get dressed. 

As he tucked his shirt into his trousers, he told himself he would do it to be merciful- at least by his hand, it would be gentle. 

As he slipped on his soft, worn black boots, he told himself he would do it to be kind- at least by his hand, Sokka wouldn’t be in pain. 

As he secured the leather straps of his sheath around his chest, he told himself he would do it out of love- at least by his hand, it wouldn’t be cruel.

As he pulled his gloves onto his hands, he told himself he would do it so he wouldn’t be alone- at least by his hand, someone Sokka cared about would be by his side… Even if they were the one who struck him down. 

As he secured the mask over his face, he could almost believe it was true. 

He crept out of his room carefully, his quiet footsteps the only sound in the hallway. No one else roamed the halls except for him and the few guards making their rounds, but he remembered their rotations from his first night in the palace and was easily able to avoid them. It was strange, he thought as he slunk from alcove to alcove and shadow to shadow, to see the palace this quiet. It was always bustling with servants, diplomats, generals, guards, instructors, and whoever else might have business in the palace that day. But at this hour, everyone was locked away in their rooms for the night.

It should have been slightly eerie in the quiet cold, with the only light coming from the bright beams of light cast by the moon hanging high in the sky, but instead, he couldn’t help but find peace in it. Because as much as he hated to admit it, this was all second nature to him; keeping his footsteps light, moving swiftly amongst the shadows, the feel of the mask on his face and the black fabric covering his skin... He hadn’t done anything like this in months, since he first arrived, but it came easily to him, and he was soothed by the whisper of fabric as he moved. It helped him focus on his task, his surroundings, and the feel of his swords on his back, and soon enough he lost himself in continuing to keep his breathing steady and his emotions firmly locked away. 

He pointedly ignored his shaking hands and racing heart, the only sign that this was anything other than a normal job.

When he reached the landing of the staircase leading up to Sokka’s floor, he froze at the sight of an elaborate tapestry hung on the wall. He knew he was an open target where he was, in the middle of the most heavily patrolled part of the palace, but he couldn’t stop staring at the shining blue, white, black, and silver thread work that depicted Tui and La, swimming around each other peacefully. 

As he stared, memories rose to the surface, unwelcome and unwanted; a soft kiss pressed to his cheek, a warm hand clutched in his own, soft grass under his palms. 

He stood there for far too long, lost in memories until the voice of a guard floating down the hall snapped him out of it, and he ran up the stairs to hide in a small closet he remembered discovering those many months ago. Inside the dark alcove, he ripped his mask off of his face and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, _hard_ , until spots appeared. 

And as they slowly vanished from sight, he willed the memories away with them. 

He steadied his breathing, and with one final deep breath he put his mask back on, slipped out the door, and began to walk. 

For all of his hard work to shove down those memories, every step that brought him closer to Sokka seemed to bring up another one, an unwanted hindrance burning behind his eyes. 

Light kisses. Gentle caresses. Bright blue eyes. Legs dangling over the ocean, the spirits dancing in the sky up above. A warm body pressed up against his side. Flashes of a bright smile. Soft brown hair. A bubbly laugh in his ear. Memory after memory, one after another. 

With every step he took, he was reminded of what he’d had, of what could have been. 

He reached the split at the end of the hallway, and without even having to think about it, his feet carried him along the familiar path until they stopped in front of his door. After a tense moment, his gloved left hand curled into a tight fist while his right reached out, and he pulled the door open.

With a deep exhale, he stepped into the room.

The bed was in the middle of the wall across from the door, and he walked over to gaze down at Sokka’s sleeping figure. He was curled up on his left side, face smushed against the pillow ungracefully, though it still managed to be as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. His hair was down, and it fell across his mouth so that every time he breathed, the tips of it fluttered. 

He looked every inch the spirit he was blessed by like this, and Zuko couldn’t help but see the beauty in the morbidity of it all; the beautiful spirit, slain by the hand of a demon.

His hand reached out, aching to brush his hair behind his ears as he had done so many times before, but he stopped it at the last minute and brought it up to the swords across his back instead. They were quiet as they were unsheathed, not that it _mattered_ \- Sokka was a deep sleeper, after all- and the light of the moon reflected off the twin blades to cast a bright shadow across his face.

Time seemed to still as he looked down at Sokka’s face; the one he had tried so hard not to fall for but had lured him in anyways, that was so achingly beautiful with his blue eyes and the dusting of freckles across sharp cheekbones, that he had spent hours gazing upon, that he could spend the _rest of his life_ gazing upon. It was enough to bring tears to his eyes, looking at the boy he loved and knowing what he had to do.

“I’m sorry, my love,” he whispered as he brought his swords up. “I have to do this.”

Zuko closed his eyes as tears slipped down his face, turned his head to the side, and brought his swords down towards Sokka’s neck.

At the last second, though, his muscles twitched, and the swords sliced through empty air to rest at his sides, useless.

Sokka sighed in his sleep and turned so that he was on his back, one arm tossed over his stomach and the other reaching towards the empty side of the bed, and Zuko’s heart broke as he returned his swords to their sheath.

He couldn’t do it. 

_He wouldn’t do it._

Everything in him was screaming at him not to, mind, body, and soul, so he cast one more glance at Sokka, still snoring away, oblivious to how close his life had just come to ending, and left the room quietly. 

Back in the safety of his own room, he cast his mask aside, mind racing too much to even contemplate going to sleep yet despite the exhaustion tugging at his body. Not that this was something he had time to delay thinking about, considering Sokka’s life as well as his own were now in danger from Zhao. With a defeated, frustrated sigh and a flick of his hand, the fireplace sprung to life, and he took his sheath off, tossed it onto his bed, then settled down in front of the fireplace and closed his eyes.

As he managed to slow his breathing, the flames rising and falling in time with his chest, the swirling thoughts slowed, and he was able to let it drift until it landed on one naturally: the moment he’d first learned he was being tasked with assassinating Sokka.

He supposed it wasn’t surprising that in the end, he wasn’t able to fulfill his orders, because even from the beginning, he had doubted them. Sokka was far from one of his father’s usual targets- he usually went after rebels and those who posed threats, either to himself or to the nation as a whole. As far as he’d known, Sokka had never been one of those people, and that thought was proven when he arrived and learned that he was the one to come up with the reparation plan initially. And as they’d become closer, he had reinforced that thought time and time again, making Zuko wonder more and more why exactly he was a target of his father. 

It just never made sense, even outside of his feelings for Sokka, and there had been a nagging suspicion for months now that following these orders wasn’t the right thing to do.

He was reminded, with that thought, of Lu Ten’s warning. He hadn’t mentioned what exactly had changed his mind about it all- simply that he’d realized what the Fire Lord’s used the assassins for was wrong. But it turned out that just like Zuko, it had been because he found someone who helped him lift the veil of complacency that had been placed over their eyes and see it that way.

The difference, though, was that Lu Ten had the courage to stop following orders, and had gone behind Zhao and their grandfather’s backs for nearly a year, saving people instead of assassinating them. His cousin wasn’t stupid- he had to have known the risk in what he was doing. He had to have known, just like Zuko did know, that the punishment for stepping out of line and not following orders was death. 

And yet he had done it anyways.

Not too long ago, Zuko thought, just the idea of doing such a thing would have been shocking. He would have been horrified by the mere suggestion of not following orders and risking everything, especially for just one person. 

But now… He thought he understood, because of Sokka.

He’d thought, up until not too long ago, that what he did as an assassin was honorable. It was to protect his family and his nation, and to follow a long tradition of his ancestors who had done the same thing. He’d thought it could make his father love him again.

But since meeting Sokka- as well as Katara and Aang- he’d realized that wasn’t the case at all. He’d realized that in pursuing his honor so relentlessly, doing whatever he thought was necessary, he’d really lost it all. He’d realized nothing could change that his father was a loveless man, who saw his son as nothing more than a disgrace.

It was oddly liberating, in a way, and all he wanted now was to just do the right thing, starting with protecting Sokka from Zhao and his father.

Maybe after, he could have a chance to begin to restore his honor.

◇◈◇

He woke up late that morning, groggy and disoriented from a restless night of dreams marred by blue eyes, splashes of dark red, and the clash of swords. 

When he saw the sun coming through his window, he groaned- there were only a few hours of sun this time of year, so if it was up, that meant it was already the middle of the day, long after breakfast had ended and everyone had begun their day already. He decided to take a bath, hoping it would clear the fog in his mind, and as he soaked in the warm water, he thought carefully about what to do next.

Zuko had no doubt that when Zhao saw Sokka today, the commander would know that he wasn’t going to be able to go through with it, and he had warned him exactly what that meant: Zhao would plan to do it himself.

He wasn’t going to let that happen, wasn’t going to let anything happen to Sokka, but he still couldn’t help but feel as though in saving his life last night, he’d sealed his fate, too.

The thought broke his heart even more, and with steely resolve, he decided he’d be there to protect Sokka.

He ended up staying in the bath, lost in trying to figure out what Zhao might be planning, until his fingers were as wrinkled as sea prunes and his stomach had begun grumbling angrily. He realized with a start that he hadn’t eaten since he and Sokka got lunch from the market yesterday, and knowing that he’d need his strength to take on Zhao later, he got himself dressed so that he could go to the kitchens to get some food for himself. 

He was just about to round the final corner that would take him to the staircase, when he heard a familiar voice that made him duck into an alcove, just like he had mere hours ago, and freeze.

“I’m worried about him,” Sokka was saying, evidently in the middle of talking to someone. Zuko tilted his head more to the right so that he could hear better, and he realized belatedly that he was talking about him. “I mean, Zuko hasn’t shut me out in months. Not since the solstice. I’ve gone to check on him a few times, but each time, he hasn’t even responded. I just want to help him, or at least know that he’s okay.”

“I know, Sokka,” the second person- Katara- comforted him. “I know you care about him. And I’m worried too, but… I’m sure he’s okay. Maybe Commander Zhao gave him bad news about something?”

She didn’t even sound convinced by her own words, and Sokka groaned angrily.

“Oh, don’t even get me started on that man. Why would the Fire Lord send someone to check on Zuko? I mean, why wouldn’t they just send a letter to ask him how he was doing? And why was his tutor a _Commander?”_

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, Sokka... I wish I had the answers for you.”

There was muffled movement, and when Sokka spoke again, his voice was dampened, as if he was hugging his sister. “I just… I love him, Katara. I wish he’d _talk_ to me about what’s going on, whatever it is.”

Katara responded, but Zuko couldn’t hear over the pounding of his heart. 

Sokka loved him. 

Those three words filled his heart with joy, and he felt as if he could float, he was so happy. He’d been tossing the idea of telling him how he felt around for weeks now, but he hadn’t been able to verbalize it, always too scared that Sokka wouldn’t feel the same way. 

But it turns out he did, enough to tell Katara as much… Zuko’s face split into a giddy grin.

Sokka _loved_ him.

But, he reminded himself soberingly, it was because Sokka didn’t know the truth. He didn’t know about the terrible things he’d done or the lives he’d taken, all in the name of a misguided sense of honor. He didn’t know what he’d nearly done to him. He imagined that if Sokka knew all that, he wouldn’t be so eager to admit his feelings. 

He stopped that train of thought, because that wasn’t what was important right now. What was important was that Zuko was so sure- even more so than he’d already been- that he had made the right choice in deciding to save him.

Spurred by the confession that was bouncing around in his head and lifting him up, he promised himself that Sokka would not be dying tonight- he’d make sure of it.

◇◈◇

When he walked into the dining hall for dinner, just a few minutes late from stashing his swords in Sokka’s room in anticipation of tonight, Sokka’s eyes widened and a broad grin spread across his face. Zuko’s normal spot next to him was open, but he scooted over anyways, as if to make sure he knew he wanted him to take it. The gesture reminded him of what he’d overheard earlier, and he wasn’t sure how he ever doubted if Sokka felt the same way. Katara and Aang beamed at the sight of him as well, and he dipped his head in their direction with a smile. 

“Prince Zuko,” Hakoda greeted warmly. “I didn’t know you’d be joining us. It’s good to see you again.”

“Thank you, Hakoda. I’m sorry I’ve been absent, but I wasn’t feeling very well,” he lied through his teeth. 

His gaze caught on Zhao, whose eyes were narrowed at him, and he returned it with a sickly sweet smile. When he sat down, he sat closer to Sokka than might have been appropriate, but no one said anything and his boyfriend looked overjoyed to have him at his side again, so he didn’t bother moving.

“Are you feeling better now, dear?” Kanna asked him worriedly, giving him a once over.

“Yes, much better. I spent most of the day sleeping whatever was wrong off,” he responded. “I’m sure it was nothing, just a little stomach bug, or something.”

“If you need me to check on you, just ask,” Katara offered. “I’d be happy to see if there’s anything I can heal.”

“I think I'm okay, but I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Katara.”

The conversation resumed after that, with Hakoda and Bato telling Zhao about something, though Zuko couldn’t hear what it was before Sokka was leaning in close to talk to him. “Hey stranger,” he murmured. He didn’t sound upset, just worried, and it somehow made Zuko feel worse. 

“Hey. I’m sorry I haven’t been around.”

“It’s okay, firefly, I’m just glad to see you’re feeling better.” His eyes darted over towards Zhao quickly and he asked, “You looked really shaken after you talked to him. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course… Hey, is it okay if I come to your room later tonight?”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

He rolled his eyes and knocked Sokka’s shoulder with his own. “Not like that. I just want to talk to you and spend time together. I missed you.”

He knew it maybe wasn’t fair to say that when he was the one shutting Sokka out, but it was true. He had missed him, and now, sitting at the table wrapped up in their own little world, it was easy to pretend that the events of the past day hadn’t happened. Luckily, Sokka didn’t seem to mind the statement, just grabbed his hand to press a small kiss to his knuckles. “Of course you can. You know you don’t have to ask to come see me, though, firefly. My door is always open to you.”

Zuko blushed and had to look away before he did something showy, like press a kiss to his mouth, and caught Zhao staring at them. His face was passive, but Zuko would recognize that look anywhere as the one he used when he was trying to disguise his anger. 

Sokka seemed to remember he was there suddenly, because he dropped his hand with an apologetic wince and a sheepish shrug. He just shrugged back- Zhao already knew, so it wasn’t like it really mattered anymore. Nevertheless, he turned to the meal, filled his plate, and wrapped himself in the conversations happening around him, knowing it very well may be the last night he got to enjoy with the family he’d grown to love as if it was his own.

◇◈◇

They went their separate ways after dinner- Sokka saying he wanted to take a bath, and Zuko using the time to get ready for tonight. He slipped his black clothing on under his robes so that he’d be able to fight more easily, then pulled his hair back into a tight ponytail so that it wouldn’t be in his face. After, he went through a series of stretches, loosening the muscles he hadn’t been using much these past six months- it wouldn’t do much good to put either of them in any more danger because of something as easy to avoid as a pulled muscle. By the time he was done, nearly an hour had passed. 

He figured Sokka would be done with his bath by now, so he left his room and quickly made his way up to Sokka’s. He knocked on the door firmly, excitement and anticipation bubbling just beneath the surface at the prospect of seeing him again, but there was no answer. 

He frowned but knocked again, wondering if maybe he just didn’t hear him, but the excitement quickly chilled when there was still no response.

“Sokka?” he called, pressing his right ear to the door. 

There was nothing, not even the whisper of fabric moving, and his heart began pounding, the hairs on the back of his neck raising. He tried the door handle to check that it was locked, thinking that Sokka might just still be in the bath and therefore couldn’t hear him, but it swung open easily at his touch. He pushed the door open the rest of the way with anxiety thrumming through his veins, and his heart stopped.

The room was, completely and utterly, empty. The door leading to his bathing area was wide open, his bed was neatly made, and Sokka was nowhere to be seen.

Panic bubbled up in his stomach, making him nauseous, and he turned away from the room. He sprinted down the hall to Katara’s room without second thought and banged furiously on the door.

She opened it quickly with her face twisted in mild annoyance, though it melted off when she saw how frazzled he was. “Zuko, what-”

“Is Sokka in here?” he interrupted her. 

“What? No, just Aang.”

“Do you know where he is?”

She answered him slowly, brow furrowed in confusion. “Well, yeah. I passed him while he was heading down to the Spirit Oasis to meet you. He said you gave him a note.”

Zuko’s blood ran cold, and dread settled heavily in his stomach. 

If Sokka wasn’t in his room and he’d gotten a note from someone who was very much _not_ Zuko, then that meant… Zhao had him already. 

Zhao had Sokka, and he was going to kill him, in the very place where his life had been spared. 

Zhao had Sokka, and it was all his fault.

He could only imagine it as being his fault, because Zhao had definitely seen him walk into the dining hall and sit right next to Sokka and had known immediately he wouldn’t be fulfilling his orders. He had probably known exactly what Zuko had planned, and when he saw them go their separate ways, he pounced.

Zuko wanted to laugh hysterically at the situation, but he remembered suddenly Katara was staring at him, concern making those eyes- so similar to Sokka’s _,_ and wasn’t _that_ cruel- dark. 

He smiled weakly. “Oh, of course. I hadn’t expected him to leave yet, but you know him, always early!”

“Zuko? What’s going on? Is everything okay?” Katara asked, immediately concerned by his stressed tone. 

He took a deep breath and schooled his features into something pleasant as he realized that if she suspected something, then the whole situation would become a lot more difficult to explain. 

“Of course, everything’s fine. Thanks, Katara. Um, I should get going, if he’s already there. Wouldn’t want to keep him waiting, you know? Especially when I invited him!”

She nodded slowly, and he turned away from the door. He walked away towards the stairs, and once he heard her door shut, took a sharp turn to return to Sokka’s room. He grabbed his swords from underneath his bed and, stashing them under his robe, headed for the Spirit Oasis. 

Sokka was there with Zhao because of him, and now he was going to save him, whatever it took. 

He was going to save him, he repeated to himself, fire roaring in his veins, rising up through his body and engulfing his heart.

He _had_ to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and just like that, we have come full circle....
> 
> ([check out the art on tumblr!](https://zukosadragon-ace.tumblr.com/post/644383903803752448/id-five-digital-drawings-of-sokka-and-zuko-from))


	15. courage of convictions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go yall....... I hope you're ready.
> 
> Before we begin, there are a lot of warnings that kick into play in this chapter. Pretty much if you haven't seen it in the fic yet, this is the chapter it's in: homophobic language, violence, gore, description of injuries, canonical/minor character death, implied/referenced child abuse... It's all relatively minor according to the people I've asked about it, however I've left a summary in the end notes just in case anyone is unsure about it (it does contain spoilers!). 
> 
> Recommended Listening (please for the love of zukka listen to these songs at some point before/during/after reading):  
> 1\. Glitter & Gold - Barns Courtney  
> 2\. Emotional Machine - MARINA  
> 3\. Run Boy Run - Woodkid  
> 4\. peace - Taylor Swift (chapter title from here)  
> 5\. champagne problems - Taylor Swift

When Zuko stepped through the door to the Spirit Oasis, having ditched his heavy robes and strapped his swords across his back, the panic from earlier had washed away, leaving in its wake a chilling calm. There was still the itch of fire beneath his skin and adrenaline coursing through his veins, but he kept his breathing steady and his mind focused. If he wanted to save Sokka and take on Zhao, he knew he’d need to be collected, not lost in blind panic and swimming in anxiety. 

He quickly took stock of the room, eyes immediately going to Sokka to make sure he was okay. He was slumped over and limp, a piece of cloth tied around his head to gag him, and Zuko’s heart began racing at the sight. He couldn’t see him breathing, which meant- 

No. 

No, it couldn’t be, he thought desperately. He couldn’t be too late, he  _ couldn’t be- _

Wait. He squinted his eyes, straining to see him better and sure enough, he realized, Sokka’s chest was rising and falling. His breathing was shallow and the motion was subtle, but it was still there. 

Zuko sighed in relief and allowed himself to take in the rest of Sokka.

He was tied to one of the wooden posts of the arch, arms chained up tightly behind him in a way that Zuko knew was making his shoulders strain painfully. He had a large wound on his temple where Zhao must have hit him when he ambushed him, and likely what was to blame for his unconscious state. His hair was matted with blood and some was dripping down his face, dark and glittering in the dimly lit cave, and though it was half covered by hair, Zuko could tell from across the room that it had probably concussed him. His left leg lay at an awkward angle, probably broken, as if Zhao had stomped on it. 

The thought of it sent shivers down his spine, and he tore his gaze away from Sokka to get his bearings of the rest of the cavern. 

Zhao was sitting before the pond with his back to Sokka, watching the two koi swimming in circles around each other. He was wearing his normal robes, though his  _ daishō _ lay at his side. The grip of the  _ wakizashi _ gleamed with a dark red, evidently what he used to knock Sokka unconscious, and the sight filled Zuko with a quiet rage. He didn’t bother looking up when Zuko walked in, but he knew the man had heard him enter when his face twisted into a cruel smile.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said evenly. 

It made shivers run down Zuko’s back, but he kept his voice just as steady. “Why haven’t you killed him yet? You’ve had time to do it, so why wait?”

“Because I want you to see it, of course. I want you to see the moment the light leaves his eyes and know that you  _ failed _ , in every respect. I want you to live with that image the rest of your life- or at least, until your father gets his hands on you. I want you to live with the knowledge that I killed the man you love because you were too much of a coward to do it yourself.”

It was clear Zhao had a lot more to say, so Zuko decided to play his game and walked across the bridge so that he was on the other side of the pond from Zhao- this way, he could distract him while keeping an eye on Sokka. “Before you do that, can I ask some questions?”

Zhao nodded and gestured for Zuko to sit. He stayed standing, though, and he chuckled, low and menacingly. “Alright, stay standing then. What do you wish to know?”

“My father killed Grandfather Azulon, didn’t he?”

He already knew the answer since he had been piecing it together slowly, bit by bit after what he’d learned about Lu Ten, but he still asked- partly to stall, partly because he needed to hear it from Zhao himself. 

“Yes. And your mother.”

That was even less of a surprise, but it still made his heart jump. 

“Why?”

Zhao sighed, bored. “Your mother wouldn’t let him begin you and Azula’s training- she never intended to. She was in his way, which was bad enough on its own, and then he caught her trying to help Lu Ten escape. So, he got rid of her.”

He swallowed painfully, grief threatening to swallow him whole even though he had always known as much. Still, he pressed on. “And my grandfather?”

“He wanted to be Fire Lord. After Lu Ten’s death, that traitor Iroh broke- he was already soft as it was, always spouting advice about peace and emotions and whatnot, but losing his son put him in no position to be Crown Prince any longer. Your father tried to convince Azulon to name him heir, but he refused. As such, your father did what he had to do, and told the Fire Sages he named  _ him _ heir in his final moments. Your pathetic uncle didn’t even attempt to fight it,” he drawled, rolling his eyes.

Zuko should have figured as much, but somehow he was still surprised to hear that his father had been so bold as to steal the throne right from under Grandfather Azulon and Uncle Iroh’s feet. It made sense though, so he shifted directions. “Why Sokka? I know I’m not supposed to ask, but he’s  _ good _ . He poses no threat to the Fire Nation, so why target him?”

“Oh, Zuko… You really haven’t figured it out yet?” He didn’t respond and Zhao sighed. “Oh, you’re no fun. Fine then. I’m sure that since you two are so close, the prince told you he’s spirit blessed?”

“Yes,” he said slowly. 

He didn’t quite see where this was going, or even how his father and Zhao knew about the blessing and the Spirit Oasis. Sokka had always framed both as secrets sacred to the Northern Water Tribe, so it was hard to imagine it making its way all the way to the Fire Nation. He supposed his father had spies everywhere, though, so maybe it wasn’t as improbable as he imagined it to be. 

“And I’m sure you know how important the Moon Spirit is to them?”

“Of course. Tui and La maintain balance through the push and pull of the tides, and give the Water Tribes their strength and life. Without Tui, there’s no moon, and without the moon there’s no waterbending,” he said uneasily, an image of slowly beginning to form in his mind.

“Exactly,” Zhao exclaimed, far too excited for Zuko’s taste. “So, say something was to happen to the beloved Prince of the Northern Water Tribe, the symbol of their connection to the ocean and the moon. What do you think the tribe would do? What about his family?”

“They’d all be devastated. Hakoda and Katara would… They’d fall apart. I can’t even imagine-”

He cut himself off, not even  _ wanting _ to imagine it- he knew they would all be devastated and that Hakoda, Kanna, and Katara would crumble. Aang and Bato would try to hold them together, all the while sinking under the weight of their own grief. The nation would be just as devastated too, he already knew it, because they loved Sokka and Katara more than anything. 

Zhao’s answering grin was nothing short of evil. “And who will be there, ready to offer their help during this difficult time?”

“The Fire Nation,” he breathed out slowly. 

He could feel himself going numb with shock as he slowly put the pieces together, and when Zhao began to speak, every word he said was like a piece of ice, piercing his heart and making him grow cold.

“Very good, Prince Zuko. Indeed, the Fire Nation will be there to offer whatever they need during their time of mourning. And thanks to your hard work establishing friendships with the entire family, from the airbender all the way to the grandmother, they will gladly accept our help in their vulnerable state. Then, your father will swoop in, and take over the Northern Water Tribe from the inside.”

He’d been expecting it, but still his heart dropped and his cool facade cracked at his words. “What?”

“Agni above, Zuko, do you need it spelled out for you? Your father is trying to start the war again. He’s no fool, though, and he knows that without support, our nation will be crushed. For weeks, we stewed over this plan, trying to think of who had enough sway that their death would incapacitate an entire nation. It quickly became apparent though, that the spirit blessed prince had that capability, and the plan was born; you would go, build that relationship, and eventually, you would strike. After, you’d be here to help them grieve and urge them to accept our help, and we’d send over our armies to take control.”

He felt faint, but Zhao wasn’t done yet, and with every word, he began to feel more and more sick.

“Of course, you certainly complicated that plan. It’s no matter, though- I will simply shoulder the burden and dispose of the both of you,” he said with a laugh. “It certainly has a sort of poeticism, doesn’t it? Perhaps we can weave it into a star crossed lovers situation, where you found his body and, so absorbed in your grief, killed yourself to be with him. Everyone will feel such a deep pity that they’ll let us right in, and after that, we’ll have control of everything- their trade, their people, their armies… We’ll be an unstoppable force that the world will cower before, and we will usher in another glorious reign of the Fire Nation.”

Zuko couldn’t even speak, he was so taken aback and enraged by the plan that had been laid out before him. 

For so long, he’d been stewing over what motivation his father could possibly have for wanting Sokka assassinated, and it turned out it was because he was nothing more than a pawn in his game. It wasn’t that his father thought Sokka was a threat to him or to the nation- he doubted his father thought Sokka was  _ really _ that important- or realized that he was the genius behind the reparations agreement and half the modern trade agreements. 

He was reminded of a cave with flickering orange walls, where Sokka had confessed that all his life, he’d had to prove that he was just like anyone else- that he was his own person outside of his blessing- and his blood boiled. 

Because once again, here someone was, breaking Sokka down to just a  _ sliver  _ of who he was. His father and Zhao didn’t see the worlds of knowledge tucked away inside his mind, the fierce devotion with which he threw himself into his duties, or the way he knew every citizen’s name and the genuine love he held for all of them. They didn’t see that he’d do anything for his family, the kind listening ear he’d offer to anyone who wanted to talk, or that he could make anyone’s day better with just a smile. They didn’t see that he loved shopping, but also inventing and navigating, sword fighting and hunting, crafting and spending time at the school. They didn’t see he was a good brother and even better friend, or that there was so much more about him that combined to make him the most amazing person Zuko had ever known. 

No, to them Sokka was nothing more than the spirit blessed prince, beloved by his people simply because of his connection to Tui and La. He was just a pawn that they could use in a mad play for power.

“He’s nothing more than a pawn to you,” he said, sick to his stomach. “He’s an innocent person- a  _ good _ person- and you’re targeting him to start an entire war?”

“War is like a game of pai-sho, Zuko. And every player needs a lotus tile.”

Zuko saw red. “How  _ could  _ you?”

“Because, Zuko, The Fire Nation was great once, and those reparations took  _ everything _ from us. They left us crumbling apart. But with this war, we will rise once again, like the phoenix out of ash.”

As Zhao’s words reached him, Zuko was confronted with the realization that if his father had been planning war all this time, then it meant that if he hadn’t spoken up seven years ago, it might have broken out a long time ago. It made him even more grateful he hadn’t assassinated Sokka, because this was… 

“This is madness,” he said finally, his distress evident in his high, warbling voice. “The world will be thrown into chaos. Not just because of the war, either, but Sokka’s under the protection of the spirits. If he dies, they’ll be furious- you don’t know  _ what _ the consequences will be, and I guarantee you aren’t prepared for them. Zhao, you  _ have _ to stop this. It’s… It’s dishonorable, and it will ruin the Fire Nation.”

Zhao just laughed again, sick, mocking, twisted, and horrible. “Forgive me if I don’t take advice on honor from a half blind boy with a sick perversion.”

His blood boiled at his words, and it was as if seven years of rage and hurt at hearing the same insults thrown his way were unbottled. He snapped, “I know more about honor than you ever will, Zhao. I have had to work for  _ everything _ \- to be a good prince, to fulfill my father’s expectations, to be stronger and faster than anyone else- just to be seen as the slightest bit worthy. And I did awful things to achieve that, I realize now. I thought I was chasing my honor, but I wasn’t. I was moving further away from it. Honor is valuing life… Not killing an innocent person just to start a war that will devastate the entire world because you’re afraid of losing power.”

Zhao leapt to his feet suddenly, fists enclosed in fire, completely ignoring his two swords at his side. “You are out of line, Prince Zuko. If you want even a  _ chance _ at life when we return to the Fire Nation, you need to _ hold your tongue.” _

There was a flash of movement behind Zhao, and Zuko’s heart skipped a beat when he saw Sokka’s eyes fluttering open, trying to take in what was happening. He looked hazy and confused and Zuko longed to go help him, but he had to keep Zhao’s focus on him for his plan to work. 

“No. I won’t be going back to the Fire Nation, at least as long as my father is on the throne. We aren’t the great nation you believe we are- the world hates us! And they’re right to. So no, I will not hold my tongue, I will not take orders from you, I will not have another life on my hands, and I will not stand by and let you push me around. All you and my father do is play with people’s lives, and it needs to stop.”

Each word he said made Zhao grow even angrier, the fire in his hands growing brighter, and he flung himself at Zuko without warning as he snarled, “You foolish boy.”

He leapt clear across the pond and launched a ball of fire at him from midair, but Zuko was faster than him and flipped out of the way easily. The fire hit the grass and it went up into flames quickly, but there was no time to worry about it before Zhao rushed at him again. Long whips of fire spilled from the man’s clenched fists, and he swung them around wildly as he lashed out at Zuko. He flipped, ducked, and spun around them with ease, constantly just out of reach, and everytime they hit the ground where he had just been, the grass burst into flames. He occasionally retaliated with his own attacks, but for the most part he was on the defensive, just trying to keep Zhao away from Sokka. 

The commander was quickly growing frustrated, and he began yelling as he launched attack after attack towards him, “You have failed me, Zuko. You were the greatest assassin the Fire Nation has ever seen, and you would leave that all behind and betray your family? And for what? A  _ Water Tribe prince?” _

“Yes!” he exclaimed, bending the blast of fire Zhao sent his way back towards him. “I don’t want this to be my life anymore. There’s no honor in it!”

“You can’t stop this, Zuko!”

Zhao sent a massive wall of fire around the room in his anger, and Zuko had to leap to stand in front of Sokka so that he could bend it around them both, keeping them safe. Sokka was fully awake now and was struggling against his chains and the gag, his eyes wide with fear and confusion and his breathing shallow in the thick smoke filling the room. Zuko couldn’t stop to set him free or even speak to him, though, before he had to dart back to the other side of the pond to keep Zhao’s attention on him.

“You can’t stop this. The prince has to die,” the man repeated as he stalked towards him. He looked unhinged, his hair falling from his topknot, hands clenched and wrapped in flame, and his dark eyes glittering with menace. Shakily, he said, “You have to realize, Zuko, that I made you into the person you are today. You were my project, my greatest creation, and I molded you to be the perfect weapon. You can’t escape that, even if you run away.”

Without second thought, Zuko unsheathed his swords, ignoring the thick smoke in the air and the tears that were now streaming down his face, and held them towards him to stop him just a few feet away. He’d always known how little he meant to Zhao, and to his father, but hearing himself be called a project right after hearing how Sokka was just a pawn in their game… 

Something inside him broke, and he suddenly knew there was only one way to end this and save Sokka- and himself. 

“How can you do that? How can you stand there and look at me, barely an adult, and call me a project? How can you call your team of assassins a project? You took helpless, unknowing children and wielded us as weapons to take the lives of innocent people! I was only twelve. Ty Lee was eleven. Azula was ten. And Mai was just eight when Ukano handed her over in exchange for a spot as one of my grandfather’s advisors. You think we  _ wanted _ to be this way? You think I  _ enjoy _ being an assassin? Because I don’t. I loathe myself for what you made me do. I remember every face of every person I ever killed, every scream and cry for help... You sacrificed my soul, Zhao, but I refuse to let you condemn me anymore. I refuse to let you use me in your sick little game.”

With a scream that was a strange mix of anger and hurt at Zuko’s words, Zhao lunged for him. In his blind rage, his guard dropped, and he wasn’t ready for Zuko to use his swords not for slashing, the way they were meant to be, but to stab. 

With a firm step forward and a strong lunge, he plunged his blades into Zhao’s heart.

Time seemed to slow as Zhao choked and froze, looking in shock from the swords to Zuko’s face. They stayed like that for a long moment, looking at each other- master and student, shock and resignment, betrayal and sorrow- locked together. 

With a sad exhale, Zuko stepped back and yanked them out of his chest. 

Zhao sank to his knees then fell sideways onto his back, clutching helplessly at the wound that was now gushing blood. 

“You-” He gasped, eyes wide with shock, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. He continued speaking, barely audible through his gasps of pain. “I didn’t- I didn’t think you had- had it in you.”

“Well, you always did underestimate me. I’ve been stronger than you for a long time.” 

Zhao gasped feebly as his heart began to give out, each beat weaker than the last.

Zuko knelt down next to him and grasped one of Zhao's bloody hands in his own. Speaking gently, throat thick with tears, he said, “This needs to end, Zhao. The assassinations, the wars, my father’s reign… It’s  _ wrong _ . I refuse to let it continue. After this, after you die, I am done taking lives. I won’t be an assassin anymore.”

Zhao’s eyes were flooded with unshed tears and he opened his mouth, but he didn’t get the chance to respond before his heart finally stopped. With one last shaky exhale, his eyes glazed over and his hand slipped from Zuko’s to rest across his stomach.

Finally, the cavern was quiet.

Zuko sighed heavily, reached out to gently close his eyelids, and sat next to Zhao, suddenly exhausted. He stared out at the walls of the cavern and watched the flaming grass making the silver specks within them shine. It was beautiful in a morbid way, and another hot tear slipped out of his eye. 

He looked down at Zhao again and couldn’t help but think that he’d feel freer, knowing he was dead and unable to hurt anyone else ever again. But he didn’t- instead, he was just another person that Zuko had killed, weighing down his consciousness and adding to the blood on his hands.

There was a violent cough behind him, and he startled- he had almost forgotten Sokka was there in the exhilaration of the past few minutes, and it occurred to him that Sokka had just seen his boyfriend  _ stab a man. _ Desperate to make things right, he jumped to his feet and turned towards Sokka, bringing his hands up. With an exhale, he brought them back down, and the flames died out with them, leaving behind massive black spots where there had once been lush green grass. He silently mourned that peaceful afternoon when the grass had been healthy and beautiful, and he had cuddled up next to Sokka to try and put the life of an assassin behind him.

Sokka didn’t look scared, exactly, but definitely worried as Zuko approached, so he moved slowly with his swords sheathed and hands raised in surrender. 

“Hey, Sokka,” he said gently. “I’m going to get you out of here, okay? I swear that I won’t hurt you. You’re safe.”

He nodded without much more hesitation, and Zuko was surprised to see that there was still trust in his eyes. The sight of it was too much, so he busied himself by going around his back to untie the gag and examine how Zhao had bound his wrists with thick chains. They were far too thick for him to simply break, and he sighed. 

“I’m going to have to melt these off, okay? It’ll be a little hot, but I’ll try not to burn you.”

“Just do it, Zuko,” Sokka said, voice scratchy from inhaling so much smoke.

With a deep breath, he placed a hand on the stretch of chains between his wrists and let his hands heat up. Sokka’s skin quickly grew red from the heat and Zuko winced, knowing it had to hurt, but Sokka didn’t shift or even make a sound. By the time it began to glow a hot white color, his skin had blistered slightly, and desperate to stop Sokka’s wrists from burning anymore, he gave it a strong yank and broke it in half. The chains fell from Sokka’s wrists quickly and he rolled his shoulders, then rubbed at his tender wrists, which had been cut by the metal cuffs, with a small sigh of relief.

“Thank you,” he murmured softly.

Zuko cleared his throat, eyes burning at the fact that even after everything he’d seen and heard and the fact that _he_ was the one who had been injured, Sokka was still bothering to be gentle with him. “Of course. It looks like your leg is broken, so you probably can’t walk. I can carry you to the palace, if that’s… If that’s okay?”

He nodded and immediately winced at the motion. He brought his hand to his head and looked surprised when his fingers came away wet with blood. “Yes, please. My head is still spinning a little bit, too. Walking probably isn’t a good idea.”

Without a word, Zuko knelt down next to him. He slid one arm under his knees, taking care not to jostle the lefrt one too much, and the other around his back. Sokka draped his right arm around his neck for extra security and Zuko stood up smoothly, barely even faltering under his weight. 

With one last forlorn glance at Zhao’s body, he turned away from the Spirit Oasis and began the slow walk back to the palace. Sokka’s head began lolling slightly after a while, and when he looked down to check on him, his eyes were fluttering shut as he clearly tried not to drift into unconsciousness again.

“Hey, Sokka, stay with me,” he said. “We’re almost there, I promise. But you need to stay awake.”

“I can’t. ‘M all… woozy,” he mumbled, “and you’re really warm.”

“I know, but you can’t fall back asleep, otherwise Katara will be mad.”

He shrugged noncommittally. “Katara’s always mad. Kind of like you were. I never understood before, but now I think I get it.”

His heart broke, and he looked away again. “I’m so sorry, Sokka. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he brought his left arm up to lightly hit his chest. “You saved me, firefly.” A pause, then, “I love you, Zuko.”

The tears he’d been trying to hold at bay for so long finally slipped out. His heart broke all over again, and he sniffled. “You don’t- You might have meant that earlier, Sokka, but there’s now way it’s still true after everything. You’re not in your right mind. Tomorrow, you’ll… You’ll regret saying that.”

Sokka didn’t respond, and when he looked down at him, his eyes had closed and his breathing was soft. He cursed under his breath and quickened his pace so that he was nearly running. When he burst into the palace, he immediately began yelling, “Get me Katara! Please, Sokka is hurt, he needs Katara immediately!”

Guards came rushing towards him from every corner of the palace as soon as they saw Sokka in his arms, unconscious and bleeding. They paused, however, when they took in Zuko’s appearance- he couldn’t blame them, seeing as he was dressed in all black with swords strapped to his back and likely covered in ash and blood.

“What happened?” one asked, pointing his spear at him in uncertainty, clearly unsure if he was a threat or not.

“Prince Sokka has been attacked. Please, he’s very injured. I need Princess Katara, immediately.”

“Of course. I’ll send her to the infirmary right away,” another said before turning to run up the stairs.

Zuko shouldered past the remaining guards to reach the medical wing, where he laid Sokka down on one of the beds before slumping into a chair next to it. He watched Sokka breathing, a deep tiredness in his bones and a sharp pain in his heart as he did. He looked so small and pale on the white linens, a far cry from the strong, vibrant person he was, and Zuko’s heart splintered even further. He sighed deeply, interrupted when Katara burst into the room. 

She was in her sleep clothes, and it was only then that he realized how late it was.

She gasped at the sight of them and rushed over, hands hovering over Sokka as she quickly pulled some water out of the basin at his bedside to begin checking on his injuries, mouth open in shock. “Zuko, what  _ happened _ ? Are you injured? Why do you have blood on your hands?” 

“No, I’m not injured. And Zhao attacked him,” he sighed out, ignoring her last question, though it was true- there was dried blood coating his hands from holding Zhao as he died.

“What?” she shrieked. “Your tutor? Why?”

“An assassination attempt.”

Her mouth hung open in disbelief as she stared at him for a long moment before it snapped shut and she shook her head, returning her focus to Sokka. It was clear she had noticed his swords and his clothing and had many questions, but she just said, “It’s clear that you’re very tired, so I’ll consider that an appropriate explanation for now. But tomorrow, after you both have had some rest, you’ll be explaining everything that happened, in detail, to all of us.”

He froze at her statement- he hadn’t really thought about what he’d do tomorrow, when they’d expect to hear what happened. He had mostly been acting on impulse and a drive to save Sokka above all else, rather than the possible consequences of his actions. He supposed he could lie and say that Sokka was mistaken in what he heard because he was delirious from his injury, but he knew that wouldn’t last. Besides, he owed them all the truth- it would help keep them safe, in case his father tried to have Sokka or anyone else assassinated again.

But at the same time, if he told the truth he could only imagine he’d be thrown in prison or, even worse, shipped back to his father, who would surely kill him. And as much as he deserved both of those punishments, he didn’t particularly  _ want _ either of them to happen, so that left… Running away. 

He could hop on one of the trading vessels that left the city early every morning, long before anyone would be awake to stop him or inquire about what happened, and just… Leave. The idea tore his heart in two, especially knowing it would mean never getting to say goodbye to Sokka, or apologizing to him in person, but the longer he thought about it, the more it seemed like his best option.nHe figured he could go to Ba Sing Se to hide with his uncle for a while, and after that... He sighed again. He could think about that later, when his mind and body wasn’t screaming at him to rest.

Katara was deeply concentrated as she held the water over Sokka’s body, the blue glow illuminating both of their faces, but she looked up at his sigh. “Zuko, you look exhausted. You should go to bed.”

“How is he?” he asked, pointedly ignoring her urging.

If he wouldn’t be here when Sokka woke, he wanted to at least leave knowing he’d be alright.

“He’s okay. His head injury is pretty bad- he’s definitely concussed, which I can’t heal with waterbending. Head injuries are too delicate to rush it that way because they take so long to heal. Same with his leg. I wish I could do more, since it’s broken badly in two different spots, but waterbending can’t heal broken bones, either. Both of those will have to heal naturally, over time. Right now I’m focusing on his strained muscles and the lacerations and burns on his wrists so that he’ll be more comfortable while he sleeps. But until I can get him in the healing bath, this is all I can do.”

Zuko stayed silent, staring at Sokka’s face with his thumb pressed against his teeth. All of this was his fault, he couldn’t help but think. He didn’t wish he had killed him before Zhao could- with every passing second, he was more and more sure that he made the right decision with that. But if he had just gotten to his room quicker, or if he had told Sokka the truth, maybe he wouldn’t be here now, with injuries that would take months to heal.

“Zuko, please. Go to bed. You’re exhausted and you’ve clearly been through a lot. I promise you, he’s going to be fine. I’ll take care of him, and he’ll still be here in the morning, okay? He probably won’t even be awake until the middle of the afternoon- maybe even the day after, since his body is so exhausted- so you can rest easily knowing he won’t wake up while you’re gone.”

He didn’t argue with her, just nodded and got to his feet silently. As he passed her, he stopped suddenly, and touched her arm gently. When she looked up curiously, he leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, then hugged her tightly. 

“Thank you,” he murmured into her hair. “For being my friend, and for taking care of him.”

She smiled softly and hugged him back tightly. “Oh, Zuko… You’re welcome. Go get some rest, okay?”

As she pulled away he hoped that she knew, once she realized what had happened, that he was saying  _ Thank you _ and  _ Goodbye _ and  _ I’m sorry _ all at once.

He picked his way up the stairs to his room on tired feet, and began packing his things. There was no rhyme or reason to it, he simply threw everything he had into his trunk in a giant pile, heedless of if it was clean or dirty or if it would get wrinkled if he didn’t fold it. 

He thought about leaving his swords, but after a moment of thought, he slid them carefully into the bottom of his trunk. They’d been his for his entire life, since he went to Piandao’s as an eight year old and had crafted them with his master’s help. They were beautiful blades, despite all they’d done, and he couldn’t bear to part with them. 

He paused again at his parka and mukluks, both the pair he’d picked up with him that first day so many months ago and the pair he’d made with Sokka, but he set them aside. Wherever he went after Ba Sing Se, he wouldn’t need them- they’d just be a cruel reminder of what he’d lost. He left his mask on top of his folded up parka, too, the eye with the scratch seeming to mock him.

Everything else, he took.

Once he was packed, he went to his desk and, pulling out a stack of parchment, began to write. 

He wrote two different letters- one to the entirety of the Northern Water Tribe, explaining what had happened in the Spirit Oasis and what Zhao had told him of his father’s plans, addressed as Prince Zuko. The other he wrote just to Sokka, apologizing for all he had put him through, addressed as just Zuko. He filled the parchment with words until he felt empty, until his hand ached, until his head hurt from staring at his own words. Then he rolled them up tightly, sealed them, and dropped the first one next to his mask.

The sky was gradually getting lighter, he had been writing for so long, and he realized the first ships would be leaving soon, so he grabbed his trunk. With one last fond look at his room, he closed the door and walked away. 

Before he left, he stopped at the medical wing, which was now empty except for Sokka, Katara long having returned to bed. He placed the letter on the small table next to his bed, trying not to cry again as he gazed upon him for what was truly the last time. 

With a trembling hand, he reached out to brush a loose strand of hair behind his ear, the way he had wanted to the night before, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you, Sokka,” he whispered shakily, caressing his face with his hand reverently. “I love you so much, and I am so sorry. For everything.”

He brushed one more featherlight kiss to his forehead, just one last time, then turned to go.

Down at the docks he caught the first boat out of Agna Qel’a, and as he sailed away, he didn’t once look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Zuko arrives in the Spirit Oasis. Sokka is chained to the archway, unconscious- Zuko assumes he is concussed from a wound on his head and that his left leg is broken. Zhao is there as well, and he tells Zuko why he and Ozai wanted Sokka assassinated- to start the war again. He also uses homophobic language against Zuko. The two of them fight, and in the end Zuko ends up killing Zhao by stabbing him with his dao swords. After that, he melts Sokka's chains and brings him back to the palace.
> 
> \-------
> 
> .........................I'm sorry


	16. life was simple before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings for this chapter :)
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. It's Not the Same Anymore - Rex Orange County (chapter title from here)  
> 2\. You're Somebody Else - flora cash  
> 3\. Dancing With Your Ghost - Sasha Sloan  
> 4\. How - Elina

Sokka woke up slowly, then all at once. 

His eyes flew open as he gasped, only to find that a blinding white light above him made pain spike in his head and his heart jump into his throat. He groaned and slammed his eyes shut, suddenly swept up in a dizzying haze of pain and confusion, panic washing over his body. Everything hurt, from the throbbing in his head to the dull ache in his left leg. His lungs seemed to burn, brightly colored dots swam on his closed eyelids, and his wrists stung where they were pressed against the surface he was laying on.

He thought maybe there was a voice speaking to him, but everything was too overwhelming for him to focus on what was being said, much less who was saying it.

Trying to gain his bearings, he began taking deep breaths that rattled in his chest, trying desperately to calm his racing heart, and slowly things became a little more clear.

He was in a bed, that much was obvious, but it was harder than he was used to, which meant it wasn’t his. The sheets were coarser, too, and not as warm, which meant he  _ definitely  _ wasn’t in his room. When he inhaled, there was a smell that was distinctly medicinal, like herbs and hot towels and healing salves all at once, mixing in the air.

He relaxed when he recognized the smell as that of the infirmary in the palace, though he couldn’t remember what had happened to land him in the bed- there was just a blank haze when he tried, accompanied by his head throbbing sharply. He figured whatever it was, it must have been bad, considering the amount of pain he was in. 

Comfortable with at least the knowledge of where he was, he tried to focus more on picking up on the other things around him. It took a moment, but eventually he realized that there was someone holding his hand on each side, as well as another cool hand that was pressed to his forehead. The touches were soft and gentle, and as he let them ground him, he realized that there were multiple voices speaking around him, not just one like he’d thought.

He listened to them carefully, and finally managed to recognize them as his family.

“-normal for him to feel shitty right now,” Katara was finishing saying, the hand on his forehead shifting slightly.

“He’s actually awake this time though, right? He’s okay?” That was his dad, worry lacing every word.

“Of course he’s okay, ‘Koda. Look, his breathing is already calming down. He must be coming to,” Bato comforted him.

Someone squeezed his right hand, and Katara asked him gently, “Sokka? Are you with us?”

He groaned, refusing to open his eyes again, and squeezed them even more tightly shut. He opened his mouth to speak, his lips chapped enough that they cracked painfully, and said, “Yeah. I’m awake.”

His throat grated painfully as he spoke, dry and scratchy from disuse, and he grimaced at how broken the words sounded.

“Oh good,” she said, relief evident with every word and the tight squeeze of his right hand. “Hold on, let me get you some water.”

There was the sound of water being manipulated by bending, and he opened his mouth just enough that she could drop a small bead of water into his mouth. He swallowed it gratefully, letting it soothe his throat, and sighed at the immediate relief it provided. He opened his mouth again, and she obediently dropped another in. 

They repeated that slowly until his throat wasn’t hurting as bad, and he was able to more easily mumble out a soft, “Thank you.”

“Of course, Sokka. I’m just glad you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Everything hurts,” he grunted. “My head, leg, wrists, shoulder… Everything. It feels like I got run over by a polar dog sled or something.”

He wondered passively if that was what had happened- he couldn’t remember making any plans to be on a polar dog sled, but he supposed crazier things had happened to him than forgetting he had plans.

“Yeah, I thought that might be the case… Do you think you can try and open your eyes for me, though?”   


He grimaced, but he recognized the question as being more of an order, and so he cracked one eye open tentatively. The lights weren’t as bright now- someone likely having thrown a curtain over the window nearest him- but it was still a lot compared to the blackness of his closed eyelids, so adjusting his vision was still a long process. He started with just one eye, then cracked open both, squinting up at the icy white ceiling until the pain in his head died down, and he was able to open them wider and wider. 

Katara was leaning over him, though she still held his right hand, and she grinned when he opened them all the way.

“Hey, sleepyhead. Good to see you awake again.”

He smiled tiredly and went to sit up, but hissed as every muscle in his body screamed in protest. Two other hands pushed down on his shoulders, keeping him down, and Katara frowned down at him. 

“Hey, no sitting up,” she scolded. “Healer’s orders.”

The hand on his forehead smoothed his hair back, and his dad said, “Just take it easy, okay son? You’ve been out of it for a few days, going in and out of consciousness.”

_ A few days _ _?_

Somehow, something had happened to knock him out for a few days, and he… Couldn’t remember what it was, though he was beginning to suspect it wasn’t that he got run over by a polar dog sled. He felt off, knowing there was something big he was missing, but when he tried to place what had actually happened everything stayed hazy- although this time, the haziness took the form of a mess of colors accompanied by the faint smell of something burning. 

It was unsettling, though, and the barely there sliver of the memory got his heart racing in fear.

“Can I at least prop my head up?” he asked his sister, trying to hide how shaken he was.

She sighed. “Fine, but that’s it right now. I couldn’t move you to the healing bath while you were out, so I didn’t get to heal you as thoroughly. I did what I could, of course, but you’re still going to be pretty sore. Also, you have a pretty bad concussion and your leg is broken, so you need to be gentle, okay?”

He nodded his head once in agreement, and she helped him lift his head up so that she could stuff a pillow behind it. He had to grit his teeth against the pain, but it was worth it when he was finally settled and able to see his family gathered around his bed. 

Katara was on his right, taking up his hand again, with a giant vat of water to her left. Aang sat to her right and he beamed with watery eyes when he saw Sokka’s gaze land on him. Gran Gran was at the foot of his bed, relief lining her face, and she reached out to place a comforting hand on his ankle through the blankets. Bato and his dad were on his left, his dad leaning into Bato heavily. He had tears in his eyes and he looked exhausted, but he was beaming too. Bato grinned and reached out to hold Sokka’s left hand gently.

Happiness bubbled up in his heart at the sight of all of them, and he scanned their faces over and over again.

“Hey,” he laughed slightly. “It’s good to see you all.”

“Oh, Sokka,” Gran Gran laughed along with him. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”

“Yeah, we were all so worried about you,” Aang’s eyes glittered as he placed his hand on top of Katara’s.

He looked at them all again and was about to respond, when the smile slipped off his face as he realized-

Zuko, the one person he thought would definitely be at his bedside if he was injured, was missing. He frowned in confusion, because it didn’t seem right that he wouldn’t be there, but no matter how many times he looked around the room, Zuko wasn’t here. Sadness welled up inside him, alongside a wave of heartbreak at the thought that Sokka apparently wasn’t important enough to be there for. He shook himself- surely that wasn’t the case. He was probably just busy, or tired because he’d been staying with Sokka while he’d been out, or maybe he himself was injured- 

The thought made a new wave of worry wash over him, and he asked meekly, “Where’s Zuko?”

The room fell silent, all their faces falling just like his, and the five people around his bed suddenly seemed desperate to avoid his gaze.

“What? What does that face mean?” he asked, shifting slightly as he looked between them desperately. “Where is he? Is he okay?  _ Is Zuko okay? _ ”

“Sokka…” his dad began uncertainly, picking up his left hand with a heavy frown. “He’s… Zuko left.”

Time seemed to stop- Zuko had _ left _ ? As in he had returned to the Fire Nation? He’d returned home and hadn’t bothered to wait to see if Sokka was alright after… Whatever had happened to him (which he really needed to figure the answer to  _ that _ question out), or even to say goodbye? What about their relationship? What about… What about everything between them? Was it all just going to go unspoken? 

Belatedly, he realized his hand was shaking in his dad’s and that his family was waiting for his reaction with expectant and hesitant expressions. When he finally brought himself to speak, his voice was as shaky as his hand. 

“What do you mean he left? Where’d he go? Is he okay?”

Bato’s expression was grim, but his voice was soft. “We don’t know where he went. He ran away. As far as we know, though, he’s okay.”

_ “He ran away?” _ Sokka’s head screamed at the volume at which he spoke, but he didn’t even wince, too caught up in a storm of confusion. He tried to imagine what on earth could make Zuko run away, but no matter how hard he wracked his brain, nothing came to mind. “What do you  _ mean _ he ran away?”

He was met with silence.

“Guys, come on. Why’d he run away?” he practically begged. His heart thumped in his chest, hard enough he felt it in his throat and heard it in his ears.

The five of them looked between themselves anxiously. 

“How much do you remember about what happened, Sokka?” Aang asked cautiously after a long silence, as if he didn’t really want to know the answer.

“Uh…” he searched his mind desperately. What  _ did  _ he remember? 

He remembered Commander Zhao arriving and Zuko asking to speak to him in private. He remembered Zuko disappearing into his room for over an entire day and trying desperately to get him to just talk to him, or to let him in, or to eat something, to no avail. 

He remembered Zuko coming to dinner finally, looking tired and weak but relieved to see Sokka. He remembered him asking to come talk to him in his room later that night, and how he’d been ecstatic to see him after so long- it had only been a few days, he knew, but he’d missed Zuko fiercely. 

He remembered taking a bath, and when he’d been getting dressed, there had been a knock on his door. By the time he had tugged his clothes on, whoever had knocked was gone, but there was a note from Zuko telling him that he’d changed his mind and to go to the Spirit Oasis instead. Except when he’d gotten there, it wasn’t Zuko waiting for him, but-

_ “Zhao?” _ he murmured in confusion. “I was going down to the Spirit Oasis to see Zuko, since he left me a note telling me to meet him there, but when I got there it was Zhao waiting for me. He… He hit me on the head, and then…” He paused, furrowing his brow, and suddenly memories came rushing back to him.

Waking up in the cave, tied to the post and choking on smoke, his head throbbing and his leg screaming in pain.

Zuko, highlighted by flickering orange light from the flames, dual swords in hand and screaming at Zhao. 

A vicious fight that ended with Zuko…. 

“Zuko killed Zhao,” he whispered numbly. 

Because Zhao, an assassin, was going to kill Sokka. Because Zuko,  _ also _ an assassin, was supposed to kill Sokka, but didn’t. Instead, he killed Zhao to rescue Sokka. 

And then he carried him out of the burning Spirit Oasis with blood on his hands, ash on his face, and tears in his eyes.

He lifted his wrists and stared at them- there, as proof of it all, was an angry red mark on each one, the same width as a line of chains, with a band of blisters from the intense heat of Zuko melting through solid metal above them.

He swallowed thickly, let his hands fall to his lap, and stared past Gran Gran with unseeing eyes.

“Zuko was here to assassinate me.”

He knew his family started speaking around him, but he didn’t hear- he was deafened by the sound of his heart shattering.

◇◈◇

~~_ My love, _ ~~

_ Sokka, _

_ I wanted to be there when you woke up more than anything so that I could make sure you were okay. So that I could explain everything to you in person. But I know that after what you’ve learned about me and what you’ve seen me do, you won’t want me near you, and I can’t blame you for that. I thought the least I could do was save you the pain of having to look at me after everything, so I left.  _

_ I won’t tell you where I’ve gone or what I’m doing, but I will tell you that it is far away from my family and the trail of death they- and I- have left behind.  _

_ I just want you- need you- to know, Sokka, that I’m so, so sorry.  _

_ This is the second letter I’ve begun this way in just a short while, but I suppose there’s a lot I have to be sorry for… I’ve done horrible things. And I’m not sure if any of what I could say will make a difference to you because of that, but there’s something I need you to know. _

_ Sokka, you are one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. You’re so strong, with the most brilliant mind and deepest compassion and steadfast kindness… You are good to your very core, and it shows in every single thing you say and do as a leader, brother, and friend. Although it was slow to happen, not that I blame you in the slightest, being friends with you, Katara, and Aang was… Well, I will treasure the memories of you three forever. _

_ And then, somewhere along the line, I fell for you. It was easy to do, really, and I’m surprised it took me as long as it did to realize that it had happened. No one and nothing else has ever made me as happy as being with you did- I don’t believe anything else ever will. More than that, though, you made me want to be a better person and taught me to see the good in life again. For that, I am forever in your debt. _

_ It’s also because of you that I can finally say to myself, honestly, that I don’t want to be an assassin anymore. I never truly enjoyed being one, but I always thought that I was doing something honorable in protecting my father and nation from people who wanted to cause us harm. I realize now that was just one of many lies that I was told and that really, my father was simply using me to further his agenda. I was just a pawn to him, just like so many other people.  _

_ I must confess that while I’m sorry that you were part of that agenda, I can’t be sorry that I met you, because I love you, Sokka. Truly and deeply, with every part of my body, mind, and soul, I am in love with you. And I will be grateful everyday that I got to know you, to be friends with you, and to know what it’s like to be loved by you.  _

_ I hope you heal up well. I know Katara will make sure you do, but I’ll still worry. _

_ I am, and always will be, sorry you got caught up in all this. _

_ Goodbye, Sokka. _

~~_ Love, _ ~~

_ Zuko _

Sokka set the parchment down next to him where he sat on his bed with a heavy sigh, not sure why he was reading it again. It wasn’t like he really needed to, anyways, because in the two months since Zuko had left- since he’d watch his boyfriend, who was really his would-be assassin, murder  _ another  _ would-be assassin- he’d read it countless times. Enough he had it memorized to the point that he could hear Zuko’s voice reading it to him, playing on loop in his head every minute of every day, no matter how far from the letter he was. And yet he kept looking at it, over and over again, countless times a day, as if expecting something new to appear. 

He  _ wished _ something new would appear, some answer to the countless questions floating around in his mind, something else to explain what had happened. But no matter how hard he looked or how desperately he wished, the words scrawled across the paper in Zuko’s elegant handwriting never changed. No, the only thing that had happened was that the parchment had stopped curling from how many times he’d opened it and held it in his hands.

He understood the basics, of course. Between the two letters Zuko had left- the other one nothing more than his confession that his father had an entire force of assassins at his call, as well as an explanation of what had happened in the Spirit Oasis that night- and his own memories of that night, it was clear. He hadn’t actually been sent here as a show of diplomacy, but to kill Sokka, because Fire Lord Ozai wanted to start another war and take over the world, and thought his death was the best way to do that.

But… Zuko didn’t follow through, because he loved Sokka, and now he was somewhere in the world, hiding from his father and his endless supply of other assassins. 

But those letters, as brief as they were, didn’t answer the litany of other questions he still had. Questions like how Zuko became an assassin, or why. And since Zuko wasn’t here to answer them, all he could do was just keep running over every memory from the last six months, trying to see if there had been clues as to this secret identity Zuko had hidden away behind soft kisses, kind words, and lopsided smiles. 

Some things became clear when he did, like his skills with a sword, his knowledge of so many types of martial arts, the easy grace with which he’d moved, his father’s harsh expectations, the extent to which he’d traveled, even the way he was able to remember every little detail about everything. Sokka had thought of those things as the signs of Zuko being a well rounded prince, but it turned out that those were _ actually _ the makings of a well rounded assassin. 

“Fuck,” he sighed out loud to himself at the thought, falling back on his bed and closing his eyes. 

Except closing his eyes brought the image of Zuko to the front of his mind, but not the vengeful spirit holding dual swords and silhouetted by fire. 

No, the Zuko that he pictured was the one who was kind and gentle as he smiled at the children when they visited the school. He was the Zuko who’d had a genuine interest in learning about the Northern Water Tribe and asked countless questions, bright eyes gleaming as he did. It was the Zuko that learned to make crafts with the artisans and came back with a wide smile and nothing but happiness in his voice as he relayed what he’d learned from them. It was the Zuko who leapt in front of a saber toothed snow leopard to save Sokka, even though he’d been nothing but mean to him. It was the Zuko who watched the Spirit Lights with an awestruck expression, who asked him to stay after he had a nightmare because he didn’t want to be alone, who laughed joyously as he chased Sokka through the snow. 

The Zuko that came to mind wasn’t an assassin, he was just… Zuko. 

He was Sokka’s Zuko, and he missed him. 

Maybe he shouldn’t, but… He did. 

It didn’t matter though, because Zuko ran away from him and now he was never going to see him again. 

Well, he supposed he would see Zuko again, haunting his thoughts during every waking moment and his dreams at night, but that wasn’t the same.  _ Nothing _ was the same anymore, and he just had to accept that the easy simplicity of life he’d experienced with Zuko had vanished the second he woken up in a burning cave.

A knock on his door, soft and tentative, pulled him out of his self pitying thoughts, and without bothering to sit up he called out glumly, “Come in!”

Katara’s head poked around the door as she pushed it open slowly, and she smiled when she saw he was awake. “Oh, good! I wasn’t sure if you were going to be up, since it’s still early.” 

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he’d been up for hours, ever since he woke up shouting for Zuko after yet another nightmare, so he just shrugged. “Yeah, I’m up. Why?”

“I just wanted to check on you, and ask what you were doing right now.”

“Nothing. I’m not doing anything,” he said quickly. Too quickly, apparently, because he saw her face twist into a frown as she walked toward him. Her eyes raked over his room and he thought about hiding the letter, but before he could even try her gaze had already landed on the piece of parchment at his side. 

“Oh, Sokka,” she sighed knowingly, with an unmistakable twinge of sadness. “Why do you keep torturing yourself like this?”

He looked away, unable to meet her sorrowful gaze. “Katara, it’s fine. Please, just leave it alone.“

“You’ve been reading that nonstop for two months. I’m just worried that you’re-“

“What? That I’m stuck thinking about the fact that the person I love was supposed to assassinate me? That I wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares and reach out for the very person who stars in them? That I wake up in the morning curled around someone who isn’t here?”

The words came out quickly and much sharper than he intended- the danger, he supposed, of avoiding talking to anyone about what he’d been going through the past two months- and he immediately regretted them when he was met with nothing but silence. It was deafening and pressed on his chest heavily, so he sat up to look at his sister. Her face was downturned, but he could still tell it was heavy with worry and that her eyes were wet with unshed tears, and he sighed again, taking her hand in his. 

“I’m sorry. I haven’t… This isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t yell when you’re just trying to help.”

She sat next to him on the edge of the bed, moving the parchment to his nightstand carefully. “I know these past few months have been hard on you, between everything with Zuko and not being able to do anything because of your injuries-”

He scoffed slightly, because that was putting it lightly. Over the past two months, the palace had been a bustling hub of activity as his dad and the council began strategizing over how to dethrone Fire Lord Ozai without starting a war, since that was the exact thing he wanted. During the first month, though, Katara hadn't let him go due to his concussion. 

Sokka had longed to be involved in the process- not only because of his own stake in it considering the man tried to have him assassinated- but also because it was his duty as the prince of his tribe (and maybe because there was a part of him that was still angry about how Ozai had treated Zuko, and he didn’t think a man that would burn his own son deserved to have power, but… that was just for him to know). She’d stuck to her position though, ranting at him about the importance of not pushing himself too hard and the lasting damages that could cause, so he’d reluctantly listened.

Once it was healed he started going to more of them, tossing out ideas here and there and otherwise doing whatever he could to help, but it was a slow and maddening process as they debated the various political actions they could take. There were economic factors, social consequences, political fallout, international backlash, public opinion… It was exhausting, and he often came out of them with his head pounding. And it was hard to walk in snow with a cast so he never left the palace, which meant that if he wasn’t in the meetings then he was in his room resting his leg and head. Which, really, was just an excuse for him to sulk about Zuko.

That’s really all he’d been doing this past month- sitting in his room alone, licking his wounds.

Katara and Aang had tried to get him to talk about him, or just to go out with them, but he always refused. It was already hard enough to make his own opinion of Zuko- he didn’t need his sister and his best friend’s thoughts to add to his confusion. And he really didn’t want their advice, either, especially when they were shoving how oogie they were with each other in his face.

(Yeah, maybe he was a little jealous, and maybe that wasn’t a good reason to shut out two of the people who cared about him the most, but he couldn’t help that seeing the two of them being so sweet and in love with each other made his heart ache for someone who wasn’t coming back.)

Most of his reluctance to leave, though, was that he was honestly okay with just staying in his room. Being in the city would only serve to remind him even more of Zuko, and that would be too painful. At least in his room, he could control which memories he relived time and time again. But in the city… Memories of Zuko would be everywhere, in all the places he loved to go and in all the things he loved to go. He supposed that was the danger of sharing everything with someone- when they were gone, those things became tainted. 

“-but I just want you to know that I’m… I’m proud of you,” she finished finally.

“Awwww, Kat Kat is proud of me!” he teased as he reached over to ruffle her hair, pulling on the nickname he used to tease her with when they had been kids in order to hide how her words made his heart swell.

“Ugh, stop it, Sokka! I was trying to compliment you, but if you don’t want it…”

Never one to turn down a compliment, he raised his hands in surrender. “No, I’m sorry. Please continue, Master Katara.”

“ _ Anyways, _ ” she said pointedly, “I was beginning to say that you’ve been through a lot, things that might’ve defeated anyone else, but you’ve really taken it in stride, I think. I feel like you’ve shown that you’re going to be a really good leader someday, and I know everyone else sees it too. I mean, they told me as much.”

Her praise made him smile softly, overwhelmed by her words- all he wanted was to be a good leader like his father was, but he’d been nervous that he’d been appearing weak lately. The fact that people were instead seeing that much potential within him even though he’d been at his lowest recently… He bumped her shoulder with his. “Thanks, Katara. I’m just trying to take it day by day, I guess.”

“Well, for today’s day by day, what do you say to getting that cast off?”

“Really?” he asked eagerly. 

Though he didn’t want to do much else besides what he’d been doing, the cast was getting annoying. It had been eight weeks of wearing it, and he had long run out of ways to scratch his leg, so now he was living in a state of perpetual itchiness. Also, taking baths with the cast on was embarrassingly difficult. 

“Yep. It’s all healed, according to my last check up on it. I just wanted to give it a few more days to solidify.”

He hummed. “Alright. Get this thing off of me before I lose my mind from how itchy I am.”

She rolled her eyes, but stood up anyways and pulled a pair of scissors from her pocket. “Give me your leg then, bossy.”

He followed her instructions, and after just a few minutes, his leg was finally free. Katara ran water over the bones that had been broken one more time, just to make sure everything was okay, before she gave him the all clear. Walking was a challenge at first, but soon enough he got the hang of it again, and he beamed at her. 

“It feels great Katara, thank you.”

“Anything for my big brother,” she grinned right back. “Speaking of that, I have a surprise for you.”

“Alright, where is it then?”

She frowned. “What do you mean, where is it?”

He gestured to her outfit- loose pants and a tunic- and said, “Well, unless you’re hiding it in your pants like you were the scissors- which you shouldn't do, by the way, it’s dangerous- it’s gotta be somewhere.”

“Oh. Yeah, it’s outside.”

He froze. If they went outside, that meant he’d see the city, which would remind him of walking with Zuko, and he’d see the wall, which would remind him of kissing Zuko, and he’d pass the canals, which would remind him of falling into it when he was pining after Zuko… Yeah, no. He didn’t want to go outside. 

“Um, actually, I don’t know that I’m strong enough to walk outside yet. Is it something you can bring to me? Because we should definitely do that. You go get it, and I’ll stay here, and then we can-”

“Yeah, no,” she interrupted his panicked rambling. “That won’t work with me, because one I’m your healer and I know exactly what you’re capable of right now. Two, we’re taking a canoe, so you don’t even have to worry about walking outside. Three, as your healer, I say you need a distraction and to do something fun now that you’re all healed up.”

“You know what, I’m actually just really tired. Can it wait? Because I think I just want to take a nap, and then we can go see this surprise later,” he said, turning away from her with an exaggerated yawn, hoping she’d get the memo and leave.

Katara wasn’t having it though, and she grabbed his shoulder to spin him around so that he was facing her again. 

“Nope. You’ve been inside for two months now, doing nothing except moping about Zuko. I know you miss him, Sokka, but you aren’t taking care of yourself.” He didn’t respond, knowing she was right, so she charged on. “I have a surprise for you that I put a lot of effort into preparing, so you’re coming with me.”

She began walking, hand still clasped on his arm so he had no choice but to follow her. 

“Katara-”

“Just trust me, okay? You’ll love it. I promise,” she paused to look him in the eyes, her own soft and pleading. 

He sighed, knowing she was just trying to help and that there was no getting out of it, and nodded. “Alright. Lead the way, then.”

She led him out of the palace to an awaiting canoe, and they both climbed in. With a small hand movement, the vessel began gliding across the water smoothly, the two of them sitting in silence. As they floated along, he did everything he could to avoid thinking about Zuko, instead focusing on the shouts of joy that began filling the air as people caught sight of Sokka. Despite not having the full story of what had happened since it would undo all the work that had been done to soothe relations between the Fire Nation and their tribe, everyone shouted greetings and wishes of good health, and he smiled softly as he waved back. He had missed his people, as locked away in the palace as he’d been keeping himself, and to see them so happy and safe… It filled him with a joy that warmed his heart.

When he glanced at his sister she had a knowing twinkle in her eye, but was kind enough not to say anything.

To his surprise, she steered them down to the docks. They were packed with people since the fishermen had just returned, and men and women rushed around them to unload the day’s catch and their fishing supplies. 

“You brought me to go… Fishing?” he asked her.

She hit him in the arm, standing on her tiptoes to see over the crowd. “No, you idiot. Look!”

He sighed but indulged her anyway, craning his head ever so slightly so that he could see down to the edge of the dock, where there was a small boat. Unlike their own wooden canoes, rafts, and larger fishing vessels, it was crafted out of both metal and wood, which meant it was- 

“Is that an Earth Kingdom ship?”

She grinned. “Yep.”

His heart began pounding, and he pushed through the crowd eagerly to get to it, because an Earth Kingdom ship could only mean one thing.

Suki!” he cried out as soon as he spotted his best friend, her short auburn hair blowing gently in the wind. She was unloading a trunk, but as soon as she heard his voice and looked up to see him, she dropped it and ran towards him. They slammed together in a tight hug, and he thought his heart might explode from how happy he was to see her.

“Sokka!” she laughed, squeezing him tightly. “It’s so good to see you!”

“I don’t- What are you doing here?” he asked, pushing her away to look at her. 

She looked the same as she always did, short hair loose and reaching to just the tops of her shoulders, green eyes glimmering with happiness, and a broad grin on her face. She was wearing her parka she’d gotten on her very first visit to Agna Qel’a, though he could tell she was wearing her Kyoshi Warrior uniform under it by the green collar rising high on her neck.

“We came to see you! We got a letter from Katara explaining what happened and asking us to come, so we hopped on a boat and got here as fast as we could.”

“We?”

“Hey, Snoozles,” a familiarly cheeky voice said from behind Suki. 

She stepped aside, and there, climbing out of the boat, was Toph. Her face was split into a cocky grin and her choppy black bangs hung down in front of her eyes, and she had buried herself under several layers of thick clothing while her usually bare feet were stuffed into a pair of boots in order to protect them from the ice and snow. A peal of joyous laughter burst out of his mouth as he shouted out her name and rushed forwards. Before she could even start to object, he had already wrapped her into a tight hug that lifted her clean off her feet in his excitement. 

“Ugh, Sokka!” she shrieked, though he knew she wasn’t really angry when she hugged him back just as hard.

“I’m so happy to see you both, you have no idea,” he said with a warm smile as he set her back down, looking between his two best friends. “It’s been… Well, a lot has happened since I saw you guys last.”

“Well, that’s the understatement of the year. I mean, an assassination attempt?” Suki hissed quietly, swatting him on his arm with one of her golden fans that she had seemingly pulled from thin air. “Why didn’t you write to us right away? We would have been here weeks ago.”

He grimaced in pain, rubbing the sore area. “I’m sorry, Suks. There was kind of a lot going on, and I had to process everything-”

“Oh,” Toph nodded knowingly, drawing the sound out with a shit eating grin on her face. “You’re talking about your boyfriend, right?”

“What- How do you know about that?”

“I know everything, Snoozles, keep up.”

“Well,  _ I _ don’t,” Suki said pointedly, hooking one arm through Sokka’s, Toph quickly hooking her own through his other. “We need to catch up, so you know what that means.”

He looked sideways between them, knowing exactly what they had planned just from Suki’s grin and Toph’s borderline evil smirk. He huffed out a fond breath and asked, “Sparring?”

“Exactly,” his two best friends said in unison, and he smiled despite the dread the prospect of retelling the story of what had happened filled him with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you didn't really think i'd leave out our favorite kyoshi warrior and the greatest earthbender in the world, did you??????


	17. a trail to follow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo here we go, getting Sokka some therapyyyyyyy
> 
> Recommended listening:  
> 1\. Death By A Thousand Cuts - Taylor Swift  
> 2\. Dancing After Death (Stripped) - Matt Maeson  
> 3\. The Night We Met - Lord Huron (chapter title from here)  
> 4\. All I Want - Kodaline

As soon as they reached the training courtyard, Suki tossed him a pair of extra fans she had in her pocket, flicked open her own, and raised an eyebrow. 

“Alright, here’s what we’re going to do,” she said, dropping into a ready position. “Toph and I are going to take turns beating you up, and while we do, you’re going to tell us what exactly has happened to you these past few months. Ready?”

“Do I have to? I thought Katara told you what happened,” he sighed, though he knew it was futile- she and Toph would bully it out of him one way or another, but even if they wouldn’t, he could never say no to them. If they wanted to know what had happened, they were going to find out (he was sure that was part of why Katara asked them to come- sure, to cheer him up, but also because they would be able to weasel the truth out of him).

“You absolutely have to, Snoozles. And don’t forget, I’ll know if you’re lying,” Toph said, pointedly rocking on her now bare heels. 

He sighed, but at Suki’s expectant look, flicked open his fans and got into position. 

At the first hit of their forearms against each other, Sokka began to talk. He started at the very beginning when his dad broke the news to them, and continued on, barely leaving anything out. For the most part he was uninterrupted, their fight moving slow enough that he was able to keep his concentration on what he was saying while also standing a chance against Suki. She still knocked him down though, right when he was getting to Zuko not knowing about the fight between the Fire Nation and the Northern Water Tribe.

He groaned, looking up at Suki who had offered him her hand.

“You’ve gotten sloppy,” she scolded. “Remember, it’s not about strength, but using your opponent's force against them.”

“Yeah well, I’ve been doing a lot more sword fighting recently,” he grumbled as he let her haul him up. "I kinda had to use my strength to take on Zuko."

Toph snorted, getting up from the stool she’d bent out of the ground and walking over. “You were sword fighting with your  _ assassin? _ I don’t know if I’m more impressed that he was so bold or that you held your ground against him… Did you ever win?”

He frowned- he hadn’t even considered all the times Zuko had held a sword to his throat, but now that she said it… He shook the thought and sighed, “Yeah, I guess it was bold. And I did once, thank you very much.”

He very pointedly left out that it had been because Zuko was distracted by the letter he’d sent to his uncle.

“Good for you! I guess we did teach you something,” she cackled, before pulling small chunks up from the ground with a stomp. “Anyways, enough chit chat. It’s time to see if your rock dodging skills held up better than your fan skills.”

Without warning, tiny shards of stone were hurtling his way, and in between dodging them or hitting them out of the air, he continued his story. It continued on like that for a while longer, him doing his best to beat Toph and Suki while talking, until they eventually beat him and swapped places again. By the time he finished with waking up in the infirmary, Zuko nowhere to be found, nearly two hours had passed and he was exhausted. His voice was weak from talking, his muscles shook from exertion, and his entire body was lined with blossoming bruises from getting knocked to the ground repeatedly.

“Shit, Snoozles,” Toph said with a low whistle, collapsing onto her stool heavily. “Katara’s letter told us you’d been through it, but… I didn’t realize there was all of  _ that _ .”

He groaned from where he was still laying on the floor, letting the cold from the stones seep into him. “Yep. I fell in love with my assassin… Trust me to be the one to do that.”

“Surprisingly, I don’t think this is the craziest thing you’ve ever done,” Suki said, peering down at him with her hands on her hips. “Or the stupidest.”

“Thank you, Suki, that really helps me feel a whole lot better.”

“I’m just saying, there was that time on Kyoshi Island when you tried to get Mira to-”

“Okay,” he interrupted before she could continue, cheeks red with mortification as he recalled which incident she was referencing (it had involved the Unagi, a plank of wood that served as a surfboard, and a very pretty Kyoshi Warrior, and it ended with him nearly drowning, having to hide in the water while Katara got him another pair of clothes, and becoming the laughing stalk of all of Kyoshi Island.... Not a day he wanted to remember right now). “Can we not dive into my very embarrassing past to prove that I’m an idiot? I’m already aware of that. Besides, I thought you were here for moral support.”

“ _ I’m _ here to kick your ass and eat my weight in seal jerky. If you’re looking for moral support, it’s sure as hell not coming from me,” Toph said rather unhelpfully.

“Suki, you’re here for moral support and because you love me, right?”

She pretended to be deep in thought for a long moment before she shrugged. “I just came for a change in scenery, honestly. The rain on Kyoshi was getting a little annoying this year.”

He rolled his eyes and grumbled petulantly, “You both suck, and I’ll be filing a request for your replacements as soon as possible. ‘Prince Sokka of the Northern Water Tribe searching for new best friends,’ the poster will read. ‘Must be nice to him and not want to kick his ass.’”

But for all of his complaining, he was glad they were here. As he sank into their easy banter and their light hearted teasing, he was finally able to forget, for a moment, about Zuko. Even as he’d told them the story of what had happened, he hadn’t really been able to lose himself in the memories or focus on how he felt about all of it- he’d been too busy dodging rocks that Toph hurtled his way or trying to parry the strong blows from Suki’s fans with his own. It felt good to move like that again, too, after two months of hobbling around and having to limit activity to give his concussion time to heal. So this- the sparring and the accompanying exhaustion and soreness- was nice.

Suki apparently decided to take pity on him, though, and stopped her teasing of him in favor of sitting on the ground and pulling his head into her lap. As she pulled his hair out of its wolf tail and began running her fingers through it, she asked gently, “So… How are you feeling about things right now? I’d imagine it’s all sort of overwhelming.”

He sighed at the question and closed his eyes- he had known it was inevitable, but he still didn’t really want to answer it. He’d avoided talking about it for so long, other than when he’d accidentally snapped at Katara, that exposing what had been weighing on him so heavily was daunting. But Suki and Toph were his best friends, the fingers running through his hair were soothing, and he knew that he’d held things in long enough. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, then began speaking, surprised to find that once he started he couldn’t stop, and the words poured out of him as if he couldn’t say them fast enough. 

“I guess… Well, for one, I’m angry, because he lied to me- to everyone- for six months about who he is. He made us all trust him so that he was in position to assassinate me, but have no one suspect a thing. He talked about the horrible things his ancestors did, but he himself has killed innocent people. He’s no better than them, and yet he had the audacity to act as though he was? It just makes me so angry to think about some of the things he said to all of us, all the while he sat there with blood on his own hands. It just seems so hypocritical, I guess. But at the same time, I know he meant every word he said, and that this was never what he wanted. He never wanted to be just like his ancestors- he told me that from the very beginning, and I heard it again when he was fighting Zhao. 

I'm also upset that he left without even bothering to explain any of this himself. So much about his story is muddled and confusing, but since he’s not here, I can't get any answers. All I have are two pieces of paper and my memories, and it’s been torture these past few months going through them and trying to fill in the blanks. I just have so many questions for him. And I think I deserve to know everything, both as the near victim of an assassination and as a person who loved him, and it frustrates me that he just ran without leaving behind a better explanation.

So, on one hand I'm angry, and I want him here to explain things to me and answer for the things he’s done- even though I know he didn't want to, it doesn't change the fact that he's killed who knows how many people. But on the other hand, I can't be too angry he left because I understand why he ran; he was just  _ scared. _ He was scared of what we’d do to him, scared his father would come after him, scared that something might happen to me, scared that… That I would hate him. That's almost the most painful thing- that he was so scared and sure he couldn't trust us that he had to run away in the middle of the night.

And I'm just so _sad_ too, because it's felt like everything's been tainted by these memories of him that I can never escape. Whenever I say something, I can hear his response in my head. Whenever I look to my side, I expect him to be there. I have nightmares about what happened in the Spirit Oasis, and when I wake up he's the one I want to comfort me. When I walk into my room, I remember every conversation we had and laugh we shared, every silence we sat in and kiss we gave each other... It's like I'm being haunted by the memories of him."

He paused briefly to wipe at the tears that had somehow managed to slip out his eyes, before he continued, much more quietly, “ He lied to me about _why_ he was here, but I know with every bone in my body that he wasn’t faking anything else. I know that our friendship was real, the person I got know was real, and our feelings for each other were real. It was real, and good, and it made both of us happy. And now… He’s gone, that good thing is over, and I’m just… I’m heartbroken. I’m heartbroken, and I’m lonely, and I  _ miss him. _ He was one of my best friends, even after we started dating, and not having him here….It feels like a part of me is missing. I’m sad because at one point I had all of him, and now I have nothing. Because he’s gone, he has been for two months, and I’m still-“

He cut himself off, suddenly unable to finish his statement. He knew exactly what he was going to say- four words, just four little words that lingered there, ready to be spoken; that he was still in love with Zuko. They were heavy on his tongue and in his heart though, and he found he just… couldn’t say them, because they terrified him. 

The fact that he still felt that strongly for Zuko… Well, it was something he’d barely admitted to himself, much less to anyone else. He’d told Katara that morning about his nightmares, of course, and how he woke up reaching for Zuko sometimes, but he hadn’t actually mentioned that he still had feelings for him. He was sure she suspected, but her being suspicious of the fact was different than him actually saying it out loud and confirming that it was true. It was terrifying to even think about doing so, if he was honest.

Because it wasn’t just that he loved Zuko still, it was that he also forgave him for what had happened. When he’d woken up in the Spirit Oasis, he’d been terrified at first because he’d only been able to imagine Zuko was just trying to get Zhao out of the way to kill Sokka himself. But as the fight had raged on and he’d been able to process what they were saying more, he’d realized that wasn’t the case at all- Zuko was protecting him, trying to stop Zhao’s plan, and trying to stop being an assassin all at once. He knew, hearing and watching Zuko, that the goodness he’d seen in him ever since their conversation in the cave wasn’t misplaced- he had been a child who was somehow dragged into a cruel, cutthroat world, and had never wanted to do the things he’d been forced to do. It was impossible not to forgive him then. 

But he could only imagine that if people found out he felt that way, they wouldn’t see the Zuko he saw- they’d only see Zuko with blood stained hands, and think Sokka had lost his mind. 

“You’re still what, Sokka?” Toph asked gently. He hadn’t heard her move, but her voice came from right next to him instead of across the courtyard, so she must have come closer while he was ranting.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said thickly, wiping away his tears. 

“You’ve been keeping all of this locked up for way too long,” Suki chided. “It’s clearly been eating you up- I can tell and I just got here a few hours ago. Whatever it is, I promise you that it’s okay. You can tell us.”

He shook his head furiously and squeezed his eyes shut. “No. I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because why?” she pressed.

“Just because, Suki. Leave it alone,” he snapped.

“Sokka, please. We just want to help you make sense of it all, but if you keep holding it in-“

“No! I can’t tell you, because you’ll think differently of me!” he interrupted, more angry with himself than with Suki. “If I tell you the truth, that I’m still in love with Zuko even after everything that he’s done and after he left me with nothing more than two scraps of paper and some shitty explanations, you’ll think differently of me, and I can’t deal with that on top of everything else!”

It took him a moment to realize that in his outburst, he’d accidentally said what he’d been trying to keep secret, and that Suki’s hands had stilled in his hair. Without opening his eyes, he sat up and turned his back to his friends, unwilling to see their disappointed expressions. Their silence was just as bad though, so thick he was drowning in it, and it took every ounce of will he had not to just run away from the situation.

“Oh, Sokka… It’s okay,” Suki said finally, voice torturously gentle. 

He knew the tone was meant to soothe him, but instead it just made him more upset, because he didn’t get it. She should be disgusted by him, or furious, or yelling at him for being so foolish, not  _ gentle _ . He snapped, “Aren’t you angry?” 

“Why would we be angry with you?” Toph asked, bewildered.

“Because I’m… I love the person who was supposed to assassinate me. He’s a killer and a criminal and a- just a  _ bad person _ , and I have feelings for him.”

Toph placed a hand on his shoulder, as if coaxing him to turn around. “Do you honestly believe that about him?” 

_ No. _

“Yes. Of course I do,” he insisted quickly. 

Perhaps too quickly, though, because it sounded flat and hollow even to his own ears. It occurred to him that Toph could tell he was lying anyways, so he sighed deeply and turned around to face them. Suki, her gaze open and inviting, and Toph, her face pinched in thought, stared back at him. 

“No,” he confessed quietly. “I don’t think so. Maybe I should, but…”

“But that’s not the Zuko you knew,” Suki finished for him quietly.

He nodded, a tear slipping out of his eye once again. This one, he didn’t wipe away. “No. It’s not. I can’t see him that way, even though I… I watched him kill someone right in front of me. I have it in his writing that he was here to assassinate me. But it just doesn’t make  _ sense _ .” 

He paused, wringing his hands in his lap, thinking of a teary eyed Zuko who held him close and whispered to him the story of a thirteen year old boy who stood up in a meeting he wasn’t supposed to speak in to argue against sending troops to the Southern Water Tribe; the same way he’d spoken out against Zhao in the Spirit Oasis. 

“The Zuko I knew was awkward at first. I didn’t like him, and I didn’t want to. But as we spent more time together and I got to know him in spite of not wanting too, I realized he was kind and compassionate. He cared about people and their happiness, and he was funny, and when he smiled at me it felt as though I were the only person in the world. In the end, I couldn’t have helped falling for him, even if I had tried. And I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to love anyone else the way I love him.”

Toph, surprisingly, was the one to take his hand this time in an effort to try and comfort him. 

“Listen Snoozles, you know that I’m not the one to give advice about relationships. My way to show affection to my friends is to punch them, and I have no reference to know what it’s like to love another person the way you did- the way you still do. What I  _ do _ know, though, is that it seems like you have a lot of questions. There’s things you don’t know and that you’re still confused about, and it’s clearly driving you crazy. You like having answers, that’s just who you are. So... If there’s only one person who can give them to you, then maybe you should go find him. Maybe it’ll clear up all that confusion and anger and sadness you’re feeling, too,” she finished with a shrug, as if what she had said hadn’t just completely turned Sokka’s world on its axis.

He didn’t respond immediately, instead sitting in silence as his thoughts churned and heart raced. It hadn’t even occurred to him that might be an option, but now that it was before him he could think of no other solution; Zuko was genuinely the one person who could help him with this mess of feelings and confusion tearing its way through his heart and head. The longer he thought about it, too, he could find no reason not to try to find him. Except for-

“He didn’t tell me where he was going, though. He just ran away in the middle of the night.”

“You spent a lot of time with him, though,” Suki pointed out. “Was there anywhere he ever mentioned that he might go? Somewhere that he felt safe, or where his father wouldn’t think to look for him?”

Had he? He hadn't talked much about home in the Fire Nation, other than when he was drawing comparisons between their two culture’s. But it had never been anything personal- Sokka had thought it was because he just didn’t want to share, but now he realized it probably had to do with the fact that if he wasn’t going to meetings and on diplomatic missions on behalf of his father, he was probably training or doing other assassin-y things. 

He’d mentioned his friends Mai and Ty Lee, but they were in the Fire Nation and Zuko had said he was going far away from there, so he doubted he was with them. And his sister… Well, Sokka could only assume that if Zuko was an assassin, then she was too, and was definitely the last person he’d go to (and suddenly, now that he thought about it, Azula being described as a prodigy and his father’s golden child had much grimmer undertones). 

The only other person he could think of Zuko mentioning was-

“His uncle,” he breathed out, sitting upright with a sudden burst of excitement. It was so obvious now that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before, so he quickly explained, “His uncle left the Fire Nation when Zuko was thirteen, but he said that he wrote him saying that if he ever needed him, he could write to him in Ba Sing Se. He sent him a letter a little bit before Zhao came, and when he got a response from his uncle it was like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He must have written to him about what he was supposed to do, and his uncle must have told Zuko not to do it! That’s where he’s got to be. I… I need to go to Ba Sing Se.”

He knew he was making a lot of jumps that probably didn’t make sense to Toph or Suki, but he couldn’t slow down and explain how he knew that Zuko’s happiness when he showed up at his door that evening hadn’t just been because his uncle had responded.

They didn’t seem off-put though, if the punch Toph placed on his arm and Suki’s smile were any indication.

“Better start packing than, Snoozles,” Toph said with a cocky grin.

He beamed, hope blossoming inside his chest for the first time in months- he knew where Zuko was, and he was going to find him and get the answers he wanted. 

_ He was going to see the man he loved again. _

◇◈◇

He found his dad that evening coming out of the meeting room, after he’d spent the rest of the day with Suki and Toph (most of which was filled by taking them into the heart of the city to get Toph the supply of seal jerky she demanded and Suki her favorite bowl of kelp noodles). He was wrapped up in conversation with Hahn, arms full of scrolls and maps, but when he saw Sokka waiting against the wall he excused himself immediately.

“Hey kid,” he grinned. “What did you think of your surprise? It must be nice to see Suki and Toph again.”

He smiled, falling into step with him as he headed towards his office up on the second floor. “I didn’t expect to see them until the next trade summit, so yeah, it was really nice. We sparred and then went into the city, so we had a fun day… It was sweet of Katara to do that for me. Don’t tell her I said that though,” he added, shooting a glance towards him. “She’ll never let me live it down.”

His dad laughed. “I won’t. And I’m glad you three had fun. I have to say, though, I thought you’d be attached at the hip. Is everything okay?”

“I uh… Well, there’s actually something I want to talk to you about.”

His smile slipped into a concerned frown, but he just nodded. “Okay. That was my last meeting, so we’ve got time until dinner. Let’s just drop these off, then we can go to our spot?”

Sokka smiled in relief. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

Their spot was a hidden plaza on the west side of the city, hidden away between shops and homes. It wasn’t really anything special- just a simple square with some benches around a fountain, lanterns strung between the walls on the buildings- but it had always been their spot. They used it mostly as a quiet place to be alone and take a break from the palace for a while, and Sokka felt himself relax as soon as they sat down and he took a deep breath of the cool evening air.

“Alright, what’s bugging you, Sokka?” his dad asked after a moment.

Suddenly, he didn’t know where to begin- with how he felt? With what he wanted to do? With something else? “Uh… Well, it’s about Zuko,” he decided on, “and what happened.”

“Zuko,” his dad sighed sadly, placing his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry about everything that happened, Sokka. I know I’ve apologized already, and that you’ve said it’s not my fault, but I can’t help but feel responsible. I love you more than anything; you and your sister are my whole world, and if I’d lost you… Well, I can’t help but think that if I hadn’t been so eager to make amends, maybe I could have prevented this-”

“Dad,” he interrupted firmly. “It’s not your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault except Ozai’s, and you can’t take the blame when all you wanted was to make the world a little better.”

“I thought I was supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around,” he said, the barest hint of teasing in his words. “But I appreciate it. I have to ask though, what about Zuko? Isn’t he to blame too?”

He looked down at his hands. “I don’t know. I have so many questions that I still don’t have the answers to, and I can’t say that he is or isn’t to blame without them. If I’m honest, though, I don’t… I don’t think so. I think there’s more going on with all of this than we could imagine.” He paused. “I want to talk to him. I  _ need _ to. To figure out what happened to lead to this becoming his life, beyond what he wrote about in his letters, to ask if he knows what his father might do now, to ask if he really meant he wants to stop being an assassin, and to… to figure out my feelings about him.”

“Your feelings?”

“I still love him, Dad. I’ve been terrified to say it, but it’s true. I still love him, and I miss him, and I just want to  _ talk _ to him. I’m so confused, and he’s the only one who can help me make sense of… All of it.”

His dad seemed surprised, though it was more sad than angry. “Spirits, Sokka, have you been holding this in all this time? Why haven’t you talked to any of us?”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t ready to until now, I guess. I don’t know, it’s been a lot to process and come to terms with. And I know how it sounds, me still loving him even after what happened. It’s...” He trailed off but his dad was silent, and Sokka couldn’t help the spike of fear at the thought that he might be disappointed or disgusted by him. The silence seemed to stretch on forever, and when he finally quietly put words to the question he’d been asking himself for two months, they hung heavy in the air. “Do you think the fact that I still feel that way about him makes me a bad person?”

“No, Sokka. I don’t think it does,” his dad answered just as quietly. “You’re a good judge of character- you always have been, and it’s part of what makes you a good leader. If you think that someone is worth loving or worth giving a chance, or even the opposite, you’re usually right about it.”

“But I didn’t think Zuko was worth giving a chance. I was only going along with it because I didn’t want to let you and the tribe down. I was wrong then- who’s to say I won’t be wrong now?”

“If you didn’t think he was worth giving a chance, you never would have become friends at all,” he countered. “You hated him when he first got here- everyone knew it. But something happened as you spent more time with him that made you decide he was worth it, maybe even before you realized that it had happened. You saw something in him, something good that was worth loving.”

Sokka sat in quiet contemplation, tossing over his dad’s words. He supposed… Well, it made sense. He’d always counted the hunting trip as the thing that had changed their relationship, but if he really thought about it and what his dad said, he began to suspect it was actually that day when they’d talked about the war- when Zuko had looked him straight in the eyes and apologized, and he’d seen a ferocity and gravity in those burning golden eyes. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” his dad chuckled, knocking their elbows together. “So you say there’s something good in him, something that makes you love him even now, then I trust you. And if you want to go find him, Sokka, you should. But he didn’t tell you where he was going, did he? I mean, how will you find him?”

“Ba Sing Se.” His dad simply stared at him in stunned silence, so he said again, “He’s in Ba Sing Se. I didn’t put it together until Suki and Toph got here, but that’s where he is. I’m sure of it.”

His dad kept looking at him with that same shocked expression, though it soon turned to a loud, barking laugh. “I’m sorry,” he said through the shaking of his shoulders. “It’s just… You’re so smart. The brain you have in that head of yours will never fail to amaze me. I should’ve known you’d figure it out somehow.”

He shrugged, blushing slightly at his father’s compliment. “It wasn’t that hard… I just had to think about the Zuko I know, and not the assassin. He practically told me where he was, before he ever even left.” They were quiet for another spell, until Sokka had a thought. “Dad, what if I see him and realize… What if I realize that I don’t actually feel that way anymore? What if I see him and realize that he isn’t the person I thought he was?”

“Then you come home,” he said easily as he pulled him a side hug that Sokka melted into. “You come home, and we move forward. And if you see him and he is the person you think he is, someone you still love and want to be with, then you come home, and you bring him with you, okay? I trust your judgement of him, so whatever you need to do, you do. It’s your decision.”

The suggestion of just coming home and leaving this all behind him hadn’t even occurred to him, but the fact that his dad said it was something he was able to do- that  _ whatever _ he needed to do he could- allowed the rest of the tension to leave his body and the last dredges of doubt to evaporate. 

“Yeah, okay. Either way, I come home.”

“Exactly.” A long silence, until, “I’m proud of you, you know that?”

“You’re the second person to say that today,” Sokka chuckled. “You better be careful or I’ll get a big head.”

“Hm. Well, you already have one of those… A few nice words from your old man won’t make that big of a difference.”

“Thanks, Dad,” he said genuinely after laughing for a moment. “For trusting me, and for being here. I love you.”

He pressed a hard kiss to his hair, squeezing his shoulder. “I love you too, Sokka. And I promise, I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what you decide.”

Sokka didn’t know what he’d do when he saw Zuko- if he’d take one look and he’d be whole again, or if he’d hear what he had to say and hate him forever- but at his father’s reassurance, another flower of hope bloomed to life in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe there's only one chapter left yall... i can tell you now though that the last chapter is a chonkster, so don't worry. we'll get to that happy ending tag, i promise <3


	18. try again and again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.... the last chapter :(
> 
> It's a long one, but I'm incredibly happy with how it turned out, so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also! Because it's the last chapter, [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7EHWpj86K0kIevevaVoZW1?si=uXARkUkVQo60hrnPHHX6Ew) is the full spotify playlist!!!
> 
> Recommended listening (please listen before/during/after this chapter I am begging you):  
> 1\. Guess I'm Doing Fine - Beck  
> 2\. The Good Side - Troye Sivan  
> 3\. Gene Kelly - Sammy Copley  
> 4\. coney island - Taylor Swift and The National  
> 5\. Pink in the Night - Mitski (chapter title from here)  
> 6\. Shrike - Hozier  
> (bonus song for post rotwom vibes: long story short - Taylor Swift)

Reaching Ba Sing Se was easy- the boat out of Agna Qel’a took him halfway there itself, travelling along the Eastern coast of the Earth Kingdom until it reached Shanlun Village, a small fishing village at the base of the mountains that separated the Northern Air Temple and the city. From there he was able to purchase passage on another trading vessel, which continued its way around the coast until it reached the river that led right to the grand Outer Wall. An hour later, after hopping on the railway that ran through the agrarian zone, he passed through the Inner Wall and entered Ba Sing Se. 

It wasn’t his first time in the city, considering he’d been sent there by Zhao on missions as well as by his father to represent him during negotiations and summits, but as he stepped off of the train and into the Upper Rin a while later, he felt as though it might as well have been. Those previous trips, he’d either arrived on airship and gone straight to the palace, where he remained the rest of his visit, or entered the city in the dead of night when the streets were empty and silent, clinging to the top of the train to remain hidden. Now, in the middle of the day, it was a completely different world.

The spacious streets formed a winding labyrinth that he quickly found himself lost in, packed in amongst the crowds of people who were out running errands or traveling home after work. For the most part, they all kept their heads down as they pushed through each other, minding their own business and making their way through the mess. There were people here and there who recognized each other and called out a greeting, those who were bartering over prices and products, and the sounds of conversation between the groups he passed, but for the most part it lacked the lively greetings and joyful laughter of Agna Qel’a. The danger, he supposed, of a city with hundreds of thousands people living in it; not everyone knew each other, and so the easy camaraderie that filled the Northern Water Tribe was muted. He hadn’t realized he’d gotten so used to it, but as he found himself quickly becoming lost, it felt too quiet and he found himself longing for icy buildings and familiar snowy streets.

He was struck by the thought, the full force of how much he missed it already like a stab in his heart. It made his heart clench painfully and he stopped, hardly even caring that he was in the middle of the street, that people were cursing at him as they had to go around them, that he was being jostled side to side by their elbows and shoulders and parcels. All he cared about was that he missed Sokka and Agna Qel’a with a fierceness unfamiliar to him, that Sokka had been hurt because Zuko wasn’t there to protect him sooner, and that instead of being with him there, making sure he was safe, Zuko was in Ba Sing Se like a coward, too scared to face him after what happened in the Spirit Oasis.

When he blinked, he realized his vision had gone blurry with tears, and brought the heels of his hands up to rub at his eyes roughly. 

It didn’t matter. What was done was done; he was lost in Ba Sing Se, Sokka was safe in Agna Qel’a, and it was better off that way.

He put his head down, pulled his trunk close to himself, and pushed through the streets just like everyone else as he searched for the address imprinted in his mind.

◇◈◇

It was a nice building, he thought as he took in the tea shop. It was painted a deep green color that looked almost black in the darkness of the evening, with a thatched roof and pale yellow beams framing it. A sign hung from the edge of the roof, a simple plank of wood with a green dragon and the name of the shop in gold font painted on it. Light streamed out of the windows, though it was late enough that it was certainly closed, and Zuko thought briefly about leaving. 

Just walking away now, before his uncle ever had to know he was here, before he ever had to sit down and tell him what had happened these past seven years, before he ever had to look his uncle in the face and admit to what he’d done, before he ever had to relive the past six months-

“I’m sorry,” a man’s voice called out from the now open door of the tea shop, light spilling out of it and casting a long shadow in Zuko’s direction. “I’m afraid we’re closed. You’ll have to come back tomorrow for any tea.”

His uncle’s voice had changed in the seven years since they’d seen each other, becoming gravelly and showing his age a little more, but he would still recognize it anywhere, and the warm, familiar tone of it brought tears to his eyes. He dipped his head toward the ground slightly, overwhelmed, and called back, “I’m not here for the tea.”

“Then what are you-” Zuko lifted his head and stepped forward into the light, and his uncle’s words died in his throat, his eyes filling with tears and a smile breaking across his face as he whispered, “Oh.”

“Hello, Uncle.” 

“Zuko- Is that really you?” he gasped, moving towards him quickly, hands outstretched as if he might disappear at any moment.

His hair was a little more grey and his belly a little more round than Zuko remembered, and he was wearing vibrant green robes rather than deep red armor, but it was still very obviously Uncle Iroh.

The ache in Zuko’s heart was soothed ever so slightly by the fact that although so much in his life had changed, his uncle seemed the same. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “Yeah, it’s me. I know I’m here without warning, but you said I could write if I needed you, and I was hoping that extended to me coming here. Something happened, and I have… I have nowhere else to go-”

Without warning, his uncle pulled him into a hug, tight and warm and familiar, and he immediately stopped talking and sank into the embrace- more comforted by it than he could even begin to put into words.

“Of course it extends to you coming here, Zuko,” he murmured. “My door is always open for you, whether you have nowhere else or not.” They were silent for a long while, until he sighed and squeezed Zuko just a little tighter. “I’ve missed you, nephew.”

“I’ve missed you too, Uncle,” he whispered back. “I really, really have.” 

“I hope you’ll forgive me for fretting so shortly after you arrived, but you seem tired. Please, come in. I’ll make you a cup of tea and you can tell me what has happened to lead you here, so sad and weary.”

Zuko nodded. “Yeah. I would… I would like that.”

They walked inside the shop and he sank into one of the chairs, looking around at the comfortable shop his uncle owned that was decorated with shades of green and gold everywhere he looked. His uncle joined him a moment later with two cups of steaming tea and sat across from him, eyes raking across his face as though making sure he was actually here, and Zuko began to speak.

He told his uncle everything that had happened since he had been sent to the Northern Water Tribe- how Sokka had hated him at first, until Zuko saved him from the leopard and they were able to become friends, how Zuko had fallen in love with him… He faltered ever so slightly there, not sure how his uncle would respond to finding out about his preference for men, but he had squeezed Zuko’s hand with a supportive smile, and he knew that he didn’t care- not like his father would. It gave him the courage to keep going, glazing over dating Sokka other than to talk about his nightmares and his decision to write to him, until he finally reached when he stabbed his swords through Zhao’s chest and ran away. 

By the time he finished, his throat was raw, tears were tracking down his face, his tea had gone cold, and he had nothing left to give except a heavy sigh and a weak, “Am I a horrible person, Uncle? Can you ever forgive me for the things I’ve done?”

“Oh Zuko… No, I don’t think you are a horrible person. A horrible person wouldn’t have begun to question if what they were doing was wrong, or thrown themselves in harm's way for someone they barely knew, or do everything they could to protect them when their life was in danger. They  _ certainly _ wouldn’t be talking to an old man asking these questions, either. So no, I don’t think you’re a bad person at all. You are a good person, you were just forced to do bad things. And of course I forgive you, Zuko. I know you, and I know that this is not the life you ever wished for yourself. When I left you, it wasn’t because I was angry with you- I was just scared that if you went down this path,you’d lose your way. But now you are here with me, wanting to be better and choosing your own path… That is worth all the forgiveness in the world. Now, you just need to forgive yourself, nephew.”

Zuko didn’t know if he’d ever be able to forgive himself for lying to Sokka or for the fact that he had gotten hurt. No matter how hard he tried, he didn’t think he’d ever forget the look on Sokka’s face when Zuko had stepped up to release his chains, and he would never forgive himself for being the person to cause it. And he couldn’t understand how his uncle was so quick to forgive him, even after he’d just admitted to all the blood on his hands; it seemed too good to be true. 

Instead of saying that, though, he asked quietly, “But what if I just did that stuff because I loved him, not because I actually thought it was wrong?”

His uncle hummed. “There is an old proverb I know; ‘The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.’ I imagine it is referring to old people like myself who want to start doing new things before they run out of time, but I think there’s something to it that you might connect to.”

Zuko was quiet, tossing the words over in his head. He thought he understood- the best time to start doing what was right would have been when he was growing up. But he didn’t get that, and so for seven years he did awful things as a weapon of the Fire Nation. Now though… He had a chance. Regardless of what his motivation for saving Sokka was, here in his uncle’s tea shop, he had a chance to start over- to plant a new tree, as it were, and be a good person and do what was right. 

“Can I stay here for a while, Uncle? With you?” he asked after a long silence.

Uncle Iroh took his hand in his gently and murmured, “Yes, Zuko, of course you can. You can stay here as long as you like. Why don’t you get some rest now, though, and then we can talk some more tomorrow?”

He sighed in relief, and sank in the chair, suddenly exhausted. “Yeah, we can talk tomorrow.”

The ache in his heart was still there, a gnawing pain where the person who completed him was missing, but he thought, looking at his uncle's smile as he led him up to the apartment above the shop, that maybe it would be okay. 

Not now, and not for a while, but eventually.

◇◈◇

For the first week of his new life in Ba Sing Se, he didn’t do very much; he slept, woke up to have breakfast with Uncle Iroh, and then spent the rest of the day moping around the apartment missing Sokka and wallowing in guilt. Eventually, though, his uncle’s worry got the best of him and he put Zuko to work in the tea shop as a server. 

He hadn’t expected to enjoy it, but he did; the atmosphere of the shop was calm and gentle, the people that came into the shop were nice (at least for the most part- there were always those customers who insisted they’d been served the wrong type of tea even though they’d clearly said oolong instead of ginseng, or that it was too cold or too hot or whatever other complaint they could possibly find), and the regulars quickly latched onto Mushi’s nephew ‘Lee’, who had moved to the city to work with his uncle for a little bit.

_ (His uncle explained that the disguise was a way to avoid his father from catching wind of where he was, and Zuko quickly agreed that having an alias was a good idea. The last thing he wanted was for word to get back to his father that there was a Zuko in Ba Sing Se, because it wouldn’t take him long to figure out that it was his traitorous son.) _

If he wasn’t working, he was out in the city running errands for Uncle Iroh, getting whatever they needed for the tea shop or for dinner that night and other simple tasks like that. In the evenings they closed the shop together, then went up and cooked their dinner, played pai sho- even though Zuko was absolutely terrible at it, no matter how hard Uncle Iroh tried to teach him- and found other, simple ways to fill their time. 

It had been a little awkward at first, since Zuko still felt guilty for the way he had treated his uncle after he was burned and his uncle felt guilty for leaving at all, but after several nights of long conversations about the years between then and now, they settled back into the easy relationship they’d had when Zuko was a child. 

It was just… Nice, he thought, to have a daily routine, and working all day or spending time with his uncle kept him from constantly taunting himself with thoughts of what had happened or remembering how badly he missed Sokka, Katara, and Aang.

It was always there, of course, lingering in the back of his mind and behind his forced smiles, and he felt as though he’d left half of his heart back in Agna Qel’a, but the work at least made it easier to set aside.

It hit him hard sometimes, a deep sadness that snaked its way around his heart and squeezed it tight. Like when he was walking in the marketplace and saw something funny, so he turned to his left to point it out to Aang, only to remember that he was alone. Or when he craved a warm hug and a stupid joke, so he turned to Sokka, only to remember that he wasn’t there. Or when he had finished working and he went to go tell Katara about something that had happened during his shift, only to remember that wasn’t an option anymore. 

The worst time was always at night, long after Uncle Iroh had gone to bed and he was alone with his thoughts, deafening in the silence of the apartment. His sorrow, loneliness, and guilt pressed heavy on his heart and lingered persistently in his mind, right alongside the fierce longing in his bones for the boy he still loved, all determined to keep him from falling asleep. 

Really, if it weren’t for the fact that he knew his uncle would be able to tell immediately and then be concerned for the rest of the day, Zuko would have given up on sleep altogether, because it was torture. 

He’d close his eyes, and he could see Sokka’s smile. 

He’d roll on to his side, and he could feel the brush of Sokka’s lips against his forehead. 

He’d pull his blanket over his head, and he could feel Sokka’s hand in his. 

He’d drift off to sleep, and it was with the sound of Sokka’s laughter ringing in his ears.

And even once he was asleep, he wasn’t free from memories.

He’d dream of an empty room, of a bloody trail that led him to the Spirit Oasis. 

He’d dream of green grass stained red with blood, of Zhao’s mocking laughter, of finding Sokka chained to the post- only this time he wasn’t breathing. 

He’d dream of his swords finding a home in Zhao’s heart, except when he looked up it wasn’t Zhao he’d stabbed, but Sokka. 

And every night, he’d wake in a cold sweat, hand reaching out for someone who wasn’t there.

He was never able to fall back asleep right after his nightmares, so he had taken to taking long midnight walks. He’d slip on his black trousers and shirt, sling his swords across his back just in case, sneak out to the rooftop, and pick a random direction to travel in. And as he leapt from rooftop to rooftop in the silence of the night, he let his thoughts drift to where he tried never to let them during the day- to Sokka and the people who had become his family in Agna Qel’a, a mess of questions about them tumbling around his head.

Did they hate him? Were they planning something against his father? Were they safe? Did Sokka miss him, and wonder those same things about him? Did Sokka wake up in the middle of the night like he did, plagued by nightmares of fire and blood?  _ Did Sokka still love him the way Zuko did? _

It was usually by that point that he had to stop, the tears streaming down his face blurring his vision so badly that he couldn’t have found the next building even if he tried. He’d sit down on whatever rooftop he found himself on, and let his mind wander as he cried. 

He usually found himself thinking more about Sokka, of course, and how this was the exact reason he’d been so afraid of becoming friends with him, and later falling for him; because he had gotten too attached too quickly, had _ known _ it was a bad idea to let himself take that leap, but he’d taken it anyways, and now he just felt broken. He loved him so deeply, with everything he had, that every moment without him hurt, and everything within him longed for him. His lips ached for his kiss, his hands longed for his touch, his arms begged for his embrace, and his legs burned for him to begin walking and not stop until he was back at Sokka’s side. 

Resisting was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. 

And he hated himself for feeling that way, too, because it wasn’t fair of him to long for Sokka so fiercely. Not only was he the one to leave, but all things considered, things didn’t go too badly for him. He got to love Sokka and become a better person because of it, he didn’t have to find out the man he loved was an assassin who lied to him for six months, he wasn’t the one who was nearly killed, and he wasn’t the one whose boyfriend left forever in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. 

Wishing that he could be by Sokka’s side still was selfish, and he reminded himself, over and over again, that it was better this way. 

Up on the rooftops thinking about all of it, he let himself cry himself hoarse, until he had nothing left except the knowledge that this was all his fault. Then he picked himself up, made his way back to the apartment, and forced himself into a fitful sleep that was plagued by blue eyes.

And when the first of Agni’s rays woke him up the next morning, he did it all again, a forced smile on his lips to hide the fact that his heart was breaking a little more with every day that passed. 

◇◈◇

The weekends were, easily, the hardest days to work. Even with Uncle Iroh and Zuko, plus two of his other employees- usually Jin and Quyen, students at Ba Sing Se University- working, they spent most of the day rushing around trying to accommodate the large numbers of people the Jasmine Dragon’s tea drew. 

Today was no different, and Zuko felt dead on his feet by the time the flow of customers coming in slowed down as the sun began dipping below the horizon. He had his back to the door, making a peking duck and cucumber sandwich for one of their late customers, so he didn’t see when another straggler came in.

He did see, however, his uncle sidle up to him. “Nephew, a new customer just came in. I know you are tired, but would you mind going to them? The table closest to the door. I can finish making this sandwich for you.”

He set the knife down and took the notepad from Uncle Iroh with a smile- he knew in his old age that being on his feet all day was hard, even if he wouldn’t admit it, so he was happy to give him a break. “Of course.”

It didn’t stop him, however, from dragging his feet slightly as he walked over to the table, or keeping his head fixed tiredly on the notepad as he greeted, “Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, I’ll be your server, Lee. What can I get you?”

“I’ll admit, I’m not the most familiar with tea,” a voice that made Zuko freeze- a voice that he’d never expected to hear again- said. “I had this boyfriend once, though, who was. Maybe you could get me his favorite? I’m sure you’re familiar with it…  _ ‘Lee.’” _

Slowly, as if any sudden movement might break the moment, Zuko brought the notepad to his sides, heart jumping into his throat when he saw soft brown leather boots pulled over dark blue trousers.

He lifted his head hesitantly, barely able to believe this was happening, and each new thing he saw made his heart pound harder, his blood roar in his ears louder, his palms sweat a little more.

A hand resting lightly on one knee, covered by dark blue three-fingered gloves. 

A forearm, wrapped in soft white ribbon.

A light blue tunic with fur trim, a familiar pattern of crescent moons and waves embroidered into it.

A white belt resting at the waist, a silver moon shaped clasp in the center. 

A second hand, this one resting on the table, fingers drumming against it idly. 

A hesitant smile, as if the owner wasn’t sure if it would be a welcome sight, or as if they weren’t sure they  _ wanted  _ to be smiling at him.

Blue eyes, fixed on his own face, that gazing into was like coming home.

“Sokka,” he breathed, relief and happiness creeping into his voice right alongside apprehension and confusion.

“Zuko,” he said quietly, seemingly aware of the fact that if he was going by an alias in the tea shop, then it was for a reason. 

Hearing his name tumble from Sokka’s mouth after so long, however quiet it was and despite the fact that he couldn’t really tell  _ how _ Sokka felt, was enough to bring tears to his eyes, and he laughed once, overjoyed. “What are you doing here?” 

“I want to talk to you. Is there somewhere we could go to do that? Somewhere more private?”

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected- some sort of dramatic love confession, maybe- but it hadn’t been that, so his words made his heart shatter and brought reality crashing down around him again. He automatically felt foolish for his reaction, though, because of course that wasn’t why Sokka was here; the last time they’d seen each other, Zuko had been surrounded by smoke and fire and blood, in the middle of admitting to being an assassin. Of  _ course _ Sokka wanted to talk, so that he could yell at Zuko for everything that his being an assassin put him through and express how horrified he was to have ever thought he loved him- 

Zuko swallowed painfully, but squared his shoulders in determination. If Sokka wanted to yell at him, then it’s what he deserved, considering all he had been through in the past few months.

“Right. Of course we can talk somewhere private. We close soon, but maybe my uncle will-”

“You should go, nephew,” Uncle Iroh said, suddenly right next to him. “I’m sure Jin, Quyen, and I can handle closing up after the last stragglers of the evening. Besides, I can’t say no if a prince wants to take my nephew away.”

Zuko went to scold him for identifying Sokka as royalty so loudly, but then realized there wasn’t really any use- the shop was practically empty since Jin and Quyen were in the back, and the only other customer was across the room reading a scroll intently, paying them no attention. He sighed. 

“You knew it was him when you sent me over, didn’t you?” he asked his uncle as he placed the notepad and his apron into the man’s awaiting palms.

“I didn’t know for sure, but… I had my suspicions, considering all the blue and the moons. That and the fact that he was staring at you quite intently,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

Sokka blushed a deep scarlet color, and Zuko hissed, “Uncle,  _ please.” _

He just laughed and pat Zuko on the back. “I’ll see you later, nephew.”

They left the shop side by side, an awkward space between them that hadn’t been there since Zuko first arrived in Agni Qel’a, and he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He decided, quickly, that this was very much a conversation he needed to be someplace calm for, so he started leading them to a secluded park he’d found during his first midnight walk. 

They walked in loaded silence that was heavy and oppressive, and made his skin prickle uncomfortably; Sokka was hardly ever quiet like this, instead preferring to go off on long tangents about whatever came to mind. If he was being this quiet, it must be because he was trying to find the words to tell Zuko how much he hated him now that he knew the truth. He tried to focus on his breathing and brace himself for Sokka’s inevitable outburst, but his mind wouldn’t stop imagining all the different things he might say to him- all variations of calling him an awful person or saying that he hated him or he couldn’t believe he’d ever cared for a monster like him-

“So, how-” he began, desperate to break the silence and give his thoughts a rest.

At the same time though, Sokka started to ask, “How could-”

They glanced at each other, laughing awkwardly, and Sokka waved at him to continue. “What were you going to say?”

“Uh, I was just going to ask... How are you? I mean with your injuries and stuff. You’re okay, right?” 

“Oh,” he blinked, as if surprised Zuko was asking. “I’m fine. The concussion healed pretty quickly, and I got my cast off just a few days ago, so… I’m all good.”

He blinked. If Sokka had just gotten his cast off… He must have come to Ba Sing Se practically right after, since the voyage between the cities took two days. Unless- “Did you come alone?”

“No, no. I flew over with Aang and Katara, on Appa. Suki and Toph came with us too, sort of as security, I guess. They went to the palace, though, to see King Kuei on behalf of my father regarding…” He faltered and looked at him sideways. “Well, about dethroning your-”

“Ozai,” he finished for him, sighing in relief that they were already acting- the sooner he was off the throne, the sooner Sokka would be safe. “Do you have a plan?”

He shrugged. “Sort of? There’s a lot riding on it, like Avatar Dinh’s involvement, the Air Nomads, the Southern Water Tribe, the Earth Kingdom, the Fire Sages… It might be awhile before we can go through with it, since we’re trying to avoid a coup or an unfounded removal from power. But so far the plan is a trial, on the grounds of crimes against humanity, treason, aggression, and whatever else we can stick on him really. Avatar Dinh would head it and several representatives from each nation would serve as jurors. Optimistically, he’ll be convicted and a new leader for the Fire Nation can be selected... How that’ll work is still up in the air, though.”

The fact that Zuko was next in line and should technically take the throne went unspoken, which he was grateful for- he wasn’t quite sure he deserved it or wanted it, and it was the last thing he wanted to think about right now.

Instead, he couldn’t but smile at the fact that Sokka still had that gleam in his eye as he rambled, the one that showed this was a topic he cared about deeply. It was nice and familiar to see, and for a moment he forgot that was his father Sokka was talking about removing from power. For a moment, he forgot Sokka was just here about the attempt on his life. 

He realized with that thought that they’d gotten sidetracked, and cleared his throat. “That’s a good plan… I’m glad you’re already taking action against him. And before, when you were going to ask me something, what was it?"

He didn’t really want to know, but Sokka deserved to say whatever he needed to after everything- it was the least Zuko owed him.

“How could you...” he trailed off, a furrow between his brows, and Zuko winced.

He didn’t know what exactly Sokka was going to ask, but it wasn’t hard to think of possibilities. How could he let himself become an assassin, or date Sokka while knowing what his orders were, or keep the truth from them for so long, or let Zhao lure him to the Spirit Oasis, or burn him when he broke his chains- 

“How could you leave me?” Sokka interrupted his racing thoughts.

“I-” Zuko faltered, because out of every question he’d been preparing himself to answer, that wasn’t one. “What?”

“How could you leave me after everything, and with not even a goodbye, but just a letter?” Sokka’s voice was laced with betrayal and anger. “I mean, I had just found out you’ve been an assassin since you were twelve but you were breaking orders because of me, my leg was broken,  _ and _ I had a concussion, and you just left? Not just left, really, because that implies you let us know where you were going… You  _ disappeared _ in the middle of the night with nothing more than two pieces of parchment to explain what had happened?”

Zuko blinked at him in dull surprise, hardly able to believe that Sokka was here not because he was angry he was an assassin, but because he was angry that he ran away.

“I thought it would be easier for you that way,” he said numbly.

“You thought it would be easier for me if my boyfriend vanished when I was injured, right after finding out a world leader wanted me dead? And that said boyfriend’s life was also in danger because he didn’t follow orders?” Sokka asked with an unimpressed quirk of his eyebrows.

They arrived at the park as he spoke, a small grassy plaza covered in cherry blossoms that dropped their pink leaves into a small koi pond. There were a couple benches surrounding it, all of them empty, but he still led them to the one furthest away from the entrance for privacy. There was a small lantern next to the bench, and since the sun was setting quickly, he lit it with an idle wave of his hand. 

“I- Well, yeah,” Zuko said as he sat down. “I thought you’d be horrified by the things I’ve done, and that you’d never want to see me again. I thought you’d be angry.”

“Zuko, waking up in the infirmary without you there crushed me,” Sokka sighed as he joined him. “I won’t lie- there are still some things that I’m angry about, and I have some questions that I need answers to- but these past few months have been so hard because I’ve been without  _ you.” _

“Oh,” he whispered quietly, staring at him in shock. Because what he said almost sounded like… Well, it sounded like Sokka still had feelings for him. “I’m really sorry, Sokka. I didn’t… I was just scared.”

Sokka gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, I know. But hey, I found you again.”

There was something heavy to his words, a meaning that Zuko couldn’t quite bring himself to focus on right now, and instead he laughed softly. “How, by the way? I didn’t tell you where I was going.”

“Maybe not in the letter.” He gave Sokka a questioning tilt of his head, and he elaborated, “I remembered when you told me about your uncle, you mentioned he was the opposite of your father- that he was good, and always had a soft spot. You also mentioned that he said you could always write to him here if you needed his help, and when he wrote back to you, it was like a weight was lifted from your shoulders. It took me awhile to piece it together, but as soon as I did… I couldn’t imagine you’d go anywhere else. I see why now, too. He seems really nice.”

Zuko shook his head in awe- he should’ve known Sokka would put it together, no matter how sneaky he thought was being. “Yeah, he’s great. It’s been nice seeing him again.”

“I’m glad you found him,” Sokka said with a gentle smile.

There was something else behind his eyes- something he could only think to call adoration- and he smiled back just as gently. Their gazes locked for a long moment, the two of them just smiling at each other as the sun continued to sink lower in the sky, the air still and quiet around them. It was magnetic, in a way, and Zuko found he couldn’t look away. He knew he should, because Sokka had mentioned he was angry and had questions so they needed to talk, but those blue eyes of his were pulling him in and that smile was holding him captive and he was so close that it was making warmth run through his veins-

The distant sound of a door slamming shattered the moment, and he coughed and ducked his head when he realized that he’d unknowingly been leaning in closer to Sokka. 

“Um, anyways,” he stuttered out with his cheeks on fire, “you said you have questions?”

“I- Oh. Yes, I do,” Sokka coughed in shared embarrassment. “So I guess I’ll start with… When I woke up in the Spirit Oasis, you told Zhao that you were only twelve when you became an assassin… Was that true?”

Zuko sighed. “Yeah, that was true. Zhao told me my father wanted to start our training sooner, but my mother wouldn’t let him. After he… Well, he killed her, and a few days later he brought us to Zhao and we began our training. He told us it was a great honor,” he scoffed, shaking his head at the ground. “What a brilliant lie that was.”

Sokka’s brow was wrinkled in sorrow. “You were a  _ child _ . You were just… When I was twelve years old I was chasing polar puppies through the streets, and you were beginning your training to be an assassin. That’s… Zuko, that’s horrible.”

“I know that now. I think I always did, but I just… After I got my scar, I was determined to prove myself to him and show that I hadn’t lost my honor, so I ignored it. Instead, I pushed myself to become the best assassin I could be, because I thought it would make him love me if I followed every single order he gave me.”

“What changed your mind, then? What made you decide not to follow orders, and save me from Zhao?”

“Honestly… I doubted my orders from the first minute I got them. Zhao told me what I was supposed to do and it just didn’t make sense to me. But he warned me what would happen if I didn’t follow my orders-”

“Death?” Sokka interrupted.

It wasn’t really a question, but he nodded anyways.

“Yeah. So, despite my doubt, I agreed. But then I got there and learned that you were the one to spearhead the reparation agreement, and then I saw you with your family and your people... Even with me, who you so clearly didn’t like, you were never cruel. You weren’t the type of person who posed a threat to the Fire Lord, or someone who should be assassinated at all. Over time, my doubt became stronger, and then we started dating, and I couldn’t imagine ever following those orders. I couldn’t imagine continuing to be an assassin, and with you, I had that chance.”

Sokka had an uneasy expression. “When Zhao arrived and you disappeared… It’s because he threatened you, didn’t he?”

“He threatened both of us- he said if I didn’t do it, he would,” he confessed quietly, twisting his hands in his lap. “I… I told myself that I would do it, if only to save you from Zhao, but when I tried… I couldn’t. And I finally admitted to myself that what I was doing, and what Zhao and my father wanted me to do, was wrong- they spoke about honor and protecting our nation, but they were asking me to give up my own and hurt another in the process. I knew then that I’d do anything to protect you, and to stop being an assassin all together. But I only had the courage to do it because of you.”

“What do you mean?” Sokka asked softly, his fingers twitching as if he wanted to grab Zuko’s hand, though his hand stayed where it was.

“I learned from Zhao something about my cousin, Lu Ten- Uncle Iroh’s son. For a year before he died, he’d been breaking orders and helping people get away instead of assassinating them. He was brave enough to do it because he found someone he loved, who was worth doing anything for.” He continued with a deep breath, knowing now was the time to admit how he felt, “And I… I think I know how he felt. For all the times I wanted to speak out or run away, I was never able to. I was scared of what the consequences would be, especially after I got my scar. But after I met you… I had the courage to refuse to follow orders, leave that part of me behind, and start over. Because I love you, Sokka.”

“...Love? As in-”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, turning his head to watch Sokka carefully. “I still love you.”

He had heard the unspoken truth behind Sokka saying he had missed him, had seen the love in Sokka’s eyes when he smiled at him, and had seen how he seemed to gravitate towards him too, but he still waited with bated breath for him to say something. Except he was quiet for a long time, looking at him with an unreadable expression, and as the silence continued to stretch on, Zuko began to panic. He wondered, suddenly, if he’d read everything all wrong, and that Sokka didn’t actually feel that way like he’d thought he did-

“I’m so sorry,” he burst out, standing up and stepping away from Sokka. “I thought I was reading the situation correctly, but if I didn’t it’s fine. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore, or if you aren’t ready to go back to being the way we were so soon, or-“

“Zuko,” Sokka interrupted quickly, grabbing his hand.

He looked down at it, unsure if he was imagining Sokka’s hand in his or not. “What?”

“I love you too, firefly,” Sokka said gently, stepping even closer so that their clasped hands were able to hang between them comfortably.

The pet name made his heart burst, and when Zuko looked up from their hands, he saw nothing but open adoration and honesty lining Sokka’s beautiful face.

Oh. __

_ “Oh.” _

“I was just surprised, is all,” Sokka laughed. “But I’ve been waiting to tell you that I love you for two months, and carrying those words around in my heart even longer than that. I mean, the entirety of the time you've been gone, if I wasn’t thinking about how much I missed you, I was thinking about how much I loved you and wondering if you felt the same.”

His words filled Zuko with an indescribable joy, something bright and buoyant that lifted him up, and he smiled as he gazed at him. For so long he’d been dreaming of this very thing- that Sokka would still feel the same and they’d be able to be together again- that it felt sort of surreal. Especially considering the fact that he still had blood on his hands and had nearly added Sokka’s to them, and yet he was looking at him like he was his entire world. 

“Wait, Sokka,” he said, pulling away Sokka’s hand that had come to rest on his cheek by the wrist, as much as he didn’t want to. “I’ve still done horrible things. How can you just say that, or look at me like that?”

“I asked myself that a lot, believe me. Especially because you did lie to me, obviously, and because you’ve...done bad things. I was so angry with you for that and because you left without any explanation. But I kept thinking about you anyways, and the person I thought of wasn’t horrible. The person I thought of was awkward and endearing and so  _ good _ , all the way down to their bones. The person I thought of was the person who, in the end, stood up, did the right thing, and refused to be an assassin any longer. You saved me that night in the Spirit Oasis, yes, but more than that you saved the world- you stopped war from breaking out, _ again.  _ You were a child forced into a life you never would have chosen for yourself, and have been through so much, things no child, or anyone, should have to go through. And yet you’re still so compassionate, and kind, and amazing, and I  _ love  _ you.”

Zuko wanted to fall into him, but there was still a nagging doubt that this couldn’t be real- that Sokka couldn’t possibly be forgiving him- in the back of his head. 

It must have shown on his face, because Sokka reached out so that he was holding both of his hands and asked earnestly, “Tell me honestly. Do you regret following all those orders and the things you did as an assassin?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation.

“And when you said you wanted to be a better person and leave being an assassin behind, did you mean that?”

“With everything I have. I’m done with that life.” 

He was unable to keep a smile from tugging at his lips as he caught on to what Sokka was doing. 

“The way I see it then, you’re already someone who deserves good things and a chance to start over. You got the beginnings of it here, and I could tell as soon as I walked into the tea shop that you’re happy now. It’s like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. And looking at you I can  _ tell _ that there’s still so much good in you, just waiting for the chance to be free. That’s all the justification I need to love you, really.”

Zuko smiled at him, genuinely, and said, “Thank you, Sokka. For believing in me, and coming to talk to me.”

“Thank you for not killing me,” Sokka said, before he flinched. “That was definitely too soon. I didn’t really think before I said it.”

Zuko laughed despite himself and slipped his left hand out of Sokka’s to bring it to his face, brushing his thumb across his cheekbone, featherlight. Sokka’s eyes fluttered shut. “Maybe a little soon, but… You’re welcome. And not just because it means I get to tell you now that I’m in love with you.”

Sokka’s eyes opened again, sparkling with joy and unmistakable longing, and Zuko leaned in almost subconsciously as he gazed right back into them. 

As he did, his heart seemed to be straining at his rib cage with the strength of the love he felt for Sokka, and happiness seemed like too small a word to describe how he was feeling. Because Sokka was here, in front of him, and he saw good in Zuko, enough that he was able to still love him and want to be with him. 

He closed his eyes, suddenly overcome by emotion, and let out a soft laugh that was part sniffle. Tears sprung to his eyes as the thought sank in. Sokka chuckled too, low and soft in a way that made contentment bubble up in his chest and firemoths take flight in his stomach. 

When Zuko opened his eyes to find Sokka just a few inches away, the two of them gravitating towards each other, he didn’t think twice before whispering, just like Sokka had a few months ago, “Please kiss me, Sokka.”

Sokka seemed to remember it too because he beamed, brilliant and beautiful, before he wrapped his free hand around Zuko’s waist and pulled him close. They were chest to chest now, with their faces so close that Zuko could feel Sokka’s soft exhales on his lips and cheeks, and he had just a moment to admire Sokka’s eyes- those brilliant turquoise eyes, with subtle flecks of brown in them that he’d never quite noticed- before he kissed him. 

It was soft and sweet, just a brief brush of their lips against each other- as if to test the water between them- but after two months without Sokka, the tenderness of the kiss was enough to remind Zuko that he’d never been so happy as he was when he was with him. 

It ended as softly as it began, the two of them breaking apart after just a moment, and they both pulled away slightly to look at each other. 

Zuko meant to say something sweet or gentle to match the moment, something that would put the happiness that spilled from his heart and filled his body with light into words- he truly did. Except when he pulled back he saw Sokka’s cheeks were a dusty pink, visible even in the rapidly darkening evening light, his eyes had widened so that they eclipsed the blue he loved so much, and he was looking at Zuko in a way that made him feel like he was the only person in the world. 

And just like that, the tension shattered into a million pieces. 

He couldn’t say who leaned in first, him or Sokka, or if they moved at the same time, but in the blink of an eye, they crashed into each other.

Zuko kissed him desperately, as if it was the last thing he’d ever do, as if he were starving, as if Sokka would disappear if he did it any softer. It was bruising and their teeth clicked together painfully a few times, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because those were Sokka’s lips against his, that was Sokka’s hair he had his fingers tangled in, those were Sokka’s hands holding on tight to his hips and pulling him even closer. 

It didn’t matter because everything faded away until all he was aware of was Sokka.

Even once they broke apart, chests heaving as they both gasped for breath with kiss bruised lips and bright red cheeks, they didn’t really separate. Instead, Zuko dropped his hands from Sokka’s hair to his waist, and pressed their foreheads together as he did. 

“I love you,” he murmured, just because he could. Just because he never wanted to go another day without saying it. Just because when he’d wanted to shout it two months ago, he had barely been able to whisper it.

The smile it pulled from Sokka was brighter than a thousand suns, and he opened his mouth as if to speak, except something over Zuko’s shoulder caught his eye and he pulled his forehead away. “Look,” he murmured softly, a tender smile on his face. “Fireflies.” 

Zuko turned his head, laughing brightly when he saw that the park was covered in fireflies, hundreds of bright lights floating in the air above the pond. Their light reflected off of the dark water, dancing and twinkling like golden stars, and he leaned his head against Sokka’s shoulder as he watched them. Sokka’s hands shifted slightly so that he was hugging Zuko close, one hand rubbing up and down his back idly.

They stood like that for a long time, quietly wrapped up in each other; Zuko had never been happier. His body was alight with Sokka’s touch, the hand that was tracing up and down his back leaving electricity in its wake that filled his body with warmth. It flowed through his veins and lifted him up, and he didn’t want the moment to ever end.

“Come back to the Northern Water Tribe with me.” Sokka spoke suddenly, with a quiet reverence, as if he too was scared of ruining the moment.

It was so soft that Zuko would have thought he imagined it if it weren’t for the fact that he could feel the rumble of Sokka’s chest against his, or the way his heart rate spiked- as if he was nervous Zuko would say no. 

He knew there was still a lot to talk about, and that Sokka likely still had many questions and things he was angry about. 

He knew he had hurt people, and that he’d have to work hard to earn their trust and forgiveness, as well as his own. 

He knew none of it would be easy. 

He knew all of that, but he also knew that for Sokka, he’d do anything and go anywhere, as long as it meant he was at his side.

Which was why he answered, without the slightest bit of hesitation in his voice or doubt in his heart, “Yes. Of  _ course _ I will.”

Sokka captured his lips in another kiss that made Zuko dizzy, and he kissed him back just as hard. 

“Of course I’ll go with you,” Zuko repeated. “I’ll _ always _ go with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH AND THAT'S IT!!!
> 
> I just want to take a moment to be unbearably sappy and say thank you so much for the love, support, and enthusiasm surrounding this fic. Reading your comments and tags and DM's have been so much fun, and I'm so grateful to everyone who's let me know what they thought about this little world I've created. 
> 
> When I first started this fic, I signed up for a mini bang- 10k to 19k words.... This clearly *isn't* that anymore, because I got so attached to this story and these characters. I already have some plans for potential follow ups and things, and you might notice this fic is now part of a series, so definitely keep an eye out if you're interested! (series title from long story short by Taylor Swift)
> 
> Once again, I just want to give the BIGGEST thank you to my amazing beta, Sam, who has become a very good friend of mind. I'm so so so thankful for everything she did and contributed, and this story would be very different without her input.
> 
> And of course, to my artist disabledzuko on ao3! Once the art is posted, I'll be coming back through and linking/embeding so that you all can see the beautiful art they made for this fic! I'm so excited to share it.
> 
> Anyways, that's all for now, and thank you once again for reading! I hope you enjoyed the ending of this fic <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always for reading and for leaving comments/kudos, and check out my tumblr! ([@zukosadragon-ace](https://zukosadragon-ace.tumblr.com/))
> 
> And once again, please check out my beta ([@twigbender](https://twigbender.tumblr.com/) and [theknightlybisexual on ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theknightlybisexual)) and my artist ([disabledzuko on ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/disabledzuko/pseuds/disabledzuko))!
> 
> ([check out the art on tumblr!](https://zukosadragon-ace.tumblr.com/post/644383903803752448/id-five-digital-drawings-of-sokka-and-zuko-from))


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